rust and stardust

it's 5.5 years into the future and you happened to stumble upon this post while having a rare, indulgent moment of nostalgia. you're currently 25 years old (!!!)

what's new and worth noting...

i guess the basics: ldn is home. we spent the summer in nyc last year and desperately wanted to move (and waves of dreaming about it still come!) but we're staying put for now.

we've put down roots :) we have a beautiful home. dream home. filling up with plants and paintings from travels and pictures of the people we love. when the weather is warm, we make dinner and take it to the balcony and eat outside while watching the world go by under the sinking sunlight.

we work a lot. it's unromantic but not unexpected.

we dance a lot! we spend our free evenings and weekends dancing, and we travel to dance around europe with our friends, and we train and sweat and laugh and party together and it is indulgent and exhilarating and the most wonderful way to experience human connectivity and see the world. (we tend to fall ill afterwards. it's a lot on the body. we're learning the importance of allowing for recovery). we don't always have or make time for it, but we do always come back to it. we've realised that it brings us back to ourselves.

we found our people :) it took a few years of heartbreak. we were lonely for a long time, but now we're not. we adore the people we choose to spend our time with (they were worth the wait). we love the time we spend just us, nobody else, even more.

we're still on good terms with our first love. we saw kyle for the first time in a few years, a couple of months ago. for the most part, we love and watch each other grow up from afar. it still is and always will be the most soulful & special thing.

we're in love <3 we have been for a while. we met him (dancing!), and suddenly, everything made sense. he has the most beautiful blue eyes that crinkle in the corners when he smiles and it makes him look older and younger all at once and makes us love him more than we thought it was possible to love a person just from looking at them. he's made us absurdly enthusiastic about the little things in life (honourable mentions: peonies and puppies). it's definitely not always easy, but it's worth it.

we don't write anymore. we should. life gets in the way. it feels like lyra reading the alethiometer - it was there in adolescence, now it's gone. ocean vuong's interview with the new york times last week made us feel 15 and want to try again.

we don't use any social media. it's more peaceful this way. the people who love us know how to reach us. we're currently not in therapy! we're enjoying navigating the world solo, for the first time in a decade. things may change, but this is good for now.

there were some dark years - we don't want to gloss over them, but they're not worth dwelling on.

we look around now and are in awe. we're astounded by our growth. we didn't know it was possible to experience moments of this magnitude of joy. there were times we didn't think we'd make it past 21. the joy ebbs and flows, but the point is that we didn't know it was there - and now we do.

Ada Limón, from “Forgiveness”