i will main all the harbingers

Even more, you didn’t think he disliked you or anything like that, because when he did have your sole attention, when it was just the two of you, he gave you his utmost attention as well. Sixty-Five asked the most general questions (How are you? Are you getting enough sleep and meals? Have you had the time to rest and relax, away from his other selves?) but in a soft-spoken manner that made you feel warm and fuzzy that he genuinely cared for your responses. You remember the time he saw you sneezing, and draped the black fur he wore over your shoulders, or when he’d let you hide out in his quarters when the other Segments were fighting over you. But the meetings were never long before he sent you on your way, or someone else interrupted.

So that was why you were intent on bothering Sixty-Five until you could properly understand him! To do that, you had to successfully infiltrate his space, just like you did with the others! And that meant snooping around his dispensary to attract his attention!

The most notable thing you remembered about Sixty-Five’s dispensary was that it may not be accessed by those younger than eighteen years old. While that was probably a normal rule to have, it was a bit funny and sad, considering the only person it applied to was little Eight… But in reality, all of the other Segments utilized the dispensary, as it was a place where numerous types of medicine were stored and could be collected by the others for use on various people, as well as writing prescriptions. Naturally, because you were special, the rules didn’t apply to you, and you could come and go as you pleased throughout many parts of the lab, well, mostly the ones where agents were restricted from roaming.

The office was as you expected it - labeled medicine lined the shelves among other tools. It was actually rather nice to see the sheer level of attention to detail and organization toward the work. Well, that wasn’t much of a surprise, though. Your Zandik had always been like that. You waltzed around the dispensary to observe everything, waiting for Sixty-Five to come back.

“Hmm… I think these are the ones Twenty-Five gives me…” You couldn’t help but get a bit bored and start peeking through the bottles, eventually finding a rather discreetly hidden drawer with some stuff in it. “Oh, it is! It has my name on it! Hehe…” Indeed, it had your name on it, with the dosage instruction printed at the bottom. You found the care put into your wellbeing cute.

“Though I don’t recall ever needing to say it aloud, my dispensary is also only accessible by those who know what they’re doing, for safety reasons.” The sudden voice from behind you made you squeak in surprise, closing the drawer with a slam and spinning around, as if you had gotten caught doing something terrible. There stood Sixty-Five, staring at you.

“I- I was only looking!” You straightened up and quickly defended yourself. 

“I believe you,” the Segment agreed easily. “Still, my point stands.” Cane in hand, he walked past you, deeper into his actual office, cane tapping against the floor. Your jaw still worked to refute him.

“I know what I’m doing. Well, at least a little bit.” You trailed behind him playfully.

“Then, can you recite for me the names of everything here? When to use them, and when not to use them? Possible reactions to the medications?” Even with the barrage of questions, Sixty-Five was going easy on you.

“… No?” Sure, you might know a bit considering your time in the Akademiya, but it wasn’t as extensive as his. You tilted your head to the side, with a smile he could never be mad at, not that he was anyway. 

“It seems you’ll need to do a bit more studying,” the Segment replied, but he sounded more amused than anything, from the way a small chuckle escaped him. Of course, he was only teasing you. He was old enough to know the rules wouldn’t be able to keep you away.

“Well, if you’re the one teaching me, I’m sure I’d learn pretty quickly.” You nudged his arm with hopeful eyes. You were so close, you swore you could see red eyes peering at you behind the blue glass of his plague mask. Were those eyes intrigued? You really hoped so. But just after a few moments, Sixty-Five briefly placed his hand on top of your head before pulling away.

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t be much of a good teacher. Perhaps Twenty-Five would be better help.” As you expected, he gently redirected you elsewhere before finally taking a seat at his desk, cane set to the side.

“That’s not true,” you insisted, hovering by his shoulder as you paced around him with a pout. “I have a feeling that you’d be the best one.”

“You flatter me, dearest.” His appreciation sounded genuine, but it was not enough to keep him from beginning his paperwork. Because deep down, Sixty-Five truly believed that he was not a target of your affection - in a romantic manner, specifically speaking.

All of Zandik’s Segments had their own perspectives on a variety of things - their own perspectives on you as well - their own incompletions that held themselves back from loving you the way a regular, changing human would be able to.

In Sixty-Five’s eyes, you, too, were his beloved, the one he cherished. And yet, he did not dare seek you out, not when the younger Segments occupied much of your attention. Naturally, he was a smart man. He may have tried to hide it, a mask covering his face that was starting to wrinkle, dressed neatly from head to toe, keeping aging skin away from prying eyes. Sixty-Five didn’t even want to look at himself, much less have you, of all people, see him. But there was no question: he was quite a bit older than the others, if the name he was referred to by didn’t already give it away. And well, that meant that he was most likely not a candidate for your love interest.

Sixty-Five didn’t blame you for that, no, of course not. It was to be expected. An old man like him had little to provide that the younger ones couldn’t. A man who wallowed in regret for the past. And you were so lively and beautiful. It was only natural that you should be around someone who could keep up with that. Reflecting the original’s feelings, he had come to terms with that the moment he was created. So, Sixty-Five accepted the role of quietly watching on, quietly guiding you along if you needed him before slipping away. Even if he couldn’t have your love - the soft kisses and more that you gave his other selves - he was content simply seeing you smile.

… But that didn’t stop Sixty-Five from wishing that you would love him, of course. That you would still choose him despite everything. All of the past regrets and failures that had accumulated within him, the connection he had lost out on for the majority of his life, and which he had greatly yearned for despite his age.

Meanwhile, you didn’t have most of that information. You were just trying to get him to pay more attention to you… because you did love him. You wondered, could anything you do bother him? If you tried hard enough, could you at least pull some more emotion from him? Maybe, just maybe, the Segment would allow you to slip that mask of his off so you could see his true face?

You weren’t going to try and hide it anymore. You raised your hands and reached to him slowly, very deliberately, making sure the Segment saw your advances, and yet he did nothing. With a pout, you quickly got bored and stole the top hat from him.

“Dear me, whatever shall I do?” He brushed the top of his head, now unusually empty, that still boasted fluffy and soft locks of hair. You would have reached out and brushed against them, if it weren’t for your exasperation. You placed Sixty-Five’s hat back on him with a bit more force than you should have, before you basically dove onto his lap. 

Now, that definitely surprised him from the way his body tensed up. But your weight wasn’t unpleasant - it was comforting. The way you snuggled into his chest, albeit a bit grumpily, stirred something within the sixty-five-year-old. His arms couldn’t help but reach to support your body properly before you slipped off him.

“Sixty-Five, did I do something wrong?” Your tone was terribly sorrowful, and that immediately set the Segment into motion.

“No. No, of course not, my dear,” he murmured, before just barely grazing your cheek with his fingers.

“Then why do you always avoid me? It’s been ages, and yet, you haven’t let me kiss you even once. No, wait… Forget about the… intimate things,” your voice lowered shyly at that part before raising in volume again. Sixty-Five felt some gratitude for the mask hiding his growing blush. “You’re always very kind to me, looking out for me. But you never want to stick around or let me talk to you for long… Why? Did I upset you somehow?”

The high of you admitting you were longing for him this whole time was quickly brought down by the glum expression you wore. By focusing on all of his doubts and regrets, he had ignored what was right in front of him - you. He took this course of action because he wanted to make himself nearly invisible to you because of his own feelings, instead of taking yours into consideration as well.

My, when he put it like that, he was no better than the others.

“I… No, you did not do anything wrong, and you did not upset me either.” Sixty-Five calmly decided to tackle this one by one. “It is purely my fault and responsibility, as well as… other circumstances that resulted in my actions, that I believed were in your best interest and were not meant to offend you.” The sadness on your face cleared up a bit, but you were still perturbed.

“That makes me feel better, but it is a lacking explanation… What do you think my best interests are, and what were the circumstances?” Your hands pressed against his chest for support as you peered at him for a proper answer.

“I know you yearn for an answer. However, you do not need to concern yourself with my troubles.” Still, his urge to protect you remained. He’d rather not have to explain the hoops and circles he threw himself through to you.

“That’s not very fair. I want to. Didn’t you say before that I’m good at helping others?” You sat up straighter and leaned forward as much as you could without the snout of his mask poking you.

“I know it isn’t, and I know I said that. But all I humbly ask is that you forgive me for my behavior.” A part of you was charmed by how direct yet gentle Sixty-Five’s words were, so easy to sway you. You could never pull something like that out of the younger Segments.

“I’ll… let it slide this time. As long as you let me stay with you whenever I want now.” The tension in your shoulders disappeared, and the feeling of Sixty-Five’s fingers grasping your thighs to keep you positioned comfortably became more apparent. 

Finally, you kissed the golden beak of the Segment’s mask, a small display of your affection toward him. And even though the sensation didn’t exactly reach Sixty-Five, he felt it anyway.

—

You found yourself coming to Sixty-Five when you wanted to complain about things.

He was possibly the best listener out of all the Segments, mature and wise in a way the others lacked. He would patiently let you rant your heart out until you got tired and flopped onto his shoulder, then provide his opinion and advice (if needed) in a respectful manner.

And that was the current situation as well.

First, it was the festival, but Forty-Five had started to take you to other places as well. This event was the biggest one yet - a social gathering (that all of the Segments usually dreaded, but now it was bearable as you would accompany him) that had a special theme of wearing masks. A masquerade ball, you think he called it. Logically, it was perfect as your face would be hidden, so the Segments would worry less about your safety.

The problem was that you had to learn some basic party-going knowledge, and that included formal dancing. The other problem was that it was becoming a chore to learn, despite you initially being interested in learning. Naturally, all of this was explained to Sixty-Five.

“Eighteen doesn’t know what he’s doing, Twenty-Five kind of does, but he isn’t interested or all that good. Thirty-Five and Forty-Five tease me every time I step on their feet. Then I threatened to go ask Pantalone for help instead, and then they laughed at me some more. And Eight… is a child. What am I supposed to do now?” You let out a large sigh as you explained all of this to Sixty-Five, while he listened patiently. 

“Didn’t you say once before that if I taught you something, you would learn quickly? If you asked me to be your instructor, I would not refuse,” Sixty-Five replied, hands positioned on his cane, which made you perk up and look at him. 

You kind of assumed that he and the original Zandik could not handle such activities anymore. But despite his age, Sixty-Five still walked with life and poise, a straightened back with his hand crossed behind it, cane hitting the floor in steady beats, compared to the original, who… could not match such grace anymore, to say the least. So that meant he might be more skilled than you gave him credit for (and less teasing about your lack of skill).

“Really? Really, you would help me?” You clasped your hands together and cuddled up to the Segment with big, pleading eyes.

“Of course, if that is what you would like.” Although he was a man of few words, they always managed to comfort you. He set his cane down to the side and took your hands in yours. The chorus of excited ‘thank yous’ died on your lips when his fingers intertwined with yours, and the other rested on your side. His large, gloved hands were warm and inviting, yet strong and in control. Your other hand fumbled for purchase on his body before Sixty-Five simply took hold and placed your hand on his shoulder.

“I will say, however, if you’re looking for something fast-paced, it is unlikely for me to be able to teach you that. Right foot back. Left to the side.” He was perfectly composed as he instructed you.

“No… No, this is nice. Thank you.” You ignored the faint warmth that crept up your face, and your gaze wandered down to your feet instead. But suddenly, the Segment stopped all movement and let go of your waist to place his finger underneath your chin.

“Maintaining eye contact while dancing is also customary,” Sixty-Five advised as he tilted your face to meet his. He leaned in so close that the beak of his mask just barely grazed against your nose.

“R-Right!” You straightened up and did your best to keep your eyes on the blue glasses of his mask, as the two of you resumed the dance.

“Many also partake in small talk,” he added, as you just stared at him with wide eyes quietly.

“Ah, yes…” It was like everything you learned from the others slipped away from your mind. “Well then, how are you?”

“Pleasantly surprised. I did not anticipate being given the honor of having such a stunning partner tonight.” Something that you noticed about Sixty-Five was that he was frighteningly smooth in some situations, catching you off guard and sweeping you off your feet. And that was why, with heat coursing up your face, you stumbled and made the mistake of stepping on the Segment’s shoe. If it hurt, he didn’t show any reaction. In fact, he stayed perfectly still as you wiggled around in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to-”

“We learn through failure. It’s nothing to cause a fuss about.” Whether he realized that his skilled tongue had flustered you or not, he didn’t say anything (unlike how a certain few Segments would). He only continued instructing you, although the conversation drifted away to things that wouldn’t make you shy.

(At the party, you managed to not step on Forty-Five’s feet a single time, which he teasingly applauded you for. He didn’t let anyone else dance with you, of course.)

—

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep by now?” That was what the Segment said to you when you knocked on the door to his bedroom late at night. 

You managed to make your way to Sixty-Five’s private quarters without being spotted, intent on making sure he kept his promise on letting you stick around whenever and wherever you wanted. And despite his words, he opened the door enough for you to stroll in.

“Well, let’s just say I was having trouble falling asleep. So instead of tossing and turning, I came to see you.” Most of the Segments’ rooms were dull and boring, but Sixty-Five’s room had some decorations, making it feel a bit more cozy. Perhaps as he grew older, he learned to appreciate finer details like that. And as for the man himself, gone was all the fancy clothing he wore during the day, save for the plague mask that still remained on his face.

Even in private, he still wore it. By this point, you had an inkling of his true feelings. The feeling of growing old and being unable to do anything about it, even after working so hard to develop the Elixir of Immortality. The feeling of realizing his regrets and mistakes, and yet being unable to do anything about them. The feeling of having to look at himself in that state.

By getting to know each of the Segments, it felt like you were unlocking a part of the original that you missed out on. Sixty-Five was also the one closest to the original Zandik; the one whose mind was preserved closest to the main. With that logic, you wondered if your Zandik felt similar shame… but he didn’t choose to hide it. Perhaps, he had managed to change.

Regardless… you wanted to see Sixty-Five. You wanted to at least try to comfort him, even if the effect could never be permanent. But you didn’t exactly know how to bring it up…

“I know what you’re here for.” The Segment closed the door knowingly as you perked up. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as you thought? After all, Sixty-Five always made sure you never had to do any heavy lifting. It was in his nature to watch over you. Also… he said it was very easy for him to read your emotions…

“And what would that be?” Sixty-Five didn’t answer you, only setting his cane to the side as he sat on the edge of his bed, wordlessly looking at you. You took the hint and nestled onto his lap, resting your hands on his shoulders, where his hair tickled your palms. Idly, you twirled some of it around your finger.

Sixty-Five’s hair was the longest of the Segments too, elegantly falling down to his chest. You had braided it a few times before, entertaining yourself with the fluffy locks while you sat on his lap. Some of the others would get a kick out of it, snickering at the sight, but the older man never paid them any mind, because Sixty-Five would graciously accept anything you gave him.

Your hand made its way to the back of his head, where the band of the mask lay, covered by his blue hair. Your digits grazed the strap, as if waiting for permission to pull it off. The scholar did not say anything, and he did not move - you could only see him look at you through the colored lenses. But for Sixty-Five, silence was often an answer, so you gently pulled the band over his head, and his mask came off as well.

As most people did, the first thing you noticed was the Segment’s red eyes, still vibrant as ever. He watched you with careful consideration, every feature of your face while you took in his. It was similar to the original’s in a way, tired eyes with wrinkles and lines here and there to a lesser extent, but still yours to love. 

So of course, your first reaction was to smile as your eyes softened, cupping Sixty-Five’s cheek. Your tender expression caused something to flicker in his eyes, your sheer adoration despite his current state. And truthfully, that was all he needed; no words of your oohing and ahhing would match how you looked at him. He knew that very well, considering he did more for you than he spoke, and that was why he was happy to let you take control of the situation, seeing as it was truly your wish.

This was your first “real” kiss, if you’d exclude the ones you placed on his mask, his hands, his ears, the top of his head… So you were all too excited to kiss Sixty-Five with fervor and excitement, more than he could keep up with, but returning in his own way regardless. Ever observant, his hands rubbed against your back, as if reminding you to pace yourself before you become breathless before him. Ever happy to let you set the tone, while he followed and guided, content to bask in your presence. 

“… Thank you,” you panted after you peppered every inch of his face that you could with kisses, intent on making the most out of the opportunity.

“I should be the one thanking you instead.” He held you close while you let out a noise of disagreement. But you were content, because maybe, just maybe, you managed to quell certain feelings of his.

In the end, considering Sixty-Five was the closest to the original Zandik, he would be the last remnant of what Zandik was like before he passed, so maybe that was why you cherished him so much.

Although he was a fast learner, there were times when the boy had no choice but to drag himself over to your place for help - or maybe it was because he felt safe enough to do so. For too long had he neglected his worn gloves, and now they had quite a few holes. Feofan had long learned to avoid taking anything from his mother unless absolutely necessary, so that was why he preferred reaching into your stash of thread. The fact that your company helped him to focus was also a plus. But it was hard to do much of anything when his hands were frozen from braving Snezhnaya's cold without any protection.

"Here, let me help." Your warm hands clasped Feofan's, instantly providing some sort of relief. But your main goal was to loop the thread through the needle and tie it for him. "But you know, you can just let me handle this. You should warm up."

Of course, you would say that. So kind, so generous. Little Feofan wasn't sure how someone like you could manage to stay like that, surrounded by such rotten people.

"It would not be fair to leave all of the work to you." Ah yes, Feofan and his ideals of fairness and balance. "You shouldn't even be helping when you've already provided me with the material."

"Alright, if you insist." You were never very good at winning against Feofan. Despite being your age, he excelled at discussion. And yet, you could not let your dear friend shiver next to you any longer. So you pulled your scarf off your neck and instead wrapped it around both of you. "I don't want you catching a cold, now."

"Dearest?" It was rare that you ever saw Pantalone surprised, as he was the one usually doing that to people, but this time, you could indeed see his eyes widen at the sight of you. You were about to speak again before he pushed his work to the side and swiftly made his way to you.

"I-"

"Oh, darling. I had no idea you'd be coming over today," he murmurs. Pantalone comes close to brushing his hand against your cheek before seemingly realizing you might still be upset and backing off. "I've been awfully worried about you. I wrote to you and visited, and to no avail. Dottore wasn't all that helpful either."

"I know. That's, um... my fault." Your face burns with embarrassment as you think about how confused he must have been. The banker's face softens as you stare at the floor and instead ushers you into a side room. You're familiar with it, of course, except that there now rests a pile of carefully wrapped gifts in the corner. Before you can process what's happening, Pantalone launches into a dialogue, the yapper he is.

"I've spent much time pondering over what I may have said or done to wrong you, and while I am usually good at reading such things, regretfully, I could not come up with something solid. So, I could only consider how to make it up to you instead. I thought of sending these straight away to you as a sign of my feelings, but I was unsure if you'd be willing to accept them." Pantalone motioned to the (probably expensive) gifts lying to the side. "Of course, I know full well that it is not enough to make amends. Therefore, if I have offended you, I hope you can forgive me. However, my hopes are that you can tell me what I did wrong so I can properly address it."

You stared at him, speechless. It wasn't that the Ninth hadn't spoiled you in the past - he very much did, in fact - but this was on a somewhat different level.

"J-Just hold on, Pantalone! You don't-, I don't need any of this! I wasn't mad at you, and you didn't do anything wrong to me. It was just... other stuff going on." The plan was already slipping from your mind as Pantalone furrowed his eyebrows.

"Dottore observed that you were avoiding me as well." Unfortunately, Dottore had failed to tell you that.

"Well, maybe, but I was... also avoiding Dottore! And it wasn't because either of you upset me. I was just... not feeling well, and I needed some space. So really, I should be apologizing instead for making you worry." Alright, at least the first step of the plan was executed. Until Pantalone moved closer and gently took your hands in his.

"Are you absolutely sure? You do not need to hold yourself back for my sake. I will not be upset." The sensation of his rings tickling your fingers was so familiar, and yet with your newfound feelings, it sent your heart racing.

"I'm positive, Fanya..." Ever since the Harbinger had taught you some of the affectionate diminutives of his name, you had frequently used them in private, and he found it quite endearing. "Really, you don't need to worry about it," you insisted, which he seemed to accept for the most part but still appeared a bit hesitant.

"Very well," Pantalone relented. "Then, since you've come all the way here, I would love to catch up with you."

"Yes... Me too." You initially thought he would guide you to the table where you usually sat for tea and sweets, but instead, you found yourself sitting side-by-side with him on the sofa, the fireplace crackling in front of you. Pantalone's arm had firmly wrapped around your waist, pulling you close, before resting on the top of your head and gently stroking you.

Usually, you had no trouble resting your head on his lap or on his shoulder, but now it felt like you were going to explode. You hadn't realized how much his attention and affection had become so commonplace in your life until now, and you buried your face into him. The fireplace was not helping your body temperature, despite adding to the romance.

"Are you sure you're alright?" The banker couldn't help but pry further, especially when he saw how you were behaving.

What could you even say to that? 'My sweet Feofanushka, I know that this is sudden, considering I ignored you and popped back in randomly, but the truth is that I really, really like you.' Nope, absolutely not. The plan had to be aborted. You'd confess another day.

"Mhm. I just missed you a lot." Pantalone let out a sound of amusement at that.

"The feeling is mutual, dear. I truly mean that." The banker tried to ignore the memory of Pulcinella lecturing him the moment the Fifth realized you were ignoring the Ninth, going on and on about how this was bound to happen, and of course someone like him was going to drive you off...

Hm. Pantalone will just have to bring you around again to prove him wrong... and, of course, treat you afterward.

"But then, to put it shortly, lots of things happened, and I started to love being with him. I guess that's probably obvious from how often I leave to go see him, but anyway! It feels like I finally have someone else who understands me besides you... Someone who I trust wholeheartedly just like you... Someone who I want to get close to... just like I did in the Akademiya with you..." Dottore remained silent the whole time as he listened on. "So, all of this is to say... I really like, no, I love Feofan."

"Yes, I'm aware," Dottore responded very simply.

"And if you're upset, I-, wait, what did you say?" You were nearly on the verge of tears, wondering if your husband would be upset, only for him to respond with that.

"You are not very good at hiding your feelings. It has been clear for some time now. And even if they weren't, do you really think I wouldn't be able to see right through you, having known you all this time? I was only waiting for you to admit it, to yourself and me." The scholar smiled wider and shrugged his shoulders.

"S-So, are you mad at me...?"

"Mad? No, of course not. You could say I somewhat predicted this happening. Why do you think I sent you to so many operas and events to be alone with him? Or that I said nothing and let you spend hours of the day by his side instead of mine?" You opened and closed your mouth, unsure of what to say. Looking back on it, it did make sense. Dottore was possessive in his own way, and yet he had no problem nudging you toward Pantalone. A sense of relief flooded your body at once.

"Then, what should we..." You trailed off as Dottore patted the top of your head.

"Simply tell him your feelings, just like you did with me. It shouldn't be that hard anymore."

"It's not that simple now! What if he doesn't like-"

"Oh, don't underestimate yourself. Neither of us like when you do that." He was not surprised that his dear friend became fond of you. He had a discerning eye as well, and Dottore knew he'd see how special you were, even if it took him longer. Dottore wondered - what was the 'value' Pantalone assigned to you now, like he did with everyone else? "I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about."

"It is still not that easy! I have to think of a plan!"

The eight-year-old Segment also seemed to be fond of him, and that only added to your view of his character. The child largely kept to himself, except when it came to you and Forty-Five. You still remember the time you walked in on the older man holding Eight with one of his arms, while the child casually flicked Forty-Five’s earring back and forth.

So that was how you deemed the forty-five-year-old to possibly be the sweetest of the Segments, who not only cared for your physical health, but was willing to indulge in quite literally anything so long as it meant you were happy. And that meant he would do things that the others would not or be more hesitant to.

“Oh, darling!” The Segment called for you, and you could easily hear the delighted clicks of his heel rushing toward you. “There you are. I have excellent news.” He was still brushing off damp snowflakes from his coat as he immediately brushed up next to you the moment he got close enough.

“The meetings went well, Forty-Five?” Despite being forty-five, the Segment was exceedingly clingy and not afraid to show it, playfully rubbing his head against yours, expecting attention.

“Yes, yes, nothing particularly new, but I’ll tell you later. More importantly, something came up in the midst of discussion that I believe would be to your liking.” You couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness.

“And that is…?”

“A festival.”

“A festival? Here, in Snezhnaya, you mean?”

“Correct.” Forty-Five’s cute, sharp teeth began to show through as he grinned wider. He patted your back to urge you to walk with him. “There are many celebrations in Snezhnaya, but this one in particular… Well, officially it’s held in honor of Her Majesty, but really, you can call it a morale booster for the people of Snezhnaya to keep their spirits up. Food, drinks, games, shops… You name it.”

“That sounds fun…” It almost reminded you of when you’d attend the Sabzeruz Festival or Akademiya Extravaganza with your dear Zandik back when you two were students. You’d buy the food, and Zandik would buy mechanical toys or anything of the like so he could deconstruct them for parts. You miss those days, when things were simpler.

“That’s why we should go together,” Forty-Five agreed very casually, so you almost didn’t hear him correctly.

“Huh? W-Wait, really? We can go?!” You turned to him and clasped your hands with his, and he squeezed yours back in affirmation.

“Of course. That’s why I brought it up. I figured you would like to spend some more time outside of this place. Even I admit that it can get awfully boring in here.” The Segment felt himself getting a bit warm under all of the layers he was wearing when you positively beamed at him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you, thank you! Ah, I can’t wait until-” You then paused, as something came over you. “But… What about the others? I’ll have to tell them, and then they’ll probably make a fuss about it and then-” Before you could finish your sentence, Forty-Five pressed his finger against your lips with a mischievous smile.

“They don’t need to know, do they? This can be our little secret.” You stared at him, speechless for a moment, before both of you burst into laughter.

—

Sneaking out of the lab with Forty-Five reminded you of the thrill of sneaking out of the Akademiya with Zandik, except this time you would have fun instead of being stuck researching. And the others were none the wiser; well, according to Forty-Five, they were at least.

There were already plenty of people there by the time you two arrived. Despite the cruel fate that had been thrust onto the nation, the people of Snezhnaya were headstrong and managed to find joy in many things. That much could be said by how lively and wonderful the festival was. Decorations and stalls of delicious foods and souvenirs and games lined the streets, children and adults alike enjoying themselves, while Kresnik’s Torch kept everyone warm even as soft snow fell. 

“You know, this is my first time attending as well,” Forty-Five took in the scenery with you. “After all, things like this aren’t something any of us would want to attend.” You believed him. You couldn’t really imagine any of the other Segments wanting to come here either.

“Well, I’m glad I can experience it with you.” You reached inside his coat to rub against his arm, and he perked up.

“As am I. Now, shall we?” Forty-Five placed his hand out, waiting for you to take it.

You wondered how much the average person recognized someone like Dottore, or if anyone understood the logic of the Segments. Forty-Five did not seem particularly concerned at being spotted with you, but you knew that they seemed to want to keep you a secret as best they could. However, that was not something so easily done, not when you had your own desires and wants, and that was not something they could ever strip you of. 

Regardless, if the Segment didn’t care, you didn’t need to either. And so you took his hand in yours and let him lead you into the crowd.

—

“Here,” the scholar gave you a stick of hard candy, while pushing some wrapped ones into your pocket. There were many delicious scents floating around, but the sight of candy resembling the creatures of Snezhnaya caught your eye. And of course, Forty-Five would never deny indulging his sweet tooth. The two of you found a spot that was a bit away from all of the commotion to enjoy the treat.

“Is it good, dearest?” You nibbled at your candy and nodded.

“Mhm. Here, want to try some?” You pushed the stick of the sugar sculpture toward Forty-Five’s mouth, to which he didn’t hesitate to try, tongue darting out to taste your candy.

“Your one isn’t as sweet as mine,” the Harbinger observed, licking his lips at the flavor. You were about to pull away before Forty-Five suddenly crunched down and bit a part of the candy off.

“Hey!” A portion of your candy had been munched away while Forty-Five enjoyed himself with a mischievous look. “You bit its head off…” You twirled the sculpture around, now partially demolished.

“Oh, don’t look so sad. You can try mine too, of course.” Now it was Forty-Five who held his candy out to you, brushing against your lips.

“Nom…” Forty-Five’s sugar sculpture was quite sweet, just to his liking. Unlike some of the others, he didn’t care to hide his fondness for sweet treats. “Yours is yummy, too.” The Segment hummed in agreement, content to watch you. When you had enough of his candy and pulled away, he took the opportunity to finally capture your lips with his.

Seems like he was getting tired of all the indirect kisses.

—

It was then that one of the stalls caught your eye, and you tugged the Segment over to look at it. In front of you was a table of cat ears of different colors, as well as different headgear such as antlers.

“What are these?” You had never seen anything like this before.

“Well, it appears to be animal ears that you can wear. I believe they have these in Nod-Krai, as well.”

“You can wear… cat ears? How?” You picked up a pair and thumbed the soft and fluffy material. At that, a Fatui Agent finally appeared from the back of the stall and rushed over.

“Sorry about the wait, we-” The agent stopped in his tracks as he glanced at you and Forty-Five, before suddenly pausing as his brain seemed to process who exactly was standing in front of him. He could only sputter and bow deeply at the sight of the Harbinger. “L-Lord Dottore?! I- We- Uh, i-it’s an honor to serve you!” The Segment only hummed in response, seeming to be more interested in you fiddling with the ears instead.

“So, how exactly do these ears work?” Forty-Five asked, unbothered by the agent’s fumbling.

“Ah, um, well… You just need to stick them on top of your head, really. That’s all.” You furrowed your eyebrows, but followed the instructions anyway, placing the cat ears on your head. You don’t know how it worked, but they stuck there, even when you shook your head.

“Huh… It feels a bit weird. How do I look?” You turned to face the Segment, the sensation of cat ears on your head a bit peculiar. Forty-Five looked at you with a blank expression before suddenly breaking out into laughter.

“... Heh. Hehehe…. Ahahahaha!” Your face burned in embarrassment as he giggled at you. “Adorable. Simply adorable.” 

“Hmph!” The Segment’s hand petted the top of your head as you pouted. You grabbed another pair of car ears and pushed it in front of him. “Here. I can’t be the only one being laughed at. You need to wear them too!”

The poor agent had been watching the whole time, awkwardly rubbing his head at the scene. But more importantly, he didn’t know who this person next to Lord Dottore was, but he was sure that the Harbinger would never entertain such a foolish request, so-

Before the Fatuus could finish his thought, Forty-Five took the pair of cat ears from your hands and placed them on top of his head.

“Hmm… It does feel a bit odd.” The scholar crossed his arms in thought, and you reached to pat the top of his head too, specifically rubbing at the newly added cat ears clashing with his fluffy blue hair.

The Fatui agent at the stall was beyond baffled, and yet he kept his mouth shut. D-Did… Lord Dottore actually put on those cat ears?! Was the Lord Harbinger always this cute? Wait, no! He can’t think that way about his superior, much less the fearsome Second Harbinger! But should he compliment the Harbinger? Should he just smile and nod? Or would it be wise to interrupt this clearly affectionate moment? Would Lord Dottore be offended either way?!

“Hehe, I told you! Now you look cute, too!” If you listened closely, the Segment was practically purring at your attention. “Can we keep these? How much are they? I want to take a few pictures with them and bring them back to the lab…”

“Well actually, these aren’t for sale…” The agent’s words slowly died down as Forty-Five gave him a smile that made his stomach turn. “B-But, we can make an exception this time!”

“Very well, my dear. I believe I saw a photo booth somewhere around.” The Segment smiled like usual and urged you away to the next activity.

The agent’s legs nearly gave out at the encounter. Who would ever believe that Lord Dottore would dress himself with cat ears so easily… Though he seemed way more friendly than usual…

—

“It was so much fun! Thank you for taking me.” Your arms were wrapped around Forty-Five, squeezing him tightly. The two of you had a day of fun at the festival, and he seemed greatly pleased with himself as well.

“Of course. We can always go again, or even to some of the smaller towns more often.” Forty-Five brushed your cheek and planted a kiss on your forehead. “You deserve it.”

“Mhm! But uh… Do you think the others noticed anything?” You looked slightly worried, as you had finally arrived at one of the more private entrances of the lab. “You think they’ll be upset…?”

“Not to worry, darling. I’ll take care of anything, no matter what anyone says. Now-” The moment the forty-five-year-old opened the door, Eight was there, crouched to the side as if waiting for you two to return.

“The others are mad at you,” the child said bluntly.

“Oops…”

—

“What, you thought you could just run off with them, and all would be well?” As expected, Eighteen was the most vocal about his displeasure, pacing back and forth while the other Segments and even the original watched on.

“I wouldn’t call it running away. I took them out, and I brought them back.” Apparently, the Segments had turned the lab upside down after learning you were missing, and then realizing that Forty-Five was also conveniently gone. “We all do the same from time to time, no?”

“Taking them out to the forest and whatnot is far different from pushing them around in the capital,” Twenty-Five stated objectively. “And you didn’t tell us anything. What if they fell ill?”

“It may be, but that’s why they enjoyed it. They wanted to attend it, I listened, and everything was indeed well. Besides, do you really think I’m incapable of handling any possible situation?” He continued to smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Should I ignore their wishes simply because of differing opinions amongst us?”

“Differing opinions? Then, what makes your opinion take precedence above mine?” Thirty-Five questioned.

“Enough.” Zandik tapped his cane against the ground, the noise drawing attention. “Forty-Five… is not wrong. [Name] is allowed to do what they like. They should be free, without us intervening on their desires. And what matters is that they are unharmed.”

“…I would have gone with them instead, if I knew,” Eighteen sniffed. Sixty-Five only remained quiet. His mind was more similar to the original, after all.

“Eighteen, Twenty-Five, neither of you like crowds or loud noises for an extended period of time. Thirty-Five, those sort of activities do not interest you either. And Sixty-Five and I…” Well, they were both too old for such fun and walking. That didn’t really need to be said. 

“So, Forty-Five is the optimal choice if they want to attend festivities or things of that nature.” Despite the finality of his words, the original sounded a bit saddened about the truth because Zandik could no longer be the one to make his beloved happy. Only his younger Segments could truly fulfill your wishes, now. He had no choice but to leave it in their hands. “That being said, anyone who wants to take them out should still notify the others, so that this doesn’t happen again.”

Forty-Five seemed to have expected this outcome, only humming in response, as the other Segments grumbled for a bit before dispersing.

—

“Where are we going this time?” A few days after you two snuck out, the Segment had bundled you up once again in a fluffy coat and gloves.

“Nowhere all that special, this time. Simply outside, as we usually do.”

“Not that I don’t want to, but why now, so out of the blue?” Forty-Five’s smile twitched as he held your hand.

“You see… it seems that Eight is a little upset that we did not take him with us when we went out. He’s been pouty at me ever since.” Your heart dropped when the scholar said that.

“I-Is he really?” Immediately, you felt guilty for not thinking of inviting your baby along. You thought he liked quieter means of bonding, but at the end of the day, he was still a child. He wanted to have fun with the person he loved, even if it was different than usual. “Oh no… Oh Forty-Five, when is the next time we’re going out? We have to bring him then!”

“You can relax, beloved. He’s not nearly as upset as whatever you’re imagining,” Forty-Five tried to assuage your worries. “Regardless, as an apology, I’m allowing him to take ‘revenge’ on me. I brought you along because I thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Revenge? What does that even entail…?”

The revenge in question was a snowball fight with the other two Segments.

“You’re here. And… [Name].” The child was already outside waiting, and that’s when you noticed he’d already molded a small army of snowballs and set them aside for further use. Little Eight perked up when he saw you by Forty-Five’s side, his favorite person.

“Eight, I-” Before you could apologize, Eight yanked your arm and tugged you to his side, away from the older Segment.

“You’re on my side,” he declared before placing a firm snowball in your hand.

“Wait, I-”

“Two against one? I suppose in this case, that’s fair,” Forty-Five commented before bending down to reach for some snow himself.

“Are we really-” At that, Eight launched the snow with surprising accuracy, as if he’d done this before, at the older man, but Forty-Five dodged right in time, still agile. “Well, I guess we are…” You also attempted to pelt your lover with snow, but you were not as good as either of them.

Instead, you were mostly used as a shield, as Eight frequently hid behind you. The child Segment dove into your coat to take cover, nearly making you topple over, and the snowball hit you instead. Eight popped his head out and stuck his tongue at the older man.

After a long, drawn-out battle, Forty-Five admitted his defeat, and now Eight had become interested in building a snow fort. You and the older man sat at the side to rest.

“That was… surprisingly intense,” you panted while Forty-Five chuckled. Now you knew Eight could really pack a punch through… snowballs.

“Well, you of all people should know how expressive he can be.” You nodded in agreement, and something you’ve been thinking for a while about came to mind, but you weren’t sure how to voice it. Of course, the Segment saw your expression anyway. “What is it?”

“I just… noticed you’re more fond of him than the rest of them seem to be…” Eighteen’s dislike of Eight was clear, while the others seemed indifferent, but Forty-Five seemed to like him. The Segment smiled at your words, but not as wide as he usually did, as if a bit of sadness washed over him.

Perhaps, deep down, he wished for a family, a place to belong. He had always wished for acceptance, but this was a bit different.

Maybe the original Zandik, who eventually grew out of his prime and aged, began to see things differently. Decades had flown by and slowly worn him down, and left him looking back on his life. A life that was lived without you, his dearest.

Perhaps he sat down and wondered about what could have been. Possibly, he thought about how you’d look settling down with him; a garden or pet or maybe even another tiny person would bring joy to your lives. But those types of thoughts had no release for the original. They could only be contained within his mind, tormenting him.

And now, those thoughts had been inherited by the forty-five-year-old Segment, and that mentality was what he lived by. Forty-Five doted on you endlessly, treating you exactly how the original would have wanted, like you were his spouse - his family. And Eight… Well…

But the truth was that a family was not something that could truly be obtained for the Segment, because as he was now, Forty-Five was a stagnant, unchanging man, and he was mature enough to realize that.

So instead, Forty-Five latched onto the things that could give him the illusion of his desires - the fantasy of a family - since that was all he could have, being frozen in time.

Naturally, he did not say any of that.

“It’s a shame. The connection I can make with you is limited by my very own self,” Forty-Five said, the most solemn you’d ever heard him. “And yet, all I want to do is continue to try, even though it will never be possible.” Maybe for him, if he could leave a mark on you, if you could change because of him, then that would be enough.

You opened your mouth, but no words came out. The only thing you did was place your hand on Forty-Five’s.

“Well now, enough of that. Come, it looks like Eight needs our help.” Forty-Five motioned to the child struggling to move heavy blocks of snow.

“… You’re right. Let’s go.” The Segment took your hand and helped you up, and the three of you spent the rest of the day together.

You loved the Segments dearly but…

The very nature of life is to grow and change; otherwise, were you truly living? By that logic, wasn’t the Segments’ existence sheer cruelty for them to endure every day they existed? Because if they could not grow, were they really living?

You didn’t know anymore.

But Feofan had come to realize that there was still one person who seemed to enjoy his presence.

He felt numb by the time he stepped out into the snow-covered land again, but the child did his best to ignore it as he trudged toward his meeting spot with you. For a long time, little Feofan had to teach himself many times, and in his view, you would be the definition of the word 'kindness'. You had always remained near him - calm, patient, and gentle. When he was a few years younger, he did not think much of it, but as he grew and truly realized the unfairness in the world, you began to shine brighter than the rare coin of Mora.

"Feofan!" You called out to him as his figure came into view, your childhood friend that you had known for quite some time. "Come on, I think it's going to start soon!" A small smile appeared on his face at your excitement, and he couldn't help but feel a bit more lighthearted.

"I'm here. Did you find the spot you wanted?" The truth was the aurora over the Snezhnayan sky could even be seen here, at his remote hometown, and you wanted to find the best spot with the clearest view to show him.

"Uh huh! It's pretty nice, and not too far off, so we'll get there fairly quick. So let's go!" You pointed in some direction and urged him forward. Feofan didn't like saying 'no' to you, especially not when your wishes were so simple and sweet. And so the two of you walked, and he tried not to squint and stumble, until he did and you finally commented on it.

"You need glasses," you sighed quietly, even though both of you knew that something like that was far out of reach. "Just take my hand." Your gloved hand was small just like his, and having you so close was very comforting.

When you two finally made it to the spot, colored lights danced so vividly in the sky, even Feofan could make them out. You both sat next to each other, and simply looked up together. But after some time, that beauty had become somewhat boring to him, and he preferred to focus on you instead.

"Do you like them, Feofan?" Of course, you questioned him when you felt his gaze on you.

"... It would look nicer in Snezhnograd," he replied, and he wondered if he managed to hide the slight bitterness in his voice from you.

"Yeah... it would." You were both just children, and yet Feofan had such grand plans for the future. "Maybe... one day we'll see it together there, Feofan?"

"Not maybe. We will," he affirmed with resolution in his voice. You voiced your gratitude, before moving closer and resting your head on his shoulder.

"I'm not- Well, it's not my fault! It's cold in here! My sweaters aren't as nice!" You crossed your arms and avoided his gaze. "Besides, you have so many. You can spare a few for me..."

"Relax, darling. You don't need to explain yourself to me. You know, I was wondering when you'd finally make a move and swipe some for yourself." Of course, he was quite easy-going when it came to you. "Most importantly, you look especially lovely right now. I always thought you would, really."

The Segment patted your head as words caught in your throat, before moving toward his closet, and you watched curiously before he took something off the hanger and gave it to you. It was one of his big, fluffy coats he wore to meetings.

"Here. Don't you want this as well?" Your face warmed as you scooped the coat into your arms. "Ah, and you might like this too. This one's in your favorite color," the Segment hummed as he retrieved yet another one of his sweaters and dropped it into your hands.

"H-Huh? Wait, I don't know if I can carry all this-" Before you finished, Forty-Five draped one of his scarves around you too. You felt very warm and cozy and embraced by his scent, but it was also very embarrassing.

"Now you won't be cold again, my dear." The Segment nodded in approval as he looked over your form, swarmed with his clothing. "But before that..." Forty-Five placed his hands on your shoulders and turned you around, pushing you toward his bed. He nudged you to set the pile of clothes to the side before coaxing you to lie down with him.

"If you really are cold, then perhaps it would be best for me to share some body heat, yes?" Forty-Five's hand slipped under your clothes, his own sweater, gloved hands already warming your softness.