FFXV Crack Week

FFXV CRACK WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Title: Mine Forever

Rating: T+

Warnings: A very cringy OC, I didn’t fix any spelling errors, horrendous grammar, and I make Prompto a stupid love sick fool, I’m so sorry baby. Also, describing a body and a blatant saying that they did the do. An MS paint drawing with the classic “do not steal.”  And also…..C R I N G E.

 FFXV WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: The most special snowflake reader insert/oc/canon character that you can think of. There is nothing special about them other than the fact that they *THINK* they are special and that the bro/character of your choice thinks the world of them. Bad grammar and language mistakes are encouraged. 

It’s the OC fill and my final crack week entry. I have had an absolute blast participating in this week and I hope you have all enjoyed my madness. We will now be returning to your irregularly scheduled *hot* smut content. 

Title: Ode to that OC fic you wrote when you were 8 and thought was great, in the dark with the candlestick by panic at the disco while sugar we’re going down dancing by falloutboy

Rating: NSFW

Warnings: OCs and Crack. Typos etc

FFXV CRACK WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: The most special snowflake reader insert/oc/canon character that you can think of. There is nothing special about them other than the fact that they *THINK* they are special and that the bro/character of your choice thinks the world of them. Bad grammar and language mistakes are encouraged.

No other explanation, this is what happens when I write while tipsy, enjoy.

Hi, my name is Saraka Hikara but I’m sure you already knew that. Why wouldn’t you know? Anyway, I’m here because I got some requests for some hot and dirty smut and, I’m into that, that’s literally my middle name, so don’t worry, I’m gonna deliver. 

@lazarustrashpit and I decided to create for the same interpretation of the prompt ‘ Fighting Titan “Wait… so… Titan’s just got NOTHING down there?”, so look out for their work.

I hope you enjoy this one, I wont spoil it.

Title: Taint-ed

Rating: Technically SFW

Warnings: Some disturbing content

FFXV CRACK WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: Fighting Titan “Wait… so… Titan’s just got NOTHING down there?

Noctis hadn’t meant for this to happen, the ground underneath him had simply fallen away from the force of Titan’s violent fists. Noctis fell, not too far but far enough to knock the breath out of him, far enough for him to be groaning in pain as he struggled to get back up to his feet, far enough that none of his friends would be able to reach him. He would easily be able to warp back up to them but for now his head was pounding and his limbs felt sluggish.

Title: Forbidden Love

Rating: Not Safe For ANYONE. (sfw actually)

Warnings: I decided to make a romance between Ravus and the Regalia not humorous but all drama like. I regret my life choices.

FFXV CRACK WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: Anyone X The Regalia.

Title: Gladio’s Lovely Lover Mate Rating: NSFW

Warnings: mary sue, gary stu, vaginal sex, absurd sexual positions, dirty talk, things make no sense in this fic, OC is a complete snow flake, this fic is rife with grammar errors and inconsistencies on purpose, just all round absurdity.

FFXV Crack Week 2018: @ffxvcrackweek Prompt: The most special snowflake reader insert/oc/canon character that you can think of. There is nothing special about them other than the fact that they *THINK* they are special and that the bro/character of your choice thinks the world of them. Bad grammar and language mistakes are encouraged.

This whole week has been filled with apologies from me lmao. I think this should be my biggest and most heartfelt apology of all because this fic legit makes no sense at all. Unveiling a ridiculous OC who is specifically formulated to make you grit your teeth and send hate mail; Delilah Evergreene. I just want to… say a big sorry to our dear Gladiolus Amicitia *kneels down and begs for forgiveness* THIS WAS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF MARY SUE AND GARY STU CRACK FICTION OKAY DON’T HATE ME TOO MUCH PLS! Please find the fic under the ‘read more’ cut! :)

- Moosh :)

Rating:  NSFW

Warnings: Crack.

FFXV Crack week 2018: Thursday @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: The bros are entering battle when, instead of a sword, Noctis accidentally pulls a sword-shaped dildo out of the Armiger. Two of the three other bros had no idea it was in there

Title: Secrets best left forgotten

Rating: M/NSFW

Warnings: Non-descriptive hand jobs and one kiss. Stiff drinks and Aranea loosing her mind.

FFXV Crack Week 2018 : @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: Kenny Crow x Ravus

I hope this makes out in time. Finally a PC and internet!

Ravus has a secret.

He always disappears to somewhere and then come back like nothing happened.

Aranea thought it was his sister and she was willing to turn a blind on it because she wasn’t paid enough for this as it is.

But his sister was seas away from wherever they are.

So what is he doing?

Months passed under the Commander’s paycheck and Aranea was itching to know more.

Acting on impulse one night, as the Commander starts to disappear, she stalked him.

Making sure that she was being as discrete as she can, even taking off her armour, leaving her in her tank top and black pants, she stalks him.

The Commander got back to his ship. After almost a half an hour. (yes, she had waited patiently) another figure got out. This figure was dressed as a hunter with long sleeves and a cap.

Since there was no one else, she observed the man. If it wasn’t for the slightly bulkier arm compare to the other, she wouldn’t have noticed. That hunter was actually Ravus in disguise. Gasping in realization she smirked to herself than to anyone else. “Nice trick there, Commander.” She said before trailing him.

Predictably, the commander felt like he was followed and went through a crowd at the Cauthess’ Depot. Aranea merely scoffed at him since she was stalking him from the roof. Never had she been grateful for the Dragoon technique she learned.

On the diner’s roof, she quiet looked over from the vents. There was a short alley with bench and Kenny Crow replica. Ravus was sitting there, anxiously looking left and right before he started to stroke the replica’s thigh rather disturbingly…affectionate?

Aranea shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation. When she looked back to the Commander, she knew rather than felt her jaw dropped.

The Kenny Crow replica wasn’t a replica. It was moving and…

Ok, Aranea couldn’t believe her eyes. She shook her head again. Was the Commander kissing the thing? Sure, it’s just lips and the beak but….how? What?

Suddenly, Ravus moaned loudly, breaking off from the kiss as he hunched over the replica. His hips was jerking rather rhythmically as Ravus fumbled and did the same thing. She doesn’t need to see it to know what the hell they’re doing.

Aranea decided she had enough and went back, shaking like a leaf in blustery winds.

Biggs and Wedge were the first to see the broken woman.

“Aranea, sir.” Biggs began as he slowly led her to a bench in her red ship. There weren’t soldiers around anymore. He looked hesitant to ask her anything else.

Wedge came later with some coffee with whiskey.

“Ravus.” She croaked before downing the thing in one go. As if that would clue them in to what reduced her to that.

Biggs and Wedge assume it had to be daemon related only went to get more cups and the whiskey.

“Yeah, weird people this lot. They really love those daemon bits.” Wedge said with an understanding sigh.

“Now, now. Let’s just forget it all.” Biggs said after pouring them all their liquor.

Rating: G

Warnings: Not so much as ‘humor’ this time around.

FFXV CRACK WEEK 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: The Bros Meet Another Character From The FF Franchise

This is actually kinda ‘Noctis’ than bros- whoops. 

Title: Hammerhead Horrors Rating: NSFW Warnings: caught masturbating, male masturbation, unreasonably sized dildos. FFXV Crack Week 2018: @ffxvcrackweek Prompt: Cor saw something that makes him want to burn his eyeballs to a crisp.

I’m actually the worst omg. Apologies in advance O_O Please find the fic under the ‘read more’ cut! :)

- Moosh :)

FFXV Crack Week 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: Day 5 - Cup Noodle

Cawww Kids

Title: Bom chicka-wow-what?

Rating: nsfw-ish? idk 

Warnings: recipeh gone wild

FFXV Crack week 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt:  Ignis’ recipehs start talking dirty to him

Note: it’s a real recipeh if you replace chickatrice with chicken and ignore the dirty talk. Bonus Gif at the end

Title: The Interview

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Cor’s about to blow a gasket, Reno’s ridiculous antics (FFVII x FFXV crossover).

FFXV Crack Week 2018: @ffxvcrackweek

Prompt: The bros meet another character from the FF franchise.

Reno’s my favourite character ever. I love the Turks from FFVII and I jumped at the opportunity to write my favourite FFXV character with my favourite FFVII character! Please find the fic under the ‘read more’ cut! :) yes i am aware that Cor is not “a bro” technically, but like pls let me have my fun thx <3

- Moosh :)

Cor felt a vein throbbing on his forehead, his blood pressure evidently rising as he tried to maintain a professional air about him. King Regis didn’t know much about this new recruit, but from the conversations exchanged between Clarus, Regis and the mysterious red-haired man with the rat’s tail, the king was eager for Cor to recruit Reno of the Turks from Midgar on Gaia into the Crownsguard. 

Regis insisted that Reno’s particular skillset was something that the royal guard needed. However, being the Marshal of the royal guard, it was ultimately up to Cor whether or not Reno was going to be allowed to join.

So far, the interview wasn’t going too well…

“You remind me of my boss back home. That stiff never smiled. Bro, do you smile when women go down on you?” Reno suddenly asked, his emerald eyes growing wide in curiosity. 

Cor sputtered momentarily before clearing his throat, his head throbbing. Clenching his fists under this desk on his lap, Cor clenched his jaw and shook his head. “A highly inappropriate question, Reno. Now– what is your full name?” Cor asked his question once more.

Reno smirked and leaned back on his chair, looking completely at home in the imposing Marshal’s office. “Renaldo Sinclair. What’s it to ya? You gonna go do a background check on me? You’ll find nothin’ cos I’m not even from Eos, yo!” Reno laughed rather joyfully.

Cor hated to admit that Reno was right. Still, Cor continued with his interview. “Very well then. Tell me, what skills can you bring to the Crownsguard? How loyal are you to your superiors–?”

“I almost died tryin’ to retrieve a freaky alien head from a bunch of momma’s boys back home. Boss was pleased, but I’m fucking scarred for life. You don’t got no aliens around here, right? Looks pretty civilised around here. A better version of Midgar really.” Reno mused to himself momentarily before narrowing his gaze back towards Cor. “I’m loyal. Give me the right partner, and I’ll make sure they stay alive.”

Cor blinked at the strong confidence in Reno’s voice. His posture was sloppy and his uniform even sloppier. Taking a closer look at Reno, Cor noted the clear light brown re-growth at the roots of his hair. The goggles holding Reno’s bangs away from his face completed the younger man’s sloppy, yet strangely charismatic look.

“The king tells me you have experience with espionage and interrogation–.”

Reno scoffed, “I prefer to call it motivational interviewing.”

Cor finally brought his fingers to his temple, gently massaging his head as he willed himself to calm down. “Just. Answer. My. Questions. Please.”

Reno’s lips stretched into a cheeky smile. “Yeah, I’m all good on that shit yo.” The artificial red-head suddenly leaned forward with a dastardly grin on his face. “Any hot chicks in the ranks? It’s been too fucking long since this hunk’s seen some action.”

“Inappropriate.” Cor shut Reno down immediately.

Reno frowned and fell back into his seat in a slump. “Ah, right. Shoulda figured. I mean, look at you. You look like you haven’t been laid in years. Dry spell huh? Don’t worry man, I’ll hook you up with some good puss–.”

“If you must know, I am happily dating a lovely woman. Now shut the fuck up and answer my damn questions you imbecile!” Cor bellowed, unable to help himself as Reno continued to poke and prod at his buttons on an endless repeat cycle.

Reno stared at Cor for a few moments, a look of contemplation in his emerald green eyes. He blinked suddenly, his lips parting as his featured took on an awed expression.

“Shit. You got the same vein on your forehead as Tseng. You guys related or something?” Reno referenced his old boss, wonderment clear in his tone.

Cor couldn’t help himself.

He face-palmed.

“For lack of anything better to do with you, you’re hired. Now… get out of my office.” Cor sighed irately, wanting nothing more than to close his eyes and take a short nap. Cor wasn’t often exhausted by human interaction, but Renaldo Sinclair was a whole different ball game.

One could say that, perhaps, he was the alien.

Reno’s chair screeched obnoxiously as he pulled his body off the chair he was seated on. With a wink, Reno moved towards the door of Cor’s office to exit. 

“Thanks old man. And the offer still stands; if your woman’s not putting out, just call me the master of pussy–!”