In my school ⌠Hell, in my school district, no one has the ability that I do.  I do not say this lightly and am not being cavalier.  I have very little in the way of self-esteem - Good or Bad.  Its just kind of a non-existent thing.  (Note To Self: Cover this area later.)  So, when I make a grandiose statement like that, it doesnât come from hubris.  Somewhere between Nature (both my parents have Special Ed backgrounds) and Nurture (I spent my entire life hearing about IEP meetings, attending SpEd school functions, and even helping my father transport folks to-and-from group homes) this field is the one I know innately.  Iâve had 36 years of on and off-the-job training.  It is was also the first job I ever had that I liked ⌠that I didnât mind getting out of bed for in the morning.  That said, I have always relied on my instincts and abilities.  No one knows my kiddos like I do.  I can riff on a behavioral difficulty that appears and tailor an intervention to meet what an individual needs to get through the moment and be successful.  I can look at how a student learns and modify instruction to help them gain academic and functional skills in a person-centered way.  I have also been very fortunate to have been surrounded by competent, caring, and excellent staff that have worked with me throughout the years.  I have even managed to be able to teach them my methods and utilize their skills to augment my own approach.  What I have difficulty doing, however, is turning over the reigns to these amazing professionals and paraprofessionals.  There have been times that I have been in the middle of managing a behavior, while teaching a small group Reading, and trying to keep independent workers on-task to look around and see my assistant off to the side, doing nothing.  It has occurred to me that this is, in fact, my fault.  There were times when she would be working with a student and they would act out, I would swoop in to âSave The Day.â  However, my âfixing things,â disincentivized her from putting her skills to use.  I also am bad about not taking a break during the day.  When all of the other teachers are off in the Staff Break Room, I am in the cafeteria with my boys.  Again, its not that I donât trust my staff to handle things, but that may be the message that comes across.  I want to show those I work with that, Iâve been where you are - Iâve been an assistant who gets no support and i wonât do that to you.  However, being an assistant is where I cut my teeth and gained first-hand skills that helped form my experiential knowledge and gave me the skills that I have today.  At times when I feel overloaded, I need to take that step back to empower those that I work with to take charge so that I can accomplish what needs to be done.  As I move higher up in my responsibility and in my leadership roles, this will be come all the more important.  I cannot get to a place of reflection and self-transformation if I keep myself simply reacting to three thousand little things coming at me.  My goal is to empower others on a large scale to effect change.  That cannot happen unless I am viewing my goals and inner motivation for why I want to do accomplish these goals and use that power to create change into the future, and not get mired up in what is currently happening.
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