Wanderlust

Where did I went wrong? I can’t understand.

Chinggay (The Achy Breaky Hearts)

Every one of us has been into a break-up, a miserable break-up. And I bet, most of us thought that it would be the end of the world. Some may think that there’s no point into getting into another relationship again. But how do you really know when you’re ready? Is it when you have accepted that people come and go? Or is when you spent your single life alone. Maybe when you’ve finally let go of all the hatred your past relationship has given you. And maybe when you’ve finally set yourself free from all the memories, good or bad, you’ve had. How? It’s a tough realization. You don’t know when, you would not know how. It just shows. You’ll just feel like it.

It’s frustrating and saddening. Really really heart breaking.

Madalas na tanong ng mga kaibigan ko. Well, 3 years lang naman akong naging single. At dun sa span na yon, na broken ako sa taong never ko naging ka in a relationship. So paano nga ba? I spent time with people who knows my worth. I spent time with myself. Totoo pala yun. I enjoy mo ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na nagpapasaya sayo. Go out, travel, make memories. Yun tipong no hesitations. Ganun! The more na nabibigyan mo ng time ang mga taong nakapaligid sayo - family and friends - the more na nagiging happy ang soul mo. Lessen overthinking. Struggle and first months, well actually yung first year. Kasi syempre naiisip mo ng naiisip. Naging habit kong torture-in sarili ko eh. So what I did, I cut all my connections with that person. Bitter na kung bitter pero naka block sya sa akin sa lahat ng means of communication. Tapos nun, never na ko nag stalk. Hindi ko na din hinahayaan na maisip ko sya. Kasi narealize ko na baka dun na lang ako sa happy memories namin nag ho-hold back. Naisip ko, ganito pa rin kaya sya ngayon? Mga ganoong realization ba. Closure. Yes, I needed that. When I felt like I had the strength, nakipag communicate ako sa kanya to see if there's something. But then again, wala akong naramdaman. It means, effective yung ways ko to move on. Acceptance. Sa sarili at sa sitwasyon. Acceptance na you've been broken and you are ready to be healed. It must be a firm decision na you are ready to move on. It takes time. Really hard time. Ako nga eh, 2 years bago natanggap. Well I guess, ang pag mo move on ay isang desisyon. Isang desisyon na kailangan mong paninidigan. Totoo pala yun na isang araw magigising ka na lang na "Uy, tama na. Mahalin mo sarili mo. Tama na teh". It doesn't matter kung gaano katagal. It doesn't matter kung paano. Ang mahalaga, nakaya mo. I came to realize that happiness does not depend on one specific person. Nagiging another source lang sila ng happiness but you don't have to depend on them. I am so happy and blessed that I was able to cope up with that kind of situation. No hatred in my heart. My soul is clear. I'm so proud of myself kasi nakaya ko ulit mag take ng risk sa pag ibig. It's just a matter of choice - do you want to be genuinely happy or the other way around.