I'm always so tragic

Cops should lose jobs and paychecks. The only way to change is through money.

I like pickles though yeah.

i literally can’t stop thinking about this video and i lose it every time

A baby!

Maybe we can talk about my proposal, if there’s time? Oh, Batman would love nothing more, Robin. Can I be someone other than Robin? I mean, he looks Asian, but he isn’t Asian. Amadeus Cho, maybe. Sure, buddy. You can be Amadeus Cho.

I mean, even when they don’t know what’s going on, Randall and Beth are just there. That’s one thing that’s really cool about this house.

The Politician: So, Payton will be almost assassinated but they’ll use uhhhh *checks hand*.... a bb gun and sepsis

“What is he doing here?” “He’s your new Mandarin tutor.”

Can’t call it Jackass unfortunately

“How’d you get me to be vulnerable like that? I’m never like that.” “Well, it’s just kind of a thing I do with people.”