I took a hike today, 6 miles. First time since I was probably 19. Naturally I've take normal walks and even kind of nature walks on asphalt pathways. But a normal hike, uphill? It's been a really long time and I do have some explanation for that.
Boy Scouts was just what my family clung to... to the point, it was get Eagle Scout or don't live there. Not to mention I probably don't align with the right from center political ideology parts. Point being I was a very unhappy teenager forced to go a lot of adventures. Like hardcore stuff, the lighter weekend trips, but even high adventure. Week in Texas, Florida keys, stuff like that.
Years of resentment instantly, I moved out at 19, I play games, love art, music, and technology. What I didn't realize through the hate and resentment for my parents, was all of the survival, real life experience with dangerous outdoor situations, my natural curiosity for observing wildlife.
I feel like on my hike it all clicked. My goals, my purpose, and my curiosities on how far I can take it. Art goals come with me on these trips, what better for reference than the real outdoors and potentially the people I run into. I also own a Steamdeck for grinding the backlog at nighttime in the tent. This goes past the hike. I have over 1000 night camped in real conditions.
Practice walking at the local parks with my free time, weekend trips, various locations, my terms, solo or with a travel partner if anyone I know gets interested in what I'm doing. This is the not only the cure, it's the healthy, natural thing to do for me. I can be a nerd all I want all of the time, everyday..
I am not the most social. I feel everyone energy all of the time and get overwhelmed. I am not weak, it's just I can hear all of the conversations at once, I have a hard time building genuine trust in people. I love animals, music, art, video games, computers.
Forever I really couldn't tell where I could even go solo that wasn't like super quick pit stops because I can't just stand crowded settings for hours. I am capable of getting what I need to survive and not be a complete train wreck through the experience, but then I don't go for another week anyways so all good.
I'm converting an experience that was hard as a kid, forced, not understood, and something that was the cause of a lot of family tension into a new opportunity for myself. I hated it all of my life, but now it's for me. I'm not in the scouts, I can bring a Steamdeck on a backpacking trip with my sketchbook. I can have my phone to record and take pictures. I'm not trying to sully the experience of the outdoors, and am the type to pause randomly and take it in. I most likely will use the tech briefly at night for fun and then crash. The opportunity to record my journeys that happen in my unique way is compelling in the right moments too. Showcase to other people who let things like constant social media exposure and lack of motivation due to stagnation see a really unique take on life. Most of all the sketchbooking potential is perfect. All my hobbies come with me for the trips for the freetime.
I'll have to cook, I get to watch anime torrents on my Steamdeck, pick a manga to bring, more likely bring a normal book these days too. When you are not directly hiking through the thick of it, guess what you have.... a lot of fucking time. Camping was always weird like that, you felt like you jam packed your days with hikes, or in the scouts various activities too. But after that, we sat around and had to entertain ourselves. I used to bring the acoustic guitar and be that guy too.
If I get more into the backpacking side of things, then weight and survival is going to make bringing more than the minimal a complete risk overall. I think the Steamdeck is just small enough to be the one electronic outside of my phone. It's a handheld pc too so the versatility is very good...
Take advantage of my age, health, and experience to achieve and live things other people cannot. It's a pretty cheap hobby, much cheaper than the games we play, or the terrible processed foods the system forces upon us. I have equipment from my prior years, but good equipment is the real cost.
Hell upon telling my parents, they go camping nearly every weekend all over the east coast, if I just meet them at the camp grounds I'd even have like glamping access if I wanted. It's a lifestyle that wouldn't cost them anymore money by me showing up. Even if I do my own thing with the journey outside of the little home base there. Hesitant on using that as the main outlet though. Happy I have that opportunity, but also the less time with them perhaps the better. Opposing world views could ruin the goal here. This at the end of the day is for me and that is the boundary.
More excited for the solo ventures, but I guess my point is here, that this is a lifestyle change I need for me and my love of nature. I have the tools and experience to do this. This week I want to check on the bat house I built at a state park near me. It was for researchers to use to study brown bats. At the time, they were faced with a bad disease spreading within the species here. If it has survived, or served useful for biologist, I would be happy to tears. I hated scouts because of what it forced me to do and did to my family, but I love bats. I love animals, if I can find out I had a positive impact on a local species at all, I'd be moved.
Who knows maybe my calling is out there too. Something better than just whatever job I can find in a market. This isn't just another hobby to add in with my hobbies. I am deciding firmly to commit to a complete life style change that is so me that I will never look back and regret. I wanna get better at drawing, I want to study animals and nature, I want out of this system so badly I cannot take it anymore.
When I was young I was sickly obsessed with animals, family made jokes I was like a little wannabee Steve Irwin (still have my action figure) I do have the drive to not only become something, I just have a hunch that while doing all of this I will give myself the greatest gift of all and that's a well rounded unique life. Who knows maybe I'll find new friends on the way or old friends will want to join me.
For anyone that would ever end up coming along on a weekend trip, it's not always going to be glamorous, I'm mixing the harder sides of loving nature with SOME modernity being a cell phone which probably wont always have service and hiking and camping and carry in carry out with gear. I will be more focused on drawing and skimming books about the region I am in and extra precautions for longer treks. You keep learning if you want to go further. I'm not climbing Everest, but I've seen first hand how a trip goes south fast. I have not gotten severely injured, but have seen others.
Enough rambling, I needed to convert this thought to text. This isn't a delusion of my anxious brain, ocd, bipolar brain. This is a commitment to an idea that will make ALL assets of dealing with that healthier and easier. Better than living they way most of us do. A life of real adventure awaits, just like the books I've read.
Most of us have read things like Hatchet, or maybe read books with survivors of natures limits. To learn parts of that side in my own life, with the less risks, but the structure and military-esque attitude and banning of electronics to boot. I'm prepared for some note worthy adventure that will be worth talking about and documenting.
Why read all of these fantasies of living through journeys like these and not experience and learn and document ourselves. I may not die with about on how to survive in the modern world, but I can share my thoughts on going thru my backlog, drawing, seeing sights, long real hikes on various terrains all while working towards tangible goals.
Hell maybe being an Eagle Scout will give me a brownie point or too towards that Nature center, park ranger type job that fulfills me, or I just get so good at art the side gig is worthwhile. No matter what, I will do what I want with my life happily and not live by the rules of everyone else directly. Not without risk, far from it. But with this risk is fulfillment, better health from the forced exercise, and an escape from the world for brief times it's gets tough.
Better food choices because you cannot fuck around with your nutrients in the outdoors. You don't wanna go down in the middle of nature far from the campsite. This isn't something that's just a vacation all of the time by choice. This is just something I know well enough to have the confidence and competence to do. Something worth noting, it's just like when I was a kid right, nature doesn't get harder if you seen some of the hardest terrains. Like I said this ain't climbing or Everest. But there's a thrill in sleeping under the stars without even a tent in the right places and weather conditions. Also, rain or shine, if I'm out of Jersey I better have packed the right gear.
Even my car choice is paying off. After trading in my old car, I got a Subaru Crosstrek that is basically built for this exact mission. I just liked those car designs, I didn't think I'd grow to actually use it how it's advertised so much.
This feels so right it might be fate itself, my calling, my thing, my terms, my life. Something that I can do alone or with persons of my choice that can handle it. I've never been more ready for anything.
Next time someone asks where I been, I guess I could just say I took a hike, that's enough.
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