Tetraphobic

But then I wake, yet I remain trapped, stuck in this state of nothing. I'm scared.

I feel my lungs, My neck, My very breath, Being crushed.

I want to scream.

But I am unable.

My voice has vanished, As well as my control, Off into the creeping shadows of the night.

I gasp and shudder, Thoughts racing as my pulse roars. I remain trapped, Forced into nothingness. I'm scared.

My hands gain freedom,

and slowly but surely I crack the barrier of insanity.

Apparently I wrote this on April 27th, 2016.

I don’t remember doing that, in fact, I most likely can’t remember doing that.

It’s approximately 3 am where I am as of current, and I have no clue what the fuck spurred on me breathing life into this unposted draft, but I’ll roll with it.

I’ve regularly experienced bouts of sleep paralysis for...god, 9 years. That was the first time I’ve ever tried to gauge just how long my sleep has been plagued by these damned...well no one needs to know just what apparations I envision in this head of mine.

Thankfully for the past year or so (perhaps 9 months? the repetition of that number is beginning to make me grow paranoid) the amount of times I’ve experienced it in a week has dwindled down.

But now, I experience night terrors instead.

To think that someone nearing adulthood could experience clinical night terrors, I think to myself “perhaps someone out there just doesn’t want me to sleep. ever.”

I think that they’re right.

I remember when I was younger, I would often unabashedly say to my friends, “please let me sleep, for an eternity.”.

Ahahaha, thank god we were all young and naive, else I’d have been reported and put god knows where.

Although that would have been for the better, to be honest.

The fact that I decided to post an unfinished work and post this meaningless ramble most likely means that I feel like an unworthy fuck again.

This is my own fault.

Pointless ramble that only means things to me: done

Level of cramped thoughts in head: lower

*cue jubilant noises*

*returns to silent brooding*

Edit: It is now 11:14 pm on the same day that I wrote this up, and can I just say that WOW I WAS OUT OF IT because I did NOT remember writing this stuff up. I must say that I seem to get rather blunt and angsty when I get overloaded with thought.