The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}
Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x
Warning(s): just swearing tbh
Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.
you have created a chatroom
you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”
You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)
You: I didn’t say anything ???
Tony: it’s paternal instinct
You: at least hear me out
You: I’m gonna tell you anyways
Tony: I had a feeling you would
You: so I got my report card back
Tony: I can already see where this is going
Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood
You: if I could get a puppy?
You: you’re the worst dad ever
Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)
You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.
Steve has joined the chat
You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?
You: you’re both the worst
Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?
Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.
You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.
Tony: oh god no not the kid
Tony: you know I can’t say no to him
Peter: what can I do for you?
You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement
Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?
Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card
Peter: Aw well done baby! :)
Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:
You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.
Peter: well that’s a shame
You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy
Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.
Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.
You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month
Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?
You: shut up you know you enjoy it
Tony: what…just…happened?
Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?
Clint has joined the chat
Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.
Clint: we heard talk of a dog
Steve: well you heard wrong
Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?
Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)
Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.
Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)
Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?
Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?
Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer
Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole
Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.
Peter: w h y a re y o u a t t a c k i n g m e ?
Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.
Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.
Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.
You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC
Wanda: what were we talking about again?
Tony has cleared the chat
Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today
Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)
Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.
Scott: I’m down for pancakes
Bucky: yeah I could go for some too
T'challa: if Tony’s paying
Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.
Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.
Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10
Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT
Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS
Steve: there are children present
You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye
Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN
Bucky: too much Clint too much
Peter: well it’s decided, I guess we’re getting a dog
Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.
Steve: not to mention Pietro
Pietro has joined the chat
Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.
Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.
Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead
Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed
You: I am physically sobBiNg
Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.
Scott : it sounds like she’s dying
Peter: then it’s nothing new.
Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?
Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS
Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own
T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me
Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man
Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.
Thor: yes…please proceed.
Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.
You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT
Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends
Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.
T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died
T'Challa has left the chat
Peter: I don’t know what to say
Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.
Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.
Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.
You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G
Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic
Steve: she’s not my child, she’s yours
You: wow what a loving family I have
Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)
Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?
Natasha: it’s the smiley face.
Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine
Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?
Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.
You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me
Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?
Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted
Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.
Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.
Clint: how did that go over his head?
Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.
You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG
Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.
Natasha: no doubt about it
Clint: ew who invited him
Wanda: why so salty Clint?
Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit
Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING
Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.
Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?
Loki: I’m sorry who are you?
Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.
Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.
Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL
Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.
You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.
Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.
Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs
Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU
Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?
Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale
Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old
Sam: THERE ARE T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES
Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking
Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?
You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child
Scott: don’t even start I beg
Loki: you mortals will all perish
Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.
Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS
Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye
Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES
Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.
Natasha has left the chat
Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag
Sam: oh I have got to see this
Scott: I’m definitely filming this
Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum
Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.
You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL
Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?
Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math
Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter
Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye
Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.
You: im finally getting a dog WHOO
Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?
Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad
Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long
Steve: which one of us do you like best?
Bruce: this is going to get interesting
Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots
You: I’m naming my dog peter
You: because he’s my favourite daddy
Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT
Bruce has been disconnected
Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this
Steve: I can’t believe this
Steve: you have your suit right?
Tony: already putting it on
Tony: it’s right where you left it
Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider
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