Musings of a Black, Disabled, Queer, Christian

I know the aroace community is not a monolith. I know we all have very diverse experiences. But I was thinking about how so many aroace folks had the "I think I'm bi or pan" moment because they felt the same/nothing for all genders.

I had the "I think I'm bi" moment too. But for me it was because I DID feel something for different genders. I felt incredibly strong tertiary attraction to boys and girls (this was 10 years ago and I was queer-sheltered so I had yet to meet an out nonbinary person), and bi felt like the right descriptor. I didn't have to "fake" crushes like so many aroaces. I just confused my squishes for crushes and blended in.

Even after I realized I'm aromantic asexual, bi still feels part of my identity. I relate to a lot of the bi experience. I feel strongly for several different genders, but I'm attracted to them differently. The way I'm attracted to guys is totally different than how I'm attracted to girls and nonbinary folks.

Yes, in theory, my glasses allow me to view the world the way somebody with natural 20/20 vision sees it. In theory, my glasses offset the disabling nature of my nearsightedness. But that doesn't mean I can function the same as somebody who doesn't need glasses. My glasses fog up in response to warm air. Rain lands on them and obscures my vision. I can't have the side of my head against anything while I'm wearing them because that'll knock them askew.

"Oh, but contacts---" Not everyone can afford or wear contacts. Not everyone wants to wear contacts. Even for people who can and do, contacts come with their own issues. Most contacts shouldn't be slept in, meaning contact-wearers can't take spontaneous naps without risking damage to the lenses or their eyes. Crying while wearing contacts can cause issues because they can be dislodged and lost, or folded up under the eyelid, or scratched and damaged by the salt in your tears.

I am nearsighted, and my wearing glasses does not change that.

⚠️

who don’t want to change things about themself just to “pass”,

who “look cis” because they don’t have their hair a certain way, bind, pack, tuck, take hormones, or dress a certain way

who get misgendered, not out of maliciousness, but because they can’t tell unless you tell them