★ LEV !!

-god anon

so just like the last one, anyone can answer ::

if you have too much ear wax in your ear, does it affect your hearing?

does the sound of you chewing ever get overstimulating?

if a sound is vibrating, does that mean it’s a loud sound, or do all sounds vibrate?

what do you imagine being deaf is like?

do hearing people also always have constant pressure or ringing in their ears?

how many deaf, or hard of hearing people do you usually come across in your life? because people who interact with me regularly, interact with a deaf person on a daily basis, but not everyone interacts with me on a daily basis (obviously). i’m curious as to how many people actually come across deaf people

okay, so can be answered by anyone, but ::

when you think, does the voice in your head sound like your speaking voice?

when you’re in the shower, or underwater, can you still hear?

is lip reading a natural skill everyone has, or is it something i subconsciously learned to understand people?

how do you distinguish different people’s voices? is it easy?

what do in-ear headphones feel like? i can’t listen to music without hearing aids, and my hearing aids go in my ears, so i've only been able to use headphones that go over my head.

can you hear your eardrum moving in your ear? since you hear with your ears, i imagine something in your ear would make a ton of noise all the time.

he saw life as a play, and you were his main actor (cw: abusive relationships, death threats, suicide threats)

You were sick of this. Your relationship with Nikolai had gotten out of hand. It started like a dream, he was funny, and smart, and though it may have been low to factor in, he was attractive. He treated you right, better than any man ever had before, at the beginning at least.

But now it is beyond toxic, you did truly care about Nikolai, and it was hard for you to come to terms with how horrible your relationship was. You couldn't explain how badly you wanted to ignore the bad and only focus on the good, and you did that for a while. But after a while, there was no good to focus on.

Nikolai had forced you to become completely dependent on him. You were once so independent, and strong willed that realizing you were made to be so reliant on someone else made you feel ill. He made you quit your job, so that you would have no reason to leave, and to make sure you didn't leave, he'd lock everything up, the only bit of the outside you got would be if you were lucky enough for the sun to shine through the windows. And don't even think about wanting to hang out with your friends, Nikolai made sure those ties were cut. He was the only one you had, yet you weren't the only one he had.

You had enough of it, you knew you were completely capable of living without him, you were ready to be independent again. You paced the living room of, what was once your apartment, waiting for Nikolai to come back. Your anxieties were rising, worried about how this would go over. Finally you heard the lock click, and Nikolai stepped through the door.

"(Y/N)!!" He exclaimed, moving towards you in no more than two steps, wrapping his arms around you a little too tight. You knew by now it was a threatening embrace, not a loving one. "Did you miss me!?"

You pushed him away, wiggling out of his grasp. "Nikolai we need to talk" You said sternly

"Oh really? What do we need to talk about! Did you do something fun today?" He asked

You shook your head, "No"

"Ohh? Why do you look so glum" He asked with an overexaggerated pout.

You took a deep breath, the best way to do it would just spit it out. "Nikolai, we need to break up. This relationship needs to end, okay? I can't do this anymore"

Nikolai stared at you for a while, before a wide grin crossed his face. "Oh darling! I see what's going on!" He clapped his hand together "You're just acting, aren't you?! Oh my little dove, you're such a lovely actor! Calling me Nikolai and everything, you had it all thought out didn't you! Is this what you were doing all day?"

You pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath before continuing "No, I'm not acting. I'm being serious"

Nikolai's eyes went wide "Serious!" He burst out laughing, a frightening, maniacal laugh that sent chills down your spine. "Please! Don't be silly!!" He stepped closer to you, using one hand to cup the side of your face. It was a warning: move and I'll kill you. "You know what would happen if you were really being serious"

You swallowed a lump in your throat, opening your mouth, only to close it again.

"I'd kill you" He whispered right next to your ear, so close to you that his breath moved your hair. "And I'd be so lonely and miserable without you, that'd I'd kill myself." Your tried stepping away from him, maybe you could make a run for it? But the hand still on your face pulled you back closer to him than you were before. "That ending would be far too tragic, now wouldn't it dove?"

You stood there in silence, you expected him to take it poorly, but you never expected something like this. Though, maybe you should have.

"Go on, answer me. Don't you agree, this play can't end like that. So, I'll ask you once more, you're just acting, aren't you?" He leaned in closer to you, nose and forehead pressed against yours. "Answer me"

Your throat tightened, struggling to speak again. "Y-Yes... I was just acting"

"I was just asking... who?" He asked, his voice almost like he was talking to a little kid.

"I was just acting, Kolya"

PLEASE GOD NO I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE TODAY, AND THEY SAID "you know just hearing you nobody thinks you're russian" AND I GOT SO CONFUSED BC I HAVE A RUSSIAN ACCENT ???? AND THEY SAID THAT I DIDN'T !!! OR THAT I BARELY HAD ONE !! AND THAT CANNOT BE TRUE !!! IT CANNOT BE TRUE !!!! I STILL HAVE ONE !!! THERE'S NO WAY THAT I DON'T !!! I HEARD MY VOICE THE OTHER DAY !!! I HEARD THAT I HAVE ONE !!! and they tried to make me feel better by saying that since i've been deaf so long i probably just hear my voice the way i remember it, but it kinda just made me feel worse.

i'm so excited to turn 18 and go home, because i don't even feel russian anymore, which sounds so stupid, but i just don't feel like i can say i'm russian because i've gotten so far away from what being russian meant to me, that only think i really had left of being russian was having an accent, and i might not even have that anymore. i don't know, it just fucking sucks. i want to be proud of who i am and where i'm from, but it's been really hard lately.