Flatassthrowaway

It was almost two weeks ago that we came back from Seaside, Oregon. I settled back into my work, as did Stanford. It was great to hear what he had done during the day, and I could tell it was the same for him.

Ford did indeed follow through on his promise, and got Dipper and Mabel updated sleeping surfaces. The last time I visited them, their room was spotless.

It was now the Fourth of July, and Stan was having a barbeque for the family. I thankfully took off that day in advance, so I’m glad I could be with them for the day.

Once I arrived at the mystery shack, I saw Mabel and her friends were sitting on the deck and their legs were hanging off. I also saw Dipper and Pacifica there. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and she had a pitt cola in her perfectly french manicured hand. She had the same hairdo in Dipper’s home screen photo, and she wore a flowy pastel pink blouse and black pants with pink uggs. She also had cute silver hoop earrings with a heart at the bottom of each of them.

Soos and Melody, and especially Abuelita were there, with her holding her great grandson. He’s becoming more expressive by the day. I can’t wait to see how much he grows!

I heard Stan call my name. “You made it!” he said, flipping some of the meat on the grill. “I hope ya like steak!”

“You bet I do! Thanks,” I told him as I greeted everyone else.

Soos and Melody were both glowing, not just as a couple but as a family too. They both lit up at their sweet baby boy any time he made a sound or smiled.

“Hell yeah!” Grenda cheered loudly as she said my name. “You’re back!”

“I was here yesterday too, hon,” I told her as I greeted her and Candy.

“Grenda, you can’t hog her all to yourself! I need some girl talk with her too!” Mabel said.

“Hey, what about me?” Candy said playfully. “I could use some girl talk too.”

“Listen, I know you’re all excited, but I think introductions are in order,” Dipper said as he stood up, as did Pacifica.

Dipper called my name as I turned to him and his girlfriend. “This is Pacifica,” he said as he fondly looked down at her. He introduced me to her. “She’s my Great Uncle Ford’s lover.”

Pacifica made a face before we shook hands. “Lover? Aren’t you a little young for him?” she asked judgementally. Her valley girl accent made it sound so much more demeaning.

Well, isn’t she a darling?

“Age is but a number, dear,” I told her. “It’s our connection that matters.”

Pacifica nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t totally convinced when I looked in her dark blue eyes. “If you say so.”

“I know so, Paz,” Dipper told her. “You should see how Great Uncle Ford is with her. He really cherishes her, and she cherishes him.”

“Okay babe.”

“C’mon Paz, really?”

Oh goodness, I really don’t want to be in the middle of this.

As I walked away from them getting into their heated discussion, Ford came outside and greeted me with a hug and a kiss on my forehead. Once we parted, I kissed his stubbly cheek.

“How are you, handsome?” I asked.

Ford scratched the back of his head as a small blush grew across his face. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you calling me that,” he admitted.

I smiled as I sweetly looked up at him. “You really should,” I told him. “Because it’s true. You’re my handsome man~”

“You really spoil me, sweetheart,” he told me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my temple. I rested my hands on his chest and smiled.

“I’m just giving you things you should have received,” I said.

“Goodness, sweetheart,” he said. “You’re really living up to your nickname. Are you hoping for a reward?”

I shook my head. “No, actually,” I told him.

Ford gave me a smirk which made me rub my thighs together. “Of course not. It’s certainly not the reason why you’re rubbing your thighs together right now,” he told me.

“I wasn’t thinking about that until you brought it up, you dirty, dirty man,” I purred.

His grip on my waist got tighter and our waists were pressed against each other so tightly that I thought we would eventually meld together.

“Ugh, Ford!” Stan called.

We slightly parted, as my hands were now at my sides and Ford’s hand was on my hip. “What is it, Stan?”

“When you’re done seducing her, can ya help me plate some of this food? Preferably soon?” Stan asked.

“I can help with that, Mr. Pines,” Soos said. “Let your brother spend some time with his lover.”

Stan huffed but gave a smile to the two of us. He then turned his gaze to Soos. “Thanks, Soos. You’re a good man.”

I gave a grateful smile to Soos as Ford turned his attention to me. Just as I was about to indulge him, Stan announced, “Dinner’s ready!”

As the rest of the group went to grab some food, Ford groaned, his forehead pressing against mine as I smiled. “Sixer, dollface,” he said. “If you’re both done with groping each other, you can join us at the table.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “Stanley, must you be so vulgar?”

“There are children present, Stan,” I added.

“It’s not like they don’t know what I’m talking about, though,” Stan said as he dished out for himself.

I rolled my eyes as we both made our way to one of the picnic tables. As I was about to take a seat next to Dipper, Pacifica smoothly took my seat, flashing me a look before turning to her boyfriend. I gave a what-the-fuck look to Ford, and he shrugged as we both sat across from the young couple. Ford and I dished out for ourselves.

Spread across the table were some chicken kebabs, beef kebabs, steaks, grilled salmon, grilled peppers and grilled potatoes that all looked expertly seasoned.

My mouth is watering.

“So…” Pacifica said my name, trailing off. “What do you do for a living?”

I took a sip of my water before I told her what I did.

Pacifica smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Instead, she retained the same judgemental look in her eyes. “Oh, really? You have to be really successful in order for that to be a sustainable career.”

I smiled back softly. I can do this all day.

“I better thank my lucky stars then! I am very successful,” I told her, taking a bite out of my steak. Stan really tenderized it, so it was almost like it was melting in my mouth.

“Oh, well good for you,” Pacifica said.

Dipper didn’t seem to pick up on what she was trying to do, but Ford did. He leaned in closer to whisper in my ear.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

I nodded. “Of course I am,” I whispered back, looking into his copper brown eyes.

“So, why Gravity Falls? I mean, we’re quite literally in the middle of nowhere,” she said.

I shrugged, turning back to her. Ford started picking at his food. “I always enjoyed the woodlands and rolling hills and meadows. Gravity Falls happens to have all of those.”

“Oh, so you’re a free spirit then?” Pacifica asked. At this point, Soos, Melody and their son went inside the Mystery Shack with Abuelita. They seemed to be finished with their food.

I gave a half shrug. “In a way, I suppose,” I said.

“So do you think you’ll stay here for a while? Probably not, since you’re a free spirit,” she said.

I feel like she’s trying to nail me for something, but I’m not sure for what and why.

I smiled. “I think I will stay here,” I told her. “Maybe for a long time. Especially since I met the Pines family. Honestly, the whole town has been very welcoming to me. It feels like home.”

“Oh, isn’t that nice?” Pacifica remarked, something devious dripping from her words. Dubious? No. There was nothing dubious about her intentions.

It’s almost as if Pacifica has a hidden agenda to make me look bad. I haven’t felt like this since I was in middle school… which matches actually, considering how old she is.

“Do you fancy geriatric men or just a specific one for his wallet?” Pacifica asked.

I raised an eyebrow, unamused. “Let’s stop dancing,” I told her. “What are you trying to gain from asking me these questions?”

“C’mon,” Pacifica said my name. “Let’s be real here. No woman or girl in her right mind would go out with a man as old as Dr. Pines unless he had something to offer. And I’m not talking about his personality.” I saw Ford scowl and his jaw was taut.

“Pacifica!” Dipper scolded her. “What the hell!”

“Listen, I’ve seen this many times at my parents’ parties when they used to have them,” Pacifica retorted back. “Almost all of the time, these girls and young women were only there for their wallets.”

“How could you say that about her, Pacifica?” Grenda asked. “Why do you have to be such a bitch? Let her live!”

“Why do you have to be so oafish, Grenda? Honestly,” she said. “It’s another wonder how Marius can find you attractive, especially with how muscular you are. And you’re taller than him? Yiiiiiiiikes.”

I saw Grenda tear up, and she ran into the Mystery Shack. Candy and Mabel went after her.

“Pacifica… where is this coming from, kiddo?” Stan asked.

“What I’m surprised about is that you haven’t thought about this, Stan,” Pacifica said.

Stan nodded. “I thought the worst of her at one point, too,” he said. “But now that I gave her a chance, I kinda regret not doing that sooner. I know you’re not used to respecting your elders, but you really should be more respectful to her, kid.”

“You of all people know that I only respect people worth respecting.” Pacifica then looked at me dead in the face. “And I don’t see anything worth respecting about this lady.”

“You have crossed the line, young lady,” Ford said in a low tone. “You need to leave. Now.”

Pacifica rolled her eyes as she stood up. “Listen, I was trying to look out for you, Dr. Pines,” she told him. “I’m trying to save you from heartbreak.”

“Leave, Miss. Northwest.”

“Wait, Great Uncle Ford!” Dipper said. “Let me talk to her.”

Ford looked at him before nodding. “Very well.”

Stan groaned and started packing up all of the food to save for another day. “Of course I get stuck with this shit,” he muttered underneath his breath.

I decided to help him out, and with some persuasion, Ford helped his brother, too.

Once we stored all of the food, we headed inside to store them in the fridge, and we couldn’t help but overhear the altercation between the teenagers. I definitely don’t miss that part of my life.

“You always try to defend her, Mabel!” Candy said. “Maybe to you she’s changed, but she still treats us like trash!”

“Yeah!” Grenda chimed in. “And whenever I bring up something that she said that makes me feel awful, you always dismiss it, like she isn’t capable of doing something like that. Why do you keep defending her, Mabel?”

“C’mon girls! You can’t deny that she hasn’t changed at all! She’s making huge strides from where she was when we first met,” Mabel said.

Wait… so Pacifica was worse than she displayed?

Oh dear goodness.

“To you, she’s made huge progress, but only because you’re the sister of her boyfriend,” Grenda told her.

“I’m sorry Mabel, but we can’t take this anymore,” Candy told her. I heard both of them get up. “Until you see what she actually says about us and actually acknowledge that she’s still mean to us, we can’t be friends with you.”

“Candy, Grenda, please! There has to be another way!”

“This is the only way, Mabel,” Grenda told her. “You won’t listen or do anything if we do it any other way!”

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and out of the shack.

Wow… I can’t believe it’s really that bad.

I think the older set of twins noticed what I was doing, as Stan gestured for Ford and I to follow him. “Come with me,” he said, seemingly talking more to me than his brother. “You can hear conversations better in my office.”

We followed him into his office, and instead of hearing Mabel and her thoughts, we listened to Dipper and Pacifica’s soft voices. We all stilled as we listened to what they were saying.

“We just keep going around in circles, Paz,” Dipper told her. “You weren’t mean like that before, not to anyone else but her. Tell me why, please!”

“I already told you, Dipper,” Pacifica said. “There’s something off about that woman. She’s after your great uncle for something.”

“And again, what could she possibly want, other than companionship with Great Uncle Ford?” Dipper asked. “You know that my family isn’t rich, but we aren’t poor, so it’s definitely not money. I doubt it’s just for cuddling, unless that’s what they’re into. I also doubt that… you know what, I’m not gonna get into that point, because it’s a moot point.”

It was silent for a while before Pacifica spoke again.

“...Are you thinking that she’s lusting after him?”

“What the hell, Pacifica? Really?” Dipper yelled. “I sincerely doubt that!”

“That must be it!”

“Pacifica, stop!” he said. “Leave her alone! She’s a part of the family now, and if you disrespect her, we can’t be together!”

Silence filled the air again until Pacifica broke it once again.

“So you’re really going to choose a woman you barely know over me? Your girlfriend of one and a half years?” Pacifica asked.

“I don’t want to, Pacifica,” he told her.

Dipper said my name before trailing off. “She helped me deal with something that I never knew I still had: my insecurities.”

“This again? Dipper, I told you that you’re fine just the way you are!”

“And I appreciate it, but instead of giving me the same positive affirmations, she gave me real solutions,” Dipper told her.

“No… are you freaking serious?!” Pacifica shrieked.

“What, Paz? What?” Dipper asked.

“You’re in love with her!” Pacifica told him. “That’s why you’re so eager to call her family when you’ve known her for what? Less than a month?”

“It’s actually over a month-”

Pacifica cut Dipper off. “I can’t, I can’t!” she said. “You can’t even be honest with yourself!”

“Pacifica,” Dipper started, his voice low and steady. “I don’t like her in a romantic way. I like the fact that she is the only one who makes my Great Uncle Ford smile brightly, and brings out an entirely different side of him. She’s been good for him, and unless there’s something shady that she’s done, I could care less about the shitty things you have to say about her!”

Pacifica scoffed. “So, what? Are we over?”

Dipper sighed before speaking. “No, we aren’t over,” he told her. “But you need to apologize to her if we’re going to make some serious changes.”

Pacifica groaned. “Fine. Where is she?”

“She might still be in the back. I saw Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford packing the food up with her back there,” he told her.

Stan and Ford both looked at me. “Quick! You have to go!” Ford said with urgency.

“No, she can’t do that,” Stan said. “It’ll look too suspicious! Go to the living room, and walk out as she heads out the door.”

“I don’t know, Stanley, isn’t that just as suspicious?” Ford asked.

“Trust me, I’ve been in worse situations, so this one is a piece of cake,” Stan told him as he looked down at me. “Alright, dollface, you’re up. Just go to the living room and walk out from there.”

“But it’s right next to the door!”

“Trust me, it’ll be fine! Now go!” Stan said, pushing me towards the door of his office.

I walked out of his office, and tried to play it cool by going towards the living room. As I was walking towards the living room, Dipper came back inside and saw me. He said my name.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were inside,” he said before scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry for the way my girlfriend acted towards you. It wasn’t cool at all, and I didn’t think she’d be so disrespectful.”

I smiled. “I appreciate that hon, but I think your girlfriend should apologize, not you.”

“I know, but… I feel kinda responsible, you know?”

I nodded. “Don’t take on extra emotional labor, Dipper,” I told him. “It’s not your burden to bear.”

“I guess you’re right,” he said as Pacifica walked back in.

“She wasn’t- oh, you’re here,” she said.

“Here I am,” I told her.

“So, I just want to apologize. It wasn’t nice of me to speak to you like that or whatever,” she said.

“Do you think I’d accept a half-assed apology like yours?” I asked. “I only accept ones that are genuine, and that was not a genuine apology, my dear.”

Pacifica sighed. “Fine. I’m sorry that I antagonized you without getting to know you fairly,” she said, her voice dripping with boredom and a little bit of resentment.

“...Somewhat better. I’ll take it for now,” I told her. “I appreciate your apology.”

Pacifica turned to Dipper, her face softened. “I’ll call you later?”

Before Dipper could respond, he looked at a vibrating message from his phone. He turned it off before responding. “We’ll see. I appreciate what you did, though.”

This young lady gives me performative vibes. Maybe it’s just me. Who or what she’s performing for, I have no idea.

Pacifica left before saying another word, and Dipper ascended the stairs without saying anything either. I ended up closing the front door before I ascended the stairs myself to Dipper and Mabel’s room and knocked.

“Mabel hon, it’s me. Can I come in?” I asked.

“Leave me alone!” Mabel said, her voice warbling.

“Sorry,” Dipper said my name. “Please leave us for the time being.”

“Okay. Sweet dreams,” I told them as I walked back down the stairs.

Gosh… this was a lot more drama filled than I ever cared to think about.

At the bottom of the stairs, I saw Ford with a sad look on his face. I smiled as I held his face in my hands and kissed his cheek.

“Don’t be so sad, honey,” I told him. “I’m okay. It’s gonna take more than a teenager to make me feel inadequate.”

I mean, I do that just fine on my own.

“You’re so much more than just your body,” Ford said my name. “Your mind, your wit, your positive energy, your soul… I love everything about you.”

I smiled softly. “You love me?”

Ford scratched the back of his head as he gave me a small smile. “I suppose there’s no use in hiding how I truly feel,” he told me. “Yes, sweetheart. I love you.”

I smiled sweetly at him. “Aww, honey~” I cooed. “I love you too.”

Ford’s eyes widened in shock. “T… Truly? You love me?” Ford asked.

I nodded while I retained my sweet smile. “Of course I do. I love the way you can recall facts at the drop of a dime just by the mere mention of the name. I love the many hobbies you have. I love how talented you are, ranging from a man of science to having an artistic edge to you. Although serious, you’re never afraid to be a little goofy,” I told him as he got a little red. “Your hands are also a plus.”

“R-really?”

I nodded as I gathered his six fingered hands in my own and smiled. “They’re so big and rugged and manly… I like how much bigger they are compared to my own,” I told him.

“You… really don’t mind my extra digits?”

I shook my head. “No… why would I?” I asked. “If you didn’t have your six fingers, you wouldn’t be you, Stanford.”

“Sweetheart…” he trailed off before hugging me. “Thank you.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist as we just stayed there, taking each other in during our embrace. We eventually parted, and Ford looked at me. “I know you have an early day tomorrow. Why don’t we retire for the night… my love?”

I smiled at him. “Let’s do that… my love.”

We walked to his bedroom, and I was kinda glad that I had a change of clothes over here from a week ago. We both did our individual nightly routines, and ended up underneath the covers, in each other’s arms.

“I love you,” he said my name.

I smiled as I pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, Stanford.”