My life My World

So with everything that has gone on within the last 4 or 5 months. I can say that 2018 has been the one year in my life I wish was different. Even though it has been the roughest year of my life and having to deal with losing a very close family member. I am not happy or sad but most like floating in the middle of both sides. Now that I am working again along side of just trying to learn what I can so I can better myself. I don’t take much free time to enjoy...well my free time. I try to stay busy to keep my mind off of some things best as I can. Being that at the start of the year with how bad my depression was and how hard it was hitting me. I wanted to kill myself so many times and would think about it a lot while at home or at work. But when I got put out of work and ended up losing my job (long story there). After about a month or two I kind of sat back and said to myself “Why am I going to be mad or upset of something stupid?”. I started gaming a bit more but also working on myself so my back would heal. I became slightly happy and was in a ok place with myself. But when the news hit that I would be losing my grandfather. I didn’t know what to do and how I should feel at the time. I did stay strong for long as I could with a couple times where I broke down crying in my room or in the kitchen. Even more when that day came and we had his funeral. I lost it a good 3 times but after it was all said and done along with being home alone. I stood in the living room where his bed was and knew that things were about to change. Even if I didn’t want them to or could stop them from happening. My life is on a new road now and I feel like I have cruise control set while driving on the highway. I know what I need to get done and what I need to do so I can better myself. All I can do now is look forward while as I live my life and try not to look back at what I have done. My future is ahead of me and I will do what I can to make sure that no one or thing gets in the way of finally being happy. 

So sadly on Oct 26th I lost my grandfather to liver cancer and just didn’t know what to say or do. Next thing I know I started working again with out fully being able to settle down and think. But I took a step back from a few sites/games like tumblr. So I am slightly back and will post at random times but who knows how often I will be on. 

NOW LIVE so come hang out and chat a bit while watching me suck at black ops 4.  https://www.twitch.tv/hdfinch

Now live so would be awesome to meet some new people while playing some Call of Duty Black Ops 4.

Just recorded two videos talking about what is going on. I will say I have never had this hard of a time recording something. But links will be posted after I edit them and hope people will like and share