They don't even know her.

I miss my mom and dad's house. The birds in the morning, the noises throughout of the garden, the way I could smell fresh coffee in the mornings. Mom always makes dad fresh coffee.

I think of the way they love each other. That one of a kind kind of love.

Her hair fell gracefully onto her face. It looped into a swirl from the corner of her ear to the cheek. She thought to herself at night "I wonder if this is it?"

Was it all really just waking up, working, coming home, and sleeping? Was there nothing else to this whole thing?

Doesn't seem pointless, but it does seem boring. Why can't every day be romantic adventures, sights to see, things to try... Why does it have to be so repetitive? It's insanity truly, the same thing over and over again but expecting something different.

Heart is racing, thoughts scatter,

I know this feeling all too well, the stomach drop is next and after that- you turn into a hypnotized version of yourself,

The version of yourself that gets stuck in the loop of "when will this end, does it end?",

The beating in your chest increases and for a moment you think to yourself "this is how I die",

But its not, it's a limbo of what you are verses what you think,

I never thought at 26 I'd still be here,

I was told "when you grow up, you'll have things like this figured out", "it's hormones", but when it doesn't go away what do you do?

I strap myself down to my bed to not let myself go outside and scream to the world that I need help,

I beg my partner to take off work because I'm scared to be alone,

truth is, sometimes it doesn't get easier, it gets worse,

But I'm trying, I'm trying to get things handled,

I go to therapy, I take my little blue pill, I meditate,

And you know....

My heart isn't racing as much lately,

My thoughts are becoming more organized,