(♥ ͜ʖ♥)

Did you seriously just smoke some of my elfweed? Girl you're gonna get soooo fucked in 5 years. Yeah it only lasts a decade though.

Don't worry about your nipples being more sensitive.

I got my tetanus shot we can play polearms again

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

hi im tyler oakley toss mangoes and other assorted fruits into my loose asshole so i can post about it on my shitty blog

[sweating bullets] w…w-warriormale…. [gulps and looks at my clipboard] i hate to tell you this but th-that’s not wrestling, that’s overwatch fan art of two characters having sex sir [quaking in my fatigues]

Went to a fabric store yesterday and saw a sewing machine that did embroidery of photos and the example was of a newborn baby and it was so fucking insane looking I asked an employee if I could buy it and she looked at it and was like “oh my god eugh what the fuck… i think that’s my bosses grandkid….I think you should just take it” so I did