forever sadsackin'

I had 8 new cases assigned to me this week, while another para is on vacation and I'm covering, AND in the middle of one of the most deadline intensive week's I've had in the past 2 years. And I like the pace and I juggle things well, but my time is scheduled. Very precisely.

And when I'm busy, my atty isn't because we work in tandem on things. Being guilted into going to lunch with him and the nightmare coworker fucking sucks because if I say no, I'm not a team player. And if I say yes (which I did because I don't sign my own paychecks), I have to stay late because the clerk's deadlines are FIRM.

So now, I'm overstimulated, behind, and taking a 5 minute break to cry and furiously type this out so that I don't (literally) have a heart attack before I leave for the day. I love this job, because the work takes the things that are a struggle for me and turns them into a strength. And today it feels the opposite. The ways I can be successful aren't enough because I'm not a social butterfly. I'm just not good at it. I'm not good at the sudden stops and starts and feeling like my stress is the butt of someone else's joke.

It's deadline day. And the only thing worse than deadline day is the absolute shit show that is billing a 11 hour day in 6 minute increments.

Send coffee and lil forehead kisses.

PS. My pants have dragons on them. ⤵️