she is fire.

FLOWERS

Your pain takes the shape of flowers, or something else beautiful and free. You can't help but see what you don't have in the beautiful thing, can't help but feel pain as you see what you're missing out on. Maybe you even wish that you could just be happy and surround yourself in flowers, but you can't, because each time you see them it's like a reminder of the empty hole you carry. They say that pain is beauty... Right?

tagged: @gnalliard​ thank u

So this was the girl who killed Sasha? While there was a tiny part of her deep down that did desire some form of revenge, it would be a foolish and immature decision. She had information and according to Zeke is a Warrior Candidate–set to become a new titan shifter in the future. The Commander kneeled down to her level, and she could hear her hateful words. It was a pitiful display, really.

“For a long time, we didn’t.” As pitiful the child was, they were not so terribly different. She could call her and her people devils until her throat was sore, but she was just as much of a Subject of Ymir as the rest of them. Feared and despised for things their ancestors had done. A single eye stared back, devoid of the wonder she had back when she was a mere Squad Leader. “But now we know.”

Her brave words suddenly felt lost at the back of her throat as the bespectacled woman dropped to her level, finally face-to-face with one of the devils of the island. Swallowing hard, she knew she had not one regret for what she did; but the sudden realization that she could be facing death was fearsome.

His intention was never to send her stumbling back and it showed, brows shooting up in measured concern. She was young, that much was true, but far from feeble—carried a good punch, despite lacking technique. Unpolished, to put it simply, much like himself during his earlier candidate years.

Still, he nodded in agreement at the question, giving her a moment to reposition herself and taking the punch—much sharper than before, swift even. & it made him flinch, scrunched-up nose, keeping a straight face but holding back an ’ouch’.

“Better, but separate your feet more,” he commanded, shooting one last glance at the clock before visibly slouching, relaxing both shoulders and dropping his arms—definitely an opening, albeit caused by the ending of their training. “I’m a warrior, that’s expected.”

Unable to see the concern, she wouldn’t have seen any need for it  ― this was training, and whether she got truly hurt or just took a good hit felt like a part of it. Regardless of that fact, what was important in that moment was that she fix what was wrong.

Tongue barely poking out from between her lips as she focused on fixing her stance, the nod to her question gave her a small boost of confidence. Even more so as she realized she had made none other than Porco Galliard, the warrior, flinch. It was a small, but triumphant victory.

“Huh, alright...” She mumbled at the advice, attention averted to her feet rather than the time. Readying herself once more, she wound herself up for a last, tough punch; not taking a moment to see his relaxed state.

The Gabi sneak attack. It had a nice ring to it. Hopefully she screamed the title after throwing the punch that went with it.

“That’s the spirit! You already have the blessing of being cute on your side, he’ll never suspect a thing!” Well, that probably wasn’t entirely true - he was a candidate at one time too, and the lot of them looked just as sweet and just as innocent at the beginning of their run.

That, like a lot of things, got buried beneath the weight of their burden, duties disastrous.

“I bet he will too! And… I bet he’s probably hanging around outside the conference room right about now… if you want to see just how sneaky you can be! I’ll be with you the whole time, if you want, just in case things go wrong but… between you and me? I think you’ve got it in the bag.”

Hidden, of course. There was no way Porco wouldn’t immediately pin this on her. For good reason, of course,  but the fallout was better watched in secret.

Rubbing her hands together as their combined master plan was laid out in front of her, Gabi had that wide, determined grin on her face. It was perfect, especially if Pieck had a hand in it.

And the fact that she was cute. That was already a winning quality when it came to Gabi herself, and now that she had the help of a warrior, there was no way this plan would fail. “You’re right! I’m the cutest of the candidates. He’ll have no idea!”

Stroking her chin in her moment of glory, her expression shifted to one of curiosity and focus. Lips formed an ‘o’ shape as her eyes moved towards the way to the conference room, eyes lighting up with excitement. “Really? Let’s go!” Probably too loud for her own good, she gave Pieck the most pleading look she could  ― now seemed to be the perfect time to do what she said she would.

Her arms were tightly folded together ahead of her chest, her eyes following the movements of every child who had weapons and violence in their hands instead of toys and joyful childhood. She felt sickness grow in the pit of her stomach with each day she lived among those her people, and Eren Yeager swore to destroy – they were mere humans; mothers and children and fathers, just like them.

  Her attention wandered onto the girl who moved with skill and whose eyes shone golden in the sunlight. Lucy smiled a little; Gabi could not even deny she was related to Reiner if she wanted to. She remembered when she was assigned to train with him, how much she grew to like him which later made all events more painful and now she wished to know why it all happened.

  Her lips parted slightly as she noticed Gabi’s skin turn pale, and she was quick to make her way to the girl when they were taking a break. Her hand moved slowly after she lowered herself to the children, her mouth curving slightly up in kindness to show she wanted to do no harm in any of them. As her skin touched Gabi’s forehead, she could sense the unusual warmth of sickness dwelling. “You seem to have a little fever. I think it would be the best if you finished up training for today.”

Never had there been a reason for Gabi to back down. Not now, not ever. In spite of the heat that she felt on her skin as she trained, the warmth that flooded her cheeks and made her arms feel heavier than usual, she pressed on. She had to prove that she wasn’t weak, and if she had to do it this way, then she would.

And she did. Breathing through chapped, parted lips, she had done her best that day to take in all the advice she’d received from Pieck and Porco, the two warriors she looked up to the most ― aside from Reiner, of course. He was hardly any help when it came to her training, though.

One wrong move and the young girl felt sick to her stomach, a chill running down her back. In an attempt to regain composure, she swallowed back the ill feeling, no matter how gross she felt. It was unlike her to be grateful for her training to be over, and yet? She still wanted to get back out there and act like it was nothing.

Her attention was snatched away from her inner conflict by the ginger-ish haired woman, recoiling from her sudden touch. The urge to make an unwelcome remark was all too strong, but she instead remained silent. It was uncharacteristic of her, but the diagnosis by the smiling face was both relieving, and terrible. “I need to finish my training no matter what,” She began, keeping a straight face to try and avoid looking sick.

DEVIL / DEVIL, a word dripping with malice and prejudice throughout history, sentencing children to a life where they sacrifice their youth and innocence for war and destruction. And though the girl in her arms is not just any child, Mikasa understands all-too-well the immense weight resting upon her slender shoulders  –   it plays like a scene in her head, over and over again, the constant repeat of blood and violence, the vicious cycle of hatred and vengeance, the sound of heartbroken mothers mourning their sons and daughters, counting each missing bone in their bodies / yes, grief is inevitable, but children should never have to hold a knife, to be a butcher, for survival. She waits and exhales sharply, and her hold around the girl, softens  –  Mikasa takes a small step back, and then briefly examines the injuries on the other’s face before reaching into her pocket to hand her a clean handkerchief.

                   ❛  … why would I … hate you ?  ❜

Her body ached, even if she didn’t want to admit to it; it was written on her face. Almost literally, with the blood that had dripped from her nose trailing down onto her lips and chin. It wasn’t hard to imagine the woman hating her for what she had done, even if she protected her from Kaya. Feeling her grip around her loosen, Gabi breathed a quiet sigh, averting her gaze.

What could she say? Looking up to her at her words, uncertain eyes fell on the handkerchief that was offered to her, hesitating at the sight of it. Wordlessly, she took it from her, dabbing at the blood that had gathered on her face,. She wiped it away slowly, diligently, finally bringing herself to meet Mikasa’s eyes.

repost, do not reblog! bold what consistently applies. italicize situational, not always.

DOES YOUR MUSE, WHILE FIGHTING …

fight honourably  /  fight dirty  /  prefer close-quarters / prefer range  /  chat during  /  go silent /  low pain tolerance  /  high pain tolerance  /  attack in bursts  /  attack steadily  /  go for the kill  /  aim to disarm  /  fight defensively  /  strike first /  provoke easily  /   provoke their opponent  /  tease /  get visibly frustrated  /  shout while attacking  /  use strategy  / focus on their battle /  experience conflicting thoughts during battle  / rush in recklessly / try to read their opponent before fighting /  fight wildly /  fight calmly apathetically  / fight with anger / fight with excitement /  fight because they have to  /  fight because they want to  /  fight without regard to wounds /  run away when wounded  / hide wounds  /  take a blow to protect another /   prefer a blade  /  prefer a gun  / prefer a bow /  prefer a shield  /  prefer a spear naginata  /  prefer a personalized weapon  / prefer magic or spells  /   prefer brawling  / their greatest weakness is physical /  their greatest weakness is mental  / their greatest weakness is emotional /  transform for battle  / fight as they appear /  rely on strength  /  rely on speed / use everything they have /  hide their full potential /  exhaust quickly  /  high stamina /  doubt their strength  /  proceed with caution  /   behave arrogantly  /  brag after landing a hit  /  belittle their abilities  / use psychological tactics / use brute strength /  avoid civilians  /  strike down civilians  / damage surroundings  / avoid damaging surroundings  / signature fighting style / making it up as they go /  mastered skillset / learning their skillset / fancy footwork /  sloppy footwork /  messy fighter / elegant fighter / accept defeat / refuse defeat  / beg for mercy / compliment their opponent /  insult their opponent  /  use unnecessary movements ( flips, twirls ) / move efficiently  /  barely move /  prefer to dodge / prefer to block /  defend their blindside / has no blindside  /  use all available advantages ( ex; use a gun but also throw punches, kick out while blades clash, etc. )  /  strictly use one main method  / play around  /  hold back  /  fight ruthlessly  / show mercy /  wait for opponent to be ready  / strike when opponent isn’t ready  / fear death  /  fear pain  / fear killing /  has PTSD  / avoid fighting / has lost a fight / has won a fight  / has killed / refuses to kill / want to die standing  /  would succumb slowly.

To say the least, Gabi was terrified. Looking upon the woman in front of her with a blank expression, she did her best to conceal her fear - she did what she had to do. There was absolutely no going back now, and she didn’t regret what she did; but in the face of the bespectacled woman, she awaited retribution.

And she didn’t have any words. What could she say? She wasn’t about to ask for death, that was stupid. She’d dragged her friend into this and now they’d both suffer for her mistake - this was, quite possibly, the worst situation she could have been in. “You devils have no idea what you did, do you?” Lips parted as the question was spoken softly, and yet, held nothing but hatred behind it; Gabi couldn’t help but wonder.

Gabi was precious - a bit of a handful maybe, but something adorably so, small and fiesty. Pieck had never been energetic nor active, deployed battles not-withstanding. Her energy was enviable but not quite contagious. Exhausting by proxy was more like it - just watching her tired Pieck out, not to mention the punch still pins-and-needles prickling across her gut.

No amount of exhaustion could deter her from a prank, though. Revitalized and brimming with a glass-canon deviousness, an arm wound around the girl’s shoulder and tugged her tighter. “Oh - I can definitely show you how to be sneaky. I’m the master of stealth! You see, the trick to getting Porco to let his guard down is to be completely unassuming.”

“See, what you should do is approach him with a question like… maybe ask him what you asked me, or ask him if he would show you how he fights, and then… bam! Just let him have it.” There was a high chance of this backfire in her future but, well, it seemed worth it, if nothing else than for the entertainment value.

Looking to the warrior for a response, she was surprised by the arm that wrapped around her shoulder. Eyes drifted up to Pieck as she took in her advice, seeming to be in awe at her words. If Ms. Pieck was the master of stealth, then this would be easy. “Unassuming? Like... innocent? I can do that, I’m basically a spy already!”

Pointing at herself with a thumb, she sent Pieck a sly smile, before her lips pursed in thought. She could definitely use the same question, but maybe a new one would be better? “That’s a good idea! You’re really smart.” An obvious conclusion, as it seemed Ms. Pieck was always exactly right.

Besides, what was wrong with getting the upper hand on Mr. Galliard? He was definitely tough, much tougher than Gabi. She knew that. So, the advice definitely hadn’t fallen on deaf ears, taking it all in as a bright smile spread across her face. “I bet he’ll be proud of how stealthy I am. The Gabi sneak attack!”

Her stance isn’t all wrong, that they both know. She’s strong, sturdy, much like himself—ready to fight, bruised knuckles, children born of war. She falters, still, openings left and right, the embodiment of her spirit, golden but careless—her footing isn’t the best either, heels dug into the ground too close together, hindering her balance.

Her complaints, voiced through strident, exasperated words, get but a scoff in response. That stance, same as his? “I might speak with commander Magath to help get you a pair of glasses, Braun,” he teased, words dripping off his lips in an all too familiar mockery.

“Because your slouch-ass stance has nothing to do with mine,” he began, friend to foe, words of advice disguised as criticism. His posture, battle-forged, unyielding and so characteristically his, shifted ever so slightly, giving her no warnings before taking advantage of her lack of experience. His hand, swift but solid still, moved in a heartbeat to lay a soft punch, measured strength, the opening between her rib and hip caused by the stretched-out arms.“Your elbows are too far from your body.”

Couldn’t he just say what she was doing wrong instead of mocking her? But no, this was the fun of it, wasn’t it? It was almost like a real fight, maybe. Except for the fact that she’d definitely get away with a few slip-ups here and there, of course. “I don’t need glasses-”

Before she could even finish her sentence, her inattention brought revenge in the form of Porco’s fist meeting her midriff. It sent her stumbling back, even if she knew that it wasn’t all of his power. Of course, he was way stronger than her; that was a fact. He’d probably trained for years and blah, blah, blah. Still, even if she might have preferred that he used his full strength, her body was more than grateful for him going a bit easy on her.

Taking a deep breath in as she returned to her former stance, she focused her attention onto her elbows, bringing them closer to her as she looked to him for approval. “Like this?” She questioned, waiting a moment before sending a swift punch towards his chest, feeling a bit of a difference after changing the way she positioned her arms. “You make this look so easy,” she whined, lips pursing, “how did you get to be so good at this?”

“A good warrior? Well, for one, I definitely think that a good warrior should be determined. Physical strength isn’t everything, you know - mental strength is just as important. You have to present yourself as capable and ready.”  

That she manages to offer advice untouched by open bitterness speaks mountains of her own willpower - she’d like nothing more than to tell the girl the truth. There is nothing attractive or desirable about being a warrior, good one or otherwise.

“But if you want me to be honest, I think you’ve got it in the bag,’ finally offered with a wink and a surprising amount of honesty. Gabi reflected in her own life experiences is familiar - telling her to rethink her choices will only make her chase them more. A number of conversations fell on deaf ears over her own choice in childhood, her father desperate and dying, more ready for the knife than what her sacrifice for his health would entail.

“Oh, he’d love it! Porco loves to train. He’s real good at it, too, so he could teach you a few things, but you gotta get the element of surprise in on him, you know? A big guy like that always has the upperhand if he’s expecting an attack - consider that your takeaway lesson from me, alright? When in doubt, be stealthy.”

Now, determination? Gabi’s got that. Surely she was capable and ready, too? She’d shown that she had aptitude over and over in training, and was capable of an assortment of things. She could fight, she was creative, tough... well, she thought so. The smile on her face didn’t fade as she took the advice wholeheartedly, eyes shining with confidence.

“Really? That means a lot coming from you, Ms. Pieck. I won’t let you down!” Curling one hand into a fistful of determination, it only seemed to rile her up more as she envisioned what the future would hold. She’d surpass the others, become the next armoured titan, and show everyone just how amazing she really was.

Her words had a ring to it, he couldn’t deny that. Whatever his motivations were, they didn’t mean much—only impactful as long as it fed the flame, pushed her forward, inspired her to be better. Flashing her a somewhat smug and tight-lipped shrug, he may not be the best with kids, but he knew a fighter when he saw one. And he heard of her, a prodigy, name to remember—gold and shimmering, unbreakable will.

He’s not good with children, though, nor aims to be—her groans are fickle entertainment, inspiring a faint side-smile to sprout on his lips. “Ah, then you’re not the best?” He asked, disapprovingly, shaking his head and averting his gaze elsewhere—all a show, feigned sigh, childish antics.

He wasn’t expecting her request, though. Brows shooting up, he was visibly caught off guard at the waterfall of questions, blinking her way first in surprise and then in disbelief—followed by a huff and furrowed brows.

“Of course I am smart!” He exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loud. Now, truth be told: he was never the top of his class when it came to grades, but of course he had to be smart. He was chosen, after all.

“But I got a lot more to concern myself with than your grades, pipsqueak,” he teased, tantalizing words laced with mockery. Her reaction, albeit expected, had him snorting at the hot-tempered kid. “Ah, yeah? I have a feeling I’m gonna need to sit down for that one.”

There wasn’t much that didn’t get under Gabi’s skin — even if most of it was all because of Falco going on about becoming the armoured titan, or the other candidates trying to deny that she was the best. Short jokes certainly made it on that list of do not touch, and the fact that her grades weren’t the best only irked her more.

“I am! I am the best! The very best, in fact. My grades are gonna be better than Udo’s someday if that’s what I need!” Arms crossed over her chest, brows were drawn together in her annoyance at the topic at hand. What was this, pick on Gabi day? It didn’t matter to her if her grades weren’t good or she was too reckless, she would do anything to make sure she could be the best. If that’s what it took, that’s what it took.

Though sometimes that proved to be too much. His exclamation went right over her head, given the question she asked was completely genuine; she just seemed happy that he was, indeed, smart. “Then why don’t you help me? Or... do you think Ms. Pieck would be better at that?”

It’s part in jest, partly serious that she reels her body inwards from the impact, ripple of pain felt from punch point to the tips of her fingers. The girl is strong - it’s admirable, or it would be were it not harvested and perfected for all the wrong reasons.

“Oh, definitely!” bubbles out in reassurance, a manufactured wince-smile hybrid offered as encouragement. “I think you don’t know just how strong you are, actually.”

Her pain tolerance and build were both pathetically weaker than the rest of the warriors, all things considered - she served dual-purposes as a titan, steed and speed her main denomination. Strength and brawn weren’t exactly her strong suit.

She made for a decent sparring partner when push came to shove, but there were better. And of those better, she enjoyed being a pain in the ass to one in particular.

“Do you know who I think would be really impressed with that punch, though? Porco.”

Lips parting in surprise as the woman praised her skills, Gabi looked down to her hands with a smile. Even if Pieck wasn’t as tough as the others, it meant the world to hear her say she was strong. It felt good to show off everything she’d learned to someone else, and seeing the warrior wince only fueled her.

It had been a good day. Letting herself relax in her posture and stance, she sent Pieck a smile of her own — bright, and as genuine as could be. “You’re good at this, Ms. Pieck. I wanted to ask...” Pursing her lips for a moment as she thought, the question was rather innocent. “What do you think makes a good warrior?”

That seemed to be a question she had for everyone, nowadays. In her head, Gabi had an image of herself being the picture-perfect warrior. But what did that even mean if she couldn’t live up to that dream? She wouldn’t be able to do anything for herself, or anyone else in Liberio.

Instead of dwelling on the thought for long, her attention was averted to the idea of sparring with Porco. “Mr. Galliard? Do you think so? He’s really tough!” Eyes glimmering with awe, she wondered if he’d really be impressed with her. Now that would be a sight to see.