Im Flipping Out

Yes I can! Sorry it took a while I’ve been lazy

What I wanna talk about is jax. The context we got of what made jax the way he is made me so emotional I cried so many times lmao. I don’t condone or like how he treated others, but I know what it’s like to be an ass and push others away because you’re hurting. Maybe because you feel it’s your way of getting revenge on the world, or maybe because you don’t want to be vulnerable to others. The thing with jax though is that he never got to improve. His fear of being vulnerable kept him from reaching out to anybody. He could’ve been a better person, I imagine an outcome where jax was able to open up and improve himself, maybe even be happy. I wish he could’ve accepted his femininity too, that also breaks my heart that he felt he had to push that part of himself down so much, making him even more repressed. The way he threw down the bow ribbit placed on his head is of note to me, how he rejects this part of himself so violently, and feels blinding shame at even the possibility of anyone seeing him that way. Note how angry he reacted when he got put in the maid dress too. But he abstracted before he had the opportunity to heal or improve at all. And I really hate that, it makes me incredibly sad. But Pomni was on his side through it all, even when he was acting like an asshole. She’s very sweet for that. That makes me even more emotional. She really showed him unconditional love until the end.

Him pushing everyone away and treating everyone like shit made him unlikable to others. He screwed himself over so badly. It’s like, one part of him just wanted to push everything down and reject any help, but deep down he’s in so much pain, and he needs someone to just hear him. But he can’t let himself let that be known. It’s a very complicated situation, where his pain doesn’t excuse his actions but it certainly explains them and it makes him sympathizable, in a way that he could’ve fixed with time. He is even aware that he’s a bad person, and is of the belief that he doesn’t deserve to be cared about or loved. In fact, that’s what he wanted, so he couldn’t be hurt by anyone. Like he said, pomni still caring about him even after he’s done everything to push her away wasn’t supposed to happen. But again, he dug a hole for himself so deep out of such deep seated fear that he basically doomed himself to abstract. Now that I think about it, that experience with his mother where she laughed at him the one time he opened up probably made this problem of his a lot worse.