CARTWHEELING SCARED.

Kristen Stewart in Underwater......

Depression: I want to die

“Trauma sends you letters, without warning, for the rest of your life, usually disguised as something else.”

“I have pasts inside me I did not bury properly.”

“I keep waiting to be treated badly. Does anyone else do this? Literally every day I think, Today is the day when things will change, when I will overstay my emotional welcome, when this person will decide that treating me well is beyond what I deserve. Every nicety, every act of kindness feels like something I need to lock in a vault. It all makes me realize that my threshold for being treated decently was desperately low for like, all of my adult life. I am full of great advice and lofty standards for my friends. Do this, don’t put up with that. When it comes to myself, it’s like, well, you’re garbage so the rules aren’t the same for you. I get mad at myself when I realize this, when I realize how passive I can be, how I try to be invisible in my own life, how I try to not take up space or require anyone else’s attention or energy.”

Therapist: "And what do we say when life disappoints us"