Bisexually Frustrated

to preface, my mom is a lesbian so i live with my dad and stepmom. my step brother is hella homophobic and he kept trying to drive my car so i put a queer sticker on it so he would stop driving it (it worked lol) but no one questioned my sticker because they all knew it was only so my brother would leave me alone. i also have a rainbow lanyard on my wallet but no one has every really mentioned that to me. 

i always told myself that if anyone directly asked if i was bi i would tell them yes because its nothing to be ashamed of, but a few days ago my cousin asked if i like women and i didnt know what to do. i guess i just froze? he mentioned my sticker and my lanyard and i just gave him BS answers like “the stickers is just bc of my step brother” and “my friend gave me the lanyard as a joke,” both of those are lies but i didnt know what else to do. my step mom even came out and defended me saying it wouldnt even matter if i liked women or not..but i still felt trapped?? it felt like they wanted me to admit it but i felt like stuff would go very wrong if i did. 

it genuinely felt like a trap. 

idk maybe i just want to come out on my own terms instead of because someone asked me but i didnt think i would react like this. its had me stressed out ever since it happened. ive always been teased about being a lesbian and i always brushed it off as jokes but im pretty sure they werent kidding. im pretty sure my family does actually know but they just want me to finally admit it? 

Also meet my emotional support frog

I showered for the first time in about a month and I feel AMAZING! I recently dyed my hair green and for some reason my brain told me that it had washed out into a disgusting puke yellow so I never wanted to look at it. I was repulsed at the thought so I left my hair up in a bun for days and avoided looking at myself. Then It just got greasy which made everything even worse..I had to force myself to get in the shower after work last night and I am so happy and proud of myself.

I used three different exfoliating scrubs and my extra rough exfoliating loofa, I shampooed twice and everything. I’m pretty sure I drew blood from how hard I was scraping my scalp but that’s fine because I finally feel clean!!

When I looked in the mirror after my hair dried I teared up because I saw my hair for the first time this month and saw that it was still a beautiful green. It is still the same green as last time I saw it and now it’s all clean and soft.. it was such a nice thing to see after all that self loathing heh

I’m crying because of how frustrated I am, but I hate the idea of not having my earbuds. They are my comfort item. I use them when I get overwhelmed, when my parents fight, when I cry, everytime I am in a car..I used them every single day.

I am a whole seventeen year old now

I only recently realized I was bi,,,I literally forgot about this

I saw an attractive girl and promptly forgot about it until 6 years later

Honkers,

Big ole DONKS

some real bongodonkos

Huge jonki pongos