Pursuing Happiness Through Words

I lie diagonally to make up for the space. Sleeping as if I was at the wake Straight, legs crossed, hands placed in a way that the dead feel mocked. Head cocked in each and every direction Muscles locked but eyes open for blurred messages. I think of my escape as the gunman and smiling face negate my actions. Reaching for the phone in hopes that I'm awake but my nerves keep my ambitions at bay. I'm no novice to this conscious rebellion so I begin to sway in my mind then suddenly look away. Now woken, but the sandman has left a trace of his grips and I slip back into that state of being. The everlasting strife of me freeing myself from me and seeing life on the other side while cheating death. One breath at a time.

Feeling: Asymptomatic

Rumor has it that tears flow when hearts inhabited are suddenly imploded. Maybe the foundation on which it stood wasn't so bad and could just be the walls were all eroded. It was mostly brick and stone anyways with ancient infrastructure. There were burgundy vines growing between and some behind the windows. Before the recent tenant arrived it was already dried up. For a minor fee of time, this past resident of mine had agreed to the terms before signing up. The willingness to open up, the importance of communication, and honesty were some of the edicts held sacred. I now realize that it should have came as no surprise that the resident would leave after a 5 month vacation. Far from military, but this individual was stationed to potentially vacate the premises as a prototype. Which is quite alright. Although I'm far from a sore sight, I was blessed with foresight allowing for much preparation inside. Building aside, the least effected were the eyes. Why haven't I cried? It's good for moments like this, so why haven't I tried? Maybe I don't need to. Support beams through the building making it momentarily see through. The construction crew is laying down new floors, based on God's schematics there'll be add ins and redos. After the wiring is completed and the emotional plumbing isn't backed up at all, It will be up to me to take care of the small but final touches, such as cleaning up the rubbage left and putting up the walls. Saturday, December 26, 2015 2:57

Doing some deliberating, waiting for this show to load. Writing and reciting rhymes trying not to overload. If I can put out as much as I have kept within, I think can salvage lost time and make the best of it. And how ironic that it's episode 4-2-oh 'Sposed to represent the highs, so why am I feeling low? But Lord only knows what the reason is, so I'll take this time alone And catch up on some Naruto Searching for myself in others like I'm Kabuto Hard to understand like words of a Navajo Squinting more than ever trying to see the light Hoping there's a chance that we'll reunite I'm hoping that we'll dance at our reception I'm hoping that we'll work toward conception I'm focused on the fact that you had left me dry But I'm convinced your reason sucks. I gave you more than I could handle But your dendrites were focused on another channel Thought that I could give you mental stimulation While I had patiently waited, but I wound up really wasting My time, But I hope that's a lie I really hope it's alive I really hope that you tried And I haven't even cried yet This love for you hasn't died yet Reason why I'm vexed, And all that shit your selling, I ain't buying that I could keep on going but I'm one to talk The lost being, receding sending distressed calls To wherever the hell he came from But know this journey ain't done Hurting or not, that girl that you thought Was worth dispersing and dropping me on the spot For, better be perfect and not just a regular old... Chick For lack of better words y'all better click Like, you remember that old click rhyme that I wrote you over text? Clicking like the locks that kept you strapped into the jet? Leaving Vegas to LAX, to get back to that lifestyle And meanwhile I had multiple leads on my chest? Thank God it's just benign but I was ignant To not see how your love had changed into something malignant And you lied over text, online, to my face, in my bed, to your fam Like it was business. But I still love you, whatever that may mean I want to see you prosper and conquer all your dreams And actually gain some damn confidence Your beauty is bold, aside from your hair color, potential- golden But my words ain't shit unless acted upon So now I'm the liar according to nonsense You can't perceive the bigger picture, stop looking at the success of others and find peace in your progress I'm not even rapping on beat or writing in sync with my inner rhythm I just want you to know that I'm confused, As to why you are confused on who you are. I gave you the crown. Because you gave me a reason to not put this lonely wolf down. 8:15 December 13, 2015 Raining, the day after you said goodbye 

The traveling spark knows not who it ignites. It knows not of its potential, only that it wants to brighten souls. It knows of the smiles laying dormant in eyes. It knows not of its potential to set ablaze the path toward freedom. The traveling spark knows that to dance is to speak. She knows not of her potential to frighten unworthy onlookers. She knows that without the freedom to breathe she will not peak. She knows that to flicker in flight is to be alive. The traveling spark feels it's best to travel alone. He feels that other sparks will complicate the flame. He feels not the need to fuel off of other embers. He feels that home is just a flight away. The traveling sparks know but feel not a glint of fear. They know that air is limited beyond the sky. They feel it's best to separate when burning. Fire grows for the future and traveling sparks are meant to fly.

December 9, 2015

Sitting in In n Out, looking at the Lucky Greek Two double doubles, no onions, and something to drink Sipping on something that's pink, folks here are different in speech Surrounded by mountains in a city with circular streets The fire fighters hold an inaudible conversation I try to dial in but experience some complications And adjacent to my facing is a family, Four in standard placement, Foreign land but hey it's cool I'm going to make it To my destination, while the moon is high I could have stayed at the station but I chose to jet Biggity bounce it to the spot to get some food tonight Strolling through this county with a bounty like I'm a Boba Fett West Corona, never known I'd wind up in the Inland Em Pire with the sight of many hills so I'm feeling blessed Safe and sound just in time to see the sun go round And darken the scene as I walk in as the seventeenth - guest Yes, looking at the lucky Greek Glad it was my lucky number, Stumbling over my feet Mr. Fumbles and that name is an honor of E Drugging luggage down the street, all the while pulling a leaf HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE (Mick Jenkins voice) but I set him free. And kept lunging toward the port in which I'd better be If I wanted to GET IT RIGHT, GET IT TIGHT (Bubba Sparxxx voice) And See A Sight, that's flight instead of sailing the seven Cs Being conundrums and catastrophes Callous curses through verses perturbed and immersed in a cantankerous unshakable situation stationed in Corona stuck chillin in November's breeze But now there's more than one occupying the track I make my peace and climb aboard no looking back It's 8:08, with no further delay and after the 5th page from the conductor man we're moving again Yay! A little back story so the time between my boarding and the present was annoying cause we had to stop before we could proceed to LA there was a stupid car parked on the fuggin’ tracks and couldn't go until they towed it But it's 8:40 and she's waiting for me So I traverse steadily with a set of these Tree trunks for legs En route to see my Haley ready to dip and head To the movies, chillin with yours truly November 24, 2015

I love you I care for you Wanting to tend toward all your discomforts Whatever you do... Please, Get better baby - It's 12:51 A.M. I woke up to the serenading serenity of sweet serendipitous sounds. Bound together by the one and only, Jun Seba himself. To my surprise, I see my baby has tried to contact me by text, call, and snap. She's sick. My luv is sic, Oh why my "because" has been nicked by this bug at nite, hence I will do my very best to see that she is well. Ooh curse the spelle that has forsaken my belle under this strain of mind from whence she fell. For her stomach is ill and all I can do is chill in my silent town until on her side of town she feels... Swell But how to deal with this stillness, I ponder to reveal this, I wonder for the cure of such ailment. I'm wellbent not hellbent on her just until this disarray in her stomach has been resolved. How are you feeling now? I ask through this fog of distance. She replies, "tired" and after reading another buzz is received and I see "depleted". I ask, Have you eaten yet? Another buzz... And then "yeah". And you still feel uneasy? Can you fall asleep? Yet she leaves me with nothing but my thoughts. I'm in love and she's sick She's my love and I'm sick But then she says that she just feels weird And she's laying down now Would you like me to text you later? I wouldn't want to disturb you. 😞 I'm here babe, just to wait on your call and to do all that I can to serve you. Just want to give you my infinite sang friod and unafraid to be sincerely sympa Cause all I can give is my earnest as the most effective deterrent to disburden your symptoms Or much like the can-can you'll kick this ailment into the annoying abyss from whence it came. Be gone you deathly flame, lacking iridescence but here to mess with my love and deal her pain. Side eyed is how I glare at you with abhorrence and disdain, for you shall be slain. For you shall be slain. Grr... And a Hsss... And then another Grr... Again. Yabish She says her left eyes got a drip, tearing leak has suddenly sprang 2:34 AM, you may just have a sinus infection babe Recurrence has been noted but aside from all of the jibber jabber I have a message If you wake up later feeling stuffy, that'll be a good indicator. But I'm going to stop texting you and I really want you to try and get some sleep. It's the best natural remedy to bitch ass illnesses. Drink lots of fluids and I wish you the best. Kisses, warm hugs, neck licks and ear lobe tugs. Goodnight, my love. ... And then I Woke Up with a Stuffy Nose Finished 2:47 A.M., Sunday, November 15, 2015 

Heart racing while ripples enter the atmosphere I see the waves as my fingers tremble heart is racing Did I say my heart was placing bets and poker facing Cause that niggas lying, nothing but passion here I know you told me and I believe you, but do I really? I don't know what to expect and I'm feeling, gahh My stomach feels a little like it's been in a knot Unraveling as it dissolves into my, gahh There it is again, noodle guts for the win Know I'm prolly trippin and there's nothing to be fretting over Just because I had the dream doesn't make it true And so I shouldn't soil up the waters when I think of you Imma keep it crystal, clear and clean as a whistle Blowing stripe who's too damn nice and calling all that hits you And this shit just hit me, right above the belt A clean punch but gee wizz a feeling I ain't felt Forever, maybe ever, maybe nothing I'm talking to my mans about it now and he says you love me And I surely do believe that It's just... I'm insecure and need a little feedback One step at a time, life lessons in rhymes God uses my thumbs to speak to me Why I'm always writing, something inside It comes to me night And day, This should come right away The message is night and day But it's gloomy outside today

October 27, 2015

The Day I Dreamed You Would Leave Me

She asked me how I was and I was doing well Looked me into my eyes and told me to keep my smile I thought about her presence on the station bench Watching the light flicker, thinking what to make of it She offered me a bottle with a Kirkland sig I graciously accepted for the thirst was real Although I had a liter of my own, these eight fluid ounces could transform from water into gold She asked me for my name when Peace left the train Then said that she was Unity  after my name Wished me the best of luck and then departed Reflecting on the messages spoken to me today Sunday October 24, 2015

So now that the bridge has been crossed let's take a moment to look at my journey down the avenue of abstinence. I was first introduced to what I now know so well, when I was 12, but seven years before is where I'll start. On my way to kindergarten heart  filled with joy, innocence brimming from my smile and with every step, I would skip the cracks to never snap my mother's spine, because for I loved her dearly, plus my brother's walking with me. Down Decatur Blvd to make a right on Vegas drive, escaping dry heat in the middle of the weekday mornings, We'd walk on by the gas station and as I was spacing my steps, I noticed someone had left some cards or something. Reaching down to pick them up off of the ground, I found an image of a blonde lady so scantily clad And other cards had similar depictions but different descriptions on how to call or contact, this woman.

... To Be Continued

I feel like I was born as the worst type of human being Joy is a foreign language that everyone's speaking While my indifference allows me to avoid The sadness, there is a void that inhibits me from seeing When will I be?

October 1, 2015