Chronic illness is a total chode yet still I smile

I love my therapist. She is warm and kind and bubbly but wise. She is like an older sister with great jewelry. Anyway I have known that I need to get off Cymbalta for a while now because the negative side effects are dominating the positive. I've been on it for 3 years and right from the get-go it did wonders for my anxiety disorder. But it's completely messed up my sleep and gives me weird spasms and weirdly if I don't take my tramadol (maybe because of its analgesic properties) I get this horrible skin- crawling sensation paired with restless leg that my doctor tells me is another common side effect of Cymbalta. Sooo Laura (my therapist) hooked me up with a psychiatrist in her office. I had to wait 6 weeks for an appointment, finally saw her yesterday. My god what a tough broud. She made me feel even more anxious and on-edge than I was to begin with. Plus she was kind of condescending, but I realized as the meeting progressed that she's just kind of high strung. Why is it that 4 out of 5 psychiatrists I've been to seem to be more anxious than me? I'm going to them FOR ANXIETY. I can imagine why, it's just funny. Anyway I went from really disliking her to at least not minding her much by the end of the hour. At least she isn't the type to just peddle the drugs and push you out the door. Don't trust those types with your mental health OR your body!! She warmed up a little by the end. Plus she was (probably unaware of what she was doing) sort of hugging my file tightly as she explained how shitty my withdrawal from the Cymbalta may be and I found that kind of endearing. I mean, it's no joke that Cymbalta has become highly unpopular with at least some doctors bc the withdrawal symptoms (and maybe also negative side effects) don't seem to be worth it. Especially for someone like me with a panic disorder, shit like that's even worse. But I find empathetic acts very endearing and in this case comforting. She got the bad stuff out of the way first but reassured me that she just wanted me to be prepared and that it may not be so bad. I'm obviously going back on the medication I'd been on prior to the fibromyalgia which was wellbutrin (xl i think?) first, for two weeks taking that while on my usual Cymbalta dose of 60mg and then dropping my dose to 30mg Cymbalta and then after I think 3 weeks or so going off it completely. That's about as gradual as you can go but as much as I've been dying to get this shit out of my system, patience is key. I need to keep a grip on all the spoons I can hold! And.... to not lose my marbles. If anyone reads this, could you send out sooner positive vibes or a prayer or something for me? I've been through a lot, I've got a good support system & I'm strong but I need all the help I can get. Anxious to move on to a be chapter and hoping this move is a good step in the right direction. ✌💜 Ally