monster

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

|  ☠  |

his gaze grows unfocused, thoughtful. “when i was young, i would always say ‘if i live a long life i would’ve done something wrong as a hunter.’ i wanted to die before 40 in a blaze of glory, taking down an entire pack with me, or something stupid and overly ambitious like that. but then, you know– my boyfriend. i never knew what it was like to love someone before, and…to have something to live for. someone. i promised him i wouldn’t leave him, and eventually i couldn’t take the fucking– terrified look on his face for a split second when i got home covered in blood, and making him prepare for my early death every single day i went out to hunt. i can’t do that to him anymore and– i want to live. i told him i want to spend the rest of my life with him, and 15 more years isn’t enough.”

he’s quiet then, for a moment, still thinking, and looks up at hoon again. “i’m still a selfish person,” he lets out a sardonic bark of laughter. “i won’t sacrifice that life i want for anything. i don’t want you to have to live like this, hoon. i don’t want to kill you, but i will. i know it’s the right thing to do. but i’ll only do it if you can promise me it won’t endanger that life.”

ever since hoon can remember, he had only a single friend his entire life, others avoiding him even more once he had happened to ‘fall’ for a supernatural creature and word had gotten out. it was something he had learned to accept over the years, something that made him realize just how shitty this world they lived in really was.

it was one of the reasons why he had gone so far as to accept his own death, or what he thought would be his death. if he would be more at peace just letting go, of letting himself take that final breath and escaping it all, he would gladly do so with no regrets. but everything he had prepared himself for that night had gone out the window, the night that junghwa had showed up and turned him into what he was now, it still made him feel ‘sick’ to his stomach just thinking about it despite the amount of time that had already gone by since that night.

hoon takes a moment to glance around the alley as he hears what jaeyong says, cracking just the slightest smile as he can almost picture what happened the night that the two of them fought in this exact alleyway. “no, you actually would have succeeded that night if i hadn’t called for help. maybe i shouldn’t have done that, then this could have all been avoided.” there’s something in his tone as he speaks, something that shows just how badly he now wished he hadn’t asked for help from the witch who had helped keep him alive. if only he had just allowed himself to take that last final breath here, then maybe he wouldn’t be in the mess that he currently was in. it’s that alone that tears at him the most, that one night in which he had a split moment of hope and longing to stay alive.

why had he done it? he still didn’t know, it wasn’t like he even really had family to care for him, he didn’t have someone out there that actually wanted him around. though as he’s standing there thinking this, his gaze returns to jaeyong when he hears the word ‘friends’ coming from the other’s mouth, staring back at the other for a moment in silence as he processes what was just said. “friends...” he trails off momentarily, the slightest bit of a smirk appearing. it was something that hoon wasn’t quite used to hearing being said to him, something that he honestly never thought that he would ever hear.

the word alone is almost comforting in it’s own way. “i guess you’re right, maybe staying alive that night wasn’t the worst decision of my life after all.” he states jokingly, the smallest chuckle escaping from him as he nods slowly.

he watches jaeyong closely, listens as the other male speaks of what he had hoped for in the past and what his dreams were now. for a brief moment, hoon wonders what that’s like, to have someone actually come into your life and make you want to be better. to make you actually want to better one’s life. “there’s nothing wrong with that. i’m actually glad that you were able to find that, find your own happiness and have a new dream for your own future...” his own words strike something within him in that moment, especially after hearing the other male’s story.

he couldn’t do that to jaeyong, despite their complicated friendship they had manged to form. hoon couldn’t let jaeyong break his word just because he wanted to be selfish and put an end to his ‘new life’ he had been given.

his gaze averts to look at his own feet, the faintest smile gracing his lips as his fists clench at his sides, eyebrows furrowing together as the smile soon turns into a slight frown. he wasn’t sure if junghwa would actually come for jaeyong, or even the other’s boyfriend, if he were to kill him. actually, hoon wasn’t sure of anything that the older vampire would possibly do, and it’s because of that which hoon finally comes to a decision in that moment as they stand there.

“no... you made a promise to your boyfriend, i don’t want to make you break that just because of me and my own selfishness. i also don’t want to risk the chances of him coming after either of you because of me either so...” there’s a short pause in his speech as he finally lets out a small sigh and lifts his right hand, running his fingers through his hair. his head falls back to look up at the night sky, expression now blank as he speaks once again. “don’t worry about it jaeyong. i won’t ask you to kill me, you deserve to have this happiness more than anyone i know.”

Young Master || 

| 💉 |

“the interesting thing with you, and the whole clan of Song hunters, is how one-sided, how opinionated you are as a whole. It is as though it’s a new view, that all monsters must die, that everyone who doesn’t follow the rules be cruelly punished. It’s not new. The idea of ridding the world of vampires and werewolves is antique. Song clan is doing nothing new. You suffered a traitor’s death, what makes you think that they would have given you a Hunter’s funeral?” Junghwa asked, as seriously as he could. Hoon was young, he didn’t understand the things that made history. Junghwa had lived through it. “I know we’re not friends, and I know you dislike me a lot, but let my words be a mark of advice,” he added. It may not be sharing his life story vital but Junghwa had some brains in there. “i’ve always disliked the politics, the rules, the whole intrigue of clans and how they work. i’ve seen elders fuck up in ways you’d never imagine, and their little scapegoat would always be someone like you. The loyal idealist,” he stated. 

hoon scoffs and rolls his eyes, slightly shaking his head a bit before using a sarcastic tone as he speaks. “oh, thank you soooo much for saving me, for giving me this new life and making me just want to die even more than when i was human. i’m excited.” his expression doesn’t change, keeping a serious look as he says this, letting out a frustrated sigh as he finally sets the stake down and turns to look at the other vampire. it’s only then that he finally squints, eyebrows furrowed as he does so while listening to the rest of what junghwa has to say.

“did you not for even a second think of what i would want? you know that i hunted your kind for a living, you know that and you still just did whatever you wanted because you ‘couldn’t leave me to die’.” he bites on his bottom lip, pausing for just a moment before continuing on. “i could have been free from this world and you took that from me because of your own selfishness. isn’t it against the ‘rules’ or whatever to even turn someone without their consent?” he finally lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head once again. “you really are something else. you know that?”

he’s silent for a short while before finally standing from where he was seated, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. of course he didn’t need to wear one anymore, though he still did out of habit from time to time over the past few months. hoon’s eyes narrow at the mention of a ‘hunter’s funeral’, fists clenching within the confinements of his pockets. “you don't think that i already know all of this?” he lets out a laugh, head falling back for a moment before he returns his gaze to the other and his expression becomes serious once more. “in that moment that i was lying on the ground, accepting my own fate, i knew that if someone had managed to find my body, that no one would bother with a funeral. i know how the others thought of me and i accepted that as well.” 

Young Master ||

| 💉 |

“you value living a lot more as a vampire. if my own sire had granted my wish so long ago, i would not be here today. it had been a wish made out of pain and heartbreak, and something i’d never wish on anyone else,” he stated. “so much like the tragic novellas of the past….it’s an amusing twist of fate at times. Granted, i dont know what happened to my sire since I departed a long long time ago,” he added. 

the scoff that comes from hoon is loud, not bothering to even make an attempt at covering it up. “i guess you really can’t keep your nose out of other people’s business can you?” he comments back as he rolls his eyes at the older vampire. “i don’t care what your ‘reasoning’ was, you should have thought of how i would feel about all of this, about how much i would hate becoming the one thing that i was born and raised to kill... though, i guess you didn’t bother to stop and think of that now did you.” it’s not a question, rather just a statement from him as he glances over at the dogs in junghwa’s lap. were vampires even capable of caring for such pets? well, he guessed so, especially one like the other male.

the comment that junghwa says causes hoon to stop his movements with the stake that he’s playing with, nodding slowly as he lets out a small sigh. “alright then, let’s go to the council. tell them what you did and let them kill me themselves then.” he’s being serious, not even the slightest hint of humor in his tone as he suggests this idea. “i don’t care if i’m a human or vampire, i will NEVER beg you for anything. even though i’m a monster now, i still hate your kind and the other creatures out there.” of course this isn’t entirely the truth, remembering that he once had a childhood friend which had become a werewolf, a friend he still cherished even now, though junghwa didn’t know that and he never would.

Young Master ||

@feyhoon 

Call it an unexpected turn of fate. How do the tables turn. The other was such a good hunter, and even their multiple run ins before this ‘oh-so-unfortunate’ twist of fate, junghwa came to respect the other male. He actually rather enjoyed Hoon’s biting presence and remarks. It was a sort of relaxed thing for Junghwa and a delightful difference in his otherwise monotone existence as of late, so imagine his own surprise, when on one of his nightly walks to clear his mind, he just so happened upon a dying Hoon. Well, not on his watch. Junghwa personally wasn’t a fan of turning people but he’d done it a few times and once they could be on their own, he just let them go to go do their own thing. 

He rather liked Hoon as a person and so, would have rather not have him die. Oh, it  was an incredibly cruel twist of fate, but Junghwa was kind. always so kind. No ulterior motives there. Once the other had awakened as a fledgling, Junghwa had told him that he should stay with him for his own safety since the older vampire had experience of 600 years on his shoulders. Of course, he had a tenddecy to take off every once in a while, but he was still in the general area, still keeping an eye on Hoon. 

“Well, isn’t this the irony, my dear Hoon!” he exclaimed, comfortably settled in a corner armchair  one evening with Ji and Min at his feet. “A hunter turned vampire! Why it’s basically the plot to  a tragic novella like The Count of Monte Cristo or The Picture of Dorian Gray…” he laughed, looking at the other. 

hoon had been ready to die that night, he had accepted his fate as he was lying there on the ground, but it seems as if fate had different plans for him. that or he had the worst luck. he still was annoyed over the fact that junghwa had turned him, even without his permission, and now here he was stuck being the one thing that he had grown up killing throughout the years. he had become a ‘monster’ and even though a couple months had passed, he still hated it. hoon wondered what the hell went through junghwa’s head half of the time, though at the same time he didn’t want to know because he still thought that the vampire was crazy. maybe he should have made a better attempt at killing the older male when he had the chance to, or better yet, he should have just left the two song clan hunters go after him that night they had first met.

he sat there, the same annoyed expression he usually had on his face, staring off into space as his thoughts continue to run wild within his mind. it isn’t until he hears junghwa’s voice that he finally makes a small movement and turns his head to look at the other male. he glances from the other to the two dogs before speaking. “i’m glad you think it’s sooo fun. it’s only like that to you because you decided to turn me into this ‘thing’, for reasons i still don’t understand.” he states, turning his head back to looking elsewhere but at junghwa.

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

| 💉 |

the jaeyong in front of hoon now is different than the one that stabbed him in this alleyway last year, ready to leave him to die for simply loving a supernatural creature once. he’s softer, warmer, knows love and in some ways, exudes it himself. now, he knows mercy and empathy, and it hurts. 

“do you want me to kill you?” he asks at last, voice quiet, almost gentle. he wonders if it already crossed hoon’s mind. “if you don’t want me to, i won’t,” he adds, and he puts both hands up as a sign of innocence. “i don’t do that anymore. but if you want me to, i’ll do it.”

everything about this situation they’re in, again, has hoon wondering if this is their fate. jaeyong standing there before him, this time having a legit reason to kill him compared to a year ago. it was funny really, but at the same time it sucked. yeah, he had been more on the ‘annoyed’ side when it had come to the other male before, though they had in a way managed to look past their differences, only to end up back here where it all started.

usually someone would most likely be excited with the idea of being able to live without worrying about dying, to live for many years without a care in the world, though for him it was the complete opposite. he had been turned into a vampire, forced to now stay at the age of twenty years old for the rest of his life, forced to be some monster that would have to watch those around him die while he continued to live and never age. he hated it and hated how he couldn’t just end it himself.

when he’s asked who did this to him, hoon wonders if he should really tell jaeyong. he didn’t want to put the other male in the middle of all this. he contemplates on whether or not he should mention who his sire was, though he finally speaks as his gaze drifts elsewhere. “have you ever heard of the name ‘Oh Junghwa’?” he asks this as he takes a moment before continuing. “i first met him one night during one of my shifts at the last drop... some hunters from the song clan-” hoon’s eyebrows furrow as he remembers that night.

if only he hadn’t done what he did back then, back before he met the vampire, then the hunters wouldn’t have come looking for him, then he wouldn’t have had to really associate with his sire and maybe he wouldn’t be like how he was now.

“they came looking for me because... i killed one of their friends, another song clan member, but it was an accident...” his breathing picks up, chest rising and falling repeatedly with each quick breath he takes as the memories flash through his mind. “i had no choice back then, i had to protect a friend of mine and if i hadn’t defended them then...they would have died." his voice at this point is just above a whisper, the pain laced within his tone. “after that night, i figured it was over with, but the night that these two hunters showed up at the bar they followed me into the alley-” he can’t help but let out a slight scoff at his luck when it came to alleyways. “it was then that i ended up meeting my....sire...” the single word leaves a bitter taste in his mouth as he says it.

hoon finally returns his gaze to jaeyong, the pained expression still clear on his face. “if i hadn’t killed that hunter then i wouldn’t have met the one who turned me, i would have been able to just die peacefully two months ago. instead i’ve become some damn monster...”

he can feel the anger building up inside and he has to take a moment to calm himself, closing his eyes and pushing those unwanted thoughts back out of his mind before he finally opens his eyes once again to lock onto jaeyong. “so, to answer your question... yes, i want you to kill me. finish the job that you didn’t get to a year ago, in this same alley.”

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

| 💉 |

the jaeyong in front of hoon now is different than the one that stabbed him in this alleyway last year, ready to leave him to die for simply loving a supernatural creature once. he’s softer, warmer, knows love and in some ways, exudes it himself. now, he knows mercy and empathy, and it hurts. 

“do you want me to kill you?” he asks at last, voice quiet, almost gentle. he wonders if it already crossed hoon’s mind. “if you don’t want me to, i won’t,” he adds, and he puts both hands up as a sign of innocence. “i don’t do that anymore. but if you want me to, i’ll do it.”

hoon almost wanted to laugh at this whole situation, the fact that he could possibly end up dying at jaeyong’s hands like he almost had last year. this time would be different though, seeing as now he was this monster who fed off of something that still didn’t quite sit right with him. he remembers the night he had awoken, remembers the following days in which he had to sit there and drink blood, how he felt ‘sick’ for even doing such a thing despite his body enjoying the taste.

even now, two months later, hoon still hated it and it was the reason of many why he wanted nothing more than to just end it all. he knows that it could end easily, but it was as if his body denied him of that one wish he had hoped for each time he tried to end his own life after being turned, as if there was still a part of him that still wanted to live despite being so disgusted with himself and what he had become.

jaeyong’s question as to who had done this to him causes hoon to focus back on the other male, fists clenching at his sides as his expression turns dark. he lets out a small scoff, smirking just slightly. “why? if i tell you, do you plan on killing him?” he shakes his head slowly. “i’ve already tried doing that, back when i was-” he trails off, unable to say the words that he wants to. ‘when i was human’

a small inaudible sigh escapes, fists unclenching as he manages to calm himself. he doesn’t want to harm jaeyong and he knows that if he were to allow himself to be consumed by that frustration and anger he had buried deep inside, that there could be a chance that he would possible end up doing just that.

something inside of hoon changes, more so when the other offers to kill him. his expression becomes hopeful, he takes a slight step forward but stops himself in order to not make it seem like he was about to attack jaeyong. even hoon’s tone as he speaks shows that bit of hope he has, that desire, in which he would want nothing more than to take the other up on his offer. “will you? if i ask you to kill me... will you really do it?”

hoon almost sounds like a hopeful child, one that’s been promised some toy he’s been wanting yet is doubtful he’ll end up getting. “i’ve been trying for two months to put a stake through my own chest, but i’ve failed each time...” he explains as his adrenaline rushes through him, thinking that this could finally be the answer to all of his problems.

✂ ──  THE MEANING OF MERCY

| 💉 |

becoming what they hate is the cruelest fate. who did this to him? he’ll kill them. he will.

hoon turns into an alleyway. jaeyong picks up the pace, steps into the alley himself, and there, they are alone.

they’re right back where they started, too– the alley where jaeyong did his best to kill hoon himself. “we have to quit meeting like this,” jaeyong jokes, but when he smiles, it’s sad.

he stands in uncharacteristic silence for too long, that mildly agonized look on his face, then adds, voice quiet: “they said you died…what happened?”

    ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈  @feyxhoon ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

for the past two months, hoon had managed to get around undetected by any of those that knew him. even when he would head out to get some fresh air, to get away from his sire in order to not end up going insane just like how he thought the older vampire was. when he had been human, hun had thought there was something seriously wrong with the vampire, especially when he had first met him, though with the current situation he was in, he definitely thought that the male had a few screws loose.

he had stepped out, just like usual, in order to just take a small walk and enjoy a bit of time to himself but he was still being cautious. even though it had already been two months since that night, he still didn’t fully trust himself around humans. during these times, hoon would make his little outings quick in order to not chance breaking down and attacking someone. he would keep his focus on other things, though it was difficult for him to do tonight as he’s walking and ends up in a more crowded area than he’d like to be in.

everything around him is loud, the people, the music, and it’s making it impossible for him to even keep his own thoughts straight. his eyebrows furrowed together as he quickly glances around, jaw clenched as he makes an attempt to keep his focus off of what the monster inside of him desires most, what he’s worked so hard on containing over the past couple of months.

it’s only as he’s about to lose that mental battle with himself that his gaze stops on a single person, a familiar person, and panic begins to rise within him. jaeyong. hoon wouldn’t be too worried if the other hadn’t managed to spot him as well, locking eyes with the male from the distance.

hoon’s feet begin to move, slowly at first as he backs away, though before he knows it he’s turning and rushing out of the crowd in an attempt to get far away from the other male. damn it! jaeyong was the last person that hoon wanted to see him like this. everyone believed that he was dead and this situation just made things worse for him.

he doesn’t know where he’s really running off to, just allowing his own feet to take him somewhere far away from the one person he knew could easily kill him. it’s only when he’s forced to come to a stop, eyes scanning his surroundings as he realizes exactly where he’s even at. the same alley that the two of them had first really met in, the alley in which jaeyong had almost managed to kill him in.

hoon is able to hear jaeyong’s footsteps even before he follows pursuit into the alley, hearing the other male’s breathing and even the words he speaks. every sound to him is more clear than they usually would have been if he were still human. he slowly turns to finally face the other male. the corner of hoon’s lip curves up into a slight grin. “we really do..”

{tw: mentions of family death, death, possible gore, blood}