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people in hawkins liked to talk about steve's 'fall from grace'. and when they did you we're often brought up in conversation immediately after.

you'd first started dating in the spring of 85'. in the early stages of your relationship, when you were still getting to know each other you wouldn't let steve do anything for you. you insisted on splitting dates 50/50 and driving yourself there. you wouldn't even let him do your laces when they came undone. you needed to feel like you were still an independent person.

on a random saturday you woke up from a nap with steve's arm heavy on your waist. you gently pry yourself free from his hold leaving his sleeping form alone on the bed. you throw on one of his shirts and your panties before you step out of the room. your bare feet pad against the cold floor of the harringtons' house. you've only met steve's parents once during their only visit home in the past 6 months. at this point the house was more yours than it was theirs. you've woken up craving waffles, but the waffle maker sits on the top shelf of the cabinet tormenting you. you do what you've always done: climb on the counter.

"angel, what the hell are you doing?" the sudden noise echoing through the otherwise quiet kitchen startles you and you almost loose your footing.

"jesus! m'getting the waffle maker"

"i'll get it for you, just get down please"

"no i can do it"

steve's response is so predictable you mouth it along with him rolling your eyes

"i know you can but let me do it for you"

you jump down, waffle maker in hands

"told you i could do it"

he grabs the waffle maker from you, setting it down on the counter and pulling you into his arms.

"you are so stubborn"

"im not useless y'know i can-" he cuts you off with a little peck. you seem deeply irritated by the rude interruption

"what do you think im just some-" he presses another deeper kiss to your lips that has you forgetting what you were trying to say

"i love you my pretty little independent girl"

spring turned to summer and steve started working at starcourt. on a friday, the first of july you were running some errands at the mall so you stopped by scoops ahoy to see steve. three days and one trip in a russian elevator later you were starting to wish you'd stayed at home.

the fear coursing through you had you forgetting all about your need to be independent. you're holding his hand so tightly your nails are leaving marks in his skin.

"s-steve is that?" you stare at the freshly opened gate, its just how steve had described it

before he can answer the alarm blares and you all rush to avoid being caught.

dustin and erica have found a vent to escape through

"you're gonna go with the kids, okay, and robin and i are gonna hold this door"

you shake your head frantically tears spilling over.

"im not going without you, i need you"

"its okay, listen to me baby, i need you safe. okay?"

"if you're gonna go it has to be now, we can't keep this door closed any longer" robin says, as gently as she can manage given the circumstances.

steve wishes he had more time to comfort you. he knows you're aching to tell him that you need him so much more than you let one. you think he doesn't know it. but he does.

the next time you see steve his pretty face is bruised and bloody. he lays in your lap, high out of his mind as the elevator goes up.

"hey, why are you crying?" he slurs

"hmm?" you wipe your tears quickly

"is it because of a boy?" you chuckle at his delirious state "you should leave him, you're too pretty to cry"

"no can do. i'm afraid im completely in love with him"

the ambulance drops the both of you off at steve's house. when he helps you down with both hands on your waist theres no hesitance from you, you dont put up a fight. the contrast is stark. you let him carry you into the house as he mumbles "that's it, i got you". at some point during all the chaos you'd been knocked down the stairs by that thing...the mind flayer or whatever you hadnt even noticed the pain in your leg til the adrenaline wore off. doctors say its broken.

steve undresses you, helps you into the shower, washes your hair. he wipes away your stray tears every now and then giving you a forehead kiss paired with a 'shh i know im here'. for next few weeks he's waiting on your hand and foot. he even spoon feeds you for the first few days. he knows it's overkill but he just feels so guilty and he's so happy that you're actually letting him help for once. he was worried you'd hate every second of the next two months. but you seem to be coping okay.

you start to get used it. start letting steve in, in a way you never did before. and now 6 months later you are spoiled rotten.

"hello family video, steve speaking how can i help?"

"hi stevie" he can hear cars driving by and the wind blowing through the phone speaker

"hi baby, whats up? where are you?"

"oh im at a payphone, listen could you do me a favour maybe?"

"what is it?" its like the 7th favour this week and its wednesday.

"can you come pick me up? im at that park with the view"

"you don't have your car?"

"nope i felt like taking a nice autumn walk"

"and you dont feel like walking anymore?"

"nuh uh" "...my leg hurts" you add after a moment. you're leg is technically fine but you can tell its gonna take embellishing the story a little to get steve to close the video store 20 minutes before he's meant to.

"okay baby, ill be there soon okay, find a bench and go sit down for me, yeah?"

steve sees you jump up from your spot on the sidewalk when you spot his beamer. no limp or display of pain. interesting.

"how's that leg?"

reminded of your previous lie you wince, acting in pain

"your greed sickens me"

"steve...steve...steve are you sleeping"

"yes"

you smile kissing his nose

"hi"

"mmm what do you want?"

"how do you know i want something?"

"because you're a monster. a greedy monster"

"thats not nice"

he finally wedges an eye open to see you pouting. he sighs pressing a kiss to your forehead

"go on what is it?"

"im thirsty" you're already handing him your cup

he closes his eyes again and sighs like he's summoning the strength to deal with you at 1:30 am

"please...im scared to go down alone"

"yeah i know i've got it"

you're pretending to be asleep when he comes back

"you're kidding me?"

unwilling to have trekked downstairs for nothing he walks to your side of the bed. the smile you're barely containing gives you away.

"you're ridiculous" you open your eyes giving him that smile he loves.

"here's your water your highness"

you're both settled down again, with you tucked into his chest.

"steve"

he groans "again? i just got into bed"

"no no its not a favour. i just-...am i too annoying?"

his poor tired heart aches at your shy tone

"no sweetheart. i like doing things for you. and you do things for me too hm? you always leave me cute little notes, you make sure there's a pot of coffee on for me every morning, you help me out with dustin and his friends"

"yeah? you don't think i'm too much?"

"no i dont. now please go to sleep"

"steve"

"yes my love"

"goodnight, i love you"

"i love you more, angel"

so its safe to say you're aware of steve's crush on you. and you're terrified of it. it's not that you don't like him in fact its quite the opposite. honestly who could blame you? he's undeniably attractive, he's gentle and he listens, really listens. his eyebrows pinch together in concentration, his head nods so slightly you think it might be subconscious and he asks questions. and all the while his eyes remain on yours, they don't linger on your lips or your chest. in fact if it weren't for the way he occasionally uses 'pretty' as a replacement for 'honey' you'd think he wasn't attracted to you. so yeah steve harrington is perfect apparently. your body screams it at you whenever he's around. it begs you to get closer to him, to talk to him. unfortunately, your brain is not on board.

it hasn't forgotten your ex. and how could it when you're riddled with scars. thankfully not the physical kind, you'd broken it off before it could get to that. but the mental scars and the indents he'd left in the walls of your apartment are constant reminders of how naïve you were, how poor your judgement was. how poor your judgment still is? you feel like steve is different but you'd said that about your ex at the beginning too. you don't trust yourself to make good decisions. so to summarise your current predicament, you cant like steve but you absolutely do.

the constant conflict has dialled your anxiety up to 100. you're not yourself, you're not sleeping well, you're not eating enough and robin's starting to catch on.

when the group's gathered together for game night she drags steve away from the harringtons' basement to talk to him. 10 minutes later, oblivious to whats going on, you come up the stairs to grab yourself a glass of water. they dont hear you approach.

"steve i know that you're a good guy and that you really like her but this is complicated. okay?"

you freeze

"daniel was...she was like barely a human when she was with him. he drained all the life out of her and she's worked so hard to be where she is now..." the rest of her words fade into the background. you're mortified. are you really so broken that your best friend has to go around warning guys that you're fragile?

steve runs his fingers through his hair. robin's words are making him feel restless so he stands up to pace, turning away from robin and towards you.

shit.

"honey. what are you doing here?"

robin's neck snaps in your direction. you zone back in suddenly feeling the warmth of the tears running down your face.

"oh fuck are you okay?" robin's on her feet in an instant coming over to you

"y-yeah"

"do you wanna go home? i'll come with y-"

"actually i wanna talk to steve. alone"

"o-oh okay yeah sure. ill be in the basement if you need me" she gives steve a warning look before she leaves thats more pleading than it is angry.

"hi."

"hi."

you're both sitting on the couch now, knees ever so slightly touching.

"so...you know about daniel"

"yeah"

the silence is painfully awkward. steve doesn't know what he can say without overstepping and making you uncomfortable.

"i...i can't be in a relationship. its-...i'm not ready. i know you like me and you're great, really but i can't offer you anything right now. so you should probably move on"

"its okay, honey. im not going anywhere" he softly holds your hand.

you blink. so much for letting him down easy and being done with it.

"did you not hear what i said?"

"i heard. theres no rush. i'll take it at your pace. even if your pace is 0mph"

"steve i don't think you're understanding what im saying. this isn't gonna happen"

"i dont think you're understanding me. theres no other woman for me, honey so if you change that pretty mind i'll still be here. i promise"

yeah right you think.

but three months later he's still everywhere. he brings you a new set of flowers everytime the previous set is on its last legs. when you ask him how he knows he tells you he keeps one so he knows when they die. he's always picking you up and dropping you off places without you asking. and when he finds out you walked somewhere he's all "i thought we agreed you'd call me if you ever needed a ride". at first you'd worried he was getting his hopes up, that he thought you were just playing hard to get. but when you sat him down to talk about it he'd said "i know you might not believe this but i dont do things for you with the intention of receiving something in exchange. i just like doing it." he hasn't been on a single date for three months. robin told you he's turning down girls who flirt with him. you've started to believe him because try as you might you can't find a reason not to. you've started to expect new flowers, started to reach for the phone when you need a ride.

Its a friday night. you can hear his heartbeat under your ear, can smell his cologne, can feel his arm on your back and round your waist. he thinks you've fallen asleep. in all honesty you'd been pretending to be asleep so he'd turn off the god awful movie he'd put on. but behind your closed eyes your mind is oh so active.

you're thinking about how steve harrington had charmed his way over every boundary you'd set. well except for one. there is one line of defence left but you're strongly consider removing it all together. he's basically your boyfriend already right? so what's the harm in making it official.

you open your eyes, before you can change your mind you say "steve?"

"oh hey honey, thought you were asleep"

"steve?"

"yeah im listening"

"i think im ready"

"ready for what?" god hes making this so hard for you. but he's not faking his cluelessness. you can tell.

"to be your girlfriend idiot"

he's silent for almost a minute

"i want you to know"

"huh?"

"you said you think you're ready. i want you to know you're ready"

"its just a figure of speech. im ready"

"i can wait, baby. you dont need to push yourself"

"im sure steve"

he doesn't say anything

you kiss him. he makes a surprised noise against your lips before giving in. he kisses differently to anyone you've ever been with. its delicate and gentle but just as passionate. when you feel him smile, you smile too until the kiss is all teeth and you pull back laughing.

"believe me now?"

"okay" you steal a quick kiss "but we're taking it slow, yeah?" you nod but you're moving closer to kiss him better. when you end up on his lap it takes his brain a few seconds to wake up before he moves you back to your original position on his bed. "i said slow, baby" frankly you're a little surprised. men always say shit like 'lets take it slow' but when push comes to shove they never mean it. apparently steve does. he kisses your forehead tucking you into his arms "can i tell people you're my girlfriend? are you comfortable with that?" "yeah"

"can we make a deal?"

"what kind of deal?"

"i want you to tell me when you're worrying about something so we can talk about it and i can try and fix it for you. if you can do that for me i promise i'll never react badly. i wont be mad no matter what this pretty little head tells you. i just wanna make this work. deal?"

"deal?"

steve's watching you from the register as you sit on a beanbag in family video. you've been twiddling your thumbs nervously for an hour now. steve knows you're overthinking but he's trying to wait for you to bring it up yourself so as to encourage your communication skills.

"steve?"

he walking over to you

"tell me, pretty"

"you're not gonna be mad?" you fish for reassurance

he pushes a strand of hair back and kisses your forehead "no chance"

"mkay...i dont really like the way those girls spoke to you, the ones that came in earlier. it made me feel well...jealous. and i know that's not fair to you because you were just doing your job but you said to communicate and i can't help that it make me sad" you'd been looking down at your lap as you spoke but when you finish your eyes flick up to his seeking approval. a silent 'did i do it right?'. its adorable and it makes him smile fondly

"thank you for sharing how you feel, honey. im really proud of you" you look at him like a deer in headlights. he laughs affectionately

"how would you have liked me to respond?"

oh. you weren't expecting follow up questions. truth is you dont know what you were expecting this is all so new. the healthiness.

"uhm...maybe you could maybe bring me up in conversation to them maybe" he doesn't want you to think he's not taking this seriously but he cant help but laugh at your abuse of the word 'maybe'. "i can do that"

suddenly he's looking at you more intensely than he ever has. you're about to ask him if he's feeling okay.

"baby can you look in my eyes please."

"oookay?"

"and hold my hands"

you do

"im gonna say something and you might freak out because it might be a little scary. but its just me okay. just steve" panic builds in you. this is it. this is the moment when reality catches up with you and it turns out the anxious thoughts were right all along. you brace yourself.

"i love you"

"oh!" you let out a sigh of relief. "are you kidding?! that's not scary at all i thought you were gonna break up with me or something"

"you're not scared?"

"no idiot. i love you too. god you can be so dramatic. don't ever do that to me again please"

"you love me?"

"you didn't know?"

"i mean no. not for sure"

"maybe you're the one who needs reassurance and not the other way round"

he smiles "i can get on board with that"

"okay okay, check me out..." you mimic the affirmations he gives you at least three times a week "steven harrington. you are so beautiful. i think my life started the day i met you. you are not a burden. i would do anything to make you feel safe. you are truly cared for" you drop the teasing voice looking at him seriously "you are loved."

he smirks "i know"

"you know?!" you swat his chest playfully "what was all that for then?"

he shrugs "doesnt hurt to hear it every now and then"

you pretend like you want to get away from him, trying to push past him. he grabs you and lifts you, holding you up by your thighs. you press your foreheads together and your noses brush against each other.

"you feel better yeah? no more fidgeting in the corner?"

"mhm i feel better. thank you stevie"

you and steve are approaching 5 months of dating. the awkward giddiness has given way to a more stable and comfortable love.

love.

you're still getting used to weight of the word on your tongue.

steve was gonna say it first. really he was. but every time he opened his mouth to do it all he could see was senior year steve in tina's bathroom watching nancy rub punch of her shirt and profess her lack of love for him. one time he'd actually plucked up the courage to say "i have to tell you something" but it had all come crumbling down seconds later, his mouth moving before he could stop it "uh you have an eyelash right here"

you'd found out, through robin, how steve and nancy had ended right before he asked you out. robin warned "he's fragile y'know under all the...hair. just like be gentle with his feelings, please". quickly you realised she cares for him more than she lets on.

there we three separate occasions where you'd felt the urge to say it. once when you clocked out at melvald's after a particularly bad day you'd rambled on the phone to him about. you braced yourself to walk home in the rain only to see his car parked right in front of the store.

"stevie what are you doing here?" you get into the passenger seat.

"picking up the prettiest girl in hawkins. although i can't take you home. i've got..." he look down at his watch "ten minutes to be back at scoops before robin kills me. s'that okay? do you mind hanging around till my shift's done? ill give you free ice cream."

"yeah. yeah of course that's okay"

i love you.

the second time is more of a casual freudian slip you only just catch. you're about to head home after sleeping over at his. he walks you to the door.

"do i have everything? i feel like im forgetting something?"

"who cares, leave it here. gives you an excuse to come back"

"i dont need an excuse steve, we're dating"

"i love the sound of that"

you lean in for a kiss

"okay bye i-"

i love you

"i'll see you tomorrow"

you walk out the door without looking back lest he see your wide-eyed expression.

the third time is with robin. she's complaining (as always) to you about how late he is on saturday mornings. you tune in mid-ramble.

"...and well you know steve he's an incompetent loser especially on a saturday."

"hey dont be mean to steve. i lo-"

i love him

you clear your throat hoping to god she didnt hear

"what was that?"

"i...i lo...i long!...to be as caring as he is?"

you groan, face in your hands at the shit-eating grin on her face

after an immense amount of bullying teasing from robin, her tone turns serious as she assures you he feels the same and that you should take the first step. after that you decide that the next time it organically comes out, you'll let it.

so on a picnic date by the lake at sunset, when he brushes a crumb off your face you say it

"i love you" you watch every movement he makes waiting for the explosion after the bomb you just dropped. you'd told yourself you'd wait patiently for his response and not interrupt his processing. but past you did not anticipate how nerve-wracking this would be. screw her. "is that kinda scary?"

"no...no its not. well i mean yeah a little that's why i havent said it till now but its not a bad scary. do you know what i mean?"

"yeah i do"

"good...you're so pretty"

"steve"

"yes"

"say it back"

"oh! right uh- fuck... i love you. i really love you"

"you had to add the 'really' in there just to one-up me, didnt you?"

now you're laid on his chest in comfortable silence. until he breaks it unceremoniously.

"honey, do you think the sailors uniform looks stupid on me? cos rob-"

"shut up"

"what?"

"im trying to sync our heartbeats and i can't concentrate if you're talking"

his judgement of your frankly ridiculous statement is interrupted by your bedroom door being yanked open by an exasperated robin who looks so unhappy to see steve.

"wh- how did you get in here?"

"she's my best friend she has the keys to my apartment. duh"

"am i interrupting?" she's blinking faster than usual which you know means she's fighting tears.

steve who's too busy looking at you to notice her heartbreakingly sad expression replies "yes"

"he means no. budge up steve"

"wh- are you kidding?" he sputters as robin sinks onto the bed next to you

you give steve a mix between a glare and a pleading look.

you all lay there in your bed thats too small for three people. steve cuddles you and you cuddle robin. he give your hand gentle squeezes and presses silent kisses into your hair trying to give you the strength you need to comfort robin. because yes his world truly does revolve around you.

she sniffles quietly for a while until the dam breaks and she tells you whats wrong. though she directs her gaze at the ceiling the whole time. she tells you about the girl that works at the record store who you and steve had adamantly assured was gay. "well it looks like you were wrong. she has a boyfriend."

"oh robs, we're so sorry"

"actually we might still be right" steve should've left the comforting to you

"really, steve? you have to be a sore loser even now, unbelievable"

"no i mean. maybe she does swing that way you know. maybe the boyfriend's like a cover up"

"he's right robs. plus all you saw was them talking they might not even be dating."

she shrugs. clearly she's in the moping stage not the rational solution stage.

"steve can you get us some ice cream please?"

"yeah, yeah of course" he hovers by the door. he feels bad for his previous reaction, for not having noticed the sadness in robin's voice when she'd showed up "i can leave if you want. y'know girls night and all that"

you turn to robin offering a small squeeze that says 'up to you'

"no. you should stay...but go get the ice cream"

"right, coming right up"

after a minute you join steve in the kitchen.

"hey"

"hey beautiful" he's scooping ice cream into three bowls as you snake your arms around his torso from behind.

"im sorry date night's over"

"that's okay"

"sure?"

"yeah...yeah. plus its kinda like practice. y'know, for when our kids go through their first heartbreak"

"oh we're having kids now, are we?"

"well i was talking about dustin and his friends...but if you must know we're having six kids. three boys, three girls"

"steven harrington, you expect me to birth six children?"

"we'll talk about it later"

there's a shrill ring of a bell that prompts the sliding windows to the backroom of scoops ahoy to open and steve rests his arm against the counter

"is she here?"

"no dingus. now can you get out here, help me scoop some ice cream and, y'know, actually do your job for once?"

"okay okay just give me a minute" he's been fixing his hair for 45 minutes in the reflection of the refrigerator mumbling "stupid fucking hat" under his breath.

he had miraculously scored a date with you through robin after winning a bet against her. and then another and another and now a month later you're his girlfriend.

last night as you held the phone to your ear, your free hand twirling the chord between your fingers. you'd made a passing comment about 'swinging by tomorrow to get some ice cream'. hence steve's complete lack of concentration.

it's all so new and intense and he feels giddy thinking about you. god he hasn't felt giddy since... scratch that he hasn't felt giddy ever. you both are well and truly in the honeymoon phase, something he's never experienced, at least not with this intensity. robin says it's because its his first relationship since his 'personality transplant'.

he doesn't notice you until the 6 foot guy ordering in front of you walks away from the counter to reveal your slightly nervous smile.

you watch his entire face change, eyes softening and lips parting slightly. the giggle you let out has his lips tugging up into a smile. your heart does the funny skip its been doing ever since you'd found out steve harrington has a crush on you. steve. harrington.

while the two of you remain in your bubble free from the laws of time and space, robin becomes increasingly unimpressed. "i think this is the part where one of you greets the other." her tone drips with sarcasm. she gets that you're both totally obsessed with each other. actually she gets it too well given that she starts her day with an update from steve and ends her day with an update from you. so she's not ecstatic about having to help you relearn the basics of human communication at 10am when steve's supposed to be helping her scoop ice cream. at least you're past the phase where both of you would call her to ask what to say next. it was like flirting with herself. never again.

embarrassed by robin's remark you look down to hide the blush spreading on your cheeks and tuck hair behind your ear.

"i was just getting to that" steve sasses back at her

"really? because you've been staring at each other for like 15 minutes"

he ignores her turning his attention back on you. "hi beautiful"

"hi steve"

when robin looks up from the register you two are staring. again. rolling her eyes for the umpteenth time, she kicks steve's shin. he sputters "w- uh...i can...can i get you some ice cream?"

"mhm. what are my options?"

he reads you the whole menu explaining every item like he's letting you in on some secret of the trade despite the descriptions being literally printed on the menu. you listen intently regardless.

"mmm i'll have whichever you think is best"

"yeah? you trust my humble opinion?"

"mhm, i trust you" you've been slowly edging your hand closer to his and your pinky finally touches his. the second you make contact your eyes dart to his. suddenly his face is a lot closer than before. he breathes out a laugh, you do too.

"steve. get her the ice cream. c'mon we have customers" robins frustrated voice cuts through your moment.

"yes i know we have customers i'm currently serving one" he turns back to you "a very beautiful one"

"steve you have 5 seconds to move your ass"

"okay okay geez" he makes a face at you behind her back just to see you hide your laughter behind your palm.

"here you go, pretty. U.S.S Butterscotch. best of the best."

"thanks stevie" you reach into your purse.

"woah hey what are you doing?"

"im pay-"

"what did we say about paying?"

"but this isn't-"

"ah ah ah what did we say about paying?"

"that you pay"

"exactly. s'on the house, baby"

"thats coming out of your wages not mine, harrington"

you bite the inside of your cheek, brows furrrowing at robin's attitude.

"what's wrong, sweetheart?"

you learn forward on your tiptoes to reach over the counter and whisper to him. "i think she's actually upset. i feel really bad"

"mm it must be annoying how insanely obsessed i am with you" you try to ignore his flirting but you're not a saint and the way he's looking down at your lips is debilitating.

"steve" you push a hand against his chest blushing all the while. "m'serious"

"me too" his smirk falters when he sees you look at him unimpressed. "okay fine, sorry"

"i got an idea. keep her distracted and i'll go get her a present or something."

"okay baby" he's walking round the counter to hand you his wallet. his head dips down closer to your ear "maybe you can stop by that lingerie place opposite the pizza shop. get yourself a little something for being so sweet, mm?"

robin calls him again and with a little kiss to your forehead and a "duty calls" he leaves you standing there wide eyed and blushing with his wallet in your hand.

when you return a couple hours later they're both in the backroom now that the clientele has died down. there's a timid knock and they know its you. you push the door open.

"hi."

"great. the couple is reunited" robin rolls her eyes.

you opt for the seat closest to robin and though he understands why steve cant help but want you by his side.

"awh c'mon don't frown at me" you try to butter up your best friend but her arms remain crossed, face scrunched into a grumpy frown.

"i got you a present" she lights up like a dog who's heard the word 'walk'.

"really?!" she clears her throat schooling her expression "i mean- really?"

you pull out a vinyl. blondie's latest album.

"shut up. no way"

"yes way"

her arms are around you in an instant. "listen we're really sorry for being so annoying"

"i dont care"

"wh- what?"

"you can be as annoying as you want if it gets me blondie"

the bell rings and robin leaves to attend a customer.

when you'd arrived steve had been observing the bags you were carrying or rather the bags you weren't carrying. now he pulls you down into his lap, kissing your cheek. "so you didn't find any sets you liked?"

"huh?" you look down at the bags on the table in front of you. "oh- uh." you pull the lingerie bag out of a Claire's bag "i figured it wouldn't help our case with robin so i hid it"

he grins "that's my girl"

you match his grin albeit a little more shyly "your girl huh?"

"oh yeah. you havent heard? you're steve harrington's trophy wife now"

his nose brushes against yours and you laugh against his lips.

"im okay with that"

"stevie?" you're not looking at him but rather at the ceiling. but you know he's listening, he always does. unless he's asleep. but you know how he breathes when he's asleep and this is not it.

"yes baby" you smile, vindicated. he strokes your hair down, gently moving it out of your face. your face is barely illuminated by the red light of the alarm clock that currently reads 01:28.

"do you think animals ever talk about humans behind our backs?"

"uhhh. i dont know that's a good question." this has become his routine, doing his best to answer ridiculous questions at ungodly hours, ever since you crawled into his heart and made a home there.

you turn over so you're resting your chin on his chest as you look up at him. when you're greeted by the sight of him already looking down at you, you can't help but let a small smile escape despite your attempt at a curious expression.

"do you think they secretly study us too? y'know like zoology but humanology...or something?"

he can't imagine that they do but judging by the little sparkle in your eyes he thinks the idea brings you joy so he doesn't dare crush your dreams.

"yeah maybe"

its a summer day the type where the heat drives you half mad. steve's taken you to get ice cream and have a picnic by the lake.

"stevie" he knows whats coming. you've been silent for two whole minutes and you've been tilting your head to the side every now and then as if having a silent debate with yourself and he knows you're about to fill him in.

"you got a question for me, bub?"

"yeah! how'd you know?"

"i got my ways. can you do me a favour though?"

"mmm"

"ask me after you've finished your ice cream. i get the feeling its gonna be a real thinker and i dont wanna see you upset when that ice cream melts into your lap"

you smile ear to ear "you're so smart stevie!"

he shakes his head in disbelief like he can't believe you. he worries from time to time that you might expect better responses from him. after all he rarely has any proper answers to your outlandish questions. but apparently you are more than satisfied with his wisdom.

"now can i ask?" theres ice cream all over your face and he can tell you're fighting off a severe brain freeze.

"come here, honey" he wipes off the ice cream mustache you've given yourself as you launch into your question

"if you had to guess, how many people do you think have sat in this very spot we're sitting in?"

he entertains your curiosity as always, forever wondering how the hell you come up with these.

"wow, i dont know, probably a lot"

"s' pretty fascinating, huh?"

"y'know what i do know? none of them were as in love as we are"

"steeeve" you roll over onto him where he lays on the picnic mat. "that was corny"

"mm but it made you smile"

after a beat of silence you inevitably ask another question.

"stevie?" in the 18 months since you started dating steve you've been waiting for the time he replies with a groan, a 'what now?' or even a 'will you just be quiet?'.

he kisses your forehead "how can i help you, sweetheart?" he doesn't know exactly what he's done right but he can tell by the fondness in your eyes that the words he's just said mean a lot to you.

suddenly you can't actually remember the silly existential question you were about to ask. something about what he'd do if you were a worm. but its not important anymore, you have a better question.

"do you think you'll still answer my questions like this when we're 97?"

"oh honey im gonna be answering your questions till we're 150"

"okay."

"okay."

he blinks and before he knows it he's making time in his day for another set of questions from three-year-old dove harrington. she's a carbon copy of him with her brown hair and soft eyes. but her little blooming personality is all you as is becoming incredibly apparent.

"why?"

"uhm because you need oxygen in your body to make energy"

"but why?"

"so you can run around and torment mommy and daddy"

"why?"

he snorts "i don't know baby girl you're gonna have to tell me that"

this whole fiasco had started when she'd attempted to stuff crayons up her nose. he gently explained that she can't block her airways. to which, as i'm sure you've guessed, she replied "why, daddy?"

"okay pumpkin that's enough questions time to get ready for daycare" you call out from upstairs.

she toddles up the stairs, steve following behind her.

once she's been safely delivered to the upstairs bathroom where you're putting on the last of your makeup steve kisses you both goodbye and leaves to work.

"can i give you two braids today, is that okay?" you thank your lucky stars that her terrible twos phase is finally over and the tantrums are few and far between but you're not about to risk it by giving her a hairstyle she doesn't want.

she nods with so much poise and determination you wonder how her little body can contain it.

"coming right up"

you're midway through fixing her parting when she asks her first question.

"mommy?"

"yes dovie"

"s'it true that you used to ask daddy questions like me?"

"did he tell you that"

she nods

"what else did he say?"

"he says i ask questions because im cu-ree-us"

"curious?"

"mhm. he says its because im mommy's daughter and that means i have a big beautiful brain because mommy has a big beautiful brain"

oh steve harrington. using his offspring to spread his charm even further. you grin so hard your eyes scrunch together and you almost mess up her braid.

"well sweetheart daddy's right you do have a big beautiful brain. and its good that you ask questions. so you can make it even bigger and more beautiful. mkay?"

"okay!"

that night you know exactly what your question of the day will be "steve did you tell our daughter i have a big beautiful brain?

your head rests against the soft couch, feet in your boyfriend's lap. try as you might you can't focus on the book you're reading. it's something stupid and boring about how one of the elements was discovered. not your usual pick but apparently the harringtons aren't very interesting people and this was the best you could find in their library.

steve however is completely focused. he's studying recordings of his previous basketball games attentively making notes for next thursday's practice.

he's so funny when he's paying attention. his tongue sticks out the corner of his mouth ever so slightly and eyebrows furrow together so tightly. he looks ridiculous. but god he's so pretty. his soft brown eyes are all serious and engaged. a lock of hair falls in front of his eyes and he brushes it back. you watch it unfold grinning like an idiot all the while.

sometimes you struggle to believe he's real. you stare at him like he's some kind of exhibit in a museum. but luckily for you he's not, there's no 'do not touch' signs around and you don't have to wait your turn respectfully because steve harrington happens to be completely yours. you smile at the thought. suddenly it feels criminal that you haven't been abusing this power.

you sit up and shuffle closer to him, book long forgotten somewhere on the floor. you start small with a little boop to his nose. the corners of his lips twitch up in an acknowledging smile but otherwise he stays focused on the task at hand, much to your dismay.

you press at the wrinkles on his forehead trying to soothe them out but you're pulling his eyebrows up in the process and your arms are in the way of the screen. ever the gentleman, steve doesn't complain. instead he gently pulls your hands off his face pressing a gentle kiss to each wrist and places them back in your lap.

of course this just motivates you further and you start to press at each one of his freckles and moles counting under your breath. that's when you start the break his focus.

"baby?" he sighs

"hmm"

"what's wrong? are you bored?"

"mmhmm"

"okay come here"

he tucks you under his arm pressing you into his side. he starts to explain the game to you hoping that by including you he'll be able to finish his task and keep you satisfied. two birds one stone. but you're not interested in making it easy for him.

he kisses the crown of your head facing you slightly "s'that make sense?"

"uh huh" you bring your hands up to his cheeks innocently enough that he keeps talking.

"we’re trying to spread the floor so he can drive in, but watch the defense switch… see? that forces a bad shot. If we score here, it’s a tchoo poindur” somewhere in the middle of his explanation you decided it was a good time to squish his cheeks together. you giggle at the way his words come out all funny.

"shweetie wha you-" he moves your hands away. "what are you doing?"

you shrug hiking one leg over and settling in his lap "wanna play with your face"

"my face?"

"mhm its so pretty" you can tell by the red creeping up his cheeks that you've almost got him.

"im kinda busy right now, sweet girl"

you pout "too busy for me?"

he hesitates, sighing. got him. "fine okay ill turn it off. you got all my attention now, happy?"

"actually i think im gonna head home now" you tease

"i hate you" he playfully pretends to shove you off his lap

"im kidding!!" you say through giggles

a comfortable silence takes over as the giggles die out.

"y'know i got a big fat crush on you, harrington?"

he chuckles "yeah a little birdie told me" then he brushes his lips against your forehead. you press your face into his chest humming contentedly

"what's got you feeling all clingy?" he smooths your hair down gently "nothing's wrong?"

"nope" you thread your fingers around his "just making the most of the steve harrington experience"

you feel his laugh vibrate against his chest. "what's that mean?"

"means i know how lucky i am to be your girl."

you smile against his chest feeling his heart rate pick up. he spots your mischievous expression.

"you do it on purpose, don't you?"

you dip your finger into your tub of moisturiser, applying it to your face.

"why? why is this happening to me?"

"steve nothing is happening to you"

you look at him in the reflection of the vanity mirror. he's pacing back and forth across the length of your master bedroom as you peacefully get ready for bed. or at least you're attempting to be peaceful despite the stress he's plaguing the room with.

his precious baby girl, dove elle harrington, had a boy over today. you understand steve of course, it had been a little jarring for you too. but alas your daughter is 16 now, it was bound to happen at some point and lets face it the man is being overdramatic.

"are you kidding?! he's corrupting her. she broke my rules, she closed the door when i explicitly told her it stays open. my dovie wouldn't do that. its this...this...boy" the disgust in his tone is comical.

you snort

"can you take me seriously? please?" he sasses

"baby come here" you pull him down so he's kneeling beside your spot at the vanity. he looks pitiful its adorable and ridiculous.

"i know this is a big deal to you" you stroke his face, knowing your husband well enough to know this whole show he's put on is ultimately for your attention. "but she's not a kid anymore plus you were a teenage boy once upon a time, hm?"

"no. not like this one, i was respectful"

"respectful? you call sneaking in through window to make out respectful?"

"shut up"

"you remember how annoying my dad was? would never let us be?"

"yeah"

you just raise your eyebrows letting your expression make your point for you. you watch as the irony dawns on him

"okay" he relents

"okay?" you say hopefully

"no not okay. i mean i was a bit of a smart ass sure but i was a good guy and i always treated you right"

you hum in agreement

"what if this nate guy is like horrible to her? what if he breaks my baby's heart?"

"steve give her some credit. dove's not stupid. we raised her to know her worth, now we have to trust her judgment"

"y'know i just hate you"

"hate me?! what did i do?"

"you could at least freak out with me every now and then but no you always have to have all the answers and be right all the time its obnoxious." he leans forward resting his forehead against yours

"mm you're welcome"

he kisses you softly and you can feel him smile. when he breaks the kiss he's standing up.

"where you going?"

he picks up his phone "to apologise to your father for all the suffering i put him through"

you roll your eyes hearing steve talking to your dad about his 'newfound sense of understanding'.

you hear his voice again "what if i just kill him?"

"steven!" you reprimand

your dad's voice comes through the speaker "its tempting i know"

"dad!" you get up snatching the phone off him "okay that's enough advice dad thank you love you bye"

your boyfriend, who had hated christmas up until he met you, is taking you to a christmas tree farm.

"do you think i'll be warm enough?" you wonder. then a little pout forms on your lips as he chuckles at you

"what?"

"you look like a snowman"

you're wearing the matching white scarf, gloves and beanie set he got you two weeks ago when you came down with the sniffles.

"a cute snowman?"

"the cutest"

he places a little peck to your lips cupping your face in his hands.

----------------------------♡--------------------------

he climbs out of the van to help you down, softly holding your hands the way he always does. with the same softness that had shocked all of his friends when they first saw him with you. eddie munson - rough around the edges, careless, brutish. no one expected that he'd treat his girl with such gentle care. robin said it was like he'd spent his whole life saving his softness for you.

"thank you, baby"

"right, you ready to pick a tree?"

----------------------------♡--------------------------

it's starting to get dark and you've walked around the whole farm. twice.

"hey you liked this one, remember?"

"mm not sure. i dont know if its aura matches my theme for this christmas"

he blinks. patient with you as ever. "okay well what exactly are you looking for, sweetheart?"

"its just like a feeling y'know?"

"okay uh...a feeling" he points at the next tree he sees "this one gives me a feeling"

"really?"

"oh god yeah a really strong feeling" he tries to be convincing

"i dont see it." then guilt flashes across your face. "b-but i mean if you like it...i dont want you to think your opinion isnt..."

he fights not to roll his eyes as you ramble on. god you're so ridiculously sweet he thinks.

"baby" he tries and fails to interrupt your rambling

"...no seriously its your home too its important that you feel-"

you sneeze once, twice, three times

"okay okay thats enough pick a tree, any tree so i can get you home before you catch a cold"

----------------------------♡--------------------------

15 whole minutes later

15 minutes too long

"i've narrowed it down to two options, your call, i can't decide"

becoming increasingly worried by the prospect of his sweet girl getting ill again, eddie chooses without contemplation. "the tall one"

"okay. we'll take the tall one"

he sighs. he knows that tone. "what's wrong with the tall one?"

"well its just, now that i think about it, like really think about it, the short one is more like inviting and y'know i want that for our home"

our home.

he strokes your cheeks "we'll take the short one then"

he rushes to get the tree packed up and paid for before you can change your mind again.

he opens the passenger seat door for you once the tree is safely loaded into the back of the van. then with a soft kiss to your forehead he whispers "dont go anywhere i'll be right back"

you warm up in the heat of his van while you wait

"surprise"

he steps into the drivers seat holding two hot cocoas with whipped cream and marshmallows.

he gladly reaps the rewards of his surprise: your eyes twinkling as you smile at him like you're shocked he would do something so kind. he finds it absurd given he'd do anything for you but he enjoys it all the same.

----------------------------♡--------------------------

one of his arms pulls your torso into him the other holding the under side of your thighs as you sit sideways on his lap. you both look at the newly decorated apartment.

"you did a great job, baby"

"i'm not sure, i don't know if it feels homely enough"

"trust me it feels homely"

"you're just saying that"

he speaks slowly but with confidence "no, no im really not. it reminds me of my last christmas with my mom"

you soften and your heart aches to protect the little version of eddie you've only seen in photos.

"you feel like home"

"so do you"

"i have a confession." you hum in acknowledgment

he continues "i think i might love christmas"

you smile wide before giggling

"what's so funny?"

"you're like my grinch. your heart grew two sizes"

"what's the head shake for? hm? what you thinking 'bout?"

"something important"

you watch him panic quickly regretting your words.

"i was thinking about which of your beauty spots is the prettiest"

"you're ridiculous"

"no m'not. just missed you. thought i might not ever see them again"

"baby the crawls aren't dangerous, all i have to do is drive. plus we've done over thirty and i've never faced any danger" he reiterates

"i know...but i'm allowed to worry about my boyfriend"

"that you are"

"i just..."

"mhm" he encourages with a kiss to your forehead

"i want us to have a future. y'know? like a big fancy wedding and a suburban house with a little front garden and kids. i want forever with you stevie. don't want... can't have you..." you can't finish the sentence so you just nuzzle your face deeper into his side

"im not gonna die, baby"

"if you die i'll kill you"

you laugh despite the pain in your chest and it comes out quiet and lacking its usual warmth. his laugh is much the same.

"just love you, stevie. so like stick around y'know?"

he chuckles again

"i'll stick around, princess"

he strokes your hair back a subtle smile on his face

"y'know something sweetheart?, i love you so much more than yesterday"

"oh yeah? what am i doing differently"

"well for starters you get prettier every day"