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@ffixix
Noctis: 9:01. Ignis Scientia is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let's do this. Who's got theories?
Gladio: Uh...alarm didn't go off.
Noctis: All three alarms? All with battery backup? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?
Prompto: Oh! He was taken in his sleep.
Noctis: That is what I'm talking about. Super dark, Prompto, but way more plausible than Gladio's idiotic alarm clock theory.
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Gladio: Are you two sure you should be babysitting Talcott? You seemed real freaked out when you called me last night.
Noctis: Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents: TV and cake.
Prompto: TV and cake were my parents…
Noctis: It’s okay.
Aranea: I'm gonna go over by the bar where I can hear you worse.
Prompto: Oh, I get it. I'd abandon me, too.
Noctis: That's it. Prompto, no more eggs. You are drinking your troubles away.
Gladio: Start with this. I'm gonna get some bottles from the bar. Make way— large man helping his little friend, coming through!
Prompto: I know how we're gonna blend in.
Ignis: Don't say "assassin's robes—"
Prompto: Assassin's robes!
Prompto: Can't believe I just escaped death! I haven't felt this alive since I almost got killed by that train.
Noctis: I know, right? What a rush.
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Prompto: Crazy day, huh?
Gladio: I hate small talk. Let’s drink in silence.
Prompto: ...Perfect.
Gladio: Hey, what's up? I came as fast as I could.
Noctis: Title of your sex tape. Nailed it.
Ravus: You don't trust me, I don't trust you. The mission is off. Here's your bug back. It's not an actual bug, so don't eat it, you lizard.
Ignis: Ha! You didn't specify the subspecies of lizard. I won that round!
Noctis: You know, I know I just got here, but it feels like everything's falling apart.
Gladio: No, everything's going great, Noct.
Prompto: Hey, cool. I'm not the only one that's in denial. It's catching on!
Noctis: You know why Prompto doesn't slump?
Gladio: Because his whole life is a slump?
Noctis: Because he doesn't let adversity get him down. He keeps grinding.
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Aranea: Did you guys just kiss?
Noctis and Prompto: Hm?
Aranea: Did I miss it?
Ignis: Yes. It was very unprofessional.
Aranea: Oh, come on!
Ravus: You just made yourself a very powerful enemy. I'm gonna be watching you, both of you, like a hawk.
Ignis: You're gonna have to try a little harder if you wanna scare me. I've been an openly gay retainer to the royal family since I was six, so you're not the first of your kingdom to threaten me. You know how I'm still standing here? 'Cause I do my job, and I do it right.
Noctis: DAMN SON!
Ignis: Don't say "son."
Noctis: Sorry.
Gladio: Look, I've never lost a breakup, and I'm not starting now. I'm 12-0. I'm always the dumper, never the dumpee.
Prompto: I just don't think every breakup has a winner and a loser.
Gladio: Sounds like somebody who's lost all his breakups.
Prompto: [scoffs] Not all. Maybe like half, max. Just being generous.
Gladio: So you want us to lie?
Noctis: No, I want me to lie and for you to stand behind me and say, like, three oh damns when I really get cooking. All right, fine, two oh damns... One oh damn?
Gladio: There will be no oh damns.
Noctis: But it will be so satisfying in your deep, powerful voice.
Gladio: [answering a video call] Iggy, I love you, but I can't talk right now.
Ignis: I just got an alert that the Citadel is on lockdown. I'm on my way.
Gladio: Wait, aren't you at the dentist?
Ignis: Yeah, I left. It's fine. It's a new hygienist, and to be honest, her scraping technique was a joke.
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Noctis: Has anyone ever told you you look just like a statue?
Gladio: Yes.
Prompto: Gladio? Are you stuck in there?
Gladio: No, I'm in here by choice.
Prompto: Oh, 'cause I hear some banging noises as if someone was struggling to open the door.
Gladio: No. That was the pipes.
Prompto: Or, is it the sound of you learning how to ask for help? You know, you can't spell "independent" without "dependent."
Gladio: And you can't spell "Go fuck yourself" without "Fuck you."