ā¼*Ā·ļ¾HEARING the words his brother stated felt strange, odd, almost incorrect. Heād never felt like he was good enough to be compared to his brother, let alone told he was good. It felt wrong, almost like he couldāve been playing with him. Ralph couldnāt explain the feeling he felt standing in his kitchen with his brother. Theyād grown apart, years ago and now he wasnāt sure how to react. Both of them were in the same space, with no buffer, no one to talk over the conversation should they need it. Watching him, he wondered if they could really become close again. It wasnāt necessarily a strong thought in his mind. Nodding, he hoped and wondered how much Felix really cared about all of his answers. Was he just making small talk to ease the quietness in the kitchen? But Ralph was still going to answer his questions. He wanted his brother to know he was doing alright with his life.Ā āYeah, I do still cook, every day. I try to make a meal every night. If I donāt cook something, I feel like my dayās incomplete,ā Ralph explained, still not sure what heād make today. There were quite a few things on his list, but racking his brain, he just couldnāt think of anything that sounded good enough. Heād always been a fan of cooking, always loved how good it made him feel. And around his family, Ralph was always the one who cooked, but for some reason, he never got the praise for it. It bugged him, every day.
As his brother spoke, he nodded, agreeing with him as if he knew exactly what he was talking about. But really, Ralph knew nothing about parts in the sink or otherwise. He trusted his brother. After all, this is what he did. This is what he was good at. And maybe, part of him did want to reconcile with him. Maybe at some point in the future, their relationship could again be what it was when they were kids. Ralph missed him, he really did, but they were so different now. It couldnāt be the same.Ā āOkay and thatās not hard to get, right?ā Shaking his head, he continued.Ā āNo, no, Iāll stay. Iād feel bad leaving you. Whatever you need me to do, just tell me, Iāll do it,ā Ralph explained. He wanted to help his brother in any way he can and then maybe, he wouldnāt feel like such a screw up every single time he was around him. Biting his lip, he leaned up against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. How could he explain how he felt around the family?Ā
Felix would never understand how he felt. But how in the world could Ralph explain it? He felt like he was useless compared to his brother.Ā āItās not the same with me, Felix. You can show up and they grin and hug you and tell you how happy they are to see you. I show up and they scowl and ask me if Iāve done something useful,ā he started to explain, his face dropping.Ā āYouāve always been the one theyāre proud of and I feel like Iām nothing compared to you. All of this,ā Ralph gestured to his body, his house, and the food,Ā āwas to try and be something both you and the family could be proud of. I know none of this is your fault and Iām not blaming you, hell, you were my best friend as a kid, but them, the rest of them, they treat me like Iām not part of the family. I just want them to be proud of me, for once, you know.ā His words slipped through his mouth without a care in the world and he was upset, so incredibly upset, not at all sure how to go about continuing the conversation now. Heart feeling like it was going to sink to the bottom of his chest, Ralph took a deep breath, not sure how to respond to his brotherās comment. What did he mean he missed him? Why hadnāt they all tried harder?Ā āFelix, I⦠I missed you. I just thought you didnāt care about me anymore,Ā ācause I was just a screw up,ā Ralphās eyes filled up with tears. His large hands wiped them away, begging them to disappear, because no, no, he couldnāt cry in front of his brother.Ā
If there was one thing Felix loved to avoid, it had to be conflict. He didnāt fancy being in the same room of it and would literally flee the scene as soon as voices were raised or tears were spilt. But even though he tried to pretend his metal wrench shining under the kitchen lights was suddenly the most interesting in the world and looked at nothing else much, he couldnāt escape what his brother was saying. And Felix had to confront him on his words, which was arguably not a smart thing to do considering they hadnāt seen eye to eye in years but the older one jumped in anyway.Ā āWeāre supposed to be family, Ralph. Thatās the way things just are and maybe not every day together is sunshine and apple pie but come on⦠you moved away lookinā for something you didnāt even try to find on our side of the fence first. Moms and pops love ya so much, you gots to know that their special attention on you only comes from good intentions. And I⦠well, frankly there shouldnāt even be a doubt that I care for ya, youāre my little brother.āĀ
As he spoke those words, Felix had a hard time ignoring the fact that he was defending his family to his family. Why were there even sides to begin with?! Why couldnāt everyone just get along nicely? Perhaps he knew why⦠people did sayĀ āwhat the eye doesnāt see, the heart doesnāt grieve overā, didnāt they? And over the years, Felix had always taken those words a little bit too literally.Ā āI just canāt add up how this⦠adventure of yours supposedly was in our interest. If this is your finish line, why not have invited us over to cheer you on? Ya know? Iām not calling you the L-word but I would, maybe,Ā imagine that's how a liar might perhaps phrase things indeed." He scratched the back of his head, knowing his next words may be heavy on his chest now but would be even heavier on his heart once he said them out loud.Ā āIām just saying that, to me, it seems you moved out to take on a new successful role and thatās fine by me - Iām rooting for ya - but it sure stings like a bee when you pretend itās because you had no role at home. You just didnāt like the one you got and couldnāt try to see how to make the best things...with us.ā
When the tears appeared, he cleared his throat and looked away. Because that was easier. Because suddenly a broken sink was the least broken thing in this foreign house and at least he was well-trained in fixing that problem.Ā āCould you, um, turn on the water tap again gently?ā He asked of his brother in a soft voice, pointing to the other side of the room that hid the main taps. His gut told him it was the connection between the water valve and the supply line and with his thumb pressing down on the supposedly vulnerable spot, he was as ready as ever to take that calculated risk. The annoyingly lingering question remained, however: why did he never take any risks like that regarding Ralph or put his hand in the fire (or water, in this case) for him? Because Felix was more than afraid of the mess that restoring the golden days would make because he might fail at restoring them in the first place. Right after asking to turn the water back on, he glanced at this little part of the drain system called a pressure reducer and heād never wished for anything more in his life than a real-life equivalent of this tool.