1. Getting your self esteem from others.

2. Constantly attacking and putting yourself down.

3. Thinking others are better than you.

4. Expecting things not to turn out well.

5. Living in the past.

6. Fearing the future.

An emotionally abusive person may dismiss your feelings and needs, expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person. In summary, emotional abuse includes the following:

1. Acting as if a person has no value and worth; acting in ways that communicate that the person’s thoughts feelings and beliefs are stupid, don’t matter or should be ignored.

2. Calling the person names; putting them down; mocking, ridiculing, insulting or humiliating them, especially in public.

3. Controlling through fear and intimidation; coercing and terrorizing them; forcing them to witness violence or callousness; threatening to physically harm them, others they love, their animals or possessions; stalking them; threatening abandonment.

4. Isolating them from others, especially their friends and family; physically confining them; telling them how they should think, act, dress, what decisions they can make, who they can see and what they can do (limiting their freedom); controlling their financial affairs.

5. Using that person for your own advantage or gain; exploiting their rights; enticing or forcing another to behave in illegal ways (for example, selling drugs).

1. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them.

2. Be genuine and real in your relationships. Don’t pretend and wear a mask but share your true, authentic self.

3. Note, however, that being genuine doesn’t mean always dumping your garbage on those around you. Be respectful of their needs and feelings too – and recognise that we influence and affect others’ moods. That is, we can choose to either brighten or pollute the atmosphere.

4. Be a great listener. We feel loved and valued when others really listen to us (and demonstrate they’re listening through their nonverbal cues).

5. Don’t try to fix, change and make them into different people. Instead, allow them the freedom to be themselves, as well.

6. Recognise that we don’t have to agree with, or respect, others’ choices in order to have a good relationship with them. A lot of the time, we can simply agree to disagree.

1. Knowing deep inside that you are good enough.

2. Believing you can do it, and believing you can make it.

3. Choosing to be grateful when you feel like complaining.

4. Choosing to hang in there when you feel you’ve had enough.

5. Knowing each new day is a true gift and fresh beginning.

6. Valuing others, and treating others well.

1. Stop asking everyone else for permission.

2. Stop seeking to live up to other people’s expectations.

3. Listen to your head, and your feelings, and your heart.

4. Be willing to take risks and to try what interests you.

5. Don’t give up too early – and don’t assume you’ll fail.

1. Get into the habit of challenging your thinking – especially when it falls into the same old repeated, negative patterns.

2. Keep a thankfulness journal – and deliberately look for the good things in your life.

3. Spend time with people who can see your strengths, and who make you feel good about yourself.

4. Keep some photos or mementos that remind you of your passions – so theses can help inspire you to love your life again.

5. Leave positive notes and quotes around your room, or inside your wallet, or on your desk, or phone.

6. See failure as a stepping stone that leads to further growth – and as something that is common, and experienced by us all.