The World of Me...

Since I was little, I’ve always had a lot of feelings. I feel so much about everything. I feel like in most relationships, whether platonic or romantic, I’ve been the one that was more attached, more invested. Once I’m interested in someone or something, I put my whole heart and soul into it. I guess at the same time I was also scared of my feelings. I would try to suppress it. I was scared of being seen as weak, sensitive, emotional, or unprofessional. I would be frustrated, angry, or upset, but it’s fine. I’m fine. I would be hurt and sad, but it’s fine. I’m fine. It wasn’t fine, but that’s what I would say and I would try my best to hold it in, keep it together, and deal with it myself. Or even when I’m excited and overthrilled. I would still hold some of it in. It just doesn’t seem like others feel the same way or share the same level of intensity. I don’t want to scare them off or I don’t want to be an emotional burden on others, so I hold in my feelings until I just can’t anymore. And then my emotions would just explode. Once that happens, I feel like people just take it as a tantrum. I still feel unheard, unacknowledged, neglected, distanced, or treated like burden just as I was afraid of.