god is a prick.

“I know you did. I hope it hurt,” Lucifer’s lip curled with sudden and passing disdain. He had been perfectly aware of his father’s watchful eyes once he hit the Earth, doing everything in his power to piss him off as the other fallen angels, his followers, rained down from the sky. He had many a wishful fantasy that the treacherous creator could see his fallen son defiling one of his first creations, and that he was outraged by it, perhaps even devastated. “Just one more area I’m superior to you in,” Lucifer couldn’t resist making the snide remark.

“She truly is… though she would deny it vehemently.” He shrugged, no longer bothered by his daughter’s defiance. Since she moved to Hell, it had been more playful than anything, so he could find a way to live with it. “…I will consider it. But I don’t need them bearing the same scars I do.” Emotional, as well as physical.

“Of course it hurt,  in more ways than you can imagine.”  Not that he wanted to go back to how he had felt back then,  watching his favorite son like that,  not that Chuck had learned when it came to having favorites.  He couldn’t stand the idea of anyone breaking Lucifer’s heart again.  Shaking his head when he heard that,  while not denying it,  Chuck worried that he was only making things worse.  “Perhaps,  but your ego,  like mine...it does not need tending to.”  Chuck thought that was something they had in common.

               never  in  her  entire  long  existence  had  she  ever  had  to  be  this  truthful  .  especially  not  to  god  herself .  knowing that  in doing  so ,  she  would  be  sent  to  the  empty  for  a  eternity  long  nap . but  charlie  made  a  promise  and  azrael  had  no  choice  but  to  let  out  any  feelings  she  held .   chest  rose  heavily  as  she  stared  at  the  other .   “  an  apology –  an  explanation  would  have  helped .  instead  we  were  left  alone ,  a  complete  mess .  i’ve  lost  so  many  of  the  siblings  i  loved –  i  truly  loved  more  than  a  lot  of  them .  the  least thing  despite  that  failure  ,  you  could  have  done  was  return  and  explain .  we  would  have  listened .  or  at  least  i  would  have .  “  azrael  replied  ,  nearly  choking  up  towards  the  end .  “  you  do  know –  it’s  going  to  be  a  long  time  before  any  of  us  trust  you  again  right ?  we  need  time –  we  need  to  see  that  change .  “  

            yet  another  thing  she  related  to .  pushing  people  away .  maybe  that’s  why  she  wasn’t  like  her  other siblings  in  the  aspect  of  falling  in  love .  her  existence  was  for  eternity  and  the  thought  of  falling  for  some  mortal –  made  her  scared .  they  weren’t  like  her .  they  didn’t  have  eternity  stamped  to  them  like  she  did .  “  have  you  thought  about  fixing  that ?  please –  don’t  even  think  about  going  back  with  lilith .  i  despise  her .  more  than  i  despise  a  lot  of  other  demons . “ 

             “ i had become a  monster,  like those creatures i locked away in purgatory,  i thought that running away and hiding myself among my creations would be best.  i know now that it was my own fear of facing all of you...i never wanted to let any of you down. ”  the angels were her first children,  and despite what she had said about humans,  she would always love the angels more.  if only she could muster the strength to fix that mistake.  for now,  charlie just nods,  biting down on her lower lip.  “ i can give you that,  i’m not going anywhere. ”  she could still visit earth.

                     for  years ,  she  remained  so  bitter .  not  only  at  their  mother  but  even  her  own  siblings .  everyone  seemed  to  have  forgotten  how  things  worked  and  bridges  were  burned  on  every  side  possible .  half  the  time , azrael  didn’t  even  feel  like  she  was  an  angel  anymore .  and  the  realization  of  how  right  lucifer  had  been  for  years  was  still  new  to  her .     head  tilted  as  she  eyed  the  primordial being  before  her .   “  might  have ?  let’s  try  that  again –  you  failed  us … “ she  stepped  closer .  “  we  did  everything  you  ever  asked .  we  did  your  dirty  work .  we  slaughter  so  many  in  your  name .   our  wings  have  always  been  covered  in  blood  for  you .  we  even  bowed  to  you .  and  for  what ?  for  you  to  just  run   off  ?    “  her  tone  grew  a  bit  more  bitter  with  each  word .  she  was  still  trying  to  find  a  footing  in  her  new  responsibilities . her  role  was  no  longer  just  an  archangel .  she  was  death  itself  as  well .   “  tell  me  where  we  went  wrong  and  why  you  left  us ?  because  i’m  finding  a  hell  of  a  time  figuring  it  out …  “  

            of  course .  was  it  because  she  found  love ?  azrael  couldn’t  related .  never .  eyes  glanced  down  for  a  moments  before  darting  back  up .  “  what  happened  with  her ?  “

               charlie had made a promise that she wouldn’t throw azrael back to the empty if she was honest,  and she was going to keep that promise,  but it didn’t make this any easier to hear.  perhaps she wasn’t ready to face lucifer,  especially if this conversation was anything to go by.  “ i know that i did... ”  being self aware wasn’t her problem,  it was admitting to those things.  taking a deep breath,  she held on tight to her glass to anchor herself,  running away again wasn’t going to help.  “ i saw the way i had failed you all and couldn’t stand it,  i thought that there was no taking it back,  i reverted back to being the lonely creature i was before you and your siblings came along...and i’m sorry.  i’m not going to be that kind of mother anymore. ”  she wanted to  hug  her.

        she  was  one  of  the  few  who  was  weary  when  it  came  to  her .  given  the  past ,  the  youngest  archangel  had every  right  to  not  trust .  but  an  attempt  was  being  made .  for  so  long ,  she  strayed  from  heaven ,  cutting  herself  of  even  despite  her  own  grace  weakening  because  of  it .   she  brought  the  glass  to  her  lips ,  taking  a  small  sip  of  it  before  humming .  “  so –  if  i  were  to  give  honesty ,  you  wouldn’t  drag  my  existence  back  into  the  empty ?  “  her  eyebrows  raised .  a  change  of  heart .  interesting .  “  oh  i  certainly  wouldn’t  .  though ,  i’m  sure  some  could  use  that .  i  approve  of  it . “  

                  charlie hated that azrael would think something like that and on other hand?  she couldn’t blame her at all.  given how she had just throw lucifer to hell for all eternity among other things,  she really didn’t have the best track record.  “ no,  if the last few thousand years have taught me anything,  it’s that my parental choices might have been lacking. ”  charlie had a knack for understatement when it came to apologizing,  though perhaps the words  i’m sorry  would help.

       “  had  you  done  that ,  mother –  i  would  have  questioned  you .  no  offense .  “  the  archangel’s  lips  formed  into  a  gentle  smile .  she  reached  for  one  of  the  glasses .  something  she  could  never  turn  down .  especially  with  a  small  break .   “  most  likely  it  wouldn’t  get  better  and  thanks .  should  i  ask  what  sort  of  drink  you  managed  to  conjure  up  that helps  deal  with  the  mess  on  earth ?  “ 

 “ they  also  haven’t gotten any  less  dumber  either .  “