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"Kumarreksituteskenteleentuvaisehkollaismaisekkuudellisenneskenteluttelemattomammuuksissansakaankopahan"Â is a word.
It's a long word. It means fuck all if I know. But it's not the longest word in the Finnish language.
Let me explain:
FINLAND FACTS PRESENTS:Â "PERKELEEN JYRKI KATAINEN JA KOKOOMUS PAINUKAA VITTUUN SUOMESTA SAATANAN MAFIA"
Hello and welcome to Finland Facts Presents: "Perkeleen Jyrki Katainen ja Kokoomus painukaa vittuun Suomesta saatanan mafia". Here we explore the unique, interesting and, well let's not be coy about this, often humorous nature of the Finnish language.
Today's topic: Conjoined Words.
An interesting and quite significant part of the Finnish language is what's called conjoined words (or yhdyssana in Finnish). Instead of needing to invent new words for new concepts, Finns simply combine existing words. For example; wardrobe, refridgerator and safe become "clothes closet", "ice closet" and "cash closet" respectively (vaatekaappi, jääkaappi and kassakaappi).
You can also create your own conjoined words, for example with sandwiches. If you want to say sandwich (voileipä), you can say that word. But if you want to say what kind of sandwich, you can add other words to it: ham sandwich (kinkkuvoileipä), ham and cheese sandwich (kinkkujuustovoileipä), ham, cheese, egg, mustard sandwich (kinkkujuustomunasinappivoileipä) etc.
This brings us to our earlier point. Theoretically you could keep adding words forever. Ham, cheese, egg, mustard, turnip, lemon, pancake, butter, almond, rock, carrot... etc. Every single noun in a Finnish dictionary, plus "-sandwich", is a grammatically correct word. And that is the longest word in the Finnish language.
Join us next time on Finland Facts Presents: "Perkeleen Jyrki Katainen ja Kokoomus painukaa vittuun Suomesta saatanan mafia", when we explain how all babies, if not taught any language, will naturally speak Finnish.
This is the first image you get when you google "Finnish army".
The Finnish Defence Forces (lead by this fucking guy, we elected him because we didn't want a gay president) are conscripted from the male population. Every Finnish adult male has to serve in the military, or perform civil service (which is stigmatised: "It's just washing men's assholes in a retirement home!") for twice as long. Or go to prison.
Conscription is against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Finns are mostly fine with it though, because we don't give a fuck about things. Another reason is fear of our Russian neighbor, and the popular assumption that the only thing keeping them from invading a small, peaceful, Western democracy is our "credible defence forces" [see image 1].
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During World War Two, after Finland's alliance with Nazi Germany, the United Kingdom declared war on us. Though they never engaged in battle, it was the first and only war ever declared by one democracy on another.
Christ I'm stealing facts from QI now. Jesus what happened to my self-respect.
.
.
.
I mean seriously what the fuck happened? I used to have dreams, and I used to work for those dreams. I had something, some reason to get up in the morning. But then I guess I realised it was easier to just give up. To give it all up. To give up trying, to give up reaching. To give up dreaming.
Now what do I do. Here I am, alone. It's dark. It's cold outside. All I see is the unmeaning and heartless light beaming at me from my computer monitor. I'm alone. All alone. We all are. We pretend we're not but we really are. We're alone and we're dying. All of us, not just us but people. Not just people but the whole fucking species is dying. We should be screaming. Every single one of us should be screaming and crying and gnashing and tearing but we don't. We smile. How the fuck can we smile and laugh and sing We're at a funeral for the human species and we're smiling. Smiling. Smiling
This is a Finnish World War Two era anti-Russian propaganda song called "Between the Eyes" ("Silmien välliin"). The lyrics implore Finnish soldiers to "shoot the Russians between the eyes", and that "He who brings civilisation will be poisoned by nickel".
This is the national anthem of Finland. It's called "Our Country Song".
Its lyrics are from a Swedish poem. It was then set to the tune of the Estonian national anthem, which was taken from a German parlour song.
Some say that "Finlandia" by Jean Sibelius would be a more appropriate anthem, as it is by a Finnish composer and called Finlandia, and isn't a German drinking game. The idea never caught on because no one gives a shit.
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We here at Finland Facts would like to apologise for the previous comment about Swedish superiority. Sometimes the thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters who write this blog make these kinds of mistakes.
Also, though no one is yet to complain, we would like to apologise for the low frequency of updates. The Finnish newspaper Iltalehti has been hogging the monkeys.
It's so hard coming up with interesting facts about fucking Finland. Christ, I wish I was Swedish.
Hmmm....
Finland Facts Presents: "JAG ÄR SVENSKA NY" (trans. "I am Sweden now")
Did you know that Sweden is a country with a beautiful geography and an impressive history, with a polite people and significant international influence?
Of course you do, because everyone loves Sweden! Oh where are you from? Oh Sweden! Oh that is soo coool! I know right it's like a real country!
Hahaha I'm going to go have fun with my sexy accent and my better hockey team and my bigger population and my better culture and literature and hey did you know we have a ballsack called Finland? Must suck to be those guys!
The blue represents the country's abundant lakes, and the white represents the empty void of meaning in the absurd ballet we call existence lol jk it's snow.
The cross represents the fact that Sweden and Norway had a cross and we wanted to fit in.
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