CHEMICAL WORLD

if a girl were to find herself in london in a few weeks. do you think you could give a few recommdations? maybe come be a tour guide. @fienneshero

there are several places i could recommend, but it does involve quite a bit of travelling and usually takes more than a day. it also depends on what you're into. that said, if you don't mind a shorter version of the tour, we could just stick to the south side of london.

was it your first Met gala last week or have you gone before? i always try to check out the content that comes out of it but i'm also always real excited that i'm not invited. i've only gone once and i was terrified of making an ass out of myself in front of Anna Wintour. do you usually feel nervous about big events or are you the kind that doesn't really stress about things? / @fienneshero

nah, mate, it was my first and probably also my last. to be honest, it was my agent that kind of forced me to go. not really my scene, but young sherlock apparently put my face on the map. seems like you and i are basically the same, because i don't really bother with big events. and no, i don't usually stress about anything. they invited me, so if i end up making a fool of myself, it's their fault for trusting me there in the first place.

I was trying to give you some grace here, man. But you're right, I wouldn't be lying, and I'd probably end up shooing women off you while you just lock in on one. I'm basically campaigning for you to find your other half already and get married so I can finally be your best man. I wouldn't say that… that might be a step too far. Other areas? I'm not that tall, lad.

and that's highly appreciated, but even i can acknowledge being a mess when there's truth to it. i reckon being honest is the best way to pursue women and if they can't accept dirty clothes on the floor, are they even worth it? probably, but you get what i mean. whoa there, mate.. let's back up a little. who says that's even something i'm remotely interested in? no, but you are a short lad. no shame in that.

i was asked about rumors that you and i are going to work on something together. i guess there was some buzz a while back that you were cast in one of my projects. i saw the look of complete disappointment when i explained the movie had already come out and you were not in it. @fienneshero

i heard a little something something about that too, though i was never officially asked about it but you know, the web and all. you know what, even i was a tad disappointed, because that would've been kind of wicked. should we at least pitch the idea of working together to our agents or?

there's probably something about that in the rules somewhere? i was going to say as long as you have a life jacket on it'd be fine but i worry that makes it sound like i'm an advocate for things going wrong, no disaster positivity over here. we can go with any time after a solid breakfast has been had? i won't drag you out while you're suffering.

but didn't the people on the titanic also have life jackets on? there's only so much that can do if i end up floating face down in the water. i reckon you're right about that, though, so doing it after breakfast is probably the smarter idea. i just woke up and i'm surprisingly refreshed. maybe sex on the beach leave me less hungover than pints do.

on a scale from zero to ten, how down would you be for going kayaking? i've thrown the idea at a few people so far and i don't know how i'm managing to find everyone here who hates water, but i'm thinking it should be a marketable skill at this point. @fienneshero

is it frowned upon to go kayaking if i'm a little tipsy from mixing drinks earlier? and if we decide to do it tomorrow morning instead, is it frowned upon to go kayaking while slightly hungover? either way, i'm down. when are we doing this again?

well shit. and here i thought i had blocked you. thanks, i guess. your british charm might get you places with other people, but before you spend your energy on trying to catch up with me by throwing compliments left and right ― it's pointless, really. because i couldn't care less. you've obviously stalked my 'gram, so you already know i'm doing great.

the fuck are you talking about, "british charm," like that has anything to do with checking in? fucking noted. i still don't see why you have any reason to act like a stuck up bitch, but i digress. cool cool… maybe it'd add to that greatness and help ease some of that tension, if you pulled the stick out of your ass. so what did i do this time that got you all pressed?

My first reaction when I see women absolutely drooling over you is to want to say, "yeah, but he leaves his clothes all over the floor," just to take you down a peg and make them like you a tiny bit less. I'm joking, I'm joking.... don't panic. I swear I do actually speak highly of you to anyone who asks… mostly. You're welcome. ( @fienneshero )

but i do actually leave my clothes all over the floor, so it's not like you'd be lying. and i wouldn't exactly be ashamed of that, so you do you, mate. i reckon it'd be worse if you told people i don't change my sheets regularly or that i don't shower. mostly? you know what, i'll take it. also, i'm telling people your height matches other areas, so…