Finally Finding Sarah

This is the first time I've been on Tumblr in MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS. And oh God... I missed it. How did I forget how LOVELY AND HILARIOUS AND MEME-FILLED AND GIF-FILLED this place was?!?!

Okay, so. Let's just say I've been falling off the metaphorical wagon for the past several months now. My reasons that I gave power to over the last several months: -time -money -I'll get back into it after (insert excuse here) -healthy stuff is expensive -late hours Also, I've been incredibly STUBBORN with the idea of losing weight and becoming less plus size. Because let me just make one thing clear: I LOVE my body. I may not look the "best" in a tight dress but I can't help appreciating what I see in the mirror. Additionally, I'm an actress. And I don't want to play into the "must be thin and beautiful to be cast and fit in." I want to change the culture and boundaries of how we fit bigger bodies into stories. I want to be a part of that. The fear people have surrounding the word "fat" pisses me the fuck off. Many people are fat and healthy. Many people love their bodies and are proud of fat with a big F. I'm constantly trying to eliminate that fear in other people (and myself) by being confident and rocking the whatever I'm wearing. I watch my friends who are healthy (not by weight but by more important, scientific standards) become so so anxious over their thighs or rounding cheeks of their face. To me that is fear. As in Harry Potter: "Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself" (if I quoted this inaccurately, you get the muggle-effing point.) But, after all that, I realized I was so FEARFUL of what others thought. If I lost weight, it was a sign of: - not being confident in my body - not loving myself - being fearful of fat - that I had finally "come to my senses and realized it was time to be healthy" And maybe, somewhere, those things aren't far from truth. They've all loudly whispered in my ear and heart from time-to-time. So today. I signed up for Weight Watchers. It feels different this time than in the past. I'm grown up (mostly, haha) and confident in who I am. But I'm not healthy. I can't walk up 4 flights of stairs without breathing heavy. I don't go on hikes with friends for fear of slowing them down. I can't do a push up. I can't defend myself. I can't run for more than a minute at a moderate pace. Lastly, I don't give my body that I appreciate so much the fuel it deserves. I put my body through hell with what I feed it. It makes me feel physically ill but I still eat it out of convenience. I don't want anymore negatives in my life like the ones above. I want more positives. So today. I started something.

I've been trying to think of what I really want from 2016. Here's what I've come up with: 1. Do 40 push-ups without stopping 2. 10 tri-dips 3. Find an agent 4. Book something 5. 10 minute mile I'm no longer allowing myself to set goals around weight. I truly believe this is achievable. Here's to keeping it on my brain for the next year! What's yours?

Because on Tumblr you can selfie all. You. Want.

Ignore the super weird face but I could help but feel myself last night.

When @mreyes1992 sleeps in and you get too hungry waiting for him to get up and make you breakfast, you conquer breakfast on your own! Sweet potato and eggs over easy + cheese (obviously you need cheese) #victim