certified son of a gun

Do you always agree with everything I say?

Uh --- no.  Definitely not.  I was actually just kind of trying to be funny because I am a freshman and I'm definitely not naive, but.

'm loving the naive freshmen around campus, hm.

Yeah, pfft, dumb freshman amirite?

That’s like saying, wow that was a really deep profound book, what was the fun in reading that? Aye. You do that, then.

Who in the hell reads deep profound books for fun?  You're talking about those ones that like, you have to read in between the lines and shit, right?

Smart enough to make the IQ testing people do a double take. I mean, yes. They do. And I sleep…just…not a lot. Or at night. It’s just…it’s my thing, okay? It is a thing I do…I can’t help it.

Really?  Shit, that's pretty rad.  Schools never really been my thing, to be honest.  Alright man, chill.  As long as you don't wake me up in the middle of the night and shit, we should be good to go.

…You’ve got that glazed over look my professor get when I go on my rants. You don’t know my life, dude. Maybe the insomnia keeps my mind clear…

You even make your profs look at you funny?  Dude, how smart are you?  Maybe, but is that even possible and shit?  Like, don't humans literally need sleep to function?  I mean, I'm no brain expert, but you know.

I suppose. I’m quickly loosing interest in this conversation.

How is that possible?  It's been the most fucking exciting one I've had yet.

Yeah, sure. I love food. In reasonable quantities and sensible combinations. M’food snob, I’ll admit it.

Where's the fun in that?  Ah well, at least you can admit it.  It's probably better for you than eating everything in sight but you know.  I'll just eat what I want while I still have abs.

Why don’t you ask google?

... That would have been a good idea.  Google and its magic, am I right?

Try Five Guys - Burger and fries. It’s a step up from McDonalds for a few bucks more. … that’s gross. And pretty sure Asher’s already got that crown with the whole 20 cannoli thing.

Sweet, thanks man.  What, you don't like food?  Hey, cannoli's are fucking delicious I really don't blame him.

Depends on how much you’re looking to spend and what you like on / in / around it.

Cheapish would be chill, if there's any around ... and honestly I'm a garbage disposal, I'll pretty much eat anything.

There’s only one thing that under certain circumstances can be better, and you’l neeever guess it. 

So there is one thing, I knew it.  I'm 958498% certain I can guess it ... and that's a lot of percent.

I hiiiighly doubt it, but good luck with that. 

Good, keep doubting it.  It'll only make it that much better when it happens.

Impossible! There’s nothing more delicious. 

Challenge accepted ... I'll find something.

I’d offer you some but I’m saving the rest for later and the thought of you drooling on yourself is grossing me out. 

Alright, I see how it is.  Tomorrow I'm going to find something even more fucking delicious and you're not getting any.