5 months into not being a student anymore - (life after graduation, entry 1)
i've decided to start a little series for my tcc girlies that are wondering what it'll be like after they graduate and are no longer their tc's student. i hope this is somewhat interesting to some of you! (they're gonna be long and detailed, apologies in advance xx)
in may was my last ever college day. i finished my A levels, got my results in august and now i'm doing a gap year before i decide what to do with my life. i'm now an adult.
at first i found the concept jarring and to be quite honest, really scary - my tc F is a man that i've formed an attachment to and the thought of (most likely) never seeing him again made me sick to my stomach. the thought of him getting a whole new wave of students and forgetting my name completely kept me awake at night. how was i going to say goodbye for the last time? how would i make sure he remembers me? did i just completely waste 2 years of my life trapped in a practically parasocial relationship instead of acting like a functional young girl? (yes). i ended up giving him a small painting, some chocolates, a custom mug and a little thank you note that he framed. and i remember the last thing he ever said to me.
"have a good life"
have a good life. dude?? i laughed and said "don't say that!!", he laughed too and i walked around the corner. i didn't see him after that.
i'm doing my gap year now and the time has rolled around again where students in the UK can apply to university. another teacher that took me under his wing, we'll call him N, has been persistent about me going to uni and told me that i should contact him if i'm thinking about applying. N is in the same department as F and they're close friends, so immediately i picture N telling F about what i decide to do (i was close with them both).
i opened microsoft teams yesterday to message him. my account has been locked. all of my files and my messages and my data is gone from my college years. i can never access my messages again. of course, i still have screenshots and memories in my brain but it still hurt to read that error message. and yes, i'm still going to email N but it's made this whole time period so much more real and hard hitting. why does time have to move on??
anyway, going forward i'm going to email N about my options and subsequently i'm sure F will hear all about it, they like to gossip and both of them seemed concerned about my plans moving forward. who knows, maybe they'll want to have a meeting with me to help with applications? that's what my parents said anyway (thanks for feeding my delusions). if this does happen, you best believe i'm having a glow up before i return after half a year. 😋
but all in all it's been strange - i must admit that i don't think about him as much as i did, as i haven't seen him in person for 5 months. however, lots of little things in every day life spark the memories of those 2 years. songs from the playlist i made when we were abroad together, souvenirs i bought on the trips, snapchat memories, old classmates. i wonder what'll happen as time crawls on.