Tip your Waitress

WHENNNNN WILL I

They were the snipers of the Third Shock Army.

“You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against.”

People always make fun of butch women’s appearance, but some of those big, muscular, “unfeminine” women frequently plant their asses between other women and predatory men. I’m speaking about the butches who have shielded me and my friends from physical harrassment when we were young and drunk and visiting gay parties for the first time. I’m speaking about the butches who keep bathrooms a safe zone. I’m speaking about the butches whose lesbian rage is only outshone by their infinite compassion for baby dykes. 

A long time ago, back when I was “straight,” before my very imposing wife was even my girlfriend yet, some jerk pinned me up against the wall at a party.

“you should know / I’m no one’s shore no one’s ocean”

Occasionally – just occasionally – I’ll see some of y’all praise femmes, no doubt for how good we smell or how well we wear dresses or for how soft we are, you know, shit that merely scratches the surface of our identity, of who we are… and then in the next breath, continue to treat femmeness as superficiality, as paying lip-service to the patriarchy, as “passing privilege” (as if passing for straight tomboys hasn’t been survival method número uno for butches since the dawn of time), as something that lesbians should overcome, and I’m just… I’m tired. 

Thank you for talking about this - as a butch woman, hearing femmes spoken of in this exhausting dichotomy is not only cheap, but incredibly disrespectful.