FireinHerWords

I find every space in my mind universe precious. That is why."

"Why do you read?"

"Sometimes, I am blessed to read words that feel like magic. Despite the mundane and all the encompassing, they make me feel alive again. And for a little bit, while I read, it's like I am living a life I like again. So, why won't I read?"

Looking for something like the place in "Meet Yourself" drama.

Clean, relaxed, quiet, good people, fantastic view, friendly culture, non-corporate, has cafes and horse riding spaces, good food. Affordable too even for long run stays.

Oh, and where English is the common language.

Real ask for advice."

You can only ask for help, demand, shout, yell, and rage so many times. Then you get tired. You stop expecting. You'd decide you'd rather do it on your own and live without some things than constantly get hurt and disappointed because people who you believed are supposed to care for you simply just keep failing.

You'd still think they matter. But you know what's the bad effect? Somewhere along the way, it'll get hard to believe you do matter.

Now that would be a fight. Promise me you'll win.

Because regardless of how much the world and people you love disappoint, you matter. You do. And I need you to know that and to treat yourself like you know, like it's law."

There is a role I have to play. There are tasks I have to do. Breadwinner. Eldest daughter. Guardian of the family.

Maybe in another life. Like those isekai stories that always bring me comfort.

But how is it really hard to find a happy ending right here? People who would love, support, provide for, protect and dote on me so I can be free to be me and just live my life happily. Make choices that are actually good for me, and not choices that I made in settlement of being able to be what other people need from me.

Where are my support people? In another universe? In the afterlife?

When will I have my turn to live such a happy and free life?

I didn't even know what I had when I had it. I only learned it when I lost it.

So this is the meaning of life.

Huh.

To once have been a child who wanted to be an adult.

Only to become an adult who wants to be a child."

I stopped caring and I stopped expecting.

Whether you're a good brother or not, whether you're even a brother or not...you stopped mattering much to me.

You disappointed me too much for me to trust and place confidence in you. You disappointed even yourself. But you stopped caring about that too.

So then why should I?"