Fenris / Sparkle

I'm Fenris or Sparkle !

This is my main blog where I mostly talk about being fictionkin, a reality shifter and ficto spec!

I'm Sparkle IRL, I'm not very comfortable with doubles or people who hate on my character (I don't mind discussing my actions in canon but if you're just gonna trash on me I'll just block you)

I'm also not comfortable seeing others gush over my partners from my DRs, so please be respectful of that

I'm spiritual and follow the faith of Astrofel, the aeon of reality in my hsr DR, I'd be happy to answer any questions about my faith!

My other blogs:

@shiftingdaydreams Reality shifting blog

@wildcard-circus Polymind blog, very inactive right now

@wolfboy-odysseus Caninekin blog

@gates-of-dreams System blog

I'll log in to play my silly events and side quests and then every time I get to free roam I get distracted and just stare at my partners because my main team is almost exclusively made up of them, I'll just sit and stare at their idle animations and start giggling when they happen to look in the direction my camera is in

Even before I decided to catch up on events I would just log in almost daily to look at them for a few minutes every few hours like some lovestruck fool

I used to be more touch favourable a few years ago so I was really happy when my little sister started initiating hugs and physical contact in general because she's not the touchy type, but now if she asks if I want a hug I have to say no because any physical touch with another person makes me feel nauseous

I have no idea why I became touch repulsed so suddenly, there was basically no build up to it, I just woke up one day and it felt wrong to let anyone touch me or for me to touch anyone else

Like I'll look at wolves and feel that I am one very strongly, but the strength of that connection fluctuates every once in a while

With goats I see them and I always feel such a strong connection, I feel some sort of ache in my heart at the fact that I don't have hooves or horns like them, it's such a primal need to be seen as one

I think I've rejected it before because I was so stuck on having paws and fangs, because those are things I feel very connected to too

Like I know I'm probably just feeling a lot about everything because I'm in a shitty situation and I can't regulate my emotions but it feels so isolating when I go out of my way to go outside for internet multiple times a day and text them and I don't even get a response

I've been giving them updates on how I'm doing so they don't worry about me and they don't even respond to that

It just feels not that great that I'm doing everything I can to still have some sort of contact with them and they don't even answer, I see they're online and it's the time they would usually answer my texts before I moved, so my brain just keeps getting new material to use to tell me they don't care :/

I won't have any internet and I'll have to somehow manage until at least the 20th when I have therapy, I can't afford food but I've managed for longer so I'm not too worried about that plus my therapy is just a block away so I won't need too much energy to get there anyway

I'm just trying to find somewhere to download movies and stuff before I leave so I at least have something to do since no internet means no doom scrolling

I'll be able to play games on my switch at least so hopefully I'll just be able to distract myself with that until I have therapy

TW for mentions of breaking phones below the cut