It was just easy to feel paralyzed by Jamieâs gentle touch, it was sort of like discovering their limits around each other again. What they could doâ what they could not do and what they absolutely should not do. It would only get weird between them if those lines happened to become blurry and although it was something Robin was forcing themselves not to do, when it came to Jamie it was hard not to feel the pull. There had been so much feelings between them and not all of them were good feelings, because Robin had felt hurt and hatred towards someone they thought that would nevr urge those negative feelings out of them, but it was something they wouldnât be able to speak out loud, they wouldnât want Jamie thinking that moving along with their life was the bad thing to do. It was wrong of Robin to put such a weight on Jamieâs shoulders when they had been nothing but loved and well taken care of and accepted for who they were through their entire life. Being anything other than that seemed almost out of place for the baker, seemed strange, so there was really no way they could judge Jamieâ not when they loved them. It would seem weird to Robin, to have this child, to bare this child and not share the happiness of it with Jamie, because no matter what, in their mind, Jamie still deserved all the happiness in the world. âItâs okay, trying is good enough for me and for Peanut, as well,â they chuckled and sniffled, drying the ends of their eyes with her fingertips, âshe is only Peanut because in my first appointment the doctor told me that she was the size of one and it sort of stuck, but she might as well be a fish, swimming around in there.â Robin patted they slightly swollen belly again. There was no way, unless now, that Jamie would have noticed it. They had gone a pretty well good damn job in covering it, thing which would not happen ever so often as she was bound to grow bigger and bigger. âStill, itâs a big decision to make. I surely donât want to give her some name like Iphigenia or something that will make her suffer in school, but there are plenty of options and Iâm pretty sure daddy wants it soon enough so he can make the wooden name to hang on the nursery,â they mused while helping out Jamie. Robin stopped their doings when they heard the soft words, and looked at Jamie again. Damn those hormones, damn those tears. They were not expecting thatâ they were not expecting that whole ordeal to just become an emotional mess. âIâm sorry, too.â They whispered, clearing their throats afterwards.
The stakes seemed higher now, somehow. Although their relationship wasnât the same as it had been back when they were together ( and probably never would be ), they both had something bigger to think of. Not only when it came to their relationship with each-other and whatever the future held for them, but their own path in particular. Robin had had 5 months already to process it through, to plan ahead, not to mention it had been something the blonde had been wanting for a while now, whereas Jamie was the complete opposite and still they couldnât find in themselves to turn around and leave now. They couldnât think of not being there next to Robin throughout the experience and to see this tiny human develop. The brunette had been struggling with their problems for a long time aimlessly, not quite directing their recovery to their sister, knowing that if they failed and Lizzie found out, that could potentially be the last straw and could break the relationship with her forever. Now, they had no excuses. Losing Robin and Peanut ( a human being they hadnât even met yet, had found out about itâs existence 5 minutes ago and still somehow was terrified to lose now ) again was simply a no-go if they had any saying in it. âItâs gonna be hell so, just... Bear with me for a little whileâ  the DJ whispered, chewing their inner cheek anxiously. Withdrawal was a terrifying thought, in all honesty. They had gone through it a couple times and both times they had failed terribly. And then the blonde was talking about it, her again, and the pain almost seemed worth it. âIâm surprised your dads let you name her peanut. But itâs cute, I like it. H-How big is she now?â they inquired, taking a deep breath, followed by a breathy laugh once the blonde spoke again âYou just insulted all the Iphigeniaâs out there, how dare you. I know you, youâll find the perfect name soon enough and itâs going to suit her and it will be perfect. Donât pressure yourself, youâre not going to name a fish, just... sit down and let inspiration strike youâ they suggested. How involved could they ask to be in the little girlâs life? Or in Robinâs life for the matter? Could Jamie ask to come along to the next appointment? Or suggest a couple names for good measure? Could they, against all odds, soberly start window-shopping for baby items? Upon hearing the blondeâs response, however, the DJ couldnât hold it together anymore. It was simply UNFAIR. They groaned lightly, letting tears roll down freely as they eyed Robin, gaping. âDonât evenâ-â they paused, inhaling deeply, closing their eyes painfully whilst trying to get a hold of themselves. âThis is so not the right time to have this conversation, sheâs in there and she can feel what you feel and this is really not the timeâ they blabbered, walking towards the opposite direction where the cocktail was placed, calling for them. Jamie grabbed a hold of the glass, hands shaking before spilling the content altogether in the sink, eyes casted downwards. âWe are not having this conversation right now, itâs not the time. But I need you to know two things. First, donât you ever apologize again. EVER. If someone is at fault here, itâs me, I am the one who fucked up so please... promise me you will remember; nothing about that was on youâ Jamie plead, looking at the other with a mix of pain and adoration. The second part of the conversation better left unsaid.
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