amor fati

“I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF and it wasn’t beautiful. I took care of myself and looked at the overdue bills in the face, even though it hurt. I took care of myself and cried ugly through the therapy session; made another appointment for next week. I put in the work and wrote all the bad memories in detail. I apologized to all the friends I didn’t have the energy to talk to. I finally cut off all my dead ends and bought produce; slimly avoided sustaining myself on barbecue chips and poetry. I recycled. I set an alarm for 8 hours of sleep and did not sleep more or less. I took care of myself and it wasn’t bubble baths. It wasn’t lotion at Bath and Bodyworks and three-cheese pizza. It was uncomfortable. It wasn’t beautiful, but I am, and it didn’t have to be beautiful to be worth it.”