Fitter in '15

Become a wellness coach (nutrition instruction/personal fitness trainer) for women with PCOS.

So, so few people with that combination of skills and specialized knowledge exist, and I know I would have loved to have had someone when I was first diagnosed to tell me “just cut these things out altogether, eat this stuff, and work out this way.”

Well, I can’t say it’s for a good, healthy reason, and I can’t say I’m sure it will stick, but I blew past my second goal weight these last few days.

I’ve been having some really severe abdominal cramping after I eat certain things, and the doctor’s not sure yet if it’s just the remnants of some nasty stomach bug or if it’s my gallbladder or my pancreas.

I went in two days ago for some bloodwork and a physical exam, and then back yesterday for an abdominal ultrasound, so I should know soon.

In the meantime...154.3! Next stop, 150.

- 1 pound away from a 10-pound total loss - 2 pounds away from the halfway point to my overall goal - 3 pounds away from the weight I graduated undergrad at (6 years ago) - 3 pounds away from single-digit pounds to lose - 8 pounds away from the 140s - 13 pounds away from maintenance mode

It’s only 3/4 of a pound, but I’ll take it. Progress is progress.

It’s no secret that I’ve been in a bit of a slump this month. 

While I feel like I’ve been putting more effort than ever into my nutrition and exercise, I’m not seeing the payoff for that. I haven’t lost a single pound this month - in fact, I’m up a pound. That’s led to all kinds of self-loathing and self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of hopelessness. Why am I putting in all this effort for nothing?

I went shopping this afternoon, and wandered into a Lululemon, thinking maybe a new workout outfit would help keep me motivated. From the second I entered, I felt like I didn’t belong - I was the only one not already wearing workout clothes, the largest person in the store, and what might be a fun print on someone else made me look like a WWE wrestler or a chubby, female version of Steven Tyler. 

I did find an outfit I liked, but the whole experience just reinforced the feelings I’ve had all month - like I am so far away from the person I want to be, and perhaps I’ll never be her.

Driving home, I teared up. I thought about calling my best friend or my mother or my sister and venting to them about how terrible I feel about myself, and about how it’s so unfair that I have nothing to show for all of my hard work. I thought about going home, putting on pajamas, and ordering a pizza. I fantasized about throwing my scale from the roof. 

And then I changed it.

So, I’m 3 weeks into some intense workouts: 2 days of cardio, 2 days of weightlifting, 1 day of HIIT training for a total of 5 workouts a week. 

I haven’t lost a single pound. I literally thought my scale might be stuck because the number has been exactly the same for weeks. 

My meals seem fine - smoothies for breakfast, salads or meat and a starch for lunch, a small afternoon snack like a Kind bar, and something healthy and home-cooked for dinner.

My measurements this AM are 41-32-40.

That’s down an inch on my bust, 3 inches on my waist, and 2 inches on my hips since the beginning of July. It’s nice to see SOME numbers move, even if they’re not the ones on the scale.

- I have figured out what sort of food makes me feel good. - I no longer bloat after meals.

- I’m actually getting (and listening to) full/hungry signals from my body.

- My periods are regular.

- I have more energy.

- I feel more confident.

- I’m sleeping better.

- My a1c number is down.

- My kidney function is up.

- My thyroid function is up.

- I haven’t had a panic attack in over 6 months.