I experienced the whole thing about losing friends and gaining friends by unnecessary bullshit, read and enjoyed some great new manga and anime occasionally. I went through numerous roommates, from a married couple to a on-and-off again relationship. Glad I left those places...I hope to get a place of my own soon. I just really want to get away from everyone and anyone and just have my own space for once. I don't need to interfere with their lives just cause I'm "down on my luck" and "have no place to go".
I obtained a puppy named Giogio (named after Giorno Giovanna of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure). She's a pretty smart dog and I'm glad we found her. My roommates dog got a hold of her and she ended up being pregnant, giving birth to 4 boys (I'm keeping one of them lol.). I named him Danny, it's a good name for a dog, right?
I've felt a lot of mental and emotional stress, looking back more and more as I think about it. I started to have really negative thoughts and perceptions about myself. Look, by social norms (if I were to follow them), you could look at me as this 21 year-old loser, who's doing nothing in this life, nor contributing anything society, and just plain up taking up space. That part is very true to an extent, but only in the reality of the situation. I'm useless to friends, my family, and I can be pretty selfish. I really don't have a reason to exist, but I promise I'm not complaining or whining about how my life can't get any better. Β I don't hate myself or anything, I'm just aware of my faults to the fullest extent as I can.
It's a pretty hollow feeling...
Anyway, I really do have a bunch of resolutions I'm trying to do, not full blown life-changing ones, but small stuff that could just improve myself a bit better you know?
Take up some more hobbies
You know, the usual resolutions that I'm sure everyone makes, hell I'm sure ready to start tomorrow, but I can face the situation, one thing I know for sure I'm gonna stop doing is drinking soda or have one a week/day kinda deal. I just gotta get in better shape. It's a simple thing as getting motivated (I got a lot of work ahead of me lol).
Where was I? Oh yeah...some of the main ones:
Visit a country or travel somewhere
See my significant other for sure.
I don't plan to just sit on my ass and wait for things to happen like I tried with this year..I'm the only one that can make things happen. That and I don't want to burden anyone or have to rely on others by
To be off-topic, I'd like to talk about a series I got into this year. It's called JoJo's Bizarre Adventure by Hirohiko Araki. It's one of the longest running shonen manga in existence, it spans 8-parts (currently) and what can I say about this series, it's just so....amazing. It's definitely become part of my top 10 only for it's depth and artwork and everything Araki-sensei does. It's very flamboyant and to most big 3, fairytail likers it's looks very homosexual in undertones, but trust me. It's not.
Well..I think it's time I get it out and talk about this since there is no time than better.
On Christmas Day, I told the most beautiful girl I have ever met in the existence I liked her. Β
We met on this website after mutual follows, little by little we started talking more and eventually moved towards Skype. When she first told me about her, I thought her life was perfect. She has this certain charm around everyone that she just draws in. I didn't like her on the first conversation mind you, but when we first messaged on tumblr, I was always excited to get her inbox messages. I'm not sure why, but..oh shit I'm back-tracking, anyway. I learned more about her life through skype, through so many conversations about anime, astrology, school, etc. We didn't talk about JUST ANYTHING, we talked about EVERYTHING. And over time, I started to like her...alot. I mean I had my doubts like most people do, I had the personality of "well, she has so-and-so and etc, so I know it's a lost cause in liking her".
So I would jokingly try to put her together with whatever guy she brought up so if she did show signs of liking them, I would back out immediately and try my best to stop liking her. It wasn't LIKE LIKE, but it was definitely a crush.Β
Her black hair, her welcoming smile, her way of talking, the aura and grace and charm she carried (over-dramatic).
I just became attracted to everything about her, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She had so much pride in herself about what she does, and is just so considerate to others and herself, I couldn't believe it. Now mind you it wasn't like a reason of "Oh, she wouldn't ever like me that way" to be honest it was more of if I told her I liked her she wouldn't reject my feelings, just take them into consideration and more be flattered.
I'm sure we would've just stayed friends but even still, I wanted (still want) to be there for her whenever times were good or bad, even if it was from a computer screen. I literally was looking at someone I would want to be with whom I respected greatly.
I know this is corny, hell, downright cliche, but I really do love everything about her.
Anyway....skipping a little more forward, I planned to tell her I liked her on the beginning of Christmas. I did.
Then there was a silence.
She clicked out of video.
And then clicked back on to tell me she liked me as well.
I was pretty damn happy and felt on top of the world (lol).
But over the span of days, we got closer and closer to a level of feelings we never had before, downright romantic/sexual/orwhatever you want to call it tension.
And with some mild flirting, I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Out of all the relationships I've been in, this feels to me like a REAL relationship, the one thing I enjoy about is the affection that is given and returned back and forth. But with her, I just actually want to TRY AND DO things that will improve myself, instead of just standing there, wondering when I consider "life will get better". I see a future with her...not marriage, but a longing, Β I can't wait to take her on dates, walk with her, hold her, and hold hands (I sound so corny). Indirectly, she makes me deal with my problems head-on and overcome them. I know for a damn fact I'm not just seeing something or overplaying it. I want to be with her.
I love her, and she loves me.
Anaeli Quijano I love you.
I don't have a big conclusion to all of this, not counting of what I told you before, but I just....I love you, my usagi-hime.
I know this isn't impactful as much as my other feelings being poured out but the truth I was going through a range of emotions and I know it sounds lame but I had to get them out.
You're the person I always want to see in my thoughts, and never make you sad, and I know there will be days like that, but I know we'll get over them and create better miracles and days. I'm glad I broke your walls.
So I just want to say to you, Anaeli Quijano, is...
Thank You. Thank You for giving me a wonderful year and believing in life again. And for a wonderful year. I love you/.
This is Urasawa, Sahngoku, Smilingbomb, Soteya, letting you know, thank you tumblr, thank you my friends, my family (to an exten), everything.
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