i did the number one crime and made an ai of one of my drawings to be a painting and the result is so fucking lovely I'm going to cry i can't post bc of well everything but i need to at least try and paint it because it's just too beautiful. i guess it's half a crime since it literally was fed off my work but i know how people are. sorry the robot cooked this time

i hate school and also children and also summer and something else that people think is good probably. community i hate that too

after the concert even more blackpilled after my encounter with an extremely rude woman with a small child that had 0 respect for anyone while pushing through front rows. just disgusting. teaching the child to push and elbow through too. and for what. i could write more about this behavior but not today bc today im already feeling off just later

"you're meant to help people in this life" there's nothing i want to do less im so serious

seeing 222 like crazy

my prof from the other degree I'm getting convinced me I'll do bad if i apply to masters because quote "it's all too old" meaning im too classically focused in my work and research needed to apply and I've been spiraling over this low key i also cried a little whatever. i think I'll try anyway but it sucks if i already know they'll hate me and maybe won't accept me because my style or whatever. this was after she constantly was telling me to go to grad school because im "too good not to". i hate people all women do is lie and gaslight. also telling me horror stories about her fuckass friends who got beef with that uni. like honestly.....i don't even know

i had a dream that i was having lunch back at my grandmas with the whole family like when i was a kid and some masclesbian with whatever connection to the family was there and she kept trying to touch me and feel me up and it was embarrassing to me so i kept pushing her hands away but it turned me on i loved it .......freud explain

I'll always be just a crybaby I'll never grow up from it

this summer is so weird and something stupid shook me up again im in my hoodie and it's mid june and sweating but im enjoying it just want to be warm i don't feel so good idk what's wrong with me i feel a little off like I'm not myself. even the general panic i usually have feels far away and not physical like it usually feels like i feel distant from myself. and i leave on firday for the weekend i should be so excited and i am theoretically but everything feels so distant....i feel like a character in a story that's too aware is a character. i keep praying for something good that changes everything to happen one day but i don't think these prayers are getting heard. they hear the others but seems like for big things im not worthy enough or something. i just have to go through the same trauma again and again and god i just wish the psalms were real, thay god does come to rescue you at some point, i wish that was true