ғᴜᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜ sᴄɪᴇɴᴄᴇ

“that’s crazy we have that brother connection too!” “yeah!”

“If I had the time to take out of my day to run the test, I’d tell ya who was here first. But I don’t. Chao.” 

    “ what the FUCK does puppy chow       have to do with anything right now?? ”      he doesn’t have time for this foreign      language shit!!!! “ yeah well --       maybe i DO want this case. you       don’t know me!! ”

one of my friends has been going through some rough shit asked me a couple weeks ago “what is the point of life? What’s the purpose?” i was kinda thrown off because I don’t deal with philosophy and I didn’t have an answer. after sitting on it for a couple weeks, I came to the conclusion that we go through life trying to find a purpose, trying to accomplish things, learning, but also trying to make an impact on other people ….. and then I ripped a loud fart and cracked open a gatorade

     “ uh-- NO. not cool!!! i was here first.          my ... FOOT stepped into this crime         scene first, so OBVIOUSLY i was here         first.  ” there’s no WAY he’s gonna          take that. he’s already done kitten         duty -- and that was so not badass. 

“Do you even think before you speak?” She whipped her badge out and shook her head. “Either way, I was here first.” 

     ... he’s not even gonna answer that. instead,      he fumbles around for his own badge, which      should be on his belt somwh-- “ FUCK!!!! ”      he BASICALLY shouts it. “ i left my badge       at home AGAIN. ” he probably left his       brain there too. 

because im a fake fbi agent but you dont know im fake so we’re gonna keep it that way

      “ orrrr how about i PRETEND like i’m pretending          that i didn’t just see this crime scene. but actually          i’m not pretending.  ” woah, dude. pretendCEPTION.           he almost needs a moment to figure out what the hell          just came out of his mouth.