The token of appreciation made his face rest, frowns and wrinkles smoothly rolling back into its usual smiley state. Albeit one with pursed lips. âYouâre all good, Ralph.â At least his brother had given him a purpose today, a chance to do anything other than sharpening pencils behind his desk and chatting on the phone like a secretary. So in no way was it fair of Felix to offer his brother a worse customer service than any of his usual clients - some of who, truth to be told, werenât even brainy enough to turn off the tap and had to be found standing in an actual puddle. And yet this quick fix job felt more draining than those. âIf ya cook in here a lot, itâs very unlikely itâs the fault of the garbage disposal. Or you for that matter. And you still cook, right?â Perhaps that was an unfair question to ask, considering he already knew the answer. It got served to him on most of the important family get-togethers, after all.
Felix wiped his hands dry on his overall, not enjoying having to get up and straighten himself out next to his brother in comparison only to end up at a small doorway again. But it was the only way to get move the job along and heâd already wasted enough time on self-sabotage today. âMy best guess is youâre just gonna need a replacement part. So Iâll turn this blue one right here off, go inspect the separate parts under the sink for rust or a little leak, and maybe you can turn them back on softly every time I ask? If you plan on staying, ya know, I mean, you donât have to.â Though it would create some of the familiar distance between them heâd grown used to over the years. But, not surprisingly, his brother seemed to have different plans in mind and for once, his words did catch Felixâs attention. âWhaaat?â His surprise sounded like an awkward chuckle. The accusation of being the favourite felt new and yet he couldnât deny its truth either, one Wrightâs name fell more from gossipy uncles and aunts their tongues than the otherâs. The worst part of it all? Not even Felix had ever stood up to correct that, though heâd more than likely deny so. âNo, no, I- you- itâs not a game of favourites at home. I mean I only visit them like twice a week myself, ya know. Sometimes only once! Without calling to cancel ahead, even!â His eyebrows knitted together. This was still Ralph, his little brother, he was talking to and he would go to great lengths to keep him from feeling bad. Felix just wasnât sure telling the truth would have that effect. âI missed you when you left but ya know, I- we were all excited for you, too! To try something newâŚâ
âź*¡ďžHEARING the words his brother stated felt strange, odd, almost incorrect. Heâd never felt like he was good enough to be compared to his brother, let alone told he was good. It felt wrong, almost like he couldâve been playing with him. Ralph couldnât explain the feeling he felt standing in his kitchen with his brother. Theyâd grown apart, years ago and now he wasnât sure how to react. Both of them were in the same space, with no buffer, no one to talk over the conversation should they need it. Watching him, he wondered if they could really become close again. It wasnât necessarily a strong thought in his mind. Nodding, he hoped and wondered how much Felix really cared about all of his answers. Was he just making small talk to ease the quietness in the kitchen? But Ralph was still going to answer his questions. He wanted his brother to know he was doing alright with his life. âYeah, I do still cook, every day. I try to make a meal every night. If I donât cook something, I feel like my dayâs incomplete,â Ralph explained, still not sure what heâd make today. There were quite a few things on his list, but racking his brain, he just couldnât think of anything that sounded good enough. Heâd always been a fan of cooking, always loved how good it made him feel. And around his family, Ralph was always the one who cooked, but for some reason, he never got the praise for it. It bugged him, every day.
As his brother spoke, he nodded, agreeing with him as if he knew exactly what he was talking about. But really, Ralph knew nothing about parts in the sink or otherwise. He trusted his brother. After all, this is what he did. This is what he was good at. And maybe, part of him did want to reconcile with him. Maybe at some point in the future, their relationship could again be what it was when they were kids. Ralph missed him, he really did, but they were so different now. It couldnât be the same. âOkay and thatâs not hard to get, right?â Shaking his head, he continued. âNo, no, Iâll stay. Iâd feel bad leaving you. Whatever you need me to do, just tell me, Iâll do it,â Ralph explained. He wanted to help his brother in any way he can and then maybe, he wouldnât feel like such a screw up every single time he was around him. Biting his lip, he leaned up against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. How could he explain how he felt around the family?Â
Felix would never understand how he felt. But how in the world could Ralph explain it? He felt like he was useless compared to his brother. âItâs not the same with me, Felix. You can show up and they grin and hug you and tell you how happy they are to see you. I show up and they scowl and ask me if Iâve done something useful,â he started to explain, his face dropping. âYouâve always been the one theyâre proud of and I feel like Iâm nothing compared to you. All of this,â Ralph gestured to his body, his house, and the food, âwas to try and be something both you and the family could be proud of. I know none of this is your fault and Iâm not blaming you, hell, you were my best friend as a kid, but them, the rest of them, they treat me like Iâm not part of the family. I just want them to be proud of me, for once, you know.â His words slipped through his mouth without a care in the world and he was upset, so incredibly upset, not at all sure how to go about continuing the conversation now. Heart feeling like it was going to sink to the bottom of his chest, Ralph took a deep breath, not sure how to respond to his brotherâs comment. What did he mean he missed him? Why hadnât they all tried harder? âFelix, I... I missed you. I just thought you didnât care about me anymore, âcause I was just a screw up,â Ralphâs eyes filled up with tears. His large hands wiped them away, begging them to disappear, because no, no, he couldnât cry in front of his brother.Â