the fall wasn't fatal

Chapter 7

Fingers running through my hair woke me from a dead sleep.

"Time to wake up, kitten," a deep, smooth voice murmured as those fingers continued to comb through my hair, nails lightly scraping against my scalp.

I grumbled something unintelligible into my pillow in protest, not wanting to wake up yet, and I tried to pull my blanket over my head.

Sylus yanked the blanket away, and I rolled over to give him a piece of my mind only to pause when I realized it was still the middle of the night.

"What the hell?" I grumbled as I squinted at him, wondering how he got into my apartment. "How the hell did you-"

He put a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"Quiet," he said, his voice firm. "We need to talk."

I stared at him for a moment. "Talk?" I repeated, not really grasping what was happening. "About what?"

He didn't answer, his gaze focused on my face as he sat on the edge of my bed.

It annoyed the hell out of me that he had broken into my apartment and woke me up at the ass-crack of dawn without a care in the world and expected me to what? Have a staring contest?

He let out a frustrated sigh and shifted closer to me. "Sit up."

I scowled at him, feeling more annoyed by the second.

"No," I said, crossing my arms over my chest on top of the blankets. "It's like three in the morning and you broke into my apartment to wake me up for a talk? What the hell-"

"I didn’t break in. I have a key."

I paused, staring at him with wide eyes. "A… a key? You have a key to my apartment?"

He nodded, his expression as impassive as ever. "Yes, you gave it to me a while back."

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to remember when the hell I gave him a key to my apartment and why, but my brain was still trying to catch up.

"When-" I started to ask, but the look he gave me made me stop.

Right. He said we needed to talk, didn't he?

I groaned and pushed myself up into a sitting position. "Okay, fine. Talk."

He didn't say anything for a moment, just sat there, his gaze locked on my face.

I could see the tension in his body, the subtle way he twitched when I shifted.

He seemed… anxious? Upset?

"What's going on, Sylus? You're acting weird. Are you… okay?"

He let out a low sigh, looking down at the blankets in my lap and running a hand through his hair. He did that when he was stressed. "You fucked Caleb last night."

"I… what?" I muttered, feeling my stomach drop. "I… I did… but what does that have to do with anything? How do you even know about that?"

He lifted his head to meet my gaze, and I could see the anger and… hurt? in his eyes. "Caleb and I are neighbors, kitten," he said, his voice low and cold. "I heard you…"

I froze, feeling a rush of dread wash over me as I realized that Caleb had known Sylus would hear us… had deliberately brought me to his house knowing Sylus would figure out it was me in his bed.

"You… you heard us?" I asked, my voice coming out in a whisper.

He nodded, his expression hardening. "Every goddamn sound. Every cry." He shifted closer, reaching out to run his fingers down my face until he reached my throat. "Every whimper. Every moan. I heard you beg him… like you begged me…"

I tried to pull back from his touch, the reminder of how I had… begged Caleb last night making me flush with embarrassment. But Sylus' free hand grabbed my arm, yanking me back towards him until I was in his lap.

"Look at me," he demanded. "Look at me and tell me you weren't thinking of me last night."

A shiver ran through me at the anger and possessiveness in his voice, and I looked up at him reluctantly, meeting his sharp gaze. I knew he was expecting me to deny it… to tell him I hadn't been thinking of him while I was beneath Caleb, but I couldn’t because… it would be a lie.

I had wanted him there with us… naked, hard and wanting… just like I had always dreamed of… together… all three of us.

"I…" I started to speak but he growled, his fingers digging into my jaw. "Don't lie to me," he snapped. "Tell. Me."

The force in his voice made my heart pound, his grip on my jaw and the hardness in his eyes making me squirm in his lap.

I could tell he wasn’t going to accept anything but the truth, and I knew I owed him that.

"I… I was."

He froze, his eyes widening at my confession then something dark flared to life as he repeated my words. "You were thinking of me… while you were with him," he said. "Say it again."

"I was thinking of you," I whispered.

A dark chuckle left his lips, the sound sending a shiver through me then he was unwrapping the blanket from around my body in quick, hurried movements.

Within seconds, it was on the floor and I was on my back, the only thing covering me the shirt I had slept in which was clinging to my body, barely covering my thighs or that fact that I didn’t have any underwear on.

I let out a gasp, my hands flying up to press against his chest as he settled between my spread thighs, my eyes wide as I looked up at him.

"Sylus… w-wait, wait…."

He shook his head, his hand pressing against my stomach and moving up over the curves of my sides until he had my shirt pushed up, exposing my breasts to the cool air, then he was cupping one in his big hand.

"No. Not… after I had to listen to you… begging for someone else."

A gasp of surprise left my lips as he leaned down, his mouth closing over my neck and sucking hard. Next, his teeth grazed over my skin, nipping and biting, his hands roaming over my body as he marked me, his lips and teeth trailing over my neck and shoulders, leaving bruises.

One hand crept between my thighs and then his fingers were dragging through the wetness there before he thrust two inside my pussy and curled them.

I whimpered, my body trembling as lust, want, and need surged through me even with the rough handling.

"I… I want you both," I whispered.

He paused at that, his mouth leaving my neck as he lifted his head and stared down at me. When he spoke there was an edge of curiosity in his voice. "You want both of us?"

I nodded, unable to lie to him or deny what I wanted, what I had been thinking of… what I had been dreaming of.

"Yes," I whispered, my body arching up against his touch. "Yes, I… I want both of you."

For a moment, he was quiet, his eyes locked on my face, the tension in his body increasing as he seemed to be warring with himself.

"You can't have us both."

There was a sharp, bitter edge to his voice, and I flinched, my heart sinking. I knew he wasn't being mean… knew he was just being honest. But it hurt.

"Why not?"

His fingers paused then pulled out of me completely, and I could see the conflict in his eyes, the pain and anger and possessiveness… and the hurt. He was still struggling to control his emotions.

"Because while I might be willing to share you… he wouldn’t."

I felt a pang at his words, the idea that he was willing to… share me with Caleb, but Caleb wouldn't reciprocate. It was almost too much to wrap my head around.

"But… why-"

He shook his head, his expression dark and serious as he moved to the edge of the bed. "Don't… don't try to make sense of it. He's possessive… always has been, especially of you."

"But I…" I trailed off as I sat beside him, my mind spinning as I tried to make sense of it.

Caleb, possessive of me?

I thought back to all the times he got so… angry whenever I had tried to date anyone… how he had always chased them off. But I had always thought it was him being protective of me because he saw me as a little sister, not… possessive.

Sylus’ gaze softened slightly at my confusion, his touch gentle as he reached up and cupped my chin.

"You… didn't know?" he asked.

I shook my head. "He fucks anything that moves, Sylus… how could I have known?"

He let out a wry chuckle, the hand on my chin moving to gently trace my cheek. "How many of those women has he gone back to? How many has he spent a whole night fucking?"

His question was met with a stunned silence as the realization hit me.

Caleb had always been so casual with his relationships, so detached… always fucking women once and then never having anything to do with them again. But I had never thought it was because he secretly wanted me but was possibly too afraid? to admit it so he never said anything.

"He… I… I never… I never realized," I said softly.

He let out a sigh, his gaze roaming over my face as if trying to gauge my reaction. "Did you never wonder why he always sabotaged your relationships?"

Caleb's constant interference, the way he would always find fault in my boyfriends, the way he always showed up just when things were getting serious with a new guy and ruin things… I had always thought it was him being overprotective… I had never considered it might be more…

"He wants you for himself," he continued, his voice hoarse. "He always has."

I was frozen, unable to move as I tried to make sense of the pieces that were suddenly coming together in my brain. It all made sense… the way he ruined every relationship I had ever been in… including my fake one with Sylus.

I looked up at him, my voice trembling as I whispered, "You… you knew? That’s why you suggested pretending to date."

"I suspected," he admitted. "I had a feeling it was more than just overprotectiveness and wanting your attention. But I'd be lying if I said I was hoping I was wrong."

He traced my lower lip, his eyes locked on my mouth. "And then… we started pretending, and he… went off the deep end…"

His words sent a shiver through me as I remembered the way Caleb had reacted when Sylus and I had started ‘dating’… the anger, the hostility. And then last night… I thought it had been nothing more than a need to possibly one up Sylus since I had woken up in his bed to find him gone and had to make my way home on my own.

There had been no note to explain his absence… just cold sheets and my clothes in a pile on the end of the bed along with my handbag, phone and keys.

"I never…" I murmured finally. "… never considered that he… I thought…"

He pressed his thumb against my lips, "I don’t want to talk about him anymore, Bay."

The sharp change in his voice made me shiver, my body reacting automatically to the sudden commanding tone, and I went quiet, my gaze shifting to his.

He leaned until his face was only inches from mine, his hand sliding around the back of my head and tangling in my hair. "Stop thinking… talking about him. I'm here with you now."

The possessive edge in his voice sent a flutter through me, my stomach twisting at the way he pulled my head back, exposing my neck then he leaned in, his lips brushing over my throat as he murmured, "Don't think about him… only me."

My skin tingled under his touch as his teeth scraped against my throat and I knew one thing… I wanted him… again.

"I want you…" I whispered, my mind foggy with lust and need.

The hand in my hair tightened, and he used it to drag me into his lap so I was straddling him. "You want me?" he asked softly, chest rising and falling with his ragged breaths.

I nodded, my hands resting on his chest to steady myself as I looked up at him.

The tension in his body eased, a low growl leaving him as he looked up at me from under his lashes, something feral in his gaze. Then his hands slid under the hem of my shirt, his touch rough as he pulled it over my head and tossed it onto the floor.

His eyes roamed over my naked body, hungry and possessive, then he was leaning forward, his mouth against my chest, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin just above my heart as his hands slid around and gripped my ass to pull my hips against his.

I let out a whimper at the sudden movement, my hands flying up to grip his shoulders as my body trembled and arched towards him. My brain was already starting to turn off, the need in his touch and the way he looked at me making me shiver uncontrollably.

I knew that look… knew what it meant.

He was going to be rough… possessive… demanding… like he had been the first time we had been together and I wanted it so bad.

I gasped when he nipped the skin of my breast, reaching down and grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling him up until his face was even with mine.

"Sylus…" I panted, my other hand gripping his bicep. "Please… take me…"

With a dangerous glint in his eyes, he gripped my hair tighter, his other hand sliding up my bare leg to the wet folds of my pussy.

"Ask me politely, and I will give it to you."

When I didn’t respond right away, he pushed my hands away from his head and gripped my waist, moving me so I was standing then he was pushing me back until I was against the wall. "Ask me…" he whispered, his voice rough.

He was being… dominant tonight.

Not that he wasn't always a little rough in his mannerisms and the way he spoke, but he was acting… almost feral… like his instincts had taken over and were driving him with a single minded intensity.

It was arousing, but he wouldn't give me what I wanted until I asked… politely.

I lifted my arms, going up on my tiptoes, reaching up and looping them around his neck, wanting, no… needing to be closer. "I want you... please, Sylus, I need you to take me…"

His fingers gripped my chin and tilted my head back, his mouth coming closer to mine until I could feel his breath on my lips as he murmured, "Since you asked so nicely…" before his mouth was crushing against mine.

I let out a whimper at the force of his kiss, my nails digging into his shoulders as he deepened it. He bit my lip, drawing a bit of blood, the sharp spike of pain making me gasp.

His hands left my face, moving down to grip my waist then he was lifting me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around him instinctively, my hands coming up to grip his hair as he moved towards the bed then laid me down on my back.

I tried to move, tried to sit up… but he was having none of it.

He pressed me down into the bed, his hand on my throat... "Don’t move, Bay."

It was an order, not a suggestion, and I obediently laid back, my hands going to my sides and clutching the sheets beneath me as he stepped back and started to remove his clothes.

My eyes moved down his body as he tossed his shirt aside, pausing at the waistband of his jeans as his long fingers went to the button and opened them before unzipping them and pushing them down his hips while toeing off his boots.

Once he was naked, he bent over me, using one hand to grasp the back of my neck while the other wrapped around my torso then he was moving me further up the bed.

I went willingly, my mind going blank as he moved me into the center, his movements quick and efficient. Then he was on top of me, moving between my legs and pinning me beneath him, his muscles tense and straining as he held himself above me.

His eyes flicked up to mine, and I could see the dark intent in his eyes as he lowered his body fully on top of mine.

I tried to wiggle again, wanting to arch into him. "Sylus, please… I need – oh!"

The breath left my lungs and my back arched as he suddenly shifted, burying his cock in my pussy in one smooth thrust.

I tried to speak, to say something… but my words got caught in my throat when he hooked his arms under my legs, spreading them wider and started to move, pulling all the way out of my pussy then thrusting back in hard.

All I could do was lay there, desperate cries of pleasure leaving my mouth, chest heaving, eyes locked on the way that he was looking at me as he took my body like he owned it.

I let out another sharp cry as he buried himself deep at the same time as he bent his head and sank his teeth into my neck with a low growl. My hands flew up to grip his shoulders, my hips spasming and back arching as I came.

He was being rough… almost savage and I loved it.

He wasn't just making love to me, he was marking me, claiming me. He was showing me that I was his…

"Did I give you permission to come?" he whispered against the skin of my neck.

A gasp left my lips at his words, my body shaking at the tone in his voice. I swallowed hard and whispered, "No…"

"No," he repeated, his voice dark as his fingers tangled in my hair. "I didn't."

He pulled out of my pussy, his eyes roving over my body as he sat back on his knees between my legs, his expression unreadable. His hands rested on my thighs, keeping my legs spread, the muscles in his arms tense, his breathing a little ragged.

I could feel my body clenching, needy and wanting… desperate for him to fill me again, desperate for more of what only he could give me.

"Please..."

Something dark flared in his eyes as he leaned over me, placing his hands on the bed on either side of my head, the muscles in his arms standing out in sharp relief as he shifted, slowly sliding his cock back inside me.

My head fell back against the sheets, a low moan leaving my throat as I was stretched around his thick length but he didn’t move… just kept still, seated fully inside my body while he stared down at me.

I knew exactly what he was waiting for.

Slowly I lifted my eyes from where our bodies were connected to his crimson ones, my voice little more than a whimper as I whispered, "Please… move…"

"As you wish," he said, his voice low and rough then he started moving.

I let out a sharp cry at the force of his thrust, my hands flying up, nails biting into the skin of his shoulder with one hand while the other dug into his hair and pulled.

A gasp left his lips as he felt my body clenching around him… and it was like he snapped, lost the ironclad restraint he had been holding onto.

He pulled away, pulling out of me and grabbed me by the waist, flipping me onto my front, then his hands were on my hips, my ass was in the air, and his cock was back inside me in seconds.

A whimper left my lips as I felt every inch of his muscled body against mine, his chest on my back, his hips against my ass, one of his big hands wrapped around my throat, forcing me to arch my neck back until his face was next to mine.

I could feel his breath against my skin, hot and ragged as he moved his hips in slow and deliberate circles before he picked up the pace, "Is this what you wanted?"

My back arched and my hips pressed back against him, "Yes…"

The hand around my throat tightened, the rough touch, the dominant pressure, the way he held me while he fucked me so hard sounds I had never heard before poured out of my throat as I pushed back against him, my pussy clamping down on his cock with each thrust.

Another whimper left my lips as the hand around my throat moved and he grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling my head back against his shoulder while his other hand slid down my stomach between my legs.

Then I felt his thumb on my clit, pressing down on the little bundle of nerves as he whispered, "I'm going to make you come… and then I'm going to take you again… and again… and again… until I'm sure I've completely ruined you…" he pulled out then thrust back in, his cock head brushing something deep inside me that had my breath hitching.

"… you won't be able to walk…" he mumbled, thumb circling my clit until my body tensed and I clamped down on his cock as my body drew closer to the edge again, "won't be able to do anything but beg… for me to stop… for me to keep going…"

And with that he pinched my clit between his thumb and forefinger just as his mouth bit down on my shoulder… and I came, harder than the other times.

It was like a fire had suddenly been lit inside me, my mind turning blank as my body convulsed. The pleasure was almost too much…

"Sylus…"

It was the only word I managed to get out, the only sound I was able to make as he held me tightly with his arm clamped around my waist, keeping me from collapsing to the bed. I was completely wrecked… lost… all I could do was twitch, every inch of me sensitive, my body feeling like nothing more than a ragdoll in his arms.

He slowly pulled out of my pussy and lowered me to the bed before rolling me onto my back. My eyes immediately went to his hard cock, the long thick length glistening with my juices and I whimpered because I knew he was nowhere near finished with me. "Look at me."

I looked up at him, swallowing hard as he leaned closer, the look in his eyes intense as he whispered, "You know what happens next…"

My heart was beating so fast, my chest heaving with each deep inhale as I stared up at him. Of course, I knew what was going to happen… he had mumbled it in my ear moments ago… told me in detail how he was going to wreck me.

"I know…" I whispered, my voice a little hoarse from all the cries and whimpers.

I could see the dark glint in his eyes as the words left my lips and then he did something unexpected… he lowered himself so he was laying on the bed on his stomach and brought his mouth close to my pussy, blowing on my wet folds before he lowered his head and licked a strip up the center of my entrance.

A gasp left my lips as my hands flew to his hair, gripping the soft strands as my legs clamped around his head.

"Mmmmm…" his moan vibrated against my pussy, and I could feel his tongue delving into my folds as he grabbed my legs and spread them wide, holding them in place so I couldn’t move.

My back arched, my body shaking as my hips moved against his mouth. The fact that I had just come twice meant I couldn't handle much more but my body seemed to crave it.

And he knew it… knew that my body was sensitive… knew that I wanted more even though I wasn’t sure I could give him what he wanted and it had me whimpering his name.

"I… I can’t…" I whispered, my fingers pulling at his hair to get his mouth off my pussy.

He lifted his head to look up at me, his lips and chin glistening with my juices and he gave me that damn smirk. The smirk that made me want to slap him… but it was ruined slightly by the way his eyes were almost feral, like a cat with its paw in the cage full of canaries.

"Yes, you can."

Then his mouth was back on me as two long fingers slid deep inside me and started thrusting in and out of my body roughly while his mouth ate at me like he was starving.

The sounds I made… I didn't even think I could make those sounds… whimpering and whining and mewling like some damn desperate creature as I shook my head back and forth, pulling at his hair, hoarsely crying out loudly… for him. All for him…

And the whole time, he was in complete control… my body was his. Even though I felt so good, I felt wrecked and destroyed… not even sure if I could speak… not even sure if I could remember my damn name.

I don’t know how many times I came with his skilled mouth on me, but something drew my attention as a new voice broke through the fog my brain was in…

"Am I interrupting?"

My eyes flew open as the sound of Caleb's voice jerked me out of my lust-filled haze, my hands gripping Sylus's hair in tight fists.

Sylus shook his head so I was forced to let go then he pushed up on his hands between my legs, his expression dark and furious as he looked back over his shoulder towards the door. When he saw Caleb there, his voice came out in a deep growl, "What the hell are you doing here?"

I heard footsteps and then Caleb came into view, his purple gaze raking over my naked body, Sylus’ hard cock straining between his muscled thighs, and my juices smeared all over Sylus’ chin.

He smirked as he stopped at the side of the bed, his hands in his pockets but that smile didn’t reach his eyes.

I watched warily as he shifted, one hip cocked and his gaze dropped… slowly… dragging his gaze over my body from the top of my head to my legs then back up again before moving to Sylus, who was now kneeling between my spread legs with a scowl on his face.

"Looks like you're having fun," Caleb mumbled, those purple eyes flicking back to me.

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out… I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know why he was here or what he wanted… I didn’t know what to do that wouldn’t make this whole fucked up situation better.

He looked at me for a moment longer, his eyes roaming over my sweat-slicked skin and how I was trembling from multiple orgasms before moving to meet Sylus’ crimson gaze. He let out a faint chuckle then reached out, lightning quick, and grabbed a handful of Sylus’ hair, yanking his head back and moving so his face was inches away from the other mans, "Seems like we’re both addicted to that sweet little pussy… aren’t we?"

Chapter 14: Vacation

Caleb

As we pulled into the driveway of the cabin I had rented, the nervousness that had been simmering in my stomach since I had asked Hayley to come with me hit an all-time high.

It was stupid to be nervous… this was a vacation, a trip out of town, a chance to spend time together alone where no one could interfere, but the excitement was eating me alive because of what I planned to do while we were here.

I felt like a teenager again with butterflies in my stomach and the nerves were making me feel sick but I was determined to finally tell her how I felt.

It was snowing heavily, thick flakes drifting from the sky, creating a peaceful atmosphere with the backdrop of the tall trees and mountains setting the winter wonderland tone that I knew she enjoyed.

The cabin sat in the middle of the clearing, surrounded by thick forest, its dark wood, green shingles and red front door making it look quaint and cozy.

I turned the engine off and turned my head to see her looking out the passenger side window at the landscape and the cabin, an expression of wonder on her pretty face.

"You ready, angel?" I asked, the corners of my lips twitching.

She shifted her gaze from the window to me, her big green eyes meeting mine, and a small smile appeared on her lips.

"Ready."

That smile of hers… it was so damn beautiful it made my heart skip a beat.

"Good," I said, my own lips curving in a smile that was more confident than I felt.

I climbed out of the truck and grabbed our bags out of the backseat, my eyes falling on her again as I sat them on the snow-covered ground and paused while reaching for the bags of gifts and a few other things I had brought with me.

She was pulling her hair up into a messy bun while looking around, a few tendrils falling around her face and framing it.

The sight made my hands itch to touch her because she looked so goddamn pretty with her nose and cheeks pink and her eyes shining with happiness.

It made me want to abandon my plan, pull her into my arms right here and now and tell her how much I loved her, but I was going to stick to it and do what I had come here to do.

Nothing else would do…

Halloween night had… changed things for me.

When she had come downstairs looking like an angel straight from Heaven it had taken everything in me to hold myself back from grabbing her, throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her off and ravishing her until she knew how much I wanted her.

But I didn't… and the past month and a half had been a torture more painful than any that could ever be thought of.

My feelings for her had gotten too strong for me to handle.

I was tired of keeping it all in, tired of hiding my feelings, tired of ignoring everything that was building between us, and tired of pretending like she was just a friend to me.

I wanted more… needed more.

So I had brought her here… to a cabin where we would be alone for a week so I could tell her how I felt and what I wanted… which was forever.

I wanted forever with her.

I wanted marriage and children and to help her rearrange her shop with her on major holidays and to make her happy.

I wanted it all.

"It's so pretty here," she murmured, a small smile on her lips as she pulled her beanie out of her pocket and pulled it onto her head before reaching out to help me grab our bags.

I had to resist the urge to reach out and brush the snowflakes from her lashes.

"Let's get inside before you freeze."

She nodded and followed me as I grabbed the remaining bags and led the way to the front door, my heart beating wildly and my hands feeling sweaty despite the cold.

Now that I was about to go inside where I was going to confess, I was having… not second thoughts but doubtful? thoughts.

What if she didn't feel the same way? What if this ruined our friendship? What if she never wanted to speak to me again?

I knew I was overthinking… and being an idiot.

I had seen the way she looked at me lately and I had a feeling what I felt was returned.

Once we were finally inside and the door was shut behind us, I sat the bags down and went to work on the fireplace in the living room, needing to keep myself busy and chase away the chill in the air.

I heard her moving around behind me, putting her bag down on the couch and taking her jacket off.

A minute later, she was standing beside me in a pair of leggings, a baggy dark blue sweater and a pair of black fluffy socks.

She looked so damn cute and was already making herself at home. 

That made me so happy.

I wanted to kiss her, touch her, feel her everywhere.

Instead, I took a deep breath and started the fire, the small flames flickering to life and the room soon started to grow warm.

Straightening, I took a few more deep breaths to calm myself when she came to stand in front of the fire, her shoulder grazing my arm as she reached her hands out towards the flames.

Her touch set my nerves on fire, and I had to keep myself from letting out a shudder.

I wanted her so much but after everything she had been through, all her body, abandonment and trust issues… I needed to be smart about this.

She turned her head, her gaze meeting mine, her hair still messy from the hat with a few strands falling in front of her face as she tilted her head.

"You okay?"

I forced myself to give her a small, casual smile and a nod even though I was feeling anything but calm.

"I'm fine, angel. Just a little… tired from the drive."

She studied me for a few silent moments, her eyes searching mine, and I knew she could tell something was off, but after a few more seconds, she let it go.

"Okay… do you something to eat? I can… make us some lunch or something?"

The domesticity of her offer, the way she wanted to take care of me when I was the one who should be taking care of her, made my heart skip a beat.

"That sounds perfect."

She smiled, her cheeks turning that beautiful shade of pink that always made me want to investigate to see how far down the blush would go.

"I'll go see what I can whip up."

"Okay. I'll bring in the rest of the bags."

As she turned to walk out of the room, heading towards the kitchen, I let out a soft breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed to get a grip on myself before I made a fool out of myself and just blurted it out without talking to her first.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur.

We ate lunch, sat by the fire and watched a movie, then made dinner together.

The entire time, I had to keep forcing myself to not pull her into my arms, press her against the counter and run my hands over her body.

I could smell her shampoo, the scent filling my lungs and making my fingers tingle.

Every so often she would give me a look as if silently trying to figure out what was wrong and I would give her what I hoped was a reassuring smile in return.

As the sunlight started to fade and the sky changed to shades of purple, orange and yellow an idea occurred to me.

I went and prepared everything I needed for what I had in mind then hunted her down, easily finding her in the small library sitting in an armchair reading.

There was something… so perfect about her.

Seeing her with the last rays of the sun shining through the window and hitting her face was something out of a dream.

I took a moment to admire her, my throat closing up because I loved her so much.

Clearing my throat to get her attention, I leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey, angel."

She looked up, her eyes lighting up when her gaze meet mine.

"Hey…"

I pushed off the doorframe.

"Come with me… I have something to show you."

Curiosity took over any confusion she was feeling, her head tilting to the side and a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Oh really? What do you have to show me?"

I smiled and held out my hand.

"You'll see…"

She chuckled and stood, marking her page and setting the book down on the table before approaching me.

"Okay, now you have my interest piqued…"

As she took my hand and I laced my fingers through hers, a wave of warmth rolled through me. I led her out into the hall, my thumb tracing small circles on the back of her hand.

"You'll like it, I promise," I said, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

"You sound awfully sure of yourself."

"That's because I am, angel," I said, tugging her closer and wrapping my arm around her waist. "I know you well enough to know you'll like this."

And she would… she was fond of sweets, and I had everything we needed to make smores.

She giggled and leaned into me.

"You're very cocky, you know that?"

"I've been told that a few times before," I said, dropping my hand to the small of her back and rubbing circles along the soft material of her sweater. "You still like me though, don't you?"

"Of course," she murmured, her voice soft and warm.

I smiled and planted a small kiss on the top of her head.

"Good… I like you a lot too."

I helped her into her jacket then wrapped her scarf around her neck after she put her boots on then led her outside, pausing on the back porch for a moment to watch the snow fall and tilt my head back to view the hundreds of stars in the sky.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked, looking up at me.

I smiled down at her.

"You'll see in a minute."

Without giving her any other information, I tugged on her hand and led her down the stairs and the short path that led to area where the firepit was.

The moonlight filtered through the trees as we walked, creating a soft, almost otherworldly glow around us and making her look like one of those angels that sat atop a Christmas tree.

Once the firepit came into view, I watched her eyes light up at the sight of the small fire going, the blankets and all the things needed to make smores.

"Smores?" she asked, a smile growing on her lips as she turned to me.

I returned her smile with a small one of my own and led her over to the fire pit.

"You like?"

She laughed softly and nodded, going willingly when I gently pushed her into one of the comfortable looking chairs then wrapped a fluffy blanket around her shoulders.

She snuggled into the blanket, burying her face in the soft fabric with a content smile, and I found myself having to resist the urge to lean in and kiss her, to pull her into my lap and hold her close… instead, I forced myself to take a step back and smile.

"Stay there," I told her, feeling a wave of tenderness wash over me. "I'll be right back."

Tearing my eyes away from her, I turned and walked back towards the cabin to get the last few things I needed.

The entire way there, I could feel her eyes on me… could feel the way her gaze was tracing over me as if trying to figure out what I was doing.

She was curious, I could tell, and I knew she had a million questions, but she was going to have to wait just a little longer.

Once I had the thermos full of hot chocolate, some cups and the small plastic bag full of marshmallows and other stuff, I quickly headed back outside only to pause on the steps.

She was looking up at the stars, her head tilted back and a soft, content smile on her lips.

After a few moments, I kept moving, trying to maintain a casual air as I held up the thermos.

"Hot chocolate?"

"Yes, please," she said, her hand reaching out eagerly.

I handed the thermos over, our fingers brushing together and sending a jolt up my arm.

She poured the liquidy goodness into each cup then put the thermos in the chair next to her.

"There's extra marshmallows in the bag," I said, gesturing to the bag sitting beside her feet.

As she reached into the bag and grabbed a handful, she gave me a knowing look.

"You knew I would want extra marshmallows, didn't you?"

"Of course I knew. I pay attention."

She smiled and popped a marshmallow into her mouth.

"You always pay attention," she murmured, her eyes meeting mine.

"I tend to focus on the important things," I said, keeping my tone nonchalant.

The way her cheeks pinked almost shattered my resolve, but I forced myself to stay put.

"And am I one of those important things?" she murmured, bringing her cup up to her lips.

My chest tightened, my heart feeling like it was about to explode, and I had to clear my throat to answer.

"Yes… you are."

The words came out rough; my voice strained with the effort it was taking to keep myself under control.

I wanted to say, no shout, that she was the most important thing in the entire universe to me. That I was in love with her and wanted to spend the rest of my life making her happy…

She stared at me for a moment, lips parted and a furrow between her brows as if confused, then she looked down and asked tentatively, "What else do you pay attention to?"

I swallowed, my hands gripping the arms of the chair to keep myself steady.

"Your likes, your dislikes… your mood, your happiness…" I trailed off, watching her. "I pay attention to every little thing about you."

She looked up, her eyes meeting mine, almost as if she was trying to see beyond my words.

"Why? Why are you so… observant of everything I do?"

"I told you… I like to pay attention to what's important."

Those big green eyes searched mine, and I could tell that she was starting to catch on.

"I pay attention to all the little things you do… like the way you get this crinkle beside your left eye when you're confused, or the way you chew on your bottom lip when you're distracted, or the way you fidget when you’re nervous, or that little sigh you let out when you're happy… I pay attention… to everything."

With each word, her eyes widened and I could almost feel the sudden rapid beat of her heart. The firelight reflected in her eyes, making them look almost liquid, and the air around us suddenly felt charged with tension.

She stared at me, her mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to respond but couldn't.

I took a deep breath, the air burning my lungs, and forced myself to keep going.

"I've always paid attention. But recently… I've been paying even more attention."

Without noticing, I had moved closer, leaning against the arm of my chair so our faces were inches apart, and now all I could see was the little flecks of gold in her eyes. The way the firelight made golden strands in her hair glow and illuminated the freckles that dusted her nose.

I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice even as I continued.

"You want to know why I've been paying more attention?"

She nodded, her eyes locked on mine.

"Yes…" she murmured, her voice barely a whisper.

I knew if I got any closer, I would lose my last bit of control, but I found myself leaning in anyways, drawn to her like a damn moth to a flame.

I forced myself to take another deep breath, trying to find the words that had suddenly become so difficult to say.

"Because I love you. I have for a while, and I can’t help myself when it comes to you. Not anymore."

And there it was.

The words were out.

I had said it.

I had told her how I felt, laid out all my cards, and now all I could do was wait.

I watched her, studying her every expression, every movement, every twitch, waiting for her to say something… anything.

For a minute, we were both silent, the only sound being the crackling of the fire.

My heart was racing, my hands shaking, and I was starting to feel vulnerable.

I wasn't used to being so open, so honest when it came to my feelings… but when it came to her, I felt like I couldn't stop the words from tumbling out.

For a moment, she didn’t say anything, just stared at me, her expression shocked and confused.

I started to think I had made a mistake… that I had just ruined our friendship and made a fool of myself. But then she spoke, her voice shaky.

"Caleb…" she whispered. "You… love me?"

"Yes…" I whispered back. "I do."

For a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath.

All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating and the blood rushing through my veins.

Her eyes searched mine, her face a mask of disbelief mixed with something else I couldn't place then she was out of her chair and in my lap, wrapping her arms around me and pressing her face against my neck.

"I love you, too."

Those words, spoken against my skin, sent a jolt of electricity through me and I couldn't help my reaction, my arms polling her tightly against me as her weight in my lap and the feeling of her breath against my neck sent a jolt of pure bliss straight through me.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that," I breathed.

"Why didn't you say something?" she mumbled, hands curling into the fabric of my coat.

I pulled back to look at her, my hands coming up to frame her face.

"Because I didn't want to ruin what we had... and I was scared," I admitted, my thumbs tracing small circles on her cheeks.

Her eyes searched mine.

"You were scared?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Terrified," I admitted, the word getting caught in my throat. "I was scared if I told you you'd reject me... that you'd tell me you didn't feel the same way, and it would ruin everything."

She gave me a small, almost sad smile.

"So, instead, you decided to keep quiet and suffer in silence? Hmm… we’re both idiots… because I didn’t tell you how I felt for the same reasons."

My heart skipped a beat at her confession.

"That we are," I murmured. "Two idiots in love."

She smiled, the words seeming to warm her from the inside out, and the sight of it made my heart feel like it had ballooned inside my chest.

I stared at her, taking in every detail of her face, and I was struck by how beautiful she was.

"I've been wanting to kiss you for so damn long," I blurted out without thinking.

A soft flush painted her cheeks and her eyes flicked down to my lips before returning to mine.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she murmured, her voice just a little above a whisper.

I didn’t need any more encouragement.

My hand moved to the back of her neck, my fingers tangling in her hair as I pulled her face close and captured her lips with mine.

The touch of her lips sent sparks of electricity through me, the feeling almost overwhelming after so long of imagining what it would be like.

She tasted like marshmallows and hot chocolate, sweet and warm on my tongue as she opened her mouth.

I deepened the kiss, my hands pulling her closer so there was barely any space between us.

It was as if the entire world disappeared, leaving us lost in the feeling of her in my lap, her body pressed against mine and her mouth on mine as we explored each other’s mouths.

Her hands ran down my chest, slipping inside my jacket and sliding over the thick layer of my sweater to rest on my hips.

I groaned, the feel of her hands on me making every muscle in my body tighten and desire pool in my gut. I could feel myself losing the last bit of control I had, all my thoughts and focus zeroing in on her and her alone, but I wanted to take things slow with her.

I didn’t want to just jump into bed with her after confessing that I loved her.

She deserved more than that.

Pulling back to get a breath of air, I reached up and ran my thumb over her cheek as I gazed into her beautiful green eyes.

"I love you, angel."

She smiled, her hand covering mine and holding it in place.

"I love you too, Caleb."

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"Again," I whispered.

"I love you," she repeated, her voice a little softer.

I pulled her against me again, my arms wrapping around her tightly.

"Again."

She laughed.

"Are you going to make me say it a hundred times?"

"Yes."

She snuggled closer, her head resting against my shoulder as she pressed a soft kiss to the skin of my neck.

"I love you."

"Again," I murmured playfully, my lips brushing against her ear.

"Stop it," she half-heartedly protested.

"Okay, I will for now," I whispered, my fingers tracing patterns on her hips.

For a few moments, we sat like that, holding onto each other, the scent of her making me feel almost lightheaded with how happy and content I was.

I had her in my arms finally, and she was mine. I was the luckiest man on earth.

After a few moments, I felt her shiver.

"You cold?" I murmured, my hands running up and down her arms, trying to warm her up.

"A little bit," she said quietly, snuggling closer.

"We should go back inside."

"Smores first."

"Okay, angel," I mumbled, my lips brushing against her hair. "Gotta let me up."

She sighed, her hands fisting in my shirt as she pulled back to look at me.

"No."

The word was almost a whine, and dammit if it didn't make me smile.

"No?" I repeated. "How we gonna make smores with you in my lap?"

A small pout appeared on her lips, and her fingers tightened on my shirt.

"But you're so warm, and I don't want to let go."

I bit back a groan, the idea of her sitting in my lap for the rest of the night suddenly very enticing but I had promised her smores, so we were going to make some.

"Angel..." My voice was rough and I could feel parts of my body starting to respond to her closeness. "As much as I want to stay right here for the rest of the night with you in my lap, we are going to make some smores because I promised you. So, you're going to have to let go."

She huffed, her lower lip still sticking out in a pout.

"Okay…"

"Good girl," I breathed and leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. "Now let me up."

She sighed, releasing her grip on my shirt with a pout and sitting back on my knees.

Shaking my head, I gently wrapped my hands around her waist and helped her up off my lap. The cold air hit us immediately, and I saw her shiver as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Come on, angel. The faster we make them, the faster you get to sit back in my lap."

"You promise?"

"Yes, now stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting."

"Yes, you are."

"Nope… you’re seeing things."

I couldn't help the smile that pulled on my lips as I shook my head and led her over to the fire pit and got to work on getting the smores ready.

Once the smores were ready I settled down and pulled her into my lap again, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close while I brought the treat to my lips and took a bite.

She let out a pleased noise and snuggled against my chest, her head resting over my heart.

"Mm…. smores," she murmured, taking a bite out of her chocolate mess.

I chuckled, the rumble in my chest causing her to smile, and took another bite, the marshmallow and chocolate melting in my mouth.

"Mmm, they are pretty good."

She hummed in agreement.

"Happy?"

She made a small, content sound and nodded.

"Very happy."

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the small gesture making something warm flutter in my chest.

"Good. That's all I want, you to be happy."

After we finished off the smores we sat in comfortable silence for a while.

I felt content… happy… and peaceful, holding her in my lap while we sat by the fire. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so… free.

Now all that was left for me to do before we left… ask her if she was willing to marry me.

Chapter 13: Halloween

Hayley

"Sadie! I’m not wearing this, it’s too revealing!"

I looked at myself in the full-length mirror in Sadie’s bedroom, biting my lip while debating if a potato sack would be more appropriate.

After we had agreed to come to her party, Sadie had insisted we both get ready at her house.

I had been perfectly fine with that, but what I hadn’t realized was by letting her pick my costume I would be extremely uncomfortable.

She had picked an all-white corset dress that revealed a little too much of my upper chest and only fell to mid-thigh paired with a pair of low white heels and a set of matching angel wings that had glitter on them so they sparkled every time I moved.

My hair was braided into an intricate style on top of my head, leaving my neck and shoulders exposed and my makeup, something I typically never wore, was flawless and enhanced the color of my eyes and made them stand out.

"What's wrong with the dress?" she asked from the doorway. "It looks amazing on you."

I gave her a look, knowing perfectly well the reason she had picked it.

"It shows off a hell of a lot of skin."

"It's just for one night," she reasoned. "And it's Halloween. What's wrong with showing a little skin? Besides, you have a great body, and it should be shown off."

"I'm not comfortable showing off my body," I protested, feeling my cheeks flush. "I’m overweight and the… scars…" I trailed off when I noticed that the dress kept the scars covered.

She sighed, resting her hands on my shoulders.

"You're not overweight," she said firmly. "You're beautiful. You have an amazing body and those scars don't make you any less of a woman. They're a part of your story."

I looked at myself in the mirror again as if the reflection would look any different and tried to push the thoughts of insecurity and discomfort aside.

It was just for one night, right? I could get through one night.

"Fine," I relented. "I'll wear it."

"Good," she grinned, clearly satisfied with my answer. "Now, come on. Everyone's waiting for you downstairs… including Caleb."

"Wait, Caleb's already here?" I asked, surprised.

"Yep. He got here a few minutes ago."

I felt a slight flutter in my chest at the mention of him. The thought of seeing him after a few days apart was both exciting and nerve-wracking.

"Is he… already dressed up too?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yes, he is… and he looks hot," she grinned, her eyes dancing with mischief.

I tried to keep my expression neutral but a part of me was wondering what she had dressed him in. The thought made me feel like a lovesick little girl but goddamn it… I couldn't help it.

"Okay," I muttered, trying to control my racing heart. "Let's get this over with."

She grinned as she grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards her bedroom door.

"Don't act like you aren't secretly excited to see him."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that," she said, her voice holding a hint of amusement.

We walked down the stairs, the sounds of the party growing louder and louder with each step, and my pulse raced in anticipation of seeing him while also dreading the way I would react to whatever costume he was wearing.

Was he wearing a full tuxedo or leather pants and a silky shirt? Horns and wings?

Once we reached the bottom of the stairs, Sadie led me towards the living room.

We stepped into the room and I looked around. Many people were already there, some I knew and some I didn’t, most were dressed in creative costumes, some… not so much.

It was then that I caught sight of him, a sharp inhale catching in my throat.

He stood on the other side of the room leaning against the wall talking to Sadie’s husband, and the mere sight of him was enough to make the air around me feel electric.

He was dressed in a black suit, the fabric hugging his body like a second skin, highlighting every muscle and contour. The contrast of black against his tan skin made him look like some kind of Greek God, and it took everything in me to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

"You’re drooling," Sadie whispered, elbowing me in the side.

"I am not," I muttered, my eyes still glued to him.

I couldn't look away even if I wanted to, and by the smirk on Sadie's face… she had noticed.

As if he'd felt my gaze, his head suddenly turned and his eyes met mine across the room.

His expression became unreadable as he stared at me, taking in the way the dress hugged my curves and how it exposed more than I was comfortable with.

I could see the way his eyes raked over me, the way his jaw tensed just the slightest bit, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. Was he angry about the way I was dressed? But… why?

I stared at him for a moment longer hoping he liked what he saw but when he said something to Keith and didn’t look my way again, I dropped my gaze and took a step back, turning to head back upstairs.

This was such a bad idea… I needed to go change… get all the makeup off and put my jeans and sweater back on… maybe just get away from here and go hide somewhere and cry for making a fool out of myself.

I took another step but a hand on my arm stopped me.

"Going somewhere, princess?"

"Yeah, I'm going… upstairs," I murmured, refusing to look him in the eye.

He hummed and moved closer, his body crowding mine as he stepped in front of me.

"And why are you going upstairs?" he asked, his voice lower and huskier than usual.

"I'm… not comfortable," I mumbled, my eyes still glued to the floor.

What I didn’t say was I thought he was angry with me, I didn’t understand why and I needed to get away to try to figure out why me being dressed as I was would upset him.

He let out a small chuckle, the sound deep and low in his throat.

"Really? I quite like the dress… shows off your curves."

His words made me feel self-conscious and I wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to cover myself but he stepped closer, reaching out with one hand and gently nudging my chin up while the other pushed my arms away so they dropped by my sides.

"Don't do that. Stop hiding. I’ve told you and I’ll keep telling you… you’re beautiful."

His words were like a combination of a soothing balm and a sharp knife, soothing my insecurities but also deepening the ache in my chest.

He always knew the right things to say when I needed to hear them.

"You really think so?" I whispered, my voice small and uncertain.

"I know so."

The intensity in his eyes made my knees go weak and I had to resist the urge to lean into him. The effect he had on me was getting ridiculous, yet I couldn't stop it, even if I wanted to.

He released his grip on my chin, his hand sliding down to rest against the side of my neck, his thumb gently moving over my pulse.

I shivered at the touch, trying to steady my racing heart.

He was so close… so much closer than he normally would be… and my brain couldn't seem to function correctly…

"Stop thinking so hard," he admonished. "I can practically see the gears turning."

I huffed out a laugh but couldn't deny his words. I was constantly overthinking and overanalyzing everything when I would much rather just turn my brain off and enjoy the moment.

"I can't help it," I muttered. "My brain never shuts off, you know that."

He chuckled and his lips curled into a smirk, his thumb still stroking my neck.

"I know... it's one of the things I love about you."

I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through me… the sound of his voice, his touch, his proximity... it was like he was everywhere, overwhelming all my senses.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to find my voice, to say something witty or sarcastic, something to break the tension that was crackling between us… because I knew he didn’t mean anything by those words.

He loved me but as a friend…

"Come on, princess, let’s have some fun. What do you say?"

"Fun?" I repeated, my voice sounding small and uncertain even to my own ears.

He chuckled, the sound sending a shiver down my spine.

"It is a Halloween party. There's food, games, music… let's go join in the fun."

I nodded, going when he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him.

He led me back into Sadie’s living room and my eyes darted around, taking in the decorations and the people, trying to keep myself from focusing on how he was acting, talking… and how damn good he looked in his costume.

The black wings, the horns… the suit clinging to all the right places, accentuating all those muscles I had known were there but had forced myself not to pay attention to… it was more than a little distracting.

We made our way through the crowd, Caleb leading me with one arm around my shoulders as if he was afraid I’d run away.

"What do you want to do first? Grab a drink?" he asked, leaning down to speak in my ear.

The warmth of his breath against my neck made me shiver again and I had to force myself to focus on the question.

"Um, yeah, sure," I managed, hoping he hadn’t noticed. "I could use a drink."

"Come on then."

He led me over to the table where there was an assortment of alcoholic beverages as well as sodas, water and juice.

Knowing I wasn’t big on alcohol, he grabbed two waters and handed one to me, his fingers brushing mine as he placed the bottle into my hand.

He opened his own bottle and took a swig, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

I took a sip of my own water to distract myself and looked around at the decorations Sadie had picked out. There was music playing from the sound system, and people were dancing and laughing, but I couldn't seem to focus on anything other than him.

He leaned against the table, his eyes flickering over me, taking in my costume then he seemed to realize what he was doing and shook himself out.

"I was wondering..."

His words caught my attention, and I turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

He took another sip of his water, his expression casual, but there was a slight strain to his voice when he spoke again as if what he was about to say wasn’t actually what he was thinking.

"How do you feel about dancing?"

The idea of dancing with him... of being close to him, his arms around me, his body pressed close... it was almost too much to consider.

Part of me wanted it more than anything, but another part was terrified of giving in further than I already had.

"Dancing?" I repeated, trying to keep my voice even. "I’m more likely to step on your toes than actually dance."

"Is that your way of telling me you have two left feet?"

I rolled my eyes, a small, nervous laugh escaping me.

"Yes."

A small smirk pulled at his lips, and he took a step closer.

"Come on. It's just dancing. It's not like we're on a stage in front of a thousand people."

"I don't even know how to dance," I protested weakly. "I'll make a fool out of myself."

"I won't let you. I'll hold you close. You just have to follow my lead."

I couldn't deny that the thought of being in his arms again, of feeling the solid strength of his body against mine... it made my head spin and my heart race.

"Okay…" I whispered.

He gave me a small smile and placed his bottle of water on the table then took mine and did the same before offering me his hand.

I looked down at it for a moment, took a deep breath and placed my hand in his.

His fingers closed around mine, his grip firm but gentle, and led me to an open spot in the center of the room and turned me to face him.

"Put your hand on my shoulder," he instructed, his voice low and steady.

I did as he said, my heart racing as my hand came to rest on his broad shoulder.

His hand came to rest on my waist, fingers gently gripping my hip and pulling me closer.

"Just breathe and relax," he whispered. "I won't let you fall."

I felt my breath catch as he pulled me flush against him, my chest now pressed right up against his. He was just so damn big and solid and warm...

He started moving, slowly and surely, guiding me through the steps even though the pace was slower than the tempo of the song.

I tried to keep up, moving my feet in time with his, but I still felt clumsy and awkward, self-conscious…

His hand on my waist tightened as he felt me stumble.

"Relax, princess," he murmured in my ear. "Feel the music. Don't think. Just follow me."

"Not exactly a slow dance kind of song," I murmured back.

He chuckled lowly and I could feel the deep rumbling in his chest.

"No, it is not, but it doesn't matter. Just focus on me, alright? And trust me when I tell you, you're doing great."

He gave my hip a small squeeze and his thumb began to stroke my side, moving in small circles against the material of my dress.

Eventually, my feet got the hang of the steps, and we started moving a little faster.

I found myself getting lost in the steps, in the music, in the feeling of his body against mine.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn't thinking about anything else.

There was no stress, no worry… only him… only us…

His hand moved to my lower back, pressing me closer against him, his body now completely molded against mine.

"There you go," he murmured, his voice low in my ear. "You're doing so well. You're not so clumsy after all, are you princess?"

I couldn't help the small shiver that ran through me as his breath tickled the skin on my neck. Even the small praise he was giving me was enough to make me feel… special.

"Guess not," I managed, my voice sounding breathy and shaky.

He hummed softly, his hand moving up my back to the exposed skin of my shoulder blades.

"You’re a natural," he murmured. "A quick learner. Perfect."

It was getting harder to focus on anything but his voice, the feeling of his hand on my back, the warmth radiating off him…

"Just… lucky," I whispered, my voice breathless.

"Lucky, huh? Or maybe you just needed the right partner."

"That must be it."

"Of course," he chuckled. "No one better than me."

His words made me shiver, the tone to his voice sending a small jolt of heat through me.

"And just what makes you so much better, huh?"

He chuckled again and spun me around in a circle before pulling me back against his chest.

"Oh, you shouldn't ask questions you already know the answer to."

I huffed at his smugness and shot him a playful glare.

"Cocky."

"Confident. There's a difference."

I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

He shook his head with a low laugh and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

We danced in silence for a few minutes with his head resting on the top of mine and his hand pressed against the bare skin of my upper back.

I leaned into him a little more, my head resting against his chest, and I heard him inhale deeply, his breath fanning across the top of my head.

"You smell good," he murmured.

I felt my cheeks warm at the comment.

"Thanks," I replied. "It's just my shampoo."

"No, it's not," he said with a small laugh. "It's you."

His words caught me off guard, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"It's… me?"

"Yes, you. You have a distinct scent… sweet… like honey. I don't think it has anything to do with the shampoo you use."

His words made me feel both warm and confused as I wondered what had gotten into him tonight… he had never touched me like he was or given me so many compliments.

I didn’t know what to do with it.

"You make me sound like some kind of pastry," I mumbled.

"Not a pastry," he said with a laugh. "But something sweet for sure."

A small laugh escaped me and I shook my head.

"You're being weird."

He chuckled.

"I'm just being honest, princess. You smell good… really good."

I felt my cheeks warm and tried to keep my heart from fluttering.

"Let’s change the subject."

"Why?" he asked. "You don't like me complimenting you?"

I bit my lip, not knowing how to respond.

It wasn't that I didn't like it, quite the opposite, I enjoyed his praise a little more than I should. But there was something about his compliments tonight that seemed a little different than usual.

"No, it's not that. It's just… I’m not used to compliments…" I mumbled. "You know that."

He hummed softly.

"I know, but you deserve to hear how beautiful you are every day for the rest of your life."

The words made me shiver again, and I had to take a deep breath to steady my racing heart.

"Thank you, Caleb… I…" I trailed off because I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say.

He seemed to sense my conflicted emotions and chuckled.

"You're blushing, princess."

I tried to hide my flustered state by burying my face in his shoulder.

"Hush."

"You're cute when you blush."

I groaned and thumped my forehead against his shoulder. He was toying with me, teasing me, and it was driving me insane.

"Stop it, Caleb."

"Stop what?" he asked innocently, his fingers resuming their pattern against my shoulder blades. "Stop giving you compliments? Stop pointing out how gorgeous you are? Stop pointing out that you’re blushing?"

"All of the above?" I mumbled.

He laughed softly, the sound rumbling in his chest.

"Okay… how about this… how about I invite you to go on vacation with me sometime in December instead?"

I lifted my head to look up at him, feeling confused.

"That's… a huge shift of subject."

He grinned down at me, his eyes glittering with mirth.

"I know, but I was tired of complimenting you."

I couldn't help the small huff.

"You're something else, you know that?"

He laughed again, unbothered by my insult.

"Yeah… but that doesn’t answer my question."

"Of course she’ll go on vacation with you," Sadie suddenly said from behind me.

I jumped in surprise and spun around to find her standing there, grinning at us.

"Oh my god, don't do that," I said, my heart racing from the sudden interruption.

She chuckled, shaking her head.

"You need to work on your situational awareness, Hay. The amount of times you get surprised is astounding."

"I'm not that bad."

"Yes, you are," Caleb said behind me, his hand settling on my hip.

I glanced over my shoulder to glare at him.

"Traitor."

He shrugged, a smirk on his lips.

"Sooo…" Sadie said, placing her hands on her hips. "Where you guys going for this vacation? How long will you be gone? You have anything important planned? Will-"

"Whoa… I haven’t even said I’d go," I exclaimed, holding up a hand to stop her.

"Yet," Caleb interjected behind me.

I shot him a glare.

"Not helping."

"You'll go," he said, sounding confident.

"And how do you know that?"

He grinned, his grip on my hip tightening just the slightest bit.

"Because you want to go."

I huffed, feeling annoyed with his overconfidence because of course he was right.

I did want to go on vacation with him, and I didn’t care where we went if it meant I got to spend time with him.

"And what makes you think that?"

"Call it a gut feeling."

I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath.

"Okay, fine, I want to go."

Sadie chuckled and patted me on the shoulder.

"Knew it."

I let out a frustrated sigh, feeling like they were ganging up on me.

"I hate you both."

Caleb chuckled, his breath ghosting over my ear and making me shiver.

"No, you don’t."

"Yes, I do," I lied.

"Is that right?" he murmured.

I ignored him, trying to ignore the heat seeping through my body. God, I hated how he affected me.

"Yes, it is," I mumbled.

Sadie laughed again, clearly amused by the whole thing.

"You two banter like an old married couple."

"What?" I choked out, my eyes widening. "We do not."

She smirked, raising an eyebrow at me like she knew how my heart had started to pound at the thought of being married to Caleb.

"Sooo… where you guys going?"

"There’s a small town in the mountains that hosts a lot of interesting events for Christmas. I’ve been wanting to check it out for a while but have never gotten around to it sooo… wanna go with me?" Caleb answered, his hand moving from my hip to my lower back.

It was so casually mentioned yet seemed so… intimate. The idea of going on a trip with Caleb to some small town to spend Christmas together sounded… wonderful.

"That sounds amazing…"

He smiled, his hand splaying out against my lower back.

"Then I’ll work out the details and let you know, sweet girl."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

It was just a vacation… a vacation to spend time with the man I had been hopelessly in love with for a while now.

"Okay," I breathed, shooting him a smile then a thought occurred to me. "Wait… the shop."

Sadie let out a huff.

"Am I chopped liver? I’ll watch it so you can go on vacation. And no backing out because you haven’t been on a vacation in years."

I felt a rush of relief, feeling touched by her offer.

"Thank you."

"See, it's settling itself out," Caleb said from behind me.

I rolled my eyes but chuckled, the tension draining from me.

"Okay, stop gloating."

"Not a chance."

I heard Sadie let out a laugh then mutter something about us ‘really sounding like an old married couple’ as she walked away.

The music changed and a slightly slower one started to play.

His grip on my waist grew firmer and he pulled me close again.

"Come here, angel."

My breath caught in my throat from the sudden nickname, my heart fluttering wildly. Out of all the nicknames he had tried I liked that one the best and wanted him to keep calling me by it.

"I like that one," I mumbled as I followed his guidance with little resistance, letting my body mold against his.

A small, satisfied smile tugged at his lips as he pulled me against him.

"You like it when I call you angel?" he murmured, his breath warm against my ear. "Better than princess?"

I swallowed and forced my heart to steady.

"Yeah, I… I do."

He hummed.

"Angel suits you."

I felt a small flutter of pleasure at the words but didn’t say anything as I pressed my face against his chest and followed his movements.

Anticipation of our vacation kept my cheeks flushed and had my mind racing for the rest of the evening.

I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I had a feeling it would change our lives… for the better.

And that was something to look forward to…

Chapter 5

"You seem to be walking funny, Bay."

I nearly jumped out of my skin as that sexy as sin voice suddenly whispered in my ear.

I spun around, hand clutching my heart and legs clenching together in a vain attempt to stop the ache between them. "Damn it, Sylus! You can't just sneak up on me like that."

He shrugged, that annoying, damnable smirk tugging at his lips as he eyed my body up and down like he knew what I looked like naked… and he did… very well. "I didn't sneak up on you. You just weren't paying attention."

I hadn’t been paying attention… he was right about that.

Instead of seeing the ink and other supplies I was stocking our stations with, I had been thinking about last night and how it felt to have him inside my body.

It’s ALL I had been able to think about since waking up alone this morning and coming into work even though my legs felt like jelly and my pussy was sore… but in a good way.

I glowered at him and crossed my arms tight over my chest, trying to ignore the way my heart was suddenly pounding. "I wasn't paying attention because I wasn't expecting you. How the hell are you so damn quiet anyway?"

He chuckled then stepped closer, his hands coming up to my hips and pulling me against him, completely shameless. "Practice," he murmured, eyes dropping to my neck and I knew he was looking at the collection of hickeys that were scattered all over my skin. "Lots of practice."

I shivered, my body tensing automatically and my brain going blank for a second before I pushed at his chest, glaring at him. "You're so damn annoying."

He didn't budge, didn't move an inch, just smirked at me as one of his eyebrows lifted. "You didn't seem to think I was annoying last night, kitten."

"Shut up," I mumbled, feeling my face heating up as memories from the night before flooded my mind again and I unconsciously clenched my thighs in response. "Bastard…"

He laughed, letting go of me and moving to lean against my tattoo chair. "Still sore?" he asked, his voice a low murmur as his eyes roamed up and down my body.

I scowled, trying not to squirm under his gaze as I turned and put the bottles of ink in my drawer before closing it and grabbing the boxes of gloves and sitting one on top of my station before grabbing the box and moving to Caleb’s.

"Of course I am," I muttered under my breath.

"Good."

I glanced at him, my hands pausing as I sat the box down on Caleb’s chair. "What?"

"I said… good," he repeated, a smirk on his face as he pushed off my chair and approached me. "I want you to be sore. I want you to feel me every time you sit down… every time you move."

I felt my face heating up all over again and bit my lip, turning away quickly and busying myself with gloves, ink and soap, not looking at him as I responded, "Yeah? Why is that?"

"You know why," he mumbled, one hand suddenly coming down on the chair beside me while his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer.

My hands instinctively came to rest on his arms to steady myself as I tilted my head back to look at him.

His eyes glittered with something dark as he looked down at me.

"I like the thought that every little ache and twinge reminds you that I owned you last night… and…" He paused and leaned down, putting his mouth right next to my ear. "… and I want you to remember what it felt like to have me inside you… since it was only one time."

I couldn't hold back the soft, shaky gasp that left my mouth, and I clenched my thighs again, desperate to stop the heat that was pooling between my legs because I had learned that one time… wasn’t going to be enough.

I wanted him again… and it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since he had left my bed.

He let out a dark chuckle like he knew what I was thinking, nipped at the skin of my neck above one of the bruises then pulled back, moving away from me.

By the time I got my brain back online, he was sitting in my chair like he didn't have a care in the world with his ankles crossed and his hands behind his head.

"… you're evil," I mumbled, glaring at him as I clenched and unclenched my hands a few times to try and calm down.

He chuckled. "Damn right I am."

I forced myself to look away, taking a few deep breaths as I tried to push away the thought of him bending me over my chair, in the middle of the shop. But that would be a disaster… right? Caleb would be arriving any minute and we were about to open in about fifteen minutes…

"You're a bastard," I muttered, quickly finishing putting the supplies away then tossing the empty boxes in a pile to take out back later.

Before he could respond the back door opened and shut then Caleb appeared from the back hallway. As soon as he saw us, he stopped dead, his eyes going from me to Sylus then back again, then his gaze swept over my neck, taking in the collection of hickeys on display and a scowl appeared on his face.

I automatically raised my hand, trying to pull the neck of my shirt up higher to hide them while silently cursing myself for not putting makeup over them to hide them or wearing clothes that would cover my neck.

Sylus' eyes flicked to Caleb, a flash of satisfaction passing over his face as he saw his reaction. "Morning, Caleb," he said, his voice low and smug as he leaned back in my chair like he didn't have a care in the world.

Caleb didn't respond, just continued to glare.

I shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling very awkward and wishing I could shrink into a hole and disappear.

The silence stretched out like a tight rubber band, building like a charge until the tension was almost too much.

Finally, Caleb broke it, his voice rough as he shifted his gaze to me. "Can I talk to you?"

My stomach dropped. I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. I shot a quick glare at Sylus, who just smirked, then forced a polite smile on my face and nodded.

With another scowl at Sylus, Caleb jerked his head, a clear indication for me to follow him, and I did, walking past him and towards the hallway that led back to the break room.

Once we were out of earshot, he whirled around to face me, his eyes narrowed as he looked me up and down, his gaze landing on the collection of hickeys on my neck then he was stepping forward, backing me into the wall.

I stumbled a bit, my back hitting the wall hard then my hands were coming up to press against his chest to stop him. "Caleb, what-"

But he kept moving, boxing me in between his arms, and the look on his face made my heart pound and my throat go dry.

"Did you sleep with him?"

I felt my heart skip in shock, my eyes going wide and my mouth opening but no sound came out as I stared at him.

It was the last thing I expected him to say, and I swore my heart stopped beating completely for a second before I managed to croak out, "What?"

"You heard me," he snapped, leaning down so his face was right in front of mine, his voice low. "Did. You. Sleep with him?"

I blinked, mind going completely blank as I suddenly forgot how to breathe because the look on his face… the way he was looking at me… he looked livid.

… but that wasn't what worried me.

What worried me was the expression in his eyes, because there was something there, something that looked like hurt… and jealousy.

And I didn’t completely understand either emotion… because he had never shown any interest in me. Never once acted like he wanted me while he took all those girls to the break room and fucked them where I could hear them.

But now… now that I was with Sylus, even though it was fake and nothing more than one fuck, he was showing interest… I didn’t understand it.

"Why… why does it matter?" I managed to get out.

"It just does."

I bristled at the firm tone of his voice, the demand in it, but it was also the possessive look in his eyes as his gaze raked over my neck again.

"Don't avoid the question, Bay," he growled, stepping closer so his lower body was pressed firmly against mine. "Did you sleep with him or not?"

I gasped, my body going rigid, mind reeling as my body reacted to having him this close to me. I could feel the heat from his body, could smell his cologne… could feel the rigid length of his cock against my hip.

"Answer. The. Damn. Question." He said again, his hand coming up to grab my chin and tilt my head up to make to make me look at him… and I knew I couldn't lie.

I opened my mouth to respond but Sylus beat me to it.

"She did."

Caleb stiffened, his head whipping around to look past me.

Sylus was leaning against the wall, arms folded over his chest, his expression blank but there was something in his gaze that made me shiver.

Caleb's fingers tightened on my chin, his hand trembling a bit, and I knew he was fighting the urge to snap at him. But he bit back whatever response he was going to make and looked back at me.

"So it's true… you slept with him?"

I felt my face heat up but I held eye contact. "Yes…"

He flinched. "Why?" he asked, his voice a quiet whisper.

I felt my heart clench at his tone, and I wanted to reach up, touch his face… comfort him. But he suddenly let go of me, turning away until his back was to me and then he was running both hands through his hair.

I watched him, a feeling of helplessness washing through me as he stood there, his spine straight, shoulders tense then he turned around and the look in his eyes made my heart stutter in my chest.

"Are you going to keep sleeping with him?"

There it was… the question I had been dreading because even though Sylus and I had agreed that it was only going to be one time… I wanted more from him, and I didn’t mean just sex… I wanted more dates, more time together… I just wanted more and that made this whole thing more complicated.

I was caught between the two men I cared about, the two men I was attracted to, the two men I wanted more than anything and I knew that my answer to Caleb’s question was going to change things.

For the better or the worse, I didn't know, but I knew I couldn't lie.

This whole messed up situation was a mistake and I never should have agreed to this to get Caleb’s attention because now I was confused.

I wanted both men… Caleb with his sweet, laidback personality and Sylus with his demanding, in-your-face mentality.

But I couldn’t have them both… I needed to figure out what I was going to do now that I had made such a mess of things instead of being a grown ass woman and telling Caleb that I wanted him… telling Sylus that I found him attractive and I wanted things from him that no ‘friend’ should ever want.

I was… confused… very much so and what I really wanted was to get away so I could think but I couldn’t do that. I was here to do my job and if that meant avoiding the question then that was what I was going to do… even if it made things worse.

I opened my mouth to tell Caleb that Sylus and I had agreed that it would only be one time but then I hesitated again and I saw his fingers curl into fists.

"Don't lie to me," he said, his voice hoarse. "Are you going to keep sleeping with him?"

Sylus suddenly let out a derisive snort, and my eyes went wide as the sound snapped my focus to him. His crimson eyes were glittering as he pushed off the wall and took a couple of steps forward.

"And if she does?"

Caleb rounded on him, anger flashing in his eyes. "The hell does that mean?"

Sylus stopped a few feet from us, his eyes flicking between me and Caleb then his smirk widened marginally. "Just what I said. You’re going to tell her who she can and can't sleep with? Really? When you spend most of your shift trying to win an award for ‘The Most Customers Fucked in a Single Day.’"

Caleb's eye twitched at the insult, his teeth grinding as he took a step forward, looking like he was seconds away from punching Sylus. "Don't push me, you prick."

"Temper, temper…" Sylus said, chuckling as he crossed his arms over his chest, looking completely unfazed. "Why do you even care?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "You're not her boyfriend."

Caleb flinched and he took another step closer to Sylus, his teeth clenched. "No... but-"

"Hello?!"

All three of us froze, the shout from the front of the shop cutting off Caleb's response.

Sylus and I exchanged a look, both of us realizing that while we had been arguing in the back of the store a customer had come in and was now demanding attention.

"Hellooooo. Anyone here?!"

Caleb sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Damn it," he muttered then shot one last glare at Sylus before turning to me. "We're not done with this conversation, Bay."

Before I could respond, he spun on his heel and marched towards the front of the shop, leaving me standing there with Sylus.

I let out a shaky breath.

That was not how I expected that conversation to go and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had majorly fucked things up between all three of us.

"Well… that was interesting."

I sighed and turned my head to look at Sylus.

He was leaning against the wall again, arms crossed and watching me.

"Don't start."

He chuckled and pushed off the wall, sauntering towards me. He stopped in front of me, and my breathing hitched as his hands came up to rest on the wall on either side of my head much like Caleb’s had moment ago, trapping me between his arms.

"I'm not going to start anything," he murmured, his voice low and smooth. "But I couldn't help but notice something…"

My heart skipped a beat, and I fought the urge to swallow. "And what would that be?"

His smirk widened a bit, his crimson eyes glittering as he leaned in, his face close enough that I could feel his breath on my face. "You have his attention. What do you plan to do with it?"

I felt my stomach clench at the question.

Caleb's attention… I had it… but it wasn't the kind of attention I wanted. He was acting… hurt, jealous, angry… and I wasn't sure how to handle that or what it meant.

"I… I don't know," I finally replied, my voice soft and uncertain.

He chuckled, his eyes roaming over my face, taking in my uncertain expression, and the corner of his mouth quirked up. "You don't know?" he asked, the words dripping with subtle mockery. "You don't have a plan?"

It was almost like he was baiting me, taunting me to react, and it was working.

I clenched my jaw and shoved my hands against his chest, trying to push him away but he didn't budge. In fact, he moved closer, crowding me until there was barely any space between us and I could feel the heat from his body seeping into mine.

"No, I don't," I hissed. "I didn’t think it would work so I didn’t plan that far ahead."

That only made him chuckle again, and he leaned in, lowering his head until his mouth was right next to my ear. "I see…."

I tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in my stomach as his breath teased the skin of my neck and focus on being annoyed with him, but it was difficult when he was so damn close.

"You should have a plan next time," he murmured, one of his hands leaving the wall and coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "Because I have a feeling the next you have his undivided attention…" He pressed a kiss to my jaw. "… you’re not going to walk away without him taking some of that frustration out on you."

My breath caught in my throat, his words sending a shiver down my spine.

I tried to ignore the heat pooling between my legs as images of exactly how Caleb would take his frustration out on me flashed through my head.

Before I could say anything though, he pressed another kiss to the corner of my mouth then pushed off the wall and walked towards the front of the store.

I watched him go, my mind racing as I tried to process what had just happened.

He was right… I hadn't thought this through… I had no plan… not a good plan anyway.

I had been desperate to get Caleb to see me as more than a friend, more than a coworker, but now all I had done was make things complicated by pretending to be dating Sylus and having sex with him…

"Damnit…" I muttered, rubbing a hand over my face.

I didn’t want to be here anymore; I wanted to leave, go home and crawl into bed where I could wish the last few days away so things could go back to normal but nothing is ever that easy.

"Bay!"

I tensed at Caleb's loud and frustrated-sounding voice and reluctantly pushed away from the wall with a sigh and headed to the front of the shop to see what he wanted.

He was standing behind the counter; arms folded over his chest and a scowl on his face. My gaze ran over him for a beat then shifted to the woman standing on the other side of the counter with an expectant look on her face.

As soon as I was close enough, he tilted his head in her direction and mumbled, "She’s all yours," then stalked off in the direction of his chair where another woman was waiting.

Sylus was nowhere to be seen but I had a feeling he was still around here somewhere and would take any opportunity to touch me and remind me that I needed to come up with a plan of some kind to handle whatever Caleb decided to throw at me the next time we were alone.

But for now… it appeared I had a customer.

"Uh… hi," I said. "What can I do for you?"

The woman gave me a quick smile. "Are you Bailey?"

"Yes…." I replied. "That's me."

She seemed relieved. "Oh, good… I was worried I missed you."

I tilted my head. "Missed me? So you were looking for me specifically?"

She nodded enthusiastically and reached into her bag and pulled out a piece of paper then unfolded it and spread it out against the glass countertop. "A friend of mine got a tattoo from you a few weeks ago and I absolutely loved it, so I came here to get this one from you."

I couldn't help but feel a bit of excitement and pride at her words. It was always nice when someone liked my work enough to seek me out.

"Let me take a look," I said, stepping forward and picking up the piece of paper she had laid out. My gaze ran over the design, taking in all the details and getting an idea of the size.

"Oh… wow," I murmured as I looked up at her. "This is beautiful."

She smiled widely, obviously proud of the design. "I'm glad you like it."

"Can I ask who drew it?"

The woman's smile broadened. "My husband," she replied, her voice full of pride. "He's an artist," she continued, her eyes going slightly dreamy.

I smiled and placed the design back on the counter then reached over and grabbed the paperwork she needed to fill out to get things started. "Fill these out and give me about twenty minutes to get everything set up. It’s going to be $450."

She nodded, taking the paperwork from me, and settled into one of the chairs while I headed over to my station, grabbing the supplies I needed and getting them set up before I started working on the stencil.

I could feel Caleb's eyes on me every so often, his gaze burning into my side and making me conscious of every movement. I pushed down the feeling, focusing on what I was doing instead, and tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach at being watched so closely.

 Thirty minutes later, she was prepped and ready to go.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded, her nerves clearly showing. "As ready as I'm ever gonna be, I suppose."

I chuckled and moved closer to her, positioning myself at her back and eyeing the stencil to make sure it was dry. "Just breathe. It'll be over before you know."

I heard her swallow then take a shaky breath and I started the tattoo machine.

After that I ignored Caleb, I ignored Sylus when he came back into the shop and I did what I was good at… all the while hoping and praying that both men would let things go.

But that was wishful thinking on my part.

The rest of the day was torture.

Both men kept watching me and each other, the tension in the shop growing stronger as the minutes passed. I felt like I was in the middle of a ticking time bomb that was five seconds from going off and I didn’t know how to handle it.

I had to force myself not to watch the clock, counting down the hours until the shop closed and I could make my escape.

By the time the last client walked out the door, I felt like I was about to explode. My nerves were frayed and my body was tense, my hands shaking from the effort it took to stay calm.

I let out a breath and leaned back against the wall, running my hands over my face and pushing my hair back, my eyes closing for a moment as I tried to steady my breathing.

I could feel both Caleb and Sylus' eyes on me, the heat of their stares like a physical touch.

Dropping my hands and opening my eyes, my gaze moved from one man to the other, my heart pounding in my chest. They were both staring at me, their eyes dark and intense, and I could practically feel the tension crackling in the air between us.

"We need to talk."

My stomach dropped at Caleb's words, and I swallowed hard.

Swallowing down my nerves, I pushed off the wall, squaring my shoulders as I turned to face him completely.

"No."

He raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting that response from me. "No?" he said flatly, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice. "What do you mean, no?"

I lifted my chin. "I mean… no."

Sylus chuckled, the sound sending goosebumps up my skin and making my heart skip a beat. I could tell that he was enjoying this little powerplay. "Hmm… so feisty tonight, kitten."

That only earned him a glare from me. "Shut up, Sylus."

He smirked, raising his hands in a mockery of surrender. "Just making an observation. No need to get hostile."

I clenched my jaw, biting back more scathing words. "No, we don't need to talk. I’m going to leave and I don’t want to hear from either of you until Monday… we clear."

At that, they both tensed and the smirk on Sylus’ face settled into a scowl to match Caleb’s.

Caleb's eyes narrowed. "You aren't going anywhere. We need to talk."

I felt my heart rate pick up at the dangerous tone in Caleb's voice, but I refused to back down. I was leaving and I was going to go spend time by myself so I could think about what I wanted to do next because this shit was too confusing and with them both here… there was no way I would be able to think… to decide.

"And I said no."

Caleb clenched his jaw, clearly not liking my response, and I could practically see the anger burning in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else and neither did Sylus.

Sensing that this was when I needed to leave before they tried to stop me again, I pushed off the wall and headed for the door, my mind racing and my hands shaking. But as I neared the door, I heard footsteps and a hand shot out, grabbing my wrist.

I froze, my heart skipping a beat as I looked down at the hand wrapped around my wrist, then slowly looked up to see who was holding onto me.

It wasn't Caleb… it was Sylus.

His fingers were tight around my wrist, holding me in place and refusing to let me go.

I swallowed, my body breaking out in goosebumps as he leaned down to whisper. "You can’t avoid him forever. Or me… whatever this is between us… we do need to talk about it."

I closed my eyes.

I couldn't avoid this forever, but I was too overwhelmed right now to deal with it.

"Not today," I said, my voice low and shaky. "But soon… I promise."

He nodded and let go before taking a step back and walking away.

I watched him for a moment then spun on my heels and left.

My brain was spinning by the time I made it home, the drive home a blurry mess of lights and sound that I barely registered. Normally, I would be able to go over what had happened during my day as I drove but right now my mind was too fuzzy… I was too on edge, too damn confused.

I stumbled through my front door, locking it behind me then leaned back against it and let out a long breath, closing my eyes and letting my bag drop to the floor.

The silence of my apartment was a welcome reprieve. It was peaceful and quiet, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into my couch and forget about everything for a while... but I had a feeling I needed something more… to let loose for a bit and not think about things.

After a long minute of just standing there, leaning against the door and letting my brain shut down, my eyes suddenly opened as an idea formed in mind.

I wasn't going to get any relief if I stayed here, not without something to take the edge off, and I was pretty sure I knew what to do.

With a new goal in mind, I pushed away from the door and headed to my bedroom.

Chapter 12: Forgiveness

Caleb

It had been almost two months since Hayley told me what happened at the hands of someone who was supposed to love her unconditionally.

That night was etched into my mind and wouldn’t go away.

It was all I could think about sometimes when I looked at her, but I tried to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself because I had meant what I said to her… she wasn’t a victim, she was strong and she always had been.

But that night… that night changed everything.

She let me in… let me see a side of her that she hid from everyone else. She let me see her raw and vulnerable, and… I fell harder and my feelings were getting difficult to control.

And as the days passed, things seemed to be different between us.

There was a new level of understanding and trust that wasn't there before, and it made being her friend somewhat... harder.

The little touches, the glances, the stolen moments… everything seemed more intense somehow, more meaningful.

It was almost as if we were walking on a tightrope, trying not to fall.

But damn did I want to fall into her.

And that made what happened when I went to see her after a week away on a mission even harder for me to deal with.

That day, I found myself standing outside Roses & Thorns, the familiar storefront looking the same as it had the last time I was here a little over a week ago.

I hadn’t expected it to change but with the way I was feeling today I just thought something would be different… maybe brighter?

I tried to shake off the nervous feeling in my stomach as I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the want and need I would feel as soon as I saw her.

Realizing I was standing on the sidewalk like an idiot, I shook my head and moved towards the shop and opened the door, the familiar jingling of the bell announcing my entrance.

The smell of flowers and plants hit me as soon as I walked in, the familiar scent filling my nose, the soft, natural lighting shining through the windows, the quiet hum of the air conditioner keeping everything cool and comfortable.

I looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings that had become a second home to me, mentally preparing myself for seeing her… and suddenly there she was… but she wasn’t alone.

She was standing behind the counter filling a vase with flowers, talking to someone I hadn’t seen since Mac had died… Xavier.

My eyes narrowed, a sudden wave of protectiveness washing over me as I watched him stand there chatting with her with a small smile on his face.

He was standing too close, way too close, and it took all I had to keep myself from walking over there and telling him to get away from her before he killed her too.

I tried to tell myself that there was nothing wrong with him being here.

That there was nothing wrong with them talking but... seeing him standing so close to her, the way he leaned against the counter, the way he was looking at her… it was driving me crazy.

Was I being unreasonable? Yes, I probably was… but I didn’t care.

All I knew was the last time he was around Mac, she had died and I wouldn’t survive if something happened to Hayley.

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from following her if I lost her.

As if feeling my gaze on her, Hayley looked up and our eyes met.

A smile, warm and sweet, instantly lit up her face and she said something that had Xavier turning to look at me.

"Caleb," Xavier nodded in greeting.

"Xavier," I said, nodding curtly back at him.

Hayley, always the observant one, seemed to notice the tension between us and looked between Xavier and me, her brow furrowed in concern.

"Am I missing something? You two know each other?"

I tore my gaze away from him and focused on her.

"Everything's fine… and yes, we do."

She didn't look like she believed me.

"You sure everything is okay?"

"I'm positive."

Xavier chuckled, the sound grating on my nerves.

"Some things never change, huh?"

I clenched my jaw, my irritation growing with every word he said and I had to force myself to keep my voice casual as I said, "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged, casually leaning back against the counter.

"Just that you always avoided telling Mac how you really felt too."

The moment the words left his mouth, I felt the tension in the air skyrocket.

Hayley's head whipped towards Xavier as her eyebrows furrowed, the concern in her expression replaced by confusion.

"Wait… you knew Mac?"

"Yeah. We worked together."

She nodded but the confusion was still written on her face and I could see the questions in her eyes, could see the gears turning. She wasn't an idiot. She could sense the tension between us, the hidden undertones of animosity… and I knew that she was trying to piece it all together.

She knew Mac had died on the job, but I hadn’t told her every single detail.

I hadn’t told her that the mission Xavier and Mac went on that day wasn’t even supposed to be theirs… it had been given to them because one of the original Hunters had broken their ankle.

Or that when they arrived, they patrolled the area and discovered an Elite Class Wanderer hiding among the ruins of an abandoned building and that they should have called for backup, but Xavier had insisted they didn’t need it.

Or that when they were fighting it the Wanderer had fallen directly on top of Mac, crushing her to the point that she had barely been alive when Xavier had finally killed it and gotten to her.

And I hadn’t told her that I blamed him… even though I knew what had happened had been nothing more than a tragic accident that he had had no control over.

"We worked together? That's it? That’s all you have to say?" I asked, my voice tight with anger and frustration, the words practically coming through clenched teeth.

He stared at me for a moment then exhaled.

"What more do you want me to say?"

I took a step forward, ignoring the warning look I got from Hayley.

"How about the truth? How about admitting that her death was your fault?"

Something in his expression changed.

"Caleb… I-"

"No. Don't give me an excuse or some other bullshit. You know what happened. You took that mission knowing you should have called for backup and you didn’t. You got her killed and now she's gone because of you."

That was a step too far and I knew it, but I didn't care.

I couldn't bring myself to care… not when I had wanted to say these things for years but had never had the chance to because we had never seen each other after her funeral.

He stared at me, his expression hardening as his hands clenched into fists.

"It was an accident, Caleb. You know that as well as I do."

"An accident," I spit out the word like it was poison. "You think I care if it was an accident or not? You think that makes it better?"

He shook his head, looking at me with a mixture of frustration and sadness.

"What do you want from me? You think I don't feel guilty for what happened?"

"I think that’s enough," Hayley whispered.

She stood there looking confused, her eyes flickering between Xavier and me as the silence grew uncomfortably heavy.

Neither of us spoke, and the tension in the air seemed to thicken with every second that went by. Finally, he cleared his throat and pushed himself away from the counter.

"I should go."

I kept my eyes on him, my expression cool and guarded.

"Yeah, you should."

He nodded, his expression unreadable. He spared one last glance in Hayley's direction before turning and heading for the door.

The moment he was gone, the shop was filled with an uncomfortable silence.

I could feel her gaze on me, but I avoided looking at her, afraid of what I would see in her eyes but I eventually let out a sigh and finally looked at her.

"Caleb... what on earth was that about?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but the words got stuck in my throat. I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair as I tried to figure out what to say only to blurt out, "It's... it's complicated."

Her expression changed.

"Complicated how? You two were acting like you wanted to kill each other. Was he… was he there when Mac died?"

I let out a heavy sigh, the weight of the conversation weighing on me.

"Yes."

The answer hung in the air.

She was quiet for a long moment, the silence heavy and uncomfortable.

"And… you blame him for what happened."

It was a statement, not a question, and I didn't bother trying to deny it.

"I do."

"But Caleb…" she began, her voice quiet and hesitant, the look of concern deepening.

I could see it in her eyes - the way she was trying to make sense of everything, the way she was trying to put all the pieces together.

"You… you think what happened was intentional? That he meant for her to die?"

"No," I said quietly, my gaze dropping to the ground. "I don't think… I know it wasn't intentional," I sighed and ran a hand through my hair because of course I knew that what had happened that day wasn’t intentional on Xavier’s part, but it didn’t stop the way I felt. I didn’t think anything ever would. "But I can't…. I can't forgive him."

She looked at me sadly, the concern in her eyes growing.

"Caleb… you have to let it go. You can't hold onto the anger. It's not good for you."

I let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh, right. Just let it go. That's easy to for you to say, isn't it?"

She was quiet for a moment.

"No… it's not easy. Nothing about this is easy. But holding onto that anger and blame… it's hurting you more than anything."

Anger shot through me, white hot and sharp.

"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't tried to let it go? There’s not some… some switch I can flick and be done with it."

She flinched and dropped her gaze to the counter in front of her at the tone of my voice and that made me feel like shit, but I was too far gone at the moment… I needed to get this out, even if I was being a totally dick right now.

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, "I know it's not. But you can't carry that weight forever. It will destroy you."

"I…" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to get my emotions back under control even though it was almost impossible. "I know. I've been told that… a million times. I know I need to let it go. I know that I… that I’m only hurting myself by holding onto all this anger and resentment but… I can't. I don't… know how to do it. Every time I think I can finally start to let it go and forgive him something… happens and I'm right back where I started."

Her expression softened.

"Caleb…"

I looked at her, my jaw clenching.

"I'm sorry."

The words caught me off guard and my brows rose.

"Why are you sorry?"

She dropped her gaze to the flowers on the counter in front of her, her slender fingers fidgeting with the stem of an orange rose.

"I just realized I’m telling you to let it go and forgive… when I can’t even do that myself." She let out a small laugh. "I shouldn’t give advice for something I can’t even do."

Of course, she understood better than anyone else ever had.

She was struggling with something that she couldn't let go of to… but that something was different. She had been through something similar… losing someone she cared about and trying to pick up the pieces and move on but not quite knowing how.

But her someone had tried to kill her… whereas mine had died.

She held resentment towards him while I held resentment towards someone I blamed for Mac not being here anymore.

The two things were different yet… similar and I realized that we were quite the pair… that our grief, anger and all the other emotions our pasts brought out in us had brought us together at the most inopportune time and that had started to help us heal but we were both still messed up.

The anger and resentment that had been coursing through me just moments ago slowly began to fade, replaced by something else… comfort… understanding.

She understood me better than anyone, and that made it feel like she was the only one who really got why I was so damn pissed at Xavier and couldn't stop myself from feeling this way.

"Is it… is it bad? That I can't forgive him? That I want to keep holding on… even though I know it's killing me?" I asked quietly.

She was quiet for a moment, her expression gentle.

"I don't think it's bad that you can't forgive him. I think it's natural but…"

I waited for her to continue, my heart twisting in my chest as I waited to hear what she was going to say. Her eyes met mine with an expression of understanding and empathy.

"You’re grieving," she replied gently. "And grief doesn't have a timeline. There isn't a right way to process it. You can be mad, angry, hurt, sad… or every damn thing in between. One day you can be fine and think you can forgive and forget then the next day that anger is still there sitting in your chest just waiting for you to take it out and use it. That doesn't make you a bad person… it makes you human."

My whole body relaxed… the tight knots in my shoulders, in my chest, in my gut, all began to loosen as I thought about that.

I had been beating myself up, feeling guilty for being unable to forgive and move on and feeling anger towards the person who I blamed for Mac’s death.

But she was giving me permission to be human, to have emotions that were all completely normal for the situation.

I was so used to trying to be strong, that I forgot to just… feel sometimes.

We stood in a comfortable silence for a moment.

My heart was still beating a little fast from both the confrontation with Xavier and the conversation we were having but I suddenly felt more at peace than I had in months.

Having her understand and not judge me was… refreshing, especially when I was used to my feelings being brushed aside and ignored.

It was one of the reasons I loved her so much… she was good woman, she listened and if she related to anyone in any way, shape, or form then she was there to offer her opinion even if that person didn’t want to listen.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Thank you. You always know exactly what to say."

"I don't know about that. I just… I understand where you're coming from."

I walked around the counter and pulled her into a hug.

"You do. You're probably the only person in my life who truly does."

I held her tightly, feeling all those pent-up emotions just… melt away.

We stayed like that for a moment, just holding each other tight, and feeling like the world had faded away until she pulled back and looked up at me with a small smile.

"Feeling better?"

I gave her a lopsided smile.

"Yeah… yeah, actually I am."

"Good… sooooo… wanna help me with something?"

I let out a soft laugh and shook my head, running my hands through my hair.

"Sure, what you need, princess?"

She let out a happy little laugh and gestured to the shop around us.

"Well, I need to rearrange some things here. I've been meaning to move a few items around for a display but have been putting if off… so, can you help?"

I looked and smiled.

"So… you want me to help with manual labor?"

She put her hands together under her chin and batted her lashes at me.

"Yes… please…"

I let out a quiet laugh and shook my head at her expression. She was so damn cute that she always managed to get me to do damn near anything she wanted.

"Of course, I'll help you."

The next several hours were spent moving tables, unpacking boxes, restocking items, and helping her with whatever needed to be done.

I was more than happy to help her, even if it meant doing the heavy lifting and the dirty work, just to make her happy. And besides that, it was nice to just… have something to do with my hands… anything to keep my mind off other things.

As we were finishing up, she came up beside me with a smile. Her eyes held a sparkle of mischief to them and I raised an eyebrow, knowing she had something up her sleeve.

"What are you thinking, princess?" I asked cautiously. "There's a look in your eye that tells me you're plotting something."

She feigned innocence.

"Me? Plotting something? Never. I would never dream of it."

I smirked, not believing her.

"Right. And I guess the sky is purple and the grass is pink."

She laughed, the sound lighthearted and carefree.

"Alright, alright, I'm not plotting anything. I promise."

"You're a terrible liar, princess."

She put her hands on her hips.

"First off, rude," she teased. "Second, Sadie invited me over for dinner and was wondering if you want to come too."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Dinner with Sadie?"

She nodded, trying to look nonchalant but I could see the hopeful look in her eyes.

"Yeah, she's making lasagna."

"And you want me to come along?"

"Of course, I do. You're my best friend."

I stared at her for a moment… best friend.

I knew that's all we were, all we were ever going to be, but like always I couldn't help hoping for more… hoping she would look at me and want more than just friendship. But… I couldn't let myself do that. She would never feel the same way.

"Sure, I'll come."

A smile spread across her face, the pleased expression making my heart skip a beat.

"Really? You're gonna come?"

"Yeah, I'll come. I can't turn down a free meal."

I tried to play it off casually, but the truth was I was always desperate to spend as much time with her as possible and if it meant torturing myself wanting things that I shouldn’t I’d keep doing it anyways.

"Good," she grinned.

We finished straightening up the shop in silence for a couple minutes, both lost in our thoughts before she spoke again, "Hey, Caleb?"

"Yeah, princess?"

"Can I… ask you something?"

I looked over at her, the hesitance in her voice making my heart skip a beat.

"Sure, shoot."

"You… have any plans for Halloween?"

The question took me by surprise… Halloween? I hadn't really thought about it, but I had a feeling things were going to be interesting this year.

I turned to look at her, wondering where this was leading to.

"Why do you ask? You planning something?"

She looked away from me, a light flush spreading over her cheeks as she shrugged.

"Well, you know Sadie. She loves any excuse to throw a party."

I let out a laugh, the thought of an actual holiday party sounded fun.

"Of course, she does."

She still wasn't looking at me, and I had a feeling there was more to this than just asking if I had plans for the upcoming holiday.

There was a silence between us as I waited for her to speak again, but she just continued to avoid looking at me. I could sense that there was something she wanted to say but for some reason she seemed hesitant.

"Hey," I said softly, gently touching her arm. She looked up at me, her eyes darting away again almost instantly. "What's going on, princess? You're acting weird."

"I…"  She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, nervous energy radiating off her like crazy.

I took a small step towards her.

"What is it? You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

She looked up, her eyes finally meeting mine again. The nervous expression on her face softened a bit, and she nodded slightly.

"Yeah… yeah, I do know that."

I took another step forward, closing the distance between us.

"Then why do you look so nervous? What is it? You can tell me."

She sighed and nibbled on her bottom lip before saying, "Sadie wants us to dress up."

I raised an eyebrow, surprised but amused by the thought of it because I hadn’t dressed up for Halloween since I was a child.

"Dress up… for Halloween."

She nodded, a sheepish expression on her face.

"Yeah. She wants to host a costume party. She's been planning it for weeks, apparently."

"And let me guess… she wants us to wear matching costumes?"

Her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red.

"Yes, she does."

I tried to fight off a grin, but her nervousness was endearing.

"Let me guess. She's wanting something cutesy and coupley."

The flush on her cheeks deepened and she nodded.

I chuckled and reached out, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Let me take a guess at what you're going to be. You're going as an angel, aren't you."

She let out a small laugh, some of the tension leaving her face.

"Yeah, I am."

"And I'm guessing I’m going as a devil."

She nodded, confirming my guess.

I chuckled, the thought of dressing up in a devil costume and standing next to her as an angel was almost comical but also… kind of attractive. The two of us… an angel and a devil, complete opposites… it was somehow fitting.

"Does she expect us to act too?" I teased. "You as the sweet, innocent angel and me as the devilish, sinful one who has come to corrupt the pretty angel?"

"Yes, that is exactly what she expects."

"You know, I like the idea of playing the role of the devil, tempting the pretty little angel." My gaze roamed over her face, looking like the perfect image of innocence. "Especially when the angel in question is so damn beautiful."

Her lips parted and her eyes darted up to meet mine, surprise in their green depths.

"What, you're surprised that I think you're beautiful?" The flush on her cheeks deepened, and she looked away, but I reached out and gently grabbed her chin, turning her face back to meet mine. "You're blushing, princess."

"Shut up," she muttered.

I grinned, amused by her reaction.

"You're adorable when you're all flustered."

"It's just…I'm not used to you saying things like that."

I hummed softly and stepped even closer, my fingers still on her chin, my body mere inches away from hers.

"Maybe I should say it more often then."

She shivered, her eyes darting to mine again, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

There was something about the way she looked right now that was driving me crazy. She looked so damn sweet and innocent and it took everything in me not to close the distance between us and do all the things I had been wanting to do for weeks.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I think you're beautiful, princess."

Her breath caught in her throat, and she looked up at me with vulnerable eyes.

"You… do?"

I nodded, my free hand lifting to touch her cheek.

She closed her eyes, leaning into my touch, her head tilting slightly to the side as she melted into the feeling of my touch.

She was so damn beautiful. She was so innocent and sweet. I wanted her so badly it hurt and the urge to pull her closer… to press her against me and never let her go was almost too tempting but I resisted… no matter how much it hurt to do so.

Her eyes opened and she smiled.

"Thank you."

Her smile… that damn smile did things to me.

"You’re welcome…" I murmured then wrapped my arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the shop doors. "Let’s go eat some lasagna."

Chapter 4

His tone was low, harsh… promising pain and pleasure in equal measure, and when he looked down at me, his expression was so intense that I could feel my heart thudding against my ribs. "You think you get to mark me, huh? You think you can just bite me… and I'll just let it slide?"

I smirked, trying to hide the way my heart was pounding in my chest, my body humming with anticipation. "And if I do?"

He let out a low growl and leaned closer, his face just millimeters from mine. "Then I'm going to make damn sure you feel my marks on you for days. I'm going to make sure you can't think straight, can't walk straight…"

"Hmm…" I purred, wrapping my legs around his waist and lifting my hips so I could grind my pussy against his cock. "Promises, promises…"

His grip on my wrists shifted, holding them in one hand above my head, his other moving between our bodies and sliding down between my legs to play with my clit. "You think taunting me is a good idea?" He spoke softly, but there was a hint of danger in his voice that sent a shiver down my spine.

I threw my head back with a low moan. "I do," I teased, my hips lifting again, trying to get his fingers where I really wanted them.

He chuckled darkly, his fingers pulling away, and I let out a whimper, my body arching off the bed reflexively to chase them.

"You really are a brat," he murmured, his eyes flickering with something dangerous as he notched the head of his cock against my entrance. "And I think it's time I remind you," he paused long enough to slam his cock inside me in one smooth move, "… that I'm in charge, not you."

And for once, I had nothing to say.

All I could do was gasp, my back arching off the bed, my nails digging into the palms of my hands as if searching for some sort of anchor to ground me as he filled me completely.

My legs pulled him closer, and even in the haze of pleasure, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, the possessive glint that made my stomach clench and my pussy flutter around his length. "Sylus-"

He leaned down until his lips hovered over mine. "Yes, kitten?"

His voice was soft, a stark contrast to the intense look in his eyes, and it only made the heat pooling in my pussy that much stronger.

"I-"

His hand shifted, moving away from my wrists, and I felt cool air on my skin as he traced a path down my arm, making me shiver. "You have something to say?" he murmured, his touch feather-light as he traced the sensitive skin of my inner wrist and circled his hips.

My response turned into a strangled gasp as he continued to tease me, his touch both maddening and overwhelming. I writhed underneath him as he continued circling his hips against mine, not really giving me what I truly wanted.

"I-"

His smirk widened as he watched me unravel beneath him, my voice breaking on every attempt to form a coherent sentence. "I what?" he pressed, his hips rolling in slow, deliberate circles that had my toes curling into the sheets.

Every drag of his cock against that sweet spot inside me was torture—deliberate and calculated. He knew exactly how to ruin me without giving an inch of relief.

My hands fisted in the bedding as I struggled for breath between ragged moans—no witty retorts left now… just raw need dripping from every gasp, "Sylus… please."

A dark chuckle rumbled through his chest. "Use that pretty mouth of yours and tell me what you want," he murmured, moving his mouth to my neck.

In that moment, any sense of control was gone as I gasped, "Fuck me. Hard."

He growled in response. "Hard, huh? Think you can handle it?"

I nodded fiercely, wanting… no, needing him to move… to stop torturing me and fuck me as hard as he could. "Yes," I whispered, my voice raw and desperate. "I know I can."

"Careful, kitten… you might regret that."

There was a sharp edge to his voice and a hint of warning, but I was far too desperate to care. "Stop teasing me and fuck me, damnit," I hissed, shifting my hips against his, trying to get some semblance of friction where I really needed it. "I'm ready… and I know I can take it."

Something flashed in his eyes, a dangerous kind of heat, and for a moment, I thought I saw a hint of a sadistic smile. "Oh, kitten," he murmured, releasing my wrist so he could put his forearms on either side of my head. "You just don't know when to shut up, do you?"

My heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it in my ears. I knew that I'd just signed myself up for trouble, but I didn't care. I was too far gone… too desperate for what I knew he could give me. And if this was going to be one night I was going to take whatever I could and enjoy it.

I braced myself for whatever he was about to unleash on me, my fingers gripping the sheets tightly above my head. I could feel the heat and tension building between us, the air almost crackling with anticipation, and for a moment, it felt like time itself had stilled.

Then he leaned down, his voice a low growl in my ear. "You asked for it, kitten."

His words sent a shiver down my spine, and before I could even draw in a breath, all the breath was forced from my lungs in a rush as he suddenly pulled out, my body almost going into shock at the sudden emptiness, before he thrust back in and started pounding into my body at a punishing pace.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god… oh…"

My mind went blank as he filled me, my body shaking uncontrollably as my arms lifted and wrapped around his neck, my hands clawing at him mindlessly.

And if the sensations weren’t enough, he started to talk in a low growl against my ear… saying dirty things that had me clenching around his cock and arching as a I writhed.

"Is this what you wanted?" he growled, his voice rough and low, the sound almost getting lost in my gasping breaths. "To feel my hard cock wrecking your tight little pussy?"

I nodded frantically, my voice reduced to moans and gasps as I grabbed handfuls of his sweat-slicked hair, pulling his face down so I could kiss him frantically.

He groaned into the kiss, his hips never slowing as he devoured my mouth with a hunger that matched the brutal pace of his thrusts. "You feel that?" he rasped against my lips, one hand sliding between our bodies to press rough circles on my clit. "How deep I fuck you? How you grip me like you’re trying to milk me of every drop?"

My back arched off the bed violently as overstimulation crashed through me - too much sensation, too fast - but he didn't let up for a second. If anything, he grew more feral at hearing me sob his name.

"Oh no," he growled, moving his hand away from my swollen nub while changing the angle of his hips so his cock slid deeper. "You don't get come until I say so."

A broken whimper tore free from my throat as being denied burned through every nerve ending and because I was the bratty kitten that he claimed I was I yanked on his hair and leaned up to sink my teeth into his chest.

He groaned and pulled back, his hand fisting in my hair and pulling my head back harshly, forcing me to look at him. "No biting, kitten…" he muttered, "Now, I asked you a question… don't ignore me when I'm talking to you."

The authoritative tone almost had me coming, his words only adding fuel to the fire raging inside me.

"Y-yes… this is…" I paused with a sharp cry at a brutal thrust that hit something inside me that made me see stars, "… this is what I wanted… what I asked for… I swear-"

He hissed then slammed his hips against mine and rolled them before pulling back and repeating the motion. "Damn right it is…"

I felt like I was going to go insane as he continued to pound into me, my mind unable to form a coherent thought. I could feel the building tension, the heat coiled tight inside of me, and I knew I was close…

"Sylus… I'm- I - please don't make me wait any longer… please… I need to..."

He pulled out of my pussy, leaving me feeling desperate and needy, and grabbed my hands when I whimpered and reached for him. Pinning my hands to the bed on either side of my head, he leaned down, pressing his lips to my ear. "Do you think you've earned it?"

I growled and wiggled underneath him, trying to move to get his cock back inside me, but he just tightened his grip on my wrists, holding me firmly in place. "Sylus, seriously?" I hissed in frustration, squirming beneath him. "You're driving me insane… please, I'm so close-"

He chuckled darkly, his mouth moving to my neck to nip at my skin. "You begging now?"

I shivered, the heat and his words driving me crazy. "Sylus, damn it…" I gasped, struggling to find the words. "You are absolutely sadistic."

He chuckled then bit down gently, making me gasp again. "Maybe, but you love it."

I did love it... I loved the way he was treating me, the way he teased and taunted me, the way he drove me insane and then brought me to the edge just to deny me. It was infuriating, yes, but it was also addictive... so addicting that I felt like I couldn't get enough.

"You know I do," I whispered, my words almost a plea. "Now please, please… I need you."

"Hands and knees."

The command was simple, but I felt my heart skip a beat as my mind immediately envisioned what he was about to do, what the position he was asking for meant.

He let go of my wrists and without a word, I rolled over onto my front and pushed up to my hands and knees, my heart beating so hard it was practically echoing in my ears as I waited, breathless and impatient, for his next move.

There was a moment of silence as he moved behind me, my breath catching as I felt his hands run over my hips and up my spine... and then one hand gripped the hair at the back of my head, pulling my head back until I was forced to arch my back and grip the headboard for balance.

The position left me feeling vulnerable… but in the best way possible.

I could feel the heat building between us again, my hands trembling against the headboard, and I swore I could feel his eyes on my body like a physical weight.

Swallowing, I waited and when I heard his voice, it was like a jolt ran through me, my body tightening in anticipation.

"Stay like that."

I could only nod in response, my brain too far gone with need to trust my voice.

And then I felt his hands on me, running up the inside of my legs, moving around the backs of my thighs to my ass and squeezing.

My breath quickened as each touch sent sparks through my body, and I couldn't help but arch my back a little more, wanting to feel more of him against me.

I heard him huff out a soft curse, his hands flying to my hips to still my movements and squeezing in silent warning then his hands were back on my ass, rougher this time.

"So damn beautiful," he murmured, his voice low. "So perfect."

I felt my face flush with pleasure, his words sending a shiver through me, and when I heard him shift behind me, felt his body press against my back, I couldn't help but whimper, my body moving back against him almost reflexively.

"So impatient," he said, his voice low and rough as he started to press kisses along my shoulder blades.

The teasing kisses made me shiver, and I found myself rubbing my ass back against his cock, trying to find some friction, any friction.

"Please…" I murmured, my voice low and needy.

He chuckled softly then bit lightly at the skin of my shoulder. "Please what, kitten?"

I could hear the smirk in his voice, and the teasing tone was both infuriating and arousing all at once. "You know what I want…" I muttered, trying to keep my voice even but failing. "I want your cock back-ah!"

His teeth nipped at my neck, the pain and pleasure making me shiver and then his hands slid down, spreading my thighs further apart. "Impatient and a smart mouth."

My hands clenched against the headboard as I was forced to arch my back more, my body trembling in anticipation. I was about to respond, to snap back at him... only to gasp as I felt his hand wrap around my hair again and pull my head back against his shoulder just as he slid his cock back inside my needy pussy.

Without giving me time to adjust, he started a slow, deliberate pace, holding my head back and I felt like I couldn't even think straight as I writhed against him, my body desperate for more.

Then he leaned down, his mouth by my ear, "Is this what you wanted, kitten?"

"Yes, please… don't tease me. Fuck me, please," I gasped, my words a desperate plea, and when I heard him chuckle, my heart started beating even harder because it was a sadistic laugh.

He changed his pace, slowing down until he slid almost all the way out of my pussy before gliding back in at a snail’s pace, teasing me. "You're asking nicely now?" he purred in my ear. "Too late for that, kitten."

"Oh, fuuuuck you," I hissed, the words catching in my throat as he slowly filled me again then rolled his hips against my ass with a growl. I let my head fall back against his shoulder. "You bastard… I swear if you don’t let me come, I will find a way to get you back."

He chuckled again, the sound dark and wicked. "Oh?" he murmured. "You're making threats now, are you?"

I tensed as I heard the tone of his voice, my body going still. "Damn right I am," I muttered, trying to sound defiant even as I trembled in his hold.

"Yeah? And how you gonna manage that, hmm? You're the one impaled on my cock, begging me for what you really want…"

The words sent a tingle running through me… but I was too desperate to care that I was treading on thin ice and probably about to get my ass spanked. "Damn it… please… I'm going to lose my mind, you sadistic bastard… I need you to stop being a teasing prick and just-"

I broke off as he pulled out of me completely, leaving my pussy clenching around nothing.

A frustrated whine escaped me, my body instinctively arching back against him, trying to get him back inside me, but he held me in place easily.

"No."

My brain short-circuited as that single word cut through the fog in my head. "What…?"

I tried to turn my head to look at him and see if he was joking but he pressed his chest against my back and wrapped the hand not in my hair around my waist to keep me still.

"No… you're not serious…" I whispered, my heart clenching with a feeling I didn't want to admit was panic. "You can't just stop and… leave me… like this…"

He let out a dark chuckle, the sound making me shiver again. "Oh, but I can, kitten," he murmured, his voice almost cold. "And I will. Unless you start being a good girl, of course…"

I didn't know if he was sadistic enough to seriously leave me like this, aching and desperate. I didn't know if he was just testing my limits or pushing me to the edge… but I wasn’t willing to find out, not when I was so desperate to come.

"Please," I whispered. "I'll be good… just please, Sylus, don’t…" His grip in my hair tightened, stopping what was no doubt going to be another demand from my lips and I gasped, my head tilting further back, and my body arching automatically as I bit my bottom lip and kept quiet.

"That's my good girl," he murmured against the side of my face. "Now… stay still…" He pressed his cock back inside me all the way then stopped with his hips pressed against my ass with a low growl. "… or I’ll stop."

My body was shaking, my legs trembling so hard that I wasn't sure I could even hold myself up, but I didn't dare move, not when I felt so needy and desperate that I felt like I was going to cry.

I didn't know what his plan was, but the feeling of him being so deep inside me but not moving was driving me insane.

He leaned forward so his lips were against my ear again. "Hold on to the headboard and don’t move… or I leave you needy and wanting."

I could barely think straight as I nodded rapidly, my hands clenching against the wood.

"Good girl," he growled again and my head swam as his words sank in.

I could feel him watching me, waiting to see if I would try to move or resist in the slightest, but I had no intention of giving him a reason to stop.

And then, slowly, so painfully slowly, he started to withdraw making my bite my lip so hard that I thought I might draw blood. His pace was so damn slow… almost as if he was deliberately drawing it out. I could feel every inch, every vein, every twitch, every movement of his long, thick cock as he withdrew inch by agonizingly agonizing inch then pushed back inside…

I wanted to move, to push my ass back against him to get him to move faster, take me harder… but I kept myself still. And then, just when I thought I was going to lose what little sanity I had left, he started moving faster, taking me roughly.

After that… I couldn't think, my head spinning in dizzying circles. I felt so… lost. In the pleasure… in the sensations… all I could do was hold on, desperate, and try to keep still.

Then he leaned down, his breath hot against my neck, and his voice so low and soft that I could feel the words shiver through me. "Come for me, kitten…"

My whole body tensed, every nerve lighting up as all of that need and desire that had been building rose up and crashed over me in waves.

The heat was so overwhelming that I was almost blind with it, and I bit my lip so hard that I bit through the skin, the pain mixing with pleasure and pushing me over the edge completely. I wasn't sure I was making any noise but to me it sounded like I was crying.

I felt his teeth as he leaned down and bit into my shoulder at the same moment his fingers found my clit and started rubbing.

A hoarse shout left my lips at the same time he let out a low curse as my pussy clamped down on his cock for a second time. My body started twitching and my hands loosened around the headboard to the point that if he hadn’t had an arm around my waist, I would have fallen face first into the wood.

My hips twitched a few more times as he continued to rub the sensitive bundle of nerves between my legs then he moved his hand away and up my stomach to my left breast.

He held still for a few more moments, and I was still coming down, my body shaking with the aftershocks, when he pulled out of me and gripped my waist, spinning me around and lifting me up before sitting me on the edge of the bed and pushing me onto my back.

My brain was still trying to catch up as I watched him move, my body still buzzing with satisfaction. I was expecting him to pick me up, hold me, take me into the bathroom to bathe… or something comforting like that.

What I wasn't expecting him to step between my thighs, his hands wrapping around my hips and pulling me closer to the edge of the bed before slamming his cock back inside my pussy in one hard thrust.

My body arched against his with a sharp cry, my hands flying up to his shoulders to cling to him, my nails digging into his skin.

I gasped as he leaned down, his mouth crushing against mine in a rough, demanding kiss. He tasted like heat and I could feel the feral hunger in him, the lust, need and the dark desire.

Eventually, I had to pull away, gasping for breath, but I couldn't do anything but cling to him, my mouth moving against the skin of his chest as he pounded into my pussy relentlessly.

"Sylus—" His name left my lips in a gasp, the sound needy and soft, and he growled in response, his hands pulling me onto his cock over and over.

"That's right, kitten," he said his voice rough and low. "Again… I want to feel that pussy clamp around my cock again."

I whined, trying to find enough air to respond and tell him I didn’t think I could come again, but it was difficult, the heat and need in my belly burning so bright that it was hard to think.

"You... I… fuck…" the curse came out a rough, broken gasp then another needy whine left my throat as he bent and took one of my nipples between his lips.

Even as overly stimulated as my body was, I couldn't bring myself to push him away as his teeth sank lightly into my sensitive flesh… not when I needed what he was giving me, even as my mind protested, even as I felt every inch of his body against mine… wrecking me so completely I felt like I was floating…

I needed this…. needed him.

He was relentless, driving into me like he was determined to take everything, take all of me, and I knew I was going to be sore tomorrow, marked and covered in the evidence of his touch.

And part of me didn't care.

I didn't care if he left me bruised and raw and aching to the point that I couldn't walk, I just needed him to let me come again.

"Sylus, please… let me come…"

"Not yet," he growled, speeding up his thrusts, driving in so deep he kept hitting that spot.

"Bas-" I let out a long, drawn-out moan when he sucked a hickey into the skin above my left breast before moving those sinful lips to my other and giving it the same treatment. "B-bastard."

A rough chuckle rumbled through his chest, and I heard the dangerous edge in it even as I felt his lips quirk against my skin. "Careful, kitten," he murmured. "If you keep talking like that, I'll start to think you like me hurting you…"

My eyes snapped open, and I had just enough coherency left to look at him, my mouth opening to protest. "I-"

His fingers moved from my hips, sliding up the sides of my body to cup my face, and the words died in my throat. "Don't deny it. I can feel how much you like it by the way that tight little pussy keeps strangling my cock."

My face went hot at his words, a jolt of heat going through me.

"Bastard," I muttered again, struggling to get the word out without moaning because he hadn’t stopped moving even while talking, only slowed down to an agonizing speed that had me digging my nails into his shoulders and dragging them down his back.

He hissed in response and I felt his cock pulse inside me as his hips stuttered.

My eyes widened, my brain registering the fact that I was able to draw that strong of a reaction from him the same second I felt those rough fingers slide into my hair and tighten until it was almost to the point of pain.

"Be careful, kitten."

There was a warning in his voice as he looked down at me.

In the back of my mind, I knew I probably shouldn’t do what I was about to… that I was toying with fire, but the smug satisfaction I felt knowing I had some kind of control over him, even for just a moment, was too much to resist.

Using my grip on his shoulders, I leaned up, letting my tongue dart out to run a slow line along his jaw until my mouth reached his ear. "Or what?" I murmured, my voice soft and taunting.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea… to taunt an already extremely wound-up man, who was buried inside me as deep as he could go, who was barely keeping control of himself. But then I'd always had a habit of ignoring good sense and self-preservation when it came to pushing his buttons.

For a second, all I heard was his harsh breathing and then, "You are going to pay for that."

I didn't have time to do anything more than gasp before he slammed his mouth down on mine in a punishing kiss and started driving into me rougher, harder… setting a pace that was so fast that all I could do was grip his shoulders and hold on.

Eventually I had to tear my mouth away from his, the need for air growing until I had no choice but to lean my head back and arch to suck in a deep breath… and then his mouth was on me again, licking and biting as he sucked more hickeys into the sensitive flesh of my neck.

I couldn't do anything but cling to him, my thoughts a tangled mess. All I knew was pleasure and that fire that burned between us… and the overwhelming desire to come.

"Please—" the word was broken, barely a gasp, and I felt him smirk against my skin.

"Shhhh," he murmured, his fingers moving from my hair to my face, cupping my cheek and holding me in place as he nipped at my bottom lip then pulled back to look at me. "Not yet."

"I hate you…" I hissed, a whine in my voice as I writhed underneath him as I moved my hips to meet him thrust for thrust. "I hate you… oh god, I hate you so goddamn much…"

"No, you don’t," he growled in response, his hips snapping a little harder.

I opened my mouth to respond, but he slammed his mouth down on mine again, the kiss harsher than before, brutal and possessive. He bit at my bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth before his tongue swept into my mouth.

I lost everything then, lost all sense of coherency and thought, lost all sense of time… the only thing I knew was him… his body, his words, his touch. He kept going… deeper, harder, faster, and I felt like he was trying to break me… trying to leave a mark on me that I would never forget.

My body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, my legs trembling… I felt raw… on the edge… and when his mouth left my neck, that look on his face… that dark fire in his eyes as he held me pinned down… and said, "Now come for me," my eyes widened, my body going rigid as my pussy clamped down on his cock and I did exactly that with a loud cry.

He growled in response, his body shuddering against mine as his cock pulsed repeatedly inside me as he followed me over. Then his head dropped, his breath ragged against my skin and it took him a few long moments to get his own breathing back under control.

The fingers in my hair loosened a little, and his body relaxed as he came down from his high but he didn’t pull out of my body or move off me.

He lifted his head to look at me, and I couldn't look away from his eyes, the fire there now a low smolder, but no less intense. "You're going to be too sore to walk tomorrow, you know," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Worth it," I mumbled then closed my eyes and passed out.

If anybody had tried to tell you a few years ago that you’d find yourself wishing for space from Sylus Qin, you’d have used one of the uppercuts he taught you to chip a few teeth. Would have picked the jagged pieces off the ground to store in a secret, velvet little pouch you’d tuck into the furthest corners of your bedside drawer. 

Yet, here you are: staring at the ceiling, stained piss-yellow by the ancient lightbulbs, stewing in that exact impossibility. 

Outside, the endless rain patter-patter-patters in stygian blue, loud enough to drown out any gurgling cries that might arise from anybody unlucky enough to be targeted by the Praedators roaming these streets, anybody unseasoned enough not to know that, in these parts, you strike first, ask later. 

The window is still open from earlier in the day, cool moisture clinging to your sensitive skin – he’d scold you for it usually, for leaving a potential point of entry exposed, but you were feeling claustrophobic in this yet-unfamiliar place, with its lack of proper ventilation. Restless. Antsy. 

He understands that, though you’ve neglected to tell him why. How his decision to lay low for a while has allowed you to glut yourself on his proximity until you’re almost sick with it. Until you’re almost feverish from it, mind ricocheting between your oil-slick past and soap-soft present like a bullet before shattering into the shards of a hundred fantasy futures, each one sharp enough to cut, each one daring you to wrap your fist around it anyway. 

It’s not his fault, of course. 

It’s yours. 

It’s you. 

You and your selfish greed that won’t stay dead and buried, no matter how many times you’ve killed it. 

Maybe they broke something in me, when I was little, you think miserably, not for the first time. Back when you were forced to learn exactly how dark desire could be, then forced to learn how to leverage that for food, for shelter, for cheap imitations of care. You knew it wasn’t genuine. You were just a little street rat, knobbly knees and sharp elbows, digging through trash cans for fast food wrappers that still held a trace of nourishment, licking at the residue until the waxy paper was clean. 

You let so many disgusting things into your body, anything to try and stifle the awful, gnawing emptiness. And even now, years into your adoption by Sylus Qin, safe and satisfied in almost every way that your younger self could have dreamed of, you can’t help wanting more, more, more.

But such is the way of life: once you know true hunger, your body carries the knowledge of it to its grave. 

So, no, it’s not his fault – though he certainly makes things worse. His graceful, clever fingers. His eyes, red as the blood your twisted heart feeds on, glowing with quiet pride and less-quiet amusement. The hard-earned musculature of him that he has no issue with flaunting, and his scent – god, his scent. How his sweat clings to the inside of his leather jackets when the oncoming storm turns the air to soup; sometimes, you’re lucky enough to peel them from his broad shoulders while they’re still wet, wet enough that you can run lines up the fabric and collect the precious, salty droplets on your tongue. When you finally have to actually fulfil your promise of cleaning them, you do so somberly, chest aching with nearly as much mourning as you do when it's his blood pinkening the water that beats against the sink porcelain. You just… You just…

It wasn’t always like this, you know that. 

For the first few years, you loved him and were all the purer for it. You were a kid – “a little squirt”, he’d say – curling up in a safe place for sleep and he was your walls, your roof, your floor, and you were ever so grateful. 

So, so grateful, until you realised with burgeoning horror that you were in love with him, in love with Sylus Qin, your raison d'être, the man you’d fucking called Daddy when he wasn’t able to hear. 

Just fourteen, then. So young and so broken, but time and space had given you room to breathe, to heal a little. 

Sylus had begun your homeschooling in earnest and yet, despite the extra investment of time in you, you felt utterly starved of him. 

Suddenly, you were newly aware of his position in any given room. You kept track of the little things, obsessing over whatever might draw his attention away from you. Rather than thoughtlessly climb over him, the breadth of him your cherished playground, you started looking for excuses to touch him. 

Innocent things, things that could be easily explained away. Reusing his cups to ‘save you from washing dishes’. Picking imaginary lint off his immaculate coats in order to feel the strength of his wide, hard chest beneath your fingers. Leaning around him to reach for a mug so your budding breasts just happened to brush against his arm.

After years of satiation from the mere twitch of his plush mouth, the bump of his regal nose, you were starting to feel hungry again. That ravenous monster inside you, once lazy with digestion, was stirring and now looking at him made you feel empty in all the cavernous spaces in your body. 

You’d tried putting things inside you again, an echo of the days that still haunted your nights, desperate in denial. 

You ate until you could match him in portion sizes, drank juice and water and the delicious rooibos tea he made until you were constantly running for the bathroom, bought every scented candle that even slightly caught your interest, but to no avail. 

And it made sense. 

You’d read about them, see, in one of his books that you’d greedily devoured. Read about the hungry ghosts. Èguǐ – or preta – were creatures of folklore, humans who died unhappily, reborn with long thin necks, round bellies, and slavering tongues that couldn’t be satisfied by anything. 

Oh, you’d thought at the time, fingers curling around the page’s sharp edges, seeking its bite. Maybe that’s what happened. 

Maybe, during one of all the many horrible things you survived, you had actually died. 

Died, and came back wrong, and that was why you were so fucked up. 

Why your breasts ached – between your thighs, too – sending you to bed early, keeping you up through restless nights until you remembered the manga you’d stuffed beneath your bed out of shame. With shaking hands, you’d opened its pages, glossier than the mythology text, tracing the shapes in your mind, but even that hadn’t helped – you already knew all about the things they were doing to each other in the comic. Things that had only ever filled you with fear, then left you even emptier afterwards. That is, until your traitorous, wretched little mind had replaced contemptuous eyes with glittering red, greasy hair with silky silver, and finally you found relief in your fingers. 

It became your guilty ritual, the one secret you could never tell him about. Every couple of nights, when your indulgence in his presence reached the threshold of overwhelming, you’d slip quietly away to whatever served as your bedroom at the time and lock the door. 

How silent you were, sneaky. Citing homework, citing poor sleep, citing teenage fatigue and every other thing you could think of because he’d hate you, if he learned your true reason. Call you depraved. Ungrateful for the bond he’s so generously bestowed on you. You were supposed to be his daughter, supposed to be satisfied with that. You weren’t, but you could pretend well enough. Those lacrosse lessons taught you how to lie with your whole being, and you refined your techniques on your peers before turning them on your beloved protector, on the sanctuary he’d unwittingly desecrated by inviting a hungry abomination inside. 

And so the years passed. The guilt grew, but so did you, until the weight of it barely bothered you before the late hours, when you were alone. 

You are not alone now. 

Now, you are eighteen – so freshly eighteen that you still forget sometimes – staring at the ceiling and wishing you had space from Sylus Qin so you can try to relieve your unbearable hunger for him. 

But you can’t just ask him to leave, even though he would. 

Not when he looks like this, sitting against the headboard of the bed in one of his low-cut sweaters, curled over you where your head rests on his lap. As much as you want privacy, so you can fully sink into the fantasy currently gripping you of just turning into his crotch and inhaling deep, of pulling open his zipper with your teeth and plunging your tongue beneath the band of his briefs, you cannot bring yourself to actually voice the words. To invite separation, when the closeness you will always crave is available, closeness you do not generally have the luxury of, is unthinka—

A calloused finger taps your forehead, causing you to blink. “You’re thinking rather deeply,” he observes, amusement coiling around each phoneme. “How novel.” 

You scowl at the teasing, snapping at his finger with your teeth. You’re too slow – you usually are, but on the occasions when you manage to catch him, he lets you chew on his digits until you’re satisfied. A kind of reward, you suppose, for honing your reflexes. 

Tragically, right now, there is nothing in your mouth: so much nothing you might as well choke on it. 

You deflect. “I was thinking we’ve been here for a while,” you lie. 

A few weeks ago, you’d had to move into this particular safe house rather unexpectedly, and it has only the space for a kitchen, bathroom, and a single cramped bedroom. Even the coin-operated laundry is shared between the whole complex, battered and barely functional. 

The first night he’d dragged you here, clutching his furiously bleeding arm with his large, gloved hand, he’d still had the presence of mind to wrinkle his nose imperiously. “It’s not much,” he’d explained, his tone dangerously close to apologetic, “I acquired it before you came along. We’ll find something—” He’d ground his teeth against the pain as you grabbed him by the other arm. 

“I don’t care if we share the same damned pillow,” you’d told him sharply, “as long as you show me where the bathroom is, so I can stitch up that fucking gash.” 

Famous last words. 

Because after you’d cleaned his cuts and scrapes – worse for the fact he’d tried to shield you from the brunt of the attack – he’d settled on the ground beside the bed, head resting against the king-single mattress, facing the door, and you’d become so incredibly aware of him. 

The way his breathing evened with sleep, meditative, before collapsing into thunderous snores. His body, so warm it radiated out, reaching through space and thin sheets to coax an answering spark inside you. His hair gleaming metallic in the soft darkness, right by your hips, so close you could have reached out and carded your fingers through it. If he turned, if he looked at you… but he would never. 

He would never. 

You were just a little leech, occasionally useful but not nearly enough to balance the books. The deadweight he’d been so kind to shoulder, to clothe and educate and feed, so why couldn’t you just be satisfied with this? Why did you have to want more than his generosity, want his gaze to sear its brand into your skin, claiming every part of you, the parts that already belong to him, have always belonged to him, if only he was willing to— 

The hunger was nearly unbearable. 

You’d spent the entire night wanting, hardly daring to shift, to even breathe, in case he woke up and realised how desperate you were. Blamed your sleeplessness on lingering adrenaline the morning after, for which he’d laughed at you over his morning coffee. And you were forced to take his ribbing meekly, with none of your usual sass, face burning with shame, because it was better than him shunning you or, worse, pitying you.

“Mmm,” Sylus agrees thoughtfully, those crimson eyes drifting to the book in his hand – Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities, you’d managed to decipher, angling your head till the letters became recognisable – then beyond that to the mug of rooibos tea still faintly steaming on the small bedside table. Beside it, a gun gleams, deadly metal shining in tungsten. “Thirty seven days… Over a month now.”  

A whole month of torture, in which you only found temporary reprieve when he left to shower. 

“Who’s counting?” you snark, but your heart beats an anxious rhythm in Morse code: sick of me already? 

You’d ask, if you weren’t so terribly afraid of the answer. If you weren’t so terribly aware of the ulterior motives that keep you taking advantage of his goodwill. 

“We covered basic arithmetic years ago.” He smirks. “Don’t tell me we need to revise.” 

Your mouth falls open in offense, but you force a quick recovery. 

“I don’t know who told you that you were funny, but they were lying to you,” you sniff righteously, lying yourself. Lying to yourself. And worse, lying to him. 

“So tetchy tonight,” he remarks drily, ruffling your hair gently. You hiss at him. “Is my kitten starving for enrichment? If I recall, you still owe me an assignment on the rules of international warfare, as revised after the Evol gene’s proliferation in civilian populations. I was cutting you slack, since we left most of your textbooks behind, but if you insist…” 

“How’s your book going?!” you yelp, more exclamation than the question it rightfully should be. 

Sylus snorts, head tilting. Those eyes slide to the book in hand, which he is the majority of the way through. “This?” 

You’ve thought about that, about the absurdity of a man who is constantly having to abandon homes with barely any forewarning insisting on buying physical copies of his books, but you have to admit that the experience of actually holding paper and ink is incomparable. 

“It’s interesting,” he admits. “There’s a remarkable amount of social relevance to it, considering it’s set at the time of the French Revolution. And yet, Dickens doesn’t shy away from the brutality of revolt, and how easily comparatively innocent people can become collateral damage. It’s… surprisingly human, though that’s hardly exceptional in his works. Perhaps, because it focuses on…” something flickers in his gaze, something you can’t quite decipher, as he chooses his next words, “...particular individuals.” 

“You like it,” you interpret bluntly. 

He snorts again, flicking your cheek. “Yes,” he mimics, “I like it.” 

“Tell me more about it,” you demand. 

Sylus boops your nose with a corner of the cover. “Read it yourself,” he counters. 

You want to roll your eyes, but they’re hungrily fixed on his throat, the way it bobs with his soft laugh. You love his throat, and all it contains. The thyroid cartilage, his laryngeal prominence and hyoid bone, how they shape and border his voice, with its threat and assurance. Protect his laughter, even though that laughter is so often employed in baiting you. 

“Fine,” you agree, because that was never in question. 

For years, you have shadowed him, carefully pressing your growing soles into the hollow of his every footstep, in the hopes that maybe he will turn back and really, truly look at you. 

See that you have made yourself for him, in his image, to devour and desecrate as he pleases…

“That’s my kitten,” he grins, flashing his white teeth. “Ever curious.” 

His pet name shivers down your spine and you have to suppress an arch. Your heartbeat is between your thighs, so slick he’d barely need to bully you in order to sink inside your tight, wet heat. And it’s so unfair, how you want him to stay forever, how you want him to get up, to announce he’s taking a shower and leave. 

Despite the humble nature of your current dwelling, there are certain luxuries Sylus refuses to give up. Unless he’s on a job, he’s guaranteed to spend at least half an hour in the bathroom – an alien concept to your younger self, who’d learned to be economical in all ways. 

Once, years ago, you’d pressed your ear to the door, curious as to what he could possibly be doing that would take him so long, only to hear… singing.

An off-key warble, full of gusto, that had filled you with so much glee and warmth that you resolved never to mention it, lest your taunts cause him to stop. 

His shower concerts quickly became one of your favourite pastimes, and you’d attended them religiously, audience of one, positioned carefully so he wouldn’t notice your shadow through the crack of the door. 

These wonderful periods – time with Sylus you know nobody else is privy to – are what you now give up in order to shove your fingers into your greedy, despicable cunt.