reputation

“Why’d you do it?” he asked. “Break it off, I mean.” The waitress came over as soon as the words left his mouth. 

“Do you need more time?” she asked, clearly embarrassed for her poor timing. 

Matt shook his head. “No, we’re ready,” he said, followed by his order. He waited for Felicity to put her order in and watched as the waitress walked away. 

“Sorry, I just…I need to know. Closure or whatever. Did I do something wrong?”

Felicity opened her mouth to speak, but the waitress had made her way over. Matt ordered, and Felicity followed. Her heart was pounding the entire time. She didn’t think they’d ever have this discussion, and now it was here – mere hours after Felicity had slept with someone else in an attempt to forget him. Once the waitress left to put their orders in, Felicity braced herself. 

“No, you were perfect,” Felicity admitted. She stared down at the table, focused on the menu to avoid looking at him for more than a few seconds. How could she explain that she’d ended things because it was all too difficult for her? Paityn was missing, and Felicity had almost convinced herself that her cousin would never make it home. It wasn’t fair to Matt, so she ended things without really letting him in – without giving him the chance to stick around if he wanted to.

“It was just so much. Paityn being gone – I didn’t think I could give you what you needed when all I cared about was whether or not she was alive.”

She finally looked up at Matt. It hurt – bringing everything back up was painful. Then, Felicity did something that was a little out of the norm for her. 

“I’m sorry... for hurting you the way I did. You were... special to me. You still are.”

“He doesn’t know. Other than Luca…you’re the only one I’ve told. I’m going to tell Margot next…then Jack. I need him to be a buffer when we tell dad…he’s going to be furious.” Though, Paityn prayed he’d be happy eventually. Another grandchild. That’s a good thing, right?

Johnny loved Margot and Jack’s kids…he’d love hers to. He has to.

“I’m just…I’m just so scared, Felicity. I don’t know how to be a mom.”

Of course Felicity was going to love Paityn’s baby, even if it was part Costello. Even if it was part Luca, who she didn’t particularly like, but it wouldn’t even matter anymore. The baby had to be everyone’s priority. 

“I already love the baby, Pait,” she said, smiling as she leaned forward. She reached over, grabbed Paityn’s hand and squeezed reassuringly. “No one really knows how to be a mom, and no one’s ever ready for it. You’ll get there, and in the mean time, I’m gonna do whatever I can to help. I’m sure Margot can help, too, and Charlie. They’re... maternal. I am not, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try.”

She flashed her cousin a big, reassuring smile as the waitress came over with their breakfast. Felicity thanked her before she disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Never met her,” Matt admitted. “I did see her at the fourth of July party, though. Don’t know how an idiot like Tristan landed a woman like that.” Matthew joked at his friend’s expense, even if he was happy for the man. Talking about their mutual friend’s new relationship, however, was a bit awkward for the ex-couple. Especially with everything so unresolved. 

“Don’t know much about her other than she’s hot as fuck,” he said, not filtering his words before they came out of his mouth. 

Shit. 

“Not as hot as you, though.” 

Shut the fuck up, Matt, he said to himself. The over correction would only make things more awkward. Not less. 

Felicity could do nothing but watch as Matt fumbled over his own words, calling Tristan’s girlfriend hot, then insisting that Felicity was hotter. She wasn’t the blushy kind – but she felt herself turning pink, felt herself missing whenever things weren’t so formal and forced between the pair. She’d ended things, ruined whatever they had. She had to deal with the consequences now. 

“Thanks...” 

She wanted to die. This was so fucking awkward. Felicity couldn’t take it any longer!

“I was really drunk. When I kissed you. I was drunk. And we were a billion miles from home. And Tristan was being annoying.”

And deep down, I wanted to. 

“We don’t have to be awkward around each other,” she assured him. “You won’t hurt my feelings if you think someone else is hot.”

She’d be hurt, a little jealous – but she’d made things this way. It wasn’t fair to confuse either of them... even if she did think about him more often than she admitted.

Paityn took in a breath. She hadn’t felt so stressed out opening up to her cousin since she told her she and Luca were together. “I’m pregnant, actually,” she blurted, not knowing any other way to go about it.

“Surprise?” she questioned, an awkward, worried smile on her face. It was a shock, Paityn was sure. 

“Pregnant?”

Felicity repeated, unable to hide the obvious surprise in her voice. In the past, Felicity had issues filtering what she said to people. And now, she was trying harder than ever before to keep her thoughts to herself. She needed Paityn to tell her how to feel, basically. 

“Um. Wow, pregnant... like with a baby...” She stared at Paityn, forcing a smile that only came across as worried. “How do you feel about that? Are we excited? Upset? Does your dad know?” 

Felicity paused, a smirk forming. There went her filter! “He can’t know yet, because Luca’s still alive.”

Following Felicity to the booth near the back, Paityn sat across from her cousin and began to peruse the menu. She raised a brow at the mention of a girl Fel met, a cute girl she went home with. “Good for you,” she said. “Just a one time thing or are you gonna see her again?” She wondered for a moment if she was truly over Matt. Either way, Felicity deserved happiness.

When she asked what Paityn was doing out so early, she shrugged. “Wanted to start my day off right,” she said. “Balanced breakfast and all that.” When the waitress came by their table, she asked if they wanted coffee. Normally, Paityn would be all over a cup, but her doctor mentioned staying away from caffeine during her pregnancy. 

“Just water for me,” Paityn said. “And the house special with scrambled eggs and fruit on the side, please.” She waited for Felicity to place her order before continuing the conversation.

“Just a one time thing,” Felicity clarified. She’d gotten the girl’s number, but she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Not with all of the Matt-related confusion that she felt. Blegh.

Felicity raised a brow whenever Paityn denied the coffee. They were both caffeine freaks. “I’ll have a cup,” Felicity told the waitress, before listing off the rest of her order – something with lots of egg, lots of bacon on the side, and a chocolate chip pancake just because she could. 

“No caffeine? What, are you on some weird... married diet now?” 

Felicity placed her menu to the side. 

“Speaking of married, how’s that going?”

“Yeah it was crap,” he replied, looking at the menu to avoid her eyes. 

There was an awkward silence as Matt thought of what to say next. “I think Tristan’s got a girlfriend, so…that’s news.”

Felicity was silently grateful that Matt had brought Tristan up. As long as the conversation didn’t steer back to Russia, Felicity could handle it. Even if things felt weird and unfinished with him, she didn’t want to confuse herself any further by actually acknowledging what happened. It was best to bury it.

“Really...?” Felicity wondered. She didn’t mean to sound so shocked, but she hadn’t remembered Tristan being hung up on anyone other than Paityn for a while. “Good for him,” she finally said, peeling her eyes away from the menu momentarily. She looked at him. “Have you met her? What’s she like?”

She was adjusting the strap of her overnight bag on her shoulder as she tried to remember where she’d parked. After whatever number bar they’d gone to, they’d decided to uber home, but now she was left with a foggy memory of where she’d left the damn thing and it didn’t seem to be clearing up any time soon.

Just as she was about to give up for the time being and just get something to eat before going back out, she spotted someone who was even worse off than her. At least Chanel didn’t look so obviously like she’d come from a special sleepover.

As she was about to look away, the puzzle piece fell into place and she realized that the girl she’d just seen was in fact Felicity Sinclair, a cousin of the ever-constant Sinclair family.  

A smug smile fell across her face as she made her way towards the other blond and consequently a little closer to a diner where she could grab something to eat as well. Her voice was lathered in judgment and sarcasm as she sidled up next to the girl and began to speak.

“I’m not sure if you’re going for a look, but I suggest working on it a little. Even grunge was more put together than what’s happening here.”

Felicity didn’t bother rolling her eyes whenever Chanel approached her, didn’t bother getting upset. Felicity had dealt with far worse than Chanel Albright. It wasn’t by choice, but it’d made Felicity into the person that she was today. Besides, Chanel was a Costello, and a loyal one at that – so naturally, Felicity couldn’t fucking stand her. 

"Was it worth going out of your way just to say that?” Felicity asked, brow raised. Sure, Chanel was obviously put together, but did it even matter when it always looked like she had a stick up her ass? 

“I kinda feel like you get some weird gratification from being judgey and stuck up. Would I be correct in assuming that? ‘Cause if so, I’ll save you months of therapy and money. Being a dick to everyone won’t make up for the fact that you don’t love yourself.”

You’re Invited to Chanel Albright’s 90s/00s Themed Birthday Extravaganza!

August 1, 2020. 7:00PM. Sapphire. Come dressed as the VIP pass says or you will not be admitted to the event nor permitted anywhere near Sapphire. 

xx

He crossed the street and approached her. “You look like shit,” he joked, giving her a bit of an awkward smile. “Have a good time last night?” Matt ran a hand through his hair before continuing. “I was gonna get something to eat….wanna join?”

The two had a lot to work out since Russia. Maybe a civil breakfast was the way to go about it.

Fuuuuck.

Running into Matt, after Russia, was... difficult. Especially since Felicity had been going out of her way to move on. Exhibit A: last night. But he was inviting her to eat, and she was starving. How could she say no?

"Yeah, I went out. It was fun,” she said, deciding that leaving things vague was for the best. She didn’t want to look like a try-hard. She and Matt could be friends. “I’m starving!” 

Felicity wasn’t an awkward person. She was confident, somewhat put together, but that all flew out the window around Matt. Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

She led the way inside, picking a table for the both of them. She wanted to keep things as normal as possible. And she wanted to avoid any mention of Russia, if it could be helped. 

“Did you go to that 4th of July thing? Kind of lame, right?”

Besides, Paityn needed her own life. With her pregnancy, modelling would be out of the question. Same with partying, drinking and drugs. Her typical pass-times wouldn’t be suitable anymore. Maybe she should take up gardening?

Getting breakfast, Paityn stopped at a diner near her apartment. Just outside the door, she spotted her cousin. Felicity looked like she had a good night; dressed to the nines and make up smeared on her face. 

“Walk of shame?” she asked. “Come on, I’ll buy you breakfast in exchange for details.”

Felicity canted her head to the side a little shamelessly, closed both eyes and grinned at Paityn. Greasy, diner hash browns, scrambled eggs, chocolate chip pancakes... 

“Oh, absolutely,” Felicity said, mouth already watering as she dreamt up her perfect plate. She led the way inside, not particularly caring if people thought she looked a little tacky. At least she’d had a good night!

Felicity found a booth towards the back, plopping down in her seat. 

“I met this girl at Sapphire. She was cute, so we went back to her place, and – y’know.” 

She wiggled her eyebrows at Paityn, swiping one of the menus on the side of the table. Her eyes scanned through the options. 

At least she’d had a good night with... Kara? Karlie? 

She could’ve ubered home, but her phone was dead, and perhaps the walking would miraculously sober her up. She had a few more blocks to go, but then she spotted a diner. Ugh. Hangover food. She was half tempted to stop...

He absolutely was goading her into doing her own canon ball, something he’d been doing practically since the day she was born. If he was getting in to something then he wanted her right by his side. It was more fun that way. It made life a little more hellish for their parents, but Bash would never stop the sibling rivalry bit as long as he was alive. What else was the point in having siblings if not to get them into the same trouble as you?

‘It’s not my fault you can’t make as big of a splash as me.’

Felicity stood from where she sat, arms folded as she stared down at Bash. 

“Unfortunately for you, I’m not ten anymore, and I can’t be manipulated into making a fool of myself. Sorry, Sebastian.”

It was a rarity for Felicity to use his full name. It felt foreign, but sometimes, it was necessary. Especially whenever Bash was behaving like this. Full douchebag.

She sat on the edge of the pool, wrapping her swimsuit cover around her shoulders. She dipped her feet in, eyes on Bash just in case he tried anything. 

“Party’s kind of lame,” Felicity said, eyeing the crowd. She spotted Noah, smoking a cigarette. She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Noah’s crazy ass will keep us all entertained.”

“I definitely think he remembers. I haven’t spoken to him since, though, so that’s worth celebrating, right?” 

Felicity sipped on her cocktail, scanning the pools for Matt. She hadn’t run into him yet, and she planned on keeping it that way. For now, at least, until Felicity could figure out whatever the hell was going on inside of her. She did still have some feelings for Matt, but she’d made the decision to end things, and she had to live with that. No going back. It wasn’t fair to anyone. 

“Bash is sleeping on my couch. I hear Noah’s back? Not gonna lie, I missed his crazy ass.”