Fishyao

First, it starts with a pencil, a small glimmer of hope for one girl. Granted by a sheltered and grieving girl to a homeless (confirmed by 5) and lost girl, it was the first act of unconditional kindness given to the latter. While Susie views it as that, deciding to leave Noelle out of her meanness, the deer had different feelings. Having lost her sister, suddenly, a tough, carefree, confident, and seemingly untouchable girl appear was almost cathartic. So, she observes Susie at first, could she fill the void December left behind? As time goes on, though, she sees both more of Dess and less of Dess. Still far away from reach and so untouchable like Dess once was, but, something is different about Susie, she just knows it. That void wont be filled like how she thought, yet, she doesn’t mind. Anything to not confront that day and the aftermath. For susie, it was the first little drop that allowed her to believe she wasn’t all bad.

Then, a dark world opens up. They meet face to face for once. Susie is with Kris, just as they were with Dess so many years ago, and hey, she can try to fill that hole again! Only in the Ferris wheel, she is, not what Noelle quite expected. Susie isn’t untouchable, in fact, she’s more alike to the deer than she would’ve ever expected. Horror fans, awkwardness, how reactive and soft Susie actually is. The emptiness and wish fulfillment aspect of Noelle’s attraction isn’t gone, but, it lessens, the purple girl is fully her own person in Noelle’s eyes. For Susie, the first person like her to have ever gotten so up close and personal, and the first (or second) to treat her so well from the start, no exceptions. Yet, tension remains, a ghost haunts them both, one unknowingly. Neither gets each other fully, Susie can’t know her struggles or has she the emotional intelligence yet, and Noelle is still a grieving girl who projects onto Susie.

And again, that all changes in the Holiday’s house. You’d expect Noelle to further project onto Susie, but no. Another face to face and open heart talk, closer than ever. Even if it didn’t start out so ideal, Susie shows once more that she is different, and she is so charming in her own way (positively). The two move to December’s room, it’s awkward. The girl Noelle projects her own grief onto and is in the time capsule of a time long past with everything causing said mourning. It’s different now. Susie breaks the glass that covered the memory of Dess, and it brings Noelle more hope, further out of her trauma, Susie further out of her shell. When Carol gets home, neither remain scared for long, Susie refused to back away, and Noelle can’t help but smile and laugh even with her mom around. Now when she sees that guitar, Dess isn’t the first thing on her mind, that room isn’t so cold. And her mom’s words feel… less threatening, not as concrete?

Going by the theory that Dess drowned in the lake here-

The festival. Kris is the wing-they, Noelle and Susie are closer than ever, so filled with LOVE. A real ride on a Ferris Wheel. Finally stopping by the lake, chatting and laughing, bonding until the sun begins to set. There, Noelle gains the courage to defy her mother, defy any expectations and doing something crazy. Susie is there, she makes sure water doesn’t touch her as she picked her up, suddenly, the lake has a new meaning. A confession, another step closer to full honesty. It’s, not bad. Noelle’s heart feels whole again, and she feels warm. Susie feels so herself, the most real and free she’s ever been. But even so, another tragedy is going to happen. Rudy fell, the Roaring and prophecy on the horizon, and neither girl can deny that they don’t need each other. Not all tension is gone, their deepest thoughts, worries, hopes will surface, and it won’t be pretty. It’s all too soon, but, there is no other way. Only time will tell until chapters 6 and 7, where Suselle will be allowed to truly shine.

So, for now, this is all I have. I hope this at least gave more grace, if not convinced people to like Suselle more.

Noelle and Susie are both complicated people who have not yet solved every one of their issues and have deep rooted traumas, and they build on top of each other so well. Susie’s lack of empathy and love throughout life who will latch onto any kindness even if she doesn’t know the real person, blind faith. Noelle who will struggle to be her own person, always defined by someone else, is desperate to be both free and in the distant past, subconsciously blocks out the real person, blind to the present. Slowly but surely untangling it all together.