sit my ass at home

mid-conversation I toss a pistol onto the table not to suggest or imply anything but just to change the situation a little

‎

They flew to the moon 🥹 okay….. like okay…. I’m supposed to give a fuck ???? It’s like everyone’s on drugs

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

this is the correct response btw

"for other uses, see..." bro what other uses

Actually he took out a gun with which he shot himself

why did the italian restaurant give him a gun instead of a meatball marinara......

They didn’t the meme is fake to trick people. he didn’t get a sandwich he shot himself in the news because he got accused that he was doing embezzlement and was in trouble so he just took out a gun from the bag and killed himself but not from an Italian restaurant he just brought it from home

i feel like he would’ve had a better time with a meatball sub to be perfectly honest