the one where chandler bing needs to chill out | ask meme
“no you didn’t get me! it’s an electric drill. if you get me, you kill me!”
‘donald duck never wore pants, but when he got out the shower he always put a towel around his waist. i mean, what’s that about??”
“they ate my last stick of um, so i killed them. do you think that was wrong?”
“wow i’m a duck i go quack quack i’m happy all the time!”
“so i can’t fire joseph, but i can sleep with his wife.”
“it’s not me, it’s my character!”
“he seduces his coworkers wives for sport and then laughs about it at the watercooler the next day.”
“no freakshow, she’s fictional!”
“we can just stay in and cook for ourselves? *maniacal laughter*”
“you know those big streetsigns that say merge? i was thinking we could get one to hang over my bed. MERGE!”
“neat! i’m gonna die alone!”
“if i’m gonna be an old lonely man, i’m gonna need a thing. a hook. like that guy on the subway that eats his own face. so i figured i’ll be crazy man with a snake. you know CRAZY SNAKE MAN! i’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. kids’ll walk past my place and they will run. RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!”
“it’s 6:30 in the morning, we’re not working out. it’s over.”
“so, it looks like this internet thing is here to stay, huh?”
“yeah don’t worry about me, i’m fine. FUNG HA!”
“if i helped we could FIND THE FASTER.”
“her ankle is what you’re watching??”
“will you marry me? will you… marry me? hey. you marry me.”
“no you can’t have my jacket, then i’ll be cold. you thought you were gonna be cold you shoulda brought your own jacket.”
“HEY! i don’t know why i did that.”
“i was making a coconut phone with the professor.”
“my girlfriend is out there thinking things over, YOU MADE ME GIRLFRIEND THINK!”
“yes, we know there are magazines with pictures of naked women in them.”
“i think it’s great you work here, you’re gonna make a lot of money and here’s your first tip: don’t eat yellow snow.”
“being with her has been like being on a vacation..?”
what may be perceived as high maintenance, is merely attention to detail. and… generosity of spirit.”
“have you figured out what started the fire, mr fireman?”
“hold the phone, you’re not elizabeth’s dad?”
“boy did we make friends with the wrong sister.”
“i don’t think you should say that even when you are healthy.”
“come on now ya big faker!”
“yes honey, i made it myself.”
“nice camouflage, for a minute there i didn’t see you.”
“i’m sorry, we don’t have your sheep.”
“i’ve just realised i can sleep with my eyes open.”
“look i took a test and it turns out i do put my career before men.”
“i am not BLAH, i am a HOOT.”
“someone on the subway licked my neck, LICKED MY NECK!”
“DEAR GOD THIS PARACHUTE IS A KNAPSACK!”
“all right, rock paper scissors for who has to tell her to leave.”
“sometimes i hold stuff like this and pretend i’m a giant.”
“i’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, i rarely get to practise my meals before i eat.”
“oh that makes me feel warm in my hollow tin chest.”
“i say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”
“hi! i make jokes when i’m uncomfortable.”
“why yes, pressing my third nipple, it opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of narnia.”
“can you lose your virginity again? i feel like mine’s growing back.”
“until i was 25 i thought the only response to i love you was oh crap!”
“we swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever. sounds good?”
“you know, i don’t think i care.”
“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!”
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