Fleeting🫳🏻✨

in this pinned post i’d like to document my goals and development of my confidence, if you’re doing the same thing feel free to join me! i’d love to meet other people who are struggling with independence and confidence, it would be great to meet people like me.

this post contains my goals, a key to see where i’m at when achieving these goals, and a short paragraph after i achieve a goal, sharing how i felt, if i would do it again, and how i think it helped me.

this post will be updated somewhat often.

What i would like to do this year:

- go to a restaurant and have a meal by myself

- go to a dance class

- have a drink at a bar by myself

- go see a movie myself

- be more active on instagram by posting more pictures of myself

- make an online dating profile (and not delete it after a week)

- go to a club

- go to the museum myself

- make some friends

- go on a date

- dye my hair at a salon

Emoji/colour Key:

Green = completed

Red = no longer a goal

Blue = active goal

😥 = made me nervous

🫠 = felt awkward

😮‍💨 = easier than i thought it would be

🥰 = loved it

😖 = hated it, never again

i’m so nervous, i don’t want to him to think i ghosted him because i really like him! i wanna message him but i’m so scared that he hates me now or thinks i’m not interested.

the last time we saw each other was awful, he treated me like shit and did things that i don’t feel comfortable mentioning.

anyways, he’s in italy now?? don’t really care why but i noted that when i went on to his snap to block him. i even found his insta and blocked him there so he can’t reach out to me at all, thank god he doesn’t have my phone number.

To start, i’ve officially started classes this week! it’s only every monday but i have lots of resources to study when i’m not at class. the class itself is very small, only 7 students including myself, all adults too.

i’ve also removed the “go to a dance class” goal from my pinned for now, cause even though i paid for a class they kept pushing it back and i just gave up on it tbh. might try a different place in the future.

my love life is weird, i’m talking to a guy from work. he’s really nice, and really wants to take me out on a date but i’m so shy, i don’t know what to say to him at all even though i really like him and i’d like to see where we could go.

on the other hand, i can’t see myself letting go off my fwb. i like him too, and he’s been in my life for so many years that i can’t imagine a life without him, even though that’s probably what’s going to happen.

she does insta q+a’s a lot which is fun, but she tends to mainly interact with the overtly sexual questions instead of the ones about you know, her job since it’s her work account and that’s what she wanted to questions to be about.

i don’t know if she does it to seem funny but it seems a bit unprofessional? responding to questions about her arse, her sex life, if she’s taken/sent nudes, if she’s in a relationship, is just so fucking weird to me and not something i think a professional should be saying especially on their work account.

her responses are weird too, she’ll be like “that’s weird to ask” but then respond anyway? like? wouldn’t it be better to block creeps like that? or to just not answer them, because you can just not respond?

then i remembered how i was treated in school.

any time i would open my mouth to say something, anything, i was told “shut the fuck up” “oh my god no one cares” “why are you even talking?” or i was just straight up ignored.

this made me crawl inside myself and stop speaking, because i was either made fun of or not listened too.

i still carry this to this day, i’m still nervous to speak to people because of how badly i was bullied, it’s not a reach to say that bullying traumatised me.

even when i got older people would still laugh at me for just existing or speaking, i was just not liked by anyone.

nothing i said was of value, nothing that came out of my mouth was taken seriously.